Hey, Connell. I’m kind of lost with dating. Between the apps, first dates, and trying to flirt without coming off awkward, I never know if I’m doing the right things, or if I’m shooting myself in the foot. It feels like what you’re supposed to do and not do keeps changing. Any advice for what actually matters?
TRYING NOT TO SCREW THIS UP
I’m here to help. And take it from a dating coach who started dating way back in 2005: Most advice sounds like it was written back when flip phones were cool. “Be mysterious!” “Wait three days to text!”
Yeah, and maybe send her a telegram while you’re at it, and pick her up in your Model T.
Let’s reset your love life for the new year. As a professional dating coach, I’ve helped thousands of good dudes build some real connections with women—no games or gimmicks required.
So your question inspired me. If you’re unsure what to say when you approach, or you want to balance dating confidence with kindness, here are 26 new dating strategies for 2026.
#1: Women are Sick of the Apps—So Go Talk to Them!
After years of app fatigue, women are signaling a clear shift back toward real-life connection. Hinge’s recent D.A.T.E. reports show declining enthusiasm for endless swiping and rising interest in organic, in-person connection.
A thoughtful, respectful real-life approach is now refreshing and welcome. Saying hello at a coffee shop, bookstore, or party now reads as confidence, not intrusion—when done right.
#2: Ditch Cheesy Pickup Lines. Say This to Women Instead
Most men freeze up around women they want to meet because they don’t know what to say without seeming “creepy.” Stop trying to be perfect, and don’t use scripted lines. Be human, spontaneous.
How? My What-to-Say Method is a simple framework my clients use to meet women in real life. When you see someone you want to talk to, don’t strain to think of some dazzling openers. Instead, give yourself three options:
A: Share a G-rated compliment. Perhaps, “I love your tattoo” or “That leather jacket is bold.”
B: Ask a genuine question. At a café: “So, are you thinking iced or hot coffee today?”
C: Make an observation. “You’re crushing it on that treadmill—don’t get pulled over.”
These work because they’re contextual and pressure-free. You’re not hitting on her—you’re starting a light interaction.
It’s actually hard to get rejected this way because you’re breaking the ice in a normal, breezy way.
#3: To Attract Her, Lean In To Your Nervousness
Don’t try to eliminate nerves on dates. Use them. A little nervousness tells a woman that the date matters to you—and that’s attractive.
Most men think nerves are something to hide, so they force confidence and sound rehearsed. But nerves only hurt you when you fight them.
Here’s what owning your butterflies looks like:
- “I’m a bit nervous—I really wanted to make a good impression tonight.”
- If you stumble with your words: “That came out wrong. Let me try again.”
- If your hands shake: “Sorry, I haven’t been on a date with someone this cute in a while.”
Women don’t want a polished performance. They want a guy who’s real, interested, and confident enough to own it.
#4: Use a Fun Role Play on the Dating Apps—Not a Dull Opener
If your opener is “Hi, how’s your day?”, you may as well write, “Hi, please ghost me and crush my self-esteem.” Boring questions flop because they blend into the dozens of identical messages she’s already ignoring.
The smart move? A fun role play.
Try my “Back to the Future” opener. In 2025, it helped a handful of my clients get first dates that became relationships. Here’s how it goes:
“Hey [name]. I’m writing you from 5 years in the future! You and I are madly in love, but we just had a fight about our first date. Future you said we went to a wine bar. But I think we had sushi. Which was it, honey? Our future love depends on it!”
This light, romantic role play is way more fun than interrogating her with dull questions. When it works, her reply will be something like: “Lol! Hi, future soulmate! Our first date was sushi, of course.”
Next, you simply suggest meeting up for sushi to make the “future” a reality.
It’s flirty, playful, and just the right amount of smooth. My client Jake used my “Back to the Future” opener with a Hinge match, and she wrote back: “OMG! I love this. What wizard taught you this?”
Just don’t tell your future girlfriend you stole this from me. It might mess up the space-time continuum.
#5: Stop Trying to Be Liked, and Start Being Who You Are
Most men treat first dates like a performance, trying to earn approval. But the moment she said yes, you already succeeded.
Stop performing and start being real, authentic. Listen to her and speak honestly. Laugh when she’s funny, don’t laugh when she’s not, and let silences breathe.
Confidence can’t be faked. But it can be summoned when you stop trying to be liked.
#6: Kindness Is the New Sexy
The key is genuine kindness, not fake niceness. Show empathy and decency without expecting anything in return. Drop the swagger. Warm eye contact, curiosity, and relaxed kindness signal strength—not weakness.
Confidence without empathy repels. Confidence with kindness attracts.
#7: Text Like a Girl, Not a Guy
Early on, my girlfriend told me, “You text like a girl—and I like it.” I used emojis, exclamation points, some ALL CAPS, GIFs, etc. My messages felt emotionally alive to her.
Most men text like Google Maps giving directions: accurate, efficient, and deeply unsexy. So add some emotion and expressiveness.
Text like a girl, not a guy.
Guy text: “I’ll see you tonight at 7:30. But I might be running a few minutes late. So I will be there by 7:45 at the latest. I will see you soon.”
Guy texting like a girl: “Great! I’ll see you at 7:30, or 7:45 at the latest. Don’t worry. I look VERY handsome and I’ll be worth the wait. 😂”
Guy text: “The Italian restaurant last night was good. I enjoyed the food. We should go out again.”
Guy texting like a girl: “WOW. I loved the pasta. I dreamt about it last night. (R-rated lol). We must go back immediately 🍝”
Less logic, more emotion. If you want to “get the girl,” text like a girl.
OMG! Lol, you get it, riiiiiiight?
#8: Stop Overthinking the First Date
Men treat the first date like it’s everything, but that only adds pressure. It’s wiser to think in a 3-date arc.
Date 1: Chemistry: Keep it light and playful. Do you laugh together? Is there some spark? See if you both enjoy being together.
Date 2: Compatibility: Go deeper. Talk about Big Life Stuff: kids, values, goals. This is where you find out if your lives align.
Date 3: Commit… or Move On: By now, you should know if this is going somewhere. The conversation should flow easily, and the attraction should be undeniable. If you’re not looking to move forward, this isn’t the right match.
Date 1 is an audition, not the Oscars. Think in a 3-date arc.
#9: Remember: The #MeToo Movement is About Women, Not About You
Many men overcorrected in the wake of #MeToo, becoming afraid to make any dating moves without an engraved invitation.
But let’s be clear: the #MeToo movement is about protecting women and girls from mistreatment, abuse, and harassment. It’s not about whether or not men can approach or go for a first kiss on a date.
Women still want you to make moves and take appropriate chances. Going for a first kiss on a date or saying hello to a woman at a social venue isn’t harassment. It’s you taking a chance at romance.
If you’re acting with empathy and good intentions, you’re already doing it right.
#10: Don’t Forget—the Essence of Flirting Is Play
Flirting isn’t about impressing her or saying cool lines. It’s about creating a light, playful connection.
So, think fun what-if questions (“Who would play you in the movie of your life?”), gentle teasing (“How could someone so cute be such a nerd?”), and silly games like Two Truths and a Lie or even thumb-wrestling.
There’s a reason why the dictionary defines flirting as “Playing at love.”
#11: Be Clear, Not Cool
Playfulness has its place in flirting, but clarity is king. If you like her, tell her.
Say, “I like you, and I’d like to see you again.” Clear interest builds trust and attraction.
Playing it cool is out. Playing it clear is in.
#12: Dating Is a Dance, And It’s Your Job to Lead
In the early stages of dating, most women still want a man who leads—not controls or dominates, but leads.
This looks like suggesting a plan, instead of asking, “What do you want to do?” Or asking for her number instead of handing her yours.
Your role is to ask her to dance, and hers is to say yes or no.
#13: Share Your Passions to Become Magnetic
Share with a woman what excites you and why. Maybe you’re a chess nerd, or you love being a foodie, or shredding lead guitar in your garage band. (Note to self: Start a garage band called Chess Nerd.)
And ask her what she’s passionate about.
Two people talking about their passions are much more likely to start feeling passion for each other.
#14: Vulnerability Is Hotter to Women than Six-Pack Abs
Approaching women is vulnerable, so you may as well lean into it.
When I take my clients out to meet women in New York City lounges and bars, I often have them open the conversations with the most vulnerable thing they can share—as long as it’s G-rated and genuine.
One client, Tyler, walked up and said to two women, “I’m terrified of clowns.” They were fascinated.
Another client, Blake, was petrified of not knowing what to say, so I had him approach and say, “I’m Blake, and I don’t know what to say to you.”
Both approaches worked. Why? Because women respond to vulnerability. Not oversharing or self-pity—just honest, human courage.
Women aren’t drawn to so-called “alpha males.” They’re drawn to men who signal emotional availability, self-awareness, and authenticity.
#15: Consent Is the New Foreplay
Consent before sex is essential, but it doesn’t have to sound like a legal deposition. The secret? Ask in a sexy, turned-on way—not like an attorney questioning a witness.
Think Barry White, not Barry Scheck.
Here are some sexy ways to get clear, enthusiastic consent:
“Can I go down on you?”
“I want to take you into the bedroom and [what you want to do]. Does that sound good?”
“I want you. Should I put on a condom?”
“Do you like that?”
“How about morning sex?”
And if she says no at any point, accept it gracefully—“okay,” “no problem,” “I respect that.” As Amour notes, peacefully accepting rejection could actually increase your chances of getting laid in the future.
Consent isn’t a mood-killer. It’s confidence and respect wrapped in desire. And that’s what women want in a decent man.
#16: How Much You Text Doesn’t Matter. THIS is What Matters.
Ditch stale advice about double-texting or waiting hours to reply. All you need to ask yourself: Is this text likely to make her smile?
If your text seeks to make her smile, you can message as much as you want and never come off as needy or thirsty. Because you’re helping her feel good.
I mean, what’s she gonna say? “This charming guy keeps making me giggle and feel good. Yuck! He’s so thirsty.” Of course not! She’ll just want to text you back.
When my girlfriend, Jess, and I first started talking, we’d quintuple text each other without a thought because both enjoyed it so much.
Here are three ways to make her smile, by text:
Be warm and authentic: “I had a great time last night. I’d love to see you again.”
Be playful or cheeky: “OK, I’ll allow a second date—as long as you stop trying to be more charming than me.”
Be curious about her life: “I hope dinner with your parents was fun! What was the best thing you had to eat?”
Stop counting texts. Start asking, “Will this make her smile?”
#17: Reframe the Way You Look At “Rejection”
A woman who barely knows you can’t truly reject you. She can only decide that the two of you don’t fit. If an approach doesn’t land or a date doesn’t lead to a second, that’s not a verdict on your worth. It’s just data. It likely means you’re not a good match.
Maybe she likes the Beatles, and you’re the Who. No harm there. The Who effing rocks! And now you can be sure you “won’t get fooled again!”
#18: Single Dads Are the New Perfect 10s
Being a good father proves you can do the most important job in the world: being a parent. And women love a man with a cool job!
Don’t keep your dad life a secret. Lead with it. Mention your kid in your profile. Talk about them on the first date. Being a dad is the greenest of green flags to countless women. Speaking of…
#19: A DILF-erent Kind of Prompt
This cheeky Hinge prompt crushed for my single-dad clients in 2025:
“Yep, I’m a total DILF… a Dedicated, Invested, Loving Father. (Gosh, what did you think I meant? Get your mind out of the gutter!😉)”
#20: Unlock Your True Charisma
Charisma isn’t about being the loudest guy in the room. It takes many forms. Take Chris Pratt, with his goofy, playful charm. Or Jeff Goldblum, with his quirky, big-brained charisma.
Mad dating scientist that I am, I created a formula to help guys unlock their true charisma. I call it the Charisma Code. Think of it as E = mc² for romantic attraction. Here it is.
AE + P + PL = Charismatic (to Your Type)
AE = Authentic Expression (being genuinely yourself)
P = Presence (staying in the moment)
PL = Playfulness (the essence of flirting)
Use this formula to embrace your natural charisma and attract women who are drawn to your authentic type.
#21: Use AI as an Editor, But NEVER as a Ghostwriter
I recently matched on Bumble with a woman who loved this prompt:
“If you like tall, handsome, charming, witty, intelligent, financially stable, charismatic, modest gentlemen… then you should meet my brother.”
She wrote: “LOL! But… did you write that? Or was it ChatGPT?”
It’s original, I’m (ahem) very proud to report. But her question underscores a growing trend: Women are wary of AI-written content. And for good reason. More than 1 in 4 singles now use AI for online dating, according to a Plenty of Fish poll.
It’s tempting to have AI write your prompts or openers, but don’t! AI-crafted messages sound polished but hollow, and women can tell.
On the apps, the “GPT” stands for “Ghosted, Probably Tonight.”
Use Chat as a sounding board, not a ghostwriter. Write your own prompt or opener, then ask AI to help polish it. For example:
Your draft: “Hey, I saw you’re into hiking. I like hiking too. I usually go on weekends when the weather’s good.”
AI Polished: “Hey Emily—I saw you’re into hiking! What’s your go-to trail? I’m always hunting for new spots that aren’t overrun with people 😊”
The voice is still yours—just warmer and more engaging. Real connection starts with real words.
#22: Take a Break from the Apps Every Now and Then
According to Pew, a majority of app users report burnout because apps reward endless engagement, not actual connection. So take one week off per month. No swiping, no DMs. Reconnect with real life. When you come back, you’ll be refreshed.
#23: Timid Is Creepy. Clarity Is Confident.
You know that weird feeling when you’re texting with someone, and their typing ellipses pop up, disappear, then pop up again—but they never send the message? It’s uncomfortable, right?
That’s how women feel when you stare, linger, want to make a move—but don’t.
Say hello. Give the compliment. Make the move. Ambiguity is creepy. Clarity is confident.
Just hit send.
#24: Text Her This if You Would Rather Not Have Another Date
No spark after a date or two? Most men ghost. But don’t. In 2026, telling the truth with kindness is in. Text her this:
“I had a great time with you, but the spark just wasn’t there for me. I know you’ll find someone as fantastic as you are.”
#25: Don’t Talk About Dating
There are certain things you just don’t talk about: Fight Club. That new rash. Your sister’s ugly baby.
And dating—when you’re on a date.
Talking about the apps, red flags, or attachment styles is all too meta. It’s the romantic equivalent of dissecting a frog.
Stop analyzing dating. No talking about dating on dates. With one exception…
#26: Ask Her This On a First Date
“What’s the weirdest date you’ve ever had?”
Women love this question because it’s part venting, part storytelling. She’ll tell you about the investment banker whose cocaine dealer showed up mid-date with a delivery, or the nut job who asked her what shape her nipples are (both true stories from female friends).
Just listen and laugh. By contrast, you’ll look grounded and normal.
Sometimes the best way to get a second date is to avoid becoming a first-date story.
