Welcome, Sabrina Zohar listeners! It was such a blast being on Sabrina’s podcast, talking about the art of authentic connection. I hope you found our conversation stimulating.
If you want to build more meaningful relationships—whether in dating, friendships, family or coworkers—you’re in the right place.
Many people struggle to form deep emotional bonds, but you can build deeper connections by understanding the psychological triggers that make it happen.
In my 13 years as a dating coach, I’ve learned that creating real emotional bonds is both an art and a science, and anyone can learn how to do it.
Here are 5 secrets to emotionally connecting with anyone, and 5 psychological triggers you can start using today.
Most people think they’re great listeners, but they’re actually just waiting to talk.
They nod, make eye contact, and react at the right moments—but in their minds, they’re crafting their next response, not truly absorbing what’s being said. (Hey, we’ve all been there!)
That’s not listening. That’s just a pause before your turn.
Real connection happens when the other person feels deeply heard. The moment they sense
you’re listening just to respond, they emotionally check out.
But when they feel you’re fully engaged and curious, that’s when they open up and connect.
When it’s your turn to talk, repeat the final three words they just said to you.
It’s a concept I learned doing improv comedy, and it works great IRL.
Them: “Work was so stressful.”You: “Oh no, work was stressful? What happened?”
This helps you to stay present, makes them feel heard, and keeps the conversation flowing naturally.
Listen to understand, not to reply. That’s the RIGHT way to listen. And that’s when people truly connect.
We all know the value of a good conversation, but did you know that talking less actually makes you more likable—if you show genuine interest in the other person?
When you talk too much, you take up space and steal the focus. But when you give someone the spotlight, they’re far more likely to feel drawn to you.
I once had a first date with Rebecca, a bright, witty curator for a museum. As a naturally shy guy, I felt more comfortable asking her questions, rather than talking about me.
My goal on that date? Find out what makes her fascinating. So I broke the rules of dating and went into “interview mode.” I asked her a lot of questions about what made her tick, and I was genuinely trying to learn about her.
Our date ended, and before I got home, Rebecca had texted me: “YOU are the most interesting person I’ve met in a long time! I’d like to see you again.” You’d think the opposite, right? We barely talked about me, yet I made a great impression.
The old saying holds true: To be interesting, be interested.
This keeps the spotlight on them, and most people love to talk about themselves. And the more they open up, the more they’ll feel connected to you—like Rebecca felt with me.
Talking less doesn’t mean you’re disengaged. It means you’re giving them the gift of your attention.
There’s a myth that vulnerability is weakness. But in reality, authenticity is a superpower.
A key to deep emotional connections is showing up as your true self, not the version of you that’s curated for approval. People can spot a fake from a mile away. They want to connect with the real you—the messy, imperfect, human you.
But here’s the catch: Oversharing too soon can push people away. Authenticity doesn’t mean spilling your entire life story on a first date, or going off on a negative rant. It’s about showing your true self in a way that brings value to the other person.
As I tell my clients before a first date, “Be an open book, not an open wound.”
This lets people know you’re human, genuine, and trustworthy, but it doesn’t overwhelm them with too much too soon.
Authenticity builds trust, and trust is the foundation of all great connections.
How many times have you been talking to someone who’s distracted—checking their phone, looking around the room, or thinking about something else? It doesn’t feel great.
That’s because people crave undivided attention in a world filled with digital distractions. Your presence is a gift, and when you give it to someone, it can instantly make them feel important and valued, and want to get to know you better.
The beauty of presence is simple: It’s not about what you say—it’s about how fully you’re engaged in the moment.
When you give your full attention, they’ll feel like they’re the most important person in the room. And that kind of connection is priceless.
The deepest emotional bonds happen when someone feels truly, emotionally understood. People don’t just want to be heard—they want to feel like you really “get” them.
A great way to do this is by finding emotional commonalities, not just factual ones. It’s nice to have “stuff” in common, but it’s more powerful to share feelings.
On my first date with my girlfriend Jessamin, we connected over shared feelings: We both love cats, dogs and cooking shows, and both we hate, hate, hate jogging.
When they tell you the answer, look for a shared emotional commonality, even if you don’t engage in the activity that they mention. Here’s an example:
You: “What lights you up more than anything?”
Them: “I just love to ski.”
You: “Really? Why? How does it feel?”
Them: “Well, when I’m flying down the slopes, I feel the adrenaline pumping. I’m so alive.”
You: “I feel exactly the same when I visit a new country! When the wheels touch down, I feel so pumped to explore a new world. I feel alive, too.”
Simple, right? Having STUFF in common is fine, but when you connect on a deeper emotion, you build a lasting bond. This way, you can connect with anyone over anything.
Use these triggers to get better at connecting today!
Dating coach Connell Barrett is the bestselling author of “Dating Sucks but You Don’t” and host of the “How to Get a Girlfriend Podcast.” DatingTransformation.com
He helps men connect with women by unlocking their most confident, authentic selves… NO creepy “pickup” tricks needed.
Connell has appeared on “Today” and “Good Morning America,” and in Best Life, Playboy and Cosmo. Named New York City’s “Best Dating Coach” by Datezie, Connell coaches for the Hily dating app and is an advisor to AskMen.
It’s not about money, status or pickup lines. It’s about authenticity—letting them connect with your true self.
