Dating App Tips For Guys

Dating coach Connell Barrett explains dating app tips for guys from how to take better Tinder photos and what to write on your bio, to a secret weapon on Bumble.

DATING APP TIPS FOR GUYS

Connell, do you have any tips on taking good Tinder photos that can get me some matches and results—instead of crickets?

—Floyd, 36, Harrisburg, Pa.

Let’s kick off this special online-dating-themed column by discussing something very important. On Tinder and the apps, It’s all about your featured photo – it’s the most important piece of real estate on your profile.

You want to make your first photo a high-quality portrait, showing you at your most attractive, dateable best. Nothing works better than a magnetic portrait, when it comes to getting more good matches.

The image should be crisp, clear, and bright, ideally shot with natural light, which tends to be more flattering than artificial light.

Also, you’ll want to zoom in close and shoot from the waist or chest up. Look at the lens—eye contact increases the sense of connection with the audience.

And smile—a REAL smile, not a fake, forced smile. Leave the smoldering glares to Zoolander. The closer you get to the lens, the better.

Also, in your photos, dress first-date great. Wear what you would wear to a first date that you’re excited about.

As for what NOT to do?

Avoid wearing sweat pants, baseball caps, cargo shorts, or anything that’s too casual. And selfies are not a good idea for most people, because the angle tends to be less than flattering, and can give some people a “double chin.”

Don’t wear sunglasses. The other person wants to see your eyes, because that helps to increase a sense of connection. Oh! And don’t post a shot of you holding the fish you just caught.

These are very clichéd images that women see a lot. The typical woman does not want to date the captain from “Jaws.”

But if you follow these tips, you’ll be able to reel in a LOT more matches, and get a lot more dates.

THE WRITE STUFF

I feel like my Tinder photos are good, but never know what to write on my bio. Got any advice?

—Frank, Iowa City

What makes for a good bio?

A great bio has what I call the 3 Ps. Passions, Personality, and Playfulness. Let’s break these down, one by one.

PASSION

Passionate people are attractive. You want to write about the things you’re excited about – skiing, live music, your dog, Bill Murray movies… anything!

And get specific. Don’t just say, “I love to travel.” That’s everyone. Go deeper. Say, “I love backpacking through Italy” or “I can’t wait to visit Machu Picchu next month!”

PERSONALITY

You want your true, real personality to come out. So make your bio sound conversational. Write like you talk. Sound like you, not like a “dating ad.”

This comes down to making a shift, away from dry, logical, informational facts, and instead communicating on a more emotional level, by injecting your TRUE personality into your profile.

Here’s an example from my Bumble profile. Feel free to use it, if this sounds like you. My profile reads, “I won’t send you a dick pic, but I MIGHT send you a duck pic.”

Girls love this because it’s light, silly, and it reflects my authentic, “Dad Joke” personality.

PLAYFULNESS

And be playful. Crack a joke. Be silly. Playfulness is an attractive trait. Here’s a line from the bio of my client, Jared, who is getting a LOT of matches on Hinge:

“Just so you know, I’ve been in jail – but it was during a Monopoly game. ;)”

If you show your passions, your personality, and playfulness, it’s hard NOT to get matches and dates.

What makes for a bad bio?

Avoid clichés! Don’t write, “Giving this a try” or “seeking a partner in crime” -- unless you’re an actual bank robber. Generic greetings like “Whattup?” will fall flat.

Another turn-off? Writing “I’m bad at bios.” Would you buy an iPhone if Apple’s slogan was “We’re bad at technology”?

And no quoting your favorite movie or TV show. Great, you like “The Office”—most of humanity does.

Follow the three Ps to get more matches, more dates, and to start making online-dating fun!

YOUR SECRET WEAPON ON BUMBLE AND TINDER

OK, what’s the biggest mistake in writing a bio that most guys don’t even know they’re making? I must be doing something wrong, because I DO get matches with women, but they either don’t send that opener, on Bumble, or they don’t reply at all. Help!

—Niko, 33, Tallahassee

Great question, Niko.

There’s one simple but powerful thing that almost NO guys do, and it helps so much in terms of getting women writing to YOU… especially on Bumble. But it’s also an effective strategy on Tinder, Hinge, or just about any app.

You want to include a “Call to Action” somewhere on your profile, ideally at the end of your bio. (But you can also put the Call to Action” in as a prompt.)

End your bio with a fun Call to Action that compels her to match with you, and also helps her know what to write. This is especially important on Bumble, where women send the first message; you’re helping her write her opener to you.

“Would you rather” questions work well because they’re playful and easy to answer. Such as, WYR…

…have dinner with Lennon or McCartney?

…shower in Evian or swim in Cristal?

…date the Tin Man or Scarecrow?

…eat a potato, or BE a potato?

Calls to Action can simply tell her what you want her to do, the same way we’re all told to “Call now!” or “Like and subscribe.”

The secret? Make her WANT to swipe, by mentioning something fun to talk about.

“Swipe right if you love Ben & Jerry’s.”

“Swipe right if you’re too sexy for this app.”

“What kind of puppy should I get? Message me!”

“Tell me . . . Thin-crust or deep-dish? (Pressure. There IS a right answer.)”

Start using a call to action, and you’ll soon be getting a lot more “action,” in terms of messages and options.

Connell Barrett is a NYC dating coach for men. He's helped men all over the world discover how to find the women of their dreams through dating app tips for guys and authentic dating advice. His work has been featured on Access Hollywood and the Today Show. In addition, you can find him in Maxim, O Magazine, and Cosmopolitan. Read his book Dating Sucks But You Don't.

Online Dating Tips for Men: 7 Deadly Tinder Sins NOT to Commit

Dating coach Connell Barrett talks online dating tips for men, smashing out of the friend zone, and whether Tinder Gold is worth it.

Online Dating Tips For Men

DATING APP SINS

I swipe and swipe and get no good matches on Tinder, except for women I’m just not attracted to. I’ve read a lot of online dating tips for men, and I’d like to know what I might be doing wrong.

—Nish, 39, Miami

Online dating is competitive. In some cities, there are five times as many men on Tinder as women—and the majority of guys are swiping on the most desirable women.

My client Ted, 29, needed online dating tips for men. He used this checklist to overhaul his Bumble profile. One week later, he’d gone out on two dates with two women, after being dateless for the previous six months.

The 7 Deadly Tinder Sins NOT to Commit:

1: Weak photos.

Too dark, grainy, and filled with unflattering selfies. This is the biggest cause of lack of matches. You must have good photos, starting with at least two well-lit portraits, showing you well-dressed, smiling, and date-able.

2: Boring and predictable.

Most dating-app bios suffer from a fatal case of I-Like-Long-Walks-on-the-Beach-itis. They’re dull and they read like a resume. Avoid clichés like “Just giving this a try” (duh!) and quoting your favorite TV show.

3: Negativity.

Never list what you DON’T want in a partner. Be positive. Good vibes only. This includes writing any variation of “no drama.” Women hate this because it’s like saying, “Have no emotions and be perfect.”

4: Confusing content or jokes that don’t land.

Clarity is key. If she’s snoozing, you’re losing.

5: A dense block of hard-to-read text.

You want visual appeal, with line breaks and an emoji or two. (No eggplants! Think winky or laughing smiley-faces.)

6: Photos that show you looking trashed/drunk.

7: Nothing.

No blank bios. Write something.

Read my column on Tinder Tips to help you understand what to write in your bio instead. Then read on to find out if Tinder Gold is worth it.

THE END OF THE FRIEND ZONE

I’ve been going on a quite a few dates, but women tend to only see me as a friend. Sometimes they blow me off before I even get the first date. Little help?

—Christian, 44, Seattle

“Let’s just be friends.”

They’re four of the most dreadful words a man will ever hear, along with “We need to talk” and “Smash Mouth is reuniting.” (The horror!)

It can hurt to want a second date with a woman who doesn’t want one with you. It’s also frustrating when a girl you’re messaging goes quiet before you’re able to meet up.

Welcome to (cue: thunder, scary music) the friend zone. It can make you wonder, “Am I doing something wrong? Am I not attractive?”

Well, there’s one simple move you can use on all your dates from now on. Follow this simple rule:

If you think she’s sexy, tell her so. And tell her why.

Many women get a “just friends” vibe because the guy failed to make his interest clear, either due to fear or because he thinks he needs to “play it cool.” If you find a woman sexy, tell her. (Hey, we all want to feel sexy.) And tell her why.

Advanced move: Don’t make it only about her looks. Go deeper. Tell her the inner quality that you find sexy: her wit, her ambition, her silliness. No faking this. You must mean it. (A woman’s b.s. detector is more sensitive than a Richter scale.)

This is all part of being Radically Authentic—showing women your most honest, vulnerable, TRUE self.

For more tips on How To Get Out Of The Friend Zone, click here.

GO FOR THE GOLD?

With dating apps, should I use the premiere, paid memberships, like Tinder Gold? Or are they a waste of money?

—Damon, 40, Austin, Texas

Yes, you should go for the Gold. Top-tier memberships assure that the maximum number of women see your profile—all for the monthly price of a mojito. That’s a bargain.

But ONLY if you’ve put time and effort into excellent photos and a compelling bio.

Now, you may be saying, “But Tinder Gold has never worked for me.” That’s because your profile has, well, sucked. Any dating app can work for you with the right profile.

Tinder Gold won’t magically make a poor profile attractive. But with the right photos and bio, it definitely delivers results, as do the premium versions of Bumble, Hinge, Coffee Meets Bagel, and The League.

While you may be tempted to watch your wallet, don’t scrimp here. You get what you pay for with dating apps, and if you follow my advice, it probably won’t be a long-term expense.

Connell Barrett is an online dating coach for men. He's appeared on shows such as The Today Show, Access Hollywood and more. His advice has also been published in magazines such as Maxim, Cosmopolitan, and O Magazine to name a few. His new dating book for men releases in 2021. Ask Connell a dating question below.

Tinder Tips For More Matches And Dates

Dating coach Connell Barrett answers your questions on Tinder tips for writing a great bio, shaking off rejection, and how to never be “creepy” when you approach

TINDER TIPS

Connell, I need some Tinder tips. There are so many beautiful women on Tinder, but I barely get any matches. Any advice?

—Louie, 27, Virginia Beach

When it comes to Tinder tips, there’s a common mistake that you’re probably making on your bio, and you don’t even know it: being boring.

It’s not you! I’m not saying you’re boring. But it’s hard to write Tinder bios that stand out. Most bios sound like all the other guys’. Men write stuff like, “I like long walks on the beach” (cliché), “Giving this a try” (duh!), or “Whattup, ladies” (generic).

With your Tinder bio, if you make women snooze, you lose. They swipe-left. And that can feel personal, like they’re rejecting you as a man.

But they’re not. They’re just not drawn to your words.

The fix? Make sure your bio has a good “hook.” The hook is the opening line that grabs her attention with humor, silliness, or something that she values.

Here are four examples of great hooks that my clients and I have had success with.

“WARNING! Do NOT read the next sentence.” Next line: “You rebel, I like you already ;)”

Why it works: The use of all caps snaps her out of her swiping pattern, and the challenge that you issue creates curiosity.

“I’m a man on the street with a dad bod in the sheets.”

Why it works: Even if she doesn’t know the Usher song lyric that this refers to, it’s silly and self-effacing. Most guys brag on Tinder. You’re standing out by talking up your dad bod.

“My million-dollar idea: Pulled. Pork. Ice cream.”

Why it works: Just plain stupid, in the best way. If she laughs, she’ll keep reading.

“Danger! My karaoke voice might make you fall in love with me.”

Why it works: This is from my Tinder bio, and women who like karaoke will keep reading. Plus, I set a romantic tone by talking about love.

When it comes to Tinder tips, writing a great hook will get your bio a longer look. Click here for tips on opening messages.

HOW TO REJECT REJECTION

I was dating a girl, but she ended it after a few dates. She said she “just didn’t see us as a couple.” That hurts. It made me feel like less of a man, you know? Not good enough to be a boyfriend. How do I bounce back from that kind of rejection?

—Anonymous

I feel you, Anonymous. Before I set out to fix my dating life, I felt rejected by all women. I thought that when a girl said, “I’m not feeling it” that it was because I wasn’t enough, or just wasn’t “that guy” who women wanted to date.

I was wrong. I went from getting blown off and rejected to dating countless bright, beautiful women. If I can do it, so can you.

And if you feel like you’re lacking in something because you got dumped, you’re wrong about that, too. You ARE enough. You must buy into this. It’s important.

I want you to reframe rejection and see it for what it is. It’s not really rejection. It’s information.

That girl told you that you’re not a romantic fit for her. That’s NOT a personal criticism on you. It’s just information. Everyone has a type, and you are not hers, apparently.

Remember that there’s an abundance of women to date. A mantra I give my clients: “There’s a million more girls, and I have more to give.”

Also, keep in mind that a woman who barely knows you can’t truly reject you. I mean, if your wife sits you down and says, “Honey, I no longer love you, you’ve never made me orgasm, and I’m dumping you for Ryan Gosling,” OK, now THAT is rejection.

But a women who had a few dates with you? Rejection? Nahh. She can’t reject you. She’s basically saying you’re not each other’s type.

She likes the Beatles, and you’re the Stones. Hey, no shame there. The Stones fucking rock! And so do you.

Once you realize that you’ll never run out of wonderful women to date, and that you’ll always have more to offer, you’ll find confidence from within. And you can brush off rejection and say, “Next!”

So tattoo this on the body part of your choice: You are enough.

“YOU CAN APPROACH US. WE LIKE IT.”

Is it OK to approach women in the daytime? Or is that super creepy?

—Sam, 47, Portland, Ore.

It’s absolutely fine to chat women up during the day—when done with charm.

The trick is to not “hit on her” so much as talk in a light, playful way and, if there’s chemistry, ask for her number. There’s nothing creepy about that.

You might be surprised how well many women respond to a chill, playful vibe. I was once at a Whole Foods when I met Ashley. We were both in the cereal aisle, and I teased her about trying to steal the last box of Honey Bunches of Oats. We chatted for a few minutes, and I got her number.

At the time, I still had anxiety about approaching during the daytime. Would it be creepy? Would I make girls uncomfortable?

She could sense this, I think. After I got her number, she said, as if speaking to ALL single men, “You can come right up and talk to us. It’s okay. We like it!”

For more online dating tips for men, click here.

Connell Barrett is a NYC dating coach helping men worldwide. He's helped men learn how to get the girl of their dreams and get out of the friend zone. Connell's appeared on talk shows such as The Today Show and Access Hollywood. He also has a dating book for men releasing in 2021. Leave a question for Connell below.

Online Dating Coach Advice: Here's How To Get More Matches

TAKE IT FROM AN ONLINE DATING COACH—ONLINE DATING ISN’T REALLY “DATING.” IT’S DIGITAL MARKETING.

For matches and dates on Tinder, Bumble and other apps, you need to get good at digital marketing. Until you walk into that bar to meet, you’re not really “dating” women. You’re marketing to them.

There are more men on dating apps than women

Take it from someone who’s been an online dating coach for a decade. You see, there are a LOT more men on apps than women—about a 2-to-1 ratio. So, if you market yourself poorly, you struggle. You’ll swipe and swipe but get few matches and dates with attractive women. And according to the Pew Research Center, 51% of men who try online dating never get a SINGLE date in real life, and 80% of men fail to find a girlfriend from online dating.

This takes a toll: All those wasted swipes and wasted hours make you feel like apps just don’t work. Or maybe you feel that YOU’RE the problem: You’re unattractive or too short or just “not that guy” women want to swipe-right on. You feel rejected.

But the great news? You have what it takes to attract wonderful women online, as long as you market yourself correctly.

Getting dates online is not about being the most attractive

I know from experience. Back in the day, I had zero online-dating results. My low point? I couldn’t get even one cute girl in New York City into me, but I connected with a woman in San Francisco. Because she was my ONLY option, I flew 3,000 miles to surprise her, like in a movie. I showed up with red roses and Victoria’s Secret lingerie for her. It was a desperate move, I now realize, and she ghosted me. That’s what dating scarcity does -- makes you look needy, and it repels women.

So, I spent years studying and mastering online dating, learning that it’s about marketing yourself with the right photos and bio. And my results skyrocketed. One week on Tinder, I matched with 197 women, all of them attractive. Over a 3-day weekend, I had seven dates with seven gorgeous girls—and six of them were into me! This transformed my online-dating confidence, and turned me into an online-dating coach.

I recently went on Bumble for 60 minutes, and I got 47 “likes” and 26 matches, with high-quality women. Not a bad hour’s work. Now I get to CHOOSE who I message and go out with. An abundance of options!

Make your profile magnetic

So, what’s the marketing secret? How do you get lots of matches and dates? Four simple words: Make your profile magnetic.

By “magnetic,” I mean two things: Your profile must stand out from other guys' profiles, and it must offer women something of value. That’s all good marketing is: standing out in a crowded marketplace, and offering real value. I call that “magnetic.”

The opposite of magnetic is “boring,” and a boring profile is the enemy of results. Attractive women are flooded with hundreds of digital come-ons every week. If your profile fails to stand out and looks like all the others—grainy selfies, poor lighting, you holding the fish you caught—you become invisible to women, and they swipe left.

I repeat: Your problem is NOT your looks or that “apps just don’t work.” Your REAL issue? A boring, forgettable profile.

The forgettable BEFORE profile picture

This is GREAT news because it’s 100% fixable. The first step? Use a featured photo that’s a “pattern interrupter.” On dating apps, women fall into a swiping hypnosis, swiping and swiping, seeing the same sorts of photos over and over. You must interrupt her pattern and capture her attention.

How? With a well-lit, professional-quality portrait. No shadowy selfies! No fish pics! No exceptions!

As an online-dating coach, I’m all about testing. So I jumped on Bumble using this low-quality selfie as my primary photo. The result? I swiped-right 100 times and got 3 measly matches. Why? The shadows on my face make me less attractive, and I’m not smiling. Women see this kind of shot all the time. I’m surprised I even got three matches.

The AFTER profile picture

Next, I replaced it with THIS pattern-interrupting portrait: me at my most
attractive: nicely-lit, well-dressed and smiling. I look date-able, so women see value here. After 100 right-swipes with this featured pic, I got not three, not 10, but 26 matches, all from attractive women! One photo change took me from 3 to 36 matches—an 800% increase.

My client Victor came to me because it had been five years since he’d had a
girlfriend. Well, we overhauled his profile, and he soon had more matches and dates on Hinge and Tinder than he knew what to do with, and then he was dating three women. And before long, he fell for Cheryl, and they JUST got engaged.

From a 5-year slump to a gorgeous fiancée! Not bad.

And you don’t have to be an online-dating coach to have that kind of success, as Victor proves.

How do you do it? First, you realize that online-dating isn’t really dating. It’s just digital-marketing.

There's more to it than just a great profile pic but that's a great first step to get you started. I mention some other Tinder tips on great opening lines here. If you want to know more about how to date attractive women online, what to say on Tinder, or what to text a girl, let's chat. Want to know about dating during a pandemic, click here? Book a free call here.

Connell Barrett is an acclaimed dating coach for men from NYC. He's appeared on shows such as Access Hollywood and The Today Show, as well as in publications such as O Magazine, Cosmopolitan, and Maxim. For online dating tips for men, click here. Book a free call with Connell here.

Dating During A Pandemic

Need a guide to dating during a pandemic? Here are 9 tips to keep your dating life looking up as you hunker down.

Dating can be hard in the best of times but, right now as much of America shelters (and shudders) in place, you’re probably more uncertain than ever about finding an amazing woman.

Here’s a silver lining: There have never been more people on dating sites than at this very moment. Since social-distancing began, the major dating apps have reported an increase in use, ranging from 10% to 25%.

My point? Keep dating! Granted, you won’t be kissing any new ladies for a while, but you can use these 9 tips to beat loneliness, make connections and even find a woman you really care for. Here’s your playbook for dating during a pandemic.

How To Date Amazing Women During The Pandemic:

No. 1: Have Faith In You

Yes, it seems the sky is falling faster than the stock market. In times of uncertainty, it’s easy to forget your greatest asset: You. Your awesome self. It's also easy to forget there are ways to attract women by being your self. You’ve survived tough moments in the past. Maybe you lost your job and you picked yourself up and found a better one. Or you got sick, fought hard, and recovered. Or you were dumped and you healed. You’ve slain monsters before.

At your core, you are more than any challenge you will ever face, including this one. To quote George Michael, “Ya gotta have faith, faith, faith-ah.” And that starts with having faith in you.

No. 2: Don't Date In Real Life

You may be tempted to meet someone new in-person. Please don’t! For the time being, keep practicing social distancing. Sooner or later, you’ll be able to date and flirt and connect IRL. But for the sake of your health and the health of others, keep your distance for now. That said, you should definitely understand that…

No. 3: Dating During A Pandemic Is All About Virtual Connections

Now more than ever, we need other people—whether they’re friends or potential girlfriends. Social isolation can lead to loneliness, higher stress levels, lowered self-esteem, and even depression. So use online-dating and dating apps to meet new people and make friends, and also seek a virtual romance. Show confidence and ask your crush out on a video date, or talk on the phone, or watch a Netflix movie “together.” (Hunker and chill.)

Romance can bloom, even in 2020. A few weeks back, my client, Brett was about to have his first date with Lynn, who he matched with on an app. Then the pandemic hit, so they canceled their plans. (Corona-blocked!) But ever since, they’ve spent hours talking on the phone and on Facetime and playing Words With Friends. They’re moving toward a strong, exclusive relationship. “We haven’t even met yet, but I’m crazy about her,” Brett told me. “Not being with her sucks, but we’re treating it like an extra-long session of foreplay.”

No. 4: No "Surprise Facetiming!"

Don’t Facetime your crush without a head up. Set things up in advance so they can look their best(ish). (At this moment, I appear utterly un-dateable, with my shaggy ginger afro, fuzzy mauve slippers, and French-bread pizza-stained T-shirt.) Give your date some notice so you can both look presentable.

No. 5: On Dates, Don't Dwell On The Virus

By all means, ask her if she and her loved ones are healthy. But when messaging on the app or having a video date, don’t dwell on the virus. If you can't think of what to text her, remember first-date topics should be light. Not that you need to totally ignore the Wooly Mammoth in the room. Feel free to talk about the Hulu shows you’re bingeing, the books you’re reading, or the cool tower of Ramen noodle boxes you’re building.

No. 6: To Keep Her Interested, Discuss The Future

If you fear that you’ll lose a great connection because you’re both in lock-down, on your virtual dates talk about the things you’ll do together when you meet in real life—say, the dive bar you’ll visit, or the beach escape you’ll take together. “Future-pacing” your digital can keep you both excited about where your romance is going, keeping that flame kindled.

No. 7: Perfect Your Profile

You must have a good profile to get matches and dates, so now’s the time to get it dialed in—rework your bio, swap in different photos, or take new shots (as long as your photographer stands at least six feet away.) With some tweaking and testing, your profile can get you matches and dates on-demand.

If you want help with this, BOOK A FREE CALL WITH ME, and I can give you a roadmap for an online dating profile that gets MATCHES and DATES.

No. 8: Hit 'Em With Some Humor

There's always a way to get her to smile, even if you're dating during a pandemic. Need a topical but funny opener on the app? Here are five to test-drive:

“My abs aren’t great, but I have a 6-pack of Charmin.”

“If you wanna shelter in place with me, I can mix a mean quarantine.”

“Is it hot in here, or is it just our fevers?”

“All the libraries are closed, so I’m checking you out in instead.”

“You can’t spell ‘quarantine’ without U. R. A. QT.”

No. 9: Seize The Date

As part of my own at-home self-improvement plan, I’m reading some classic novels that my younger, idiotic self blew off in school. I found this quote in Hemingway’s A Farewell to Arms: “The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken places.”

You will get through this, and you will be stronger for it. You will be an even better catch. So keep calm, carry on, and ask out that attractive Leaguer.

As we’re reminded daily, life is short. So carpe date ’em.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to mix myself a strong quarantini.

Stay safe and healthy, guys!

--Coach Connell

Need more advice about dating during a pandemic? Here are some social distance date ideas. Want help with virtual dating? Click for virtual date ideas.

P.S. If you want to spend your quarantine time creating a dating-app profile that WORKS, and gets you matches and dates, book a FREE call with me, and I’ll show you how it’s done.

www.DatingTransformation.com/contact

Connell Barrett is an acclaimed NYC dating coach for men, serving worldwide. Whether men need help with first date tips, what to text a girl, how to get a girl, online dating coaching and more, he's helped men all over the world date their dream women. Connell has appeared on talk shows such as Access Hollywood and The Today Show. He's also appeared in publications such as O Magazine, Maxim, Cosmopolitan and more. Chat with Connell here.

3 Secrets to Tinder & Online Dating Mastery

Here are 3 secrets for online dating success, from a dating expert

If you’re like a lot of guys, Tinder and online dating is a struggle for you. Do ANY of these problems sound familiar?

You swipe and swipe but get few matches & dates.

You’re not sure what to say on Tinder.

Women ghost you or don’t reply at all.

You’re not sure what to text girls.

You get some dates, but not with the quality of women you want.

You mostly hear from fake accounts or bots.

Hey, take it from a dating coach: When you struggle on Tinder, Bumble, Match, OKCupid or any other dating app, it can feel like kryptonite for your confidence. All those wasted swipes and wasted hours can make you feel like you’re not enough for attractive women—not tall enough or handsome enough or rich enough … not SOMETHING enough.

And if think you’re not enough, the deeper fear is that you’ll end up alone, or you’ll settle for someone you’re not that into.

Well, I think it’s JUST PLAIN WRONG for a good guy to struggle with online dating. Life’s too short to NOT have a great girlfriend, to NOT have confidence, to NOT feel attractive.

Hey, I get it. I used to have zero Tinder and online-dating results. I was lonely and dejected, endlessly swiping with no luck. My low point? I started messaging with the ONE GIRL who liked me, but we lived on opposite coasts. To surprise her, I flew 3,000 miles—New York to San Francisco—and showed up bearing red roses and Victoria’s Secret lingerie. (I know. Smooth, right?)

When she learned I’d traveled cross-country to see her, she ghosted me. And no wonder—I was needy and desperate.

In that moment, I felt rejected by ALL women.

But hitting rock bottom can be a good thing. I made a decision to become GREAT at online dating and attracting women. So I spent years studying with the world’s top experts. I learned every tip, trick and hack for what works on Tinder and other dating apps, and soon my results skyrocketed.

On Tinder alone I started matching with 200-plus women per week, most of them beautiful, high-quality women. I remember a 3-day weekend when I had seven dates with seven gorgeous girls—and six of them were into me!

I almost couldn’t believe this was my dating life.

After sewing some wild oats, I fell for a bright, beautiful woman. Playing the field is fun for a while, but there’s nothing like a connected, committed relationship.

So, you’re asking: What works on Tinder and other apps?

How do you get matches, dates and a great girlfriend?

It comes down to eight simple words:

Make your profile magnetic, and attract amazing women.

A boring profile is the enemy of online-dating results. You MUST stand out to capture women’s attention because they’re inundated with hundreds of digital come-ons every week.

You see, at its essence, online dating is digital marketing, with YOU as the product. If your Tinder profile blends in with all the others—bathroom selfies, poor lighting, “long walks on the beach”—you become invisible to women, and they swipe left.

Let me repeat: Your problem is NOT your looks, height or money. Your problem is NOT that “dating apps just don’t work.” And the problem is NOT that you don’t know what to say on Tinder.

Your REAL issue? A boring, forgettable profile. As I tell my clients, “If women snooze, you lose.”

This is GREAT news because you’re off the hook. It’s not you, it’s your marketing. And it’s 100% fixable. The solution?

Make your profile magnetic, and attract amazing women.

As someone who’s a dating expert who’s studied success with women for a decade, I can tell you that 90 percent of guys do online-dating WRONG. So when you fix the REAL problem, you get an edge on almost ALL THE OTHER GUYS.

To give you that dating edge, I created a step-by-step system that makes you magnetic to women—even if you’re not tall, rich or great-looking. (Hey, I’m a professional dating coach, and I look like a cross between Ron Howard and the Heat Miser.)

Let’s go deeper. My step-by-step system uses 3 TINDER SECRETS for instant results.

SECRET NO. 1: USE A ‘PATTERN INTERRUPTER’ TO GET MORE MATCHES

Your featured photo should be what I call a “pattern interrupter.” On Tinder and dating apps, women fall into a kind of swiping hypnosis, seeing the same sorts of photos over and over—shirtless selfies, backwards caps, fishing pics aplenty. These photos are mediocre, NOT magnetic, and they’re costing you dates with wonderful women.

Instead, you must interrupt her pattern and capture her attention before she swipes left. One great option is to feature a professional-quality portrait for your main photo—one that makes you the star of your profile. (No group shots. No shadowy selfies. No exceptions.)

As a test, I used a so-so selfie as my primary Tinder photo. The result? I swiped right 100 times and got 3 measly matches. Why? It’s a forgettable photo, with my face in shadow—and women are deluged with selfies.

Then I replaced it with a quality portrait taken by my staff photographer Juliet, an expert at profile photos. I’m no pretty boy, but this shot shows me at my most magnetic: nicely-lit, well-dressed and smiling, my head angled to accentuate my jawline.

After 100 right-swipes with this featured pic, I received not one, not 10, but 27 matches, and 19 of them were from super-cute girls! One small change took me from 3 to 27 matches—an 800% increase. Like I said…

Make your profile magnetic, and attract amazing women.

SECRET NO. 2: HACK THE ALGORITHM TO FIND THE MOST BEAUTIFUL WOMEN

Hacking Tinder’s algorithm is like cracking the combination at Fort Knox—it pays off BIG. Tinder assigns every profile a secret score based on many factors, such as engagement level and number of matches. A boring, poor-performing profile lowers your score, and the algorithm stops showing you to the true stunners.

This is a BIG REASON why you’re not matching with more high-quality women. They’re not even seeing you! (And for those who do see you—well, that bathroom-mirror selfie isn’t helping.)

But when your profile is magnetic, your Tinder rating skyrockets, the algorithm shows you to the most sought-after women—and you get matches with the 9s and 10s.

SECRET NO. 3: STRENGTHEN YOUR WEAKEST LINK

Here’s something no one told you: Your online-dating results are only as good as the weakest link in your “chain.”
Yes, a magnetic featured photo is vital, and so is hacking the algorithm. But other key elements MUST be handled or you’ll never date the kinds of women you want. You DEFINITELY need the right combo of quality photos, or else most women will still swipe left. You’ll need a profile that conveys your personality, or else, “If women snooze, you lose.” You’ll need openers that capture girls’ attention, or else they won’t write back. You’ll need a strategy for how and when to ask women out, or else you won’t get dates.

Oh! And you need the secret to flirting and connecting on the first date, or else it’s “Hello, friend zone.”

The good news? Once you strengthen all the links in the chain, you can leave your profile alone, because you’re set. Women chase YOU. Your life looks like this: grab your phone, choose the coolest, cutest girl from dozens of new quality matches, and have a great date. It’s that simple.

If you’re just DONE with swiping and swiping and not getting results, and if you want to meet amazing women on Tinder, Bumble, or any dating app, then book a FREE call with me, right now, and I’ll give you a simple, step-by-step strategy that works. Let's talk!

7 Tinder Myths

What to Say on Tinder: Myths Exposed

7 Tinder Myths from a dating coach to get more matches

I hear a lot of the same comments and questions over and over again.

How do you text a girl?

What’s the best way to approach?

Tell me what to say on Tinder!

Got any good Tinder tips?

As a dating coach, I hear the last one a LOT. Because the truth is, most men don’t approach and chat up women, and it’s not hard to see why. Tinder and other dating apps have made it easier than ever to meet women and set up a date, with just a few swipes.

(I was recently watching a fascinating documentary on HBO called “Swiped: Hooking Up in the Digital Age.” Early in the program, some young, attractive women complain that men never approach them anymore. They miss it. It makes guys stand out more than ever. So Tinder has not only changed the way we date; it’s made it easier than ever to attract a woman by walking up and saying hello.)

Here’s the thing about Tinder: Most guys do it wrong. I know this because Tinder and online dating comprise a foundational part of my teaching. Guys come to me for Tinder tips all the time.

Most men on Tinder are not getting matches, or if they are, they’re not matching with high-quality women they want. Or if they are matching with the kinds of girls they want, they’re having a tough time getting them out on dates. Or if they are getting dates with awesome women, these guys are all too often getting stuck in the dreaded friend zone.

So Tinder is a paradox. It’s made dating seem easier than ever, yet it can seem harder than ever.

The bad news for guys is, it’s a buyer’s market for women. There are more girls than guys out there trying to swipe their way to love.

But the good news for you is that most men do Tinder and online dating wrong. They have terrible photos, or their profile is hurting them, or they don’t know how to message with a woman to set up a date.

If you learn the right game-changing hacks that really make a difference with women, you’ll soon shoot to the top of the Tinder feeds of the kinds of women you want to date: bright, beautiful women who looking to connect with a great guy.

Here’s a great place to start — an article I wrote for Swagger Magazine, about 7 of the biggest Tinder myths. It contains some tried and true Tinder tips and tricks, and it will help you always know what to say on Tinder. Click here to read it.

Connell Barrett is an acclaimed New York dating coach for men. He's appeared on shows such as Access Hollywood and the Today Show and in publications such as Maxim and Cosmopolitan. Connell helps men attract the women of their dreams through unlocking their authentic selves. Chat with Connell here.

What To Say On Tinder

TINDER CONVERSATION STARTERS - WHAT TO SAY

Take it from a dating coach: Here’s what to say on Tinder, and what not to say

Tinder gets a bad rap. “It’s just for hooking up,” I hear. “You can’t find a real relationship on an app.”

Hey, I totally get it. To be sure, Tinder has facilitated more one-night stands than Cuervo Gold. And as a dating coach, I’ve got nothing against a fun fling. (Some guys come to me having had zero dating luck, and a little casual, short-term dating can be just the thing to give a fellow a needed boost of confidence.)

But a LOT of guys—including many of my clients—have used Tinder to make deep connections with amazing women, leading to meaningful relationships, girlfriends… and several engagements.

With this swipe, I thee wed.

Of course, when guys first come to me, their Tinder game lacks much of a spark. They’re swiping until their thumbs go numb and getting poor results. They feel frustrated. They think that online dating just doesn’t work. Or worse, they incorrectly think the problem is their attractiveness as men.

But Tinder is a great way to connect with wonderful women. In fact, it’s my favorite dating app. The user base is huge—50 million members in U.S.—and Tinder logs 1 billion total swipes daily. And it’s simpler, faster and easier to use than other apps, in my opinion.

Most importantly, Tinder works—when you know what to say and how to say it.

So a lot of men ask me, “What do I say on Tinder?”

That’s an important question because there’s a LOT of competition from other guys. Only 43 percent of Tinder users are female, according to SurveyMonkey. That’s nearly a 60-40 guy-girl ratio. Not great odds.

What’s more, according to the company, women swipe-right only 14 percent of the time, compared to men, who approve of 46 percent of the profiles they see.

Something to keep in mind: The more conventionally attractive a woman is, the more she’s inundated with messages from would-be suitors. In one unscientific but telling experiment, a fake Tinder profile featuring an attractive woman’s photo received 236 unsolicited messages in one week.

And I know women on Tinder who get over 1,000 matches in a given week.

So guys struggle NOT because they’re unattractive but because, in part, the competition is intense. It’s easy to get lost in the crowd. Without knowing all the Tinder hacks, good guys get few to zero matches/dates. And they’re left feeling understandably frustrated.

In my Facebook group, How to Be Your Best Self & Get the Girl, I hear it all the time: “Tinder doesn’t work… online dating sucks… girls flake or ghost on me. I give up!”

Don’t give up!

To start seeing dating success on Tinder, a guy has to know what to say and do, and what NOT to say and do.

Now, let me stress something important. A LOT goes into Tinder success. There’s no substitute for personalized expertise. So if you’d like to have me break down your Tinder game, then you’re invited to book a FREE call with me, and we’ll talk.

In the meantime, here’s a quick rundown to help you go from Tinder frustration to Tinder domination.

WHAT TO SAY ON TINDER… AND WHAT NOT TO SAY

WHAT TO SAY ON TINDER

Catch her attention with a sincere, specific compliment, and then ask a question she hasn’t heard a million times. Again, don’t be generic. (“Hey, you seem awesome… You’re so pretty… Damn, you’re sexy.”) Instead, look at her profile and see what stands out. It can be large or small, as long as it’s specific: the photo of her at Machu Picchu; her flapper outfit on Halloween; her love for Bill Murray. A girl likes to know something about her stood out. So tell her.

WHAT NOT TO SAY

A lot of guys make the mistake of being lazy and boring with their opening message. As your personal dating coach, I hereby forbid you from writing ANY variation of “Hello,” including: “Hey!”, “How you?”, “Sup?”, “Whattup, girl?” “Heyyy!” and “How’s your day?” You’ll sound like every other guy, and you’re just wasting your valuable swipes and her valuable time. Now, when you approach a girl in the real world, a simple, “Hi there” can be a great way to start. Why? Because most men don’t approach women, so having the courage to walk over and say hello shows her that you’re confident. Unfortunately, on Tinder, it makes you seem like countless other men, and it makes you look like you put zero effort into your opener. And if you fail to stand out, she’ll swipe-left.

WHAT TO SAY ON TINDER

You want to ask her out sooner, rather than later. Most guys wait too long and come across as wishy-washy or tentative. Wait until the first conversation comes to a natural conclusion, and then suggest you take the interaction offline—to each other’s phones, or, say, to Whatsapp.

WHAT NOT TO SAY

Don’t send messages that contain egregious misspellings and typos. Women are actually very forgiving in this department, because hey—it’s texting, not your college thesis. Mistakes will happen. But if you don’t know the difference between “your” and “you’re,” then YOU’RE gonna miss out on dates with intelligent, classy women. I recently checked out a client’s recent text exchanges with a girl who went quiet. She ghosted him after a string of messages that had a half-dozen typos and mistakes. No wonder she blew him off.

WHAT TO SAY ON TINDER

Tell the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth. Being a truth-teller is sexy, and it’s the right thing to do. If you’re between jobs, own it. But you can still make the truth sound awesome. Mention your awesome career ambitions. A client was afraid to tell women that he’s in college. But he’s actually doing something fantastic—changing careers to become a paramedic. He’s gonna spend his life-saving people’s lives. That’s amazing, and a lot of women found that attractive. Oh, and as for your height, if you’re 5’9’’, don’t say you’re 6-feet tall. A man with the courage to be honest and vulnerable is MUCH more attractive than a guy who deceives to conceal his so-called imperfections.

WHAT NOT TO SAY

You never want to send a negative message if she goes quiet, “ghosts” you, or decides not to meet up with you. And NEVER write anything negative or disrespectful towards her. Like you, she’s just trying to make a romantic connection while navigating the often scary/confusing dating world. “Rejection” is never pleasant, but it comes with the territory. Besides, it’s really rejection because she doesn’t even know you. Just as you’re not attracted to every woman you interact with, she’s not into every guy. It’s not a value judgment about you. Go bend your bartender’s ear about it, but don’t send her 17 drunken, “butt-hurt” texts. Women are doing their best—just like we are.

But wait! There’s more! If you want to know always know what to say on Tinder, CLICK HERE, enter your email, and read my 17 Tinder tips. Check it out!

If you're ready for some one-on one-training with me, click here to schedule a free call.

Connell Barrett is an acclaimed dating coach for men, helping guys around the world use their authenticity to find the girl of their dreams. He provides dating tips for shy guys and extroverts, and teaches men how to get out of the friend zone. Read more about how to approach women in his book Dating Sucks But You Don't. Click here to chat with Connell directly.