Connell Barrett:

Yeah. Don't be some fake alpha male masculine parody. You know, at best, it stifles growth. And at worst, it turns you into a guy who wears axe body spray and says bra and Baller.

Connell Barrett:

Welcome to the dating transformation podcast. Here's your host, dating coach, Connell Barrett. Alright. Welcome back to the dating transformation podcast.

Connell Barrett:

I am your host, dating coach, Connell Barrett. I'm the real life hitch. I help guys gain confidence, learn how to flirt and get great girlfriends, all by being what I call radically authentic. No creepy pickup moves. Being real, being genuine. Basically awakening that true best self. And I'm super psyched for this episode because we're doing another live coaching episode. And today's episode is really near and dear to my heart. Because you're about to witness me doing 1 of the most powerful things I do with men. When they work with me, which is to give them what I call the confidence code, which is to quite literally, not literally, almost literally, upload a new confidence software. So that in 60 minutes or less with my clients, I help them go from self doubt, struggling, Not sure if women like me to basically feeling like an 8, 09:10 out of 10 in self confidence. And a self confidence that lasts and sticks. So you're about to watch a process, a coaching process I take my guys through called the confidence code. And you're gonna see what we're about to do, I'm doing this with my brand new client, Nick. So Nick is a great guy. He's in his mid thirties. He has struggled with confidence. He doubts himself, tell me if this sounds like you. He feels like he's just not masculine or, quote, man enough for women, at least for quality women. He thinks that, oh, I'm not cool enough. I'm not alpha. I'm not badass enough. And that messes with its confidence And when your confidence is low, everything else gets a little bit wobbly. All of the flirting moves, all of the things that are fun to learn, like, how to flirt, what to say, how to get girls giggling, all that's well and good, and I love that. But if you don't have the inner game, the confident piece in place, all of those moves, it's like a house of cards built on sand. It's a very wobbly foundation. So what you're about to hear is something that you can do along with Nick if you'd like to. And you're gonna hear me basically uncover Nick. His core biggest sources of self doubt and feeling like he's not good enough for women. Now we're gonna flip it And you're gonna see in 60 minutes or less how he goes from feeling literally a 3 on a scale of 1 to 10 in terms of his confidence and worth 2 and 9. We literally triple his confidence. So if you wanna triple your self confidence, if you wanna feel incredibly worthy and sexy and magnetic and authentically you to women instead of feeling like, girls just don't like me. Listen up. So, by the way, Nick is a brand new client. This is our very first in-depth coaching call. So you're about to hear, essentially, what I do with all my guys, it's all about building a really rock solid foundation because women aren't looking to date just a guy with good, quote, unquote, lines and game She's looking to date a man who has that sense of worth, self esteem, what I call radical authenticity. And being in touch with your worthiness. So let's take it away. Get ready to upload a whole new confidence code for your dating life, Here is me and Nick. We're going deep. Get ready.

Connell Barrett:

I'm gonna read your minds. Ready? I'll bet that you would love to confidently approach women. Get great matches on the dating apps, flirt with charm, and attract your dream girlfriend. Right? But fear keeps you from approaching. You're not sure how to flirt. You struggle on the apps. And desirable women just don't seem into you. Well, I have great news. Dating coach, Connell Barrett, can help. He's guided thousands of men like you to more confidence and help them attract their dream girlfriends. So book a free strategy call today to see if Connell's coaching is right for you. On your call, Connell or a team member, will give you personalized advice to help you have more confidence, more dates, and more fun. Oh, and you'll be dating women as your best self, a charming gentleman. That's because Connell does not teach creepy pickup artists tricks. He unlocks your most confident self, so you can make authentic, romantic, connections. Your next steps? Book your free call today at dating transformation dot com forward slash contact, and grab a time that works for you. Then you'll be on your way to more confidence, better results, and attracting bright, beautiful women. Oh, so you know Soon, Connell will stop taking on new clients, so book a call today while you still can. Go to dating transformation dot com from slash contact and transform your love life. Bye. Okay.

Connell Barrett:

Nick Good to talk to you, man. What's up? Good to see you. How are you? Our first I'm good. Our first official coaching call. Cool. So here's what we're gonna do today. We're going to take a quick look at whatever we discover is a big potentially limiting belief you have about your sense of dating worth. Basically, what I wanna do is uncover potentially your biggest limiting belief and replace it with something that feels a lot better and will make it will just make you feel more confident, more excited, and more sort of stoked about going out to approach girls, go on dates, and just really take lots of action. How does that sound?

Nick:

Sounds great.

Connell Barrett:

Okay. Did you drink the half bottle of Scotch like I suggested for the prep?

Nick:

Fine. Fine. Oh, yeah. A couple glasses. Very cool. Because I wanna stay coherent.

Connell Barrett:

Alright. Cool. And, yeah, just so you know, what do I mean by beliefs? Beliefs are basically anything that we believe is certain and true about ourselves, and some beliefs are limiting. Some beliefs are not limiting. Some beliefs are true. Some beliefs are false. Some beliefs have somewhere kind of both truth and falseness to them. So, for example, I have a belief that I will never play quarterback for the Dallas Cowboys. I think there's a lot of truth in that belief. I don't think that's a limiting belief. I think it's true because I'm fifty two, and I've never played football in my life. So we're looking for specific beliefs that might either be false or maybe partial bullshit. So we can replace them with something that feels a lot better. So are you ready to roll?

Nick:

Yep.

Connell Barrett:

Okay. Cool. So my first question for you. And what we're doing here, by the way, it's a process that I call the confidence code. Essentially, I'm gonna give you for lack of a better term, cheat codes to find confidence from within and from inside. As opposed to drawing confidence about women and dating from external sources. Because we wanna be internally powered almost like a nuclear power plant as opposed to externally powered, like, solar power, drawing it from external sources. So this is all about giving you that confidence code to find confidence and a good mojo from within. So first question is pretty simple, which is what belief one or two or three possibilities we can look at before we dial in What are what are a couple of beliefs you have about yourself in relation to women and dating that you feel might be holding you back or that just make you feel sort of bad or low in confidence?

Nick:

I would say one belief slash fear is that I worry that the woman will sense that I'm not maybe not masculine or confident enough. Maybe she'll sense that I'm a little more on the shy side, like, shy slash sensitive. And when I start worrying about it, that makes me feel even more shy or not confident. So it's like a negative spiral that I go into.

Connell Barrett:

Okay. Got it. So I wrote down one possibility here. I'm not masculine enough to attract the kinds of women you're attracted to. Is that pretty close to it? Okay. Are there any other beliefs that pop up that get in your head a lot about literally anything other than what you just said? Because I wanna look at a couple options and just make sure that we're looking at sort of the biggest, baddest one.

Nick:

Yeah. I'm also kinda insecure about showing my interest to the girl because I feel as though it will automatically put me below her because girls and especially if they're attractive. They're they're used to guys showing a lot of interest in them. So I feel if I show interest, I'll be just like all the other guys that have, you know, shown interest in her. And so auto automatically put me in that category of, like, every other guy. And basically not not seeing me as good enough for him. Okay. Got it.

Connell Barrett:

And there's two. So I'm not masculine or attractive. Sorry. I'm not masculine or man enough to attract the kinds of desirable women that I want. Number two, I'm afraid if I show romantic interest, she'll lose romantic interest. Mhmm. Anything else, or are those the two biggest ones that come to mind? Well, I guess physical attractiveness

Nick:

I don't think I'm a bad looking guy, but I haven't had a whole lot of success with online dating even though I think I have pretty decent photos, but there's obviously room for improvement. But since I've had so little success in online dating, it kinda carries over into the real world too. And I think well, these girls don't like me when they see my good pictures, so why would they like me in person?

Connell Barrett:

Okay. And if a woman saw your pictures on a dating app and decided she didn't like you, what would that mean in your mind or at least when you're thinking these thoughts? What does that mean?

Nick:

That I'm not attractive enough to date the kinds of women that I find attractive.

Connell Barrett:

Not physically attractive enough or masculine enough or

Nick:

combination. Well, if we're talking about pictures, it's more physical attractiveness.

Connell Barrett:

Okay. Okay. Got it. So the belief there is it safe to say is something close to this. I am not physically attractive enough to attract women I'm into on dating apps.

Nick:

Right. And in the real world.

Connell Barrett:

Okay. Got it. Alright. So we have 3 beliefs here. I'm not masculine enough to attract women. If I show interest, I might lose their interest, come across as needy and try hard, basically. Right? Yeah. And then the third 1 is about, oh, I'm not good looking enough, not attractive enough on the apps. So the first and the third belief are sort of our 2 finalists. The middle 1 about, oh, I'm afraid if I show romantic interest, you'll lose interest. That is a belief that is associated with what you think good mechanics are. And now I do believe that this is a limiting belief. However, a mechanics based belief typically is not as debilitating and shitty feeling as something that's about you, what I call an identity belief. Basically, I'm not good enough. Right? So for example, I used to get My biggest limiting belief back in the day, Nick, was I am just too introverted to be soft spoken and dorky. To approach and attract women. That felt crushing to me as opposed to, oh, I'm not, I'm not quite sure how to flirt, what to say I might do it wrong. That limited me too, but that felt like something that was learnable as opposed to something about me. So, typically, what will make this confidence code really be the most powerful experience for you is we look at something that's about you, Nick, and that internal identity, worth, and value offer women. So we got it down to 2 final 2, and then we'll actually do the process here. So Let me just say these to you and imagine these were going through your head when you're out in the world dating. And tell me which of these feels more debilitating and heavier, and fuck. It sucks. Number 1, I'm just not masculine enough. I'm not man enough. For the kinds of women to be attracted to me. Number 2, I'm just not good looking enough to attract women, especially on dating apps. I don't have the looks. Which of those 2 feels like a deeper, heavier shittier?

Nick:

Probably the first .

Connell Barrett:

Okay. Got it. Then let's go with this one because when looking up a quick inside baseball thing, we'll do the process. There's basically two kinds of beliefs. One is identity belief, and the other is what's called a worldview belief. Meaning how the world works. Okay? And so this belief that you have, which may or may not be limiting, it's just a belief. Let's find out in a second. But this is what I call an identity belief because it's about you as a man and relating to your worth and value to women. And these are these kinds of beliefs that are usually the most powerful to fix because wherever you go, there you are. Right? So we wanna make sure we have that handled. So cool. Let's go a little bit deeper on this. Okay. So here's what we're gonna do. I'll probably repeat this belief a few times. So me, you, Nick, I'm just not masculine enough. I'm not man enough to attract the kinds of women I'm into. Okay. Here's a thought experiment. Imagine you're in a courtroom, and you are an attorney standing in front of a jury. And you're making your opening statement. And your opening statement is, I am just me, Nick, I am just not masculine or man enough to attract Wonderful women. Make your case. In other words, what is your evidence that this is true? Or what stories do you tell yourself to justify this belief? Basically, back this case up with evidence. The courtroom floor is yours. Go ahead.

Nick:

Well, firstly, I was never super physically strong compared to other guys. Even though I do go to the gym once or twice a week, but just going back to childhood and up to this day, I never felt like I was quite physically as strong as a lot of other men. And I was always especially as a teenager, I was super skinny. So that also kinda contributed to this belief that I'm just not physically strong enough. Also, I was never much of a risk taker. I was always more on the cautious side. And have a tendency to kinda overthink and analyze things. I was never, like, a daredevil slash, you know, reckless risk taker.

Connell Barrett:

And -- Not a risk taker. Okay? Right.

Nick:

I was always more on the sensitive side. Like, emotionally, I would be more sensitive than the average guy, I feel. And I also have a tendency to be an introverted slash on the Shai side, like you mentioned, similar to your previous belief.

Connell Barrett:

Okay. Alright. Interesting. So I'm your co counsel, by the way, in the courtroom. And I'm gonna take a moment and say, hey, Nick. So just to remind you, we're here to make a case. And the case is that you are not masculine or man enough to attract quality women. So make sure you backup that proposition because so far, you haven't mentioned women once. Your evidence has not mentioned anything about women. So hit me. What's your evidence that women do not find you masculine or man enough. Okay. Floor is yours again.

Nick:

I guess I just assumed that all these things I listed make me less masculine compared to my competition, and therefore, a woman will likely choose more masculine guys rather than myself.

Connell Barrett:

Interesting. You just said, I just assume. Yeah.

Nick:

Well, also, there was a girl back in freshman year of college that I was -- Okay. Go ahead. -- interested in. And back then, I was super skinny, like, on the borderline underway. And we got along really well, but she was just a gender friend owning me, and I thought that part of the reason was that I was too skinny. And she actually mentioned me being super skinny a couple times.

Connell Barrett:

So I thought that has something to do with it. Okay. So a girl in college friend zoned you and mentioned you being skinny.

Nick:

Yeah.

Connell Barrett:

When she dumped you, did she say it's because you're skinny? She never dumped me. She was just friends with me and, like, we were friends. Oh, I'm sorry. Friend. Okay. Got it. So she didn't actually do so when her friend zoned you, did she say, sorry, Nick. You're a little skinny for me. We're just gonna be friends.

Nick:

No. She gave me a bullshit reason saying that she doesn't wanna ruin our friendship. But, obviously, I knew that was just the cover up But she did mention me being skinny a couple of times. Okay. But, you know -- Alright.

Connell Barrett:

Okay. So far, you've got in terms of evidence, for this core belief that weighs you down, you've got a girl in college who said you were skinny and didn't wanna date you. Mhmm. Any other hard evidence? Because the court because the judge is looking, the judge is the one some of the guys in the jury are yawning. The judge is cleaning his glasses and coughing. Remember, you're in a court here. You're here to say, here is rock solid evidence and proof that I am not man enough, and I am just not masculine enough to date quality women. What else have you got?

Nick:

I mean, a woman never directly told me that I'm not masculine enough. But because they don't give you a reason why they reject it, typically. It's just something I assumed might be part of the problem.

Connell Barrett:

Okay. There's that word again. I'm assuming. Let me just ask you a couple questions. I'm just curious. I'm trying to help you make your case because I'm your co-counsel. How many women have said to you, Nick, in so many words, Nick, You're just not masculine enough for me. You're too sensitive.

Nick:

Well, my first girlfriend mentioned that. She didn't break up with me because of it, but she did mention one time that I'm a little feminine. That was years ago, though, so I feel I have changed a lot since then. But that was, like, twelve years ago or eleven.

Connell Barrett:

Okay. So you're in court trying to prove something beyond a reasonable doubt. Oh, wait. Well, let's use the word let's use the phrase man enough. Because you mentioned that to me last week. I just don't feel man enough. How many women have said you are, quote, not man enough for me?

Nick:

Zero.

Connell Barrett:

Zero? I'm confused. Because you have this core belief. I'm not masculine or man enough to attract quality women. So how many women have said it? You said a thousand or or ?

Nick:

Zero.

Connell Barrett:

Interesting. By the way, I don't know if this belief is true or false. We're just looking for evidence to support it. So far, I don't feel physically strong. We've got I just assume women who weren't into me, it's because of this reason. I'm on the sensitive side. Fair enough. And you're a grown college friend zoned you. Any other evidence to back up your big court case?

Nick:

No.

Connell Barrett:

Okay. Just curious. I hope you're getting paid a lot by your client. Okay. Oh, by the way, quick sidebar. No court pun intended. Quick sidebar. So if this belief feels especially true and also just, like, cemented and hard to fix. It's because not only is it an identity belief, but I'm just not man enough, not just good enough. There's also a supposition in this belief. Which is that idea of a worldview belief. This is how the world works. This is how other people think. And so, basically, what this belief is telling you is from inside out, I'm not good enough. And also your belief is saying to you, all these women in the world, they want a man who is masculine and and man enough. That's what all women want or at least quality women. Yeah. If it feels, like, doubly intense, it's because you've got, like, an internal thing and also external force basically saying, hey. Every woman in the world wants masculine and manly, and I'm not that. And that's why it can feel sorta like a double decker shit sandwich. I know. Okay. Right. Moving on. Next question. What is this belief, this belief about not being masculine or man enough, what does this belief do for you, or how does it serve you or help you? And let me clarify this. This is not a trick question. When we have a belief, even if it's potentially a limiting one, The reason why these beliefs can take hold is because they give us something. They can give us a certain sense of something, or they can all protect us from pain. So for example, my belief back in the day was I am just too nerdy and introverted. To be able to approach women. In other words, I thought I wasn't good enough. And my belief allowed me to not approach not to take action because I didn't wanna find out that I wasn't good enough. I remember one night, about fifteen years ago, I was going out to approach women for the first time in my life. I'd made a decision. I leave my apartment on a Friday night, I'm walking down the block to go meet girls, and I stop halfway down the block. And I said to myself, you know what? You should really go back home and finish writing that article that's due for your job on Monday. Yeah. Go back and finish that. You can approach girls tomorrow. So I went back home, and I I wrote I'm sure a really good article for the magazine I worked for. So my belief about my being not good enough to approach women gave me the reason to instead do something that I felt I felt confident in, okay, which is writing. Another quick example, sometimes a belief just gives a guy certainty about how the world works. So I had a client named Anthony, who his main belief was women only wanna date really, really rich guys. Yeah. And I'm not rich enough. And I said, okay. How does that belief give you? And he said, oh, well, it gives me a sense of superiority. At least I'm not shallow like all those people. He actually said, it makes me feel like I'm a monk on a hill, and I get to look down on everybody and be better than them. So his belief in a weird way was giving him something. Anyway, sorry for that long winded disc discourse. So when you think about oh, I'm just not masculine or man enough. When you buy into that belief, What does it either allow you to do that feels good, or what does it keep you from doing that maybe shields you from pain or shields you from discomfort?

Nick:

I would say probably similar to you that it gives me a reason not to approach, especially if I'm at the bar at night. I see my competition, and I see a decent amount of guys that I think are more physically strong and maybe more masculine looking or more attractive. So having that belief allows me a reason not to try to approach because I think, you know, it's probably not gonna work because I'm not as good as some of my competition.

Connell Barrett:

Okay. And so is it fair to say that the belief keeps you from taking action that could be painful

Nick:

Exactly.

Connell Barrett:

Yeah. Okay. So it shields you from pain? Yeah. Okay. Anything else it gives you? No. I'm not looking for anything. Just wanna find out. Anything it gives you or shields you from?

Nick:

Guess it gives me something to work on, maybe worse. Like, if I can become physically strong or -- Okay. Masculine. Like, there's something to strive for.

Connell Barrett:

Kinda like, oh, women want a masculine badass man. I better work and try to be that. And whatever. Hit the gym or work on my masculinity or whatever. Something like that? Yeah. Okay. Interesting. So that that actually is a form of kind of value, for lack of a better term. Basically, a limiting belief in it the reason why it stays burrowed in our minds is it pays the rent in a weird way. It gives us something or it shields us from something we don't wanna deal with. And that's partially why it can stay present, but potentially at a very steep cost. So let's talk about that. Next question then. So this belief, again, I'll say it a couple more times, that you're just not masculine or man enough to attract quality, attractive women. How do you feel about yourself when you really feel this belief? How does it feel? What does it cost you?

Nick:

Makes me feel inferior, disempowered, and also kinda hopeless about my dating prospects.

Connell Barrett:

Okay. Hopeless and disempowered in what sense? Can you just elaborate a little bit?

Nick:

Disempowered us, and I'm unable to attract the woman that I want because I feel I'm not good enough or masculine enough in that sense. Okay. Hopeless because I assume that, you know, most women aren't gonna be into me. And so I'm probably not gonna be date not gonna be able to date the kinds of women that I really want.

Connell Barrett:

Okay. Got it. So when you really buy into this belief, it just makes you feel hopeless, unable to take action or, sorry, unable to fix this. What a pity. What were a couple other adjectives you use? I just wanna get clear on this. Disempowered. Disempowered. Thank you. Inferior -- Yep. -- to

Nick:

more attract the more masculine then.

Connell Barrett:

Okay. Yep. I remember feeling so inferior. I remember going out to a bar or a club back in the day before you approached a girl just imagining it, I would look at that charismatic guy and I would think, oh, man. I'm not as good as him. So I just felt less than. I felt smaller. I felt -- Yeah. -- stuck, super stuck. Yep. Why are all those girls flirting with those guys? What about me? Why can't I be like them? Compare, you know, compare creates despair.

Nick:

Exactly. Got it. Okay.

Connell Barrett:

Alright. I wanna do a little exercise with you. I'm gonna do it with you pretty much. Although, you're gonna you're gonna stand I'm not because I need to be close to my mic, but I'm gonna ask you to stand up. Okay. And I'm gonna ask you to take on a physical pose. 1 second. Let me just Make sure my mic is good. Okay. I want you to stand in a certain way. I want you to stand with your feet together. Take a feminine, quote, unquote, feminine stance. In other words, feet together, knees together. And I also want you to slump your shoulders a little bit. I want you to stand kinda slouch, hunt your back, make it a question mark, and tell me when you're in that position. Okay? Yeah. I'm in that position. Okay. Yeah. And let your arms hang. Now this is not gonna be fun, but it's gonna be really helpful. So I'm gonna ask you to give this a hundred percent. Okay? Stay in that position. Stay small. Stay hunched. And for the next 30 to 45 seconds, I'm gonna ask you to say what I say and mirror the way I say it. So don't just repeat the word. Say it with my tone of voice. Okay? Okay. Here we go. I'm gonna do it with you. And so do whatever I say, whatever I say and also make whatever sounds I make. So starting right now, in 3 seconds, just make the noises and the sounds and the words I make. Okay? Here we go. Yeah. Yeah. Fuck. Fuck. I am just not man enough for really hot girls.

Nick:

I'm just not mad enough for really hot girls.

Connell Barrett:

I feel so disempowered.

Nick:

I feel so disempowered.

Connell Barrett:

Look at all those men, and I'm not a man. I'm small.

Nick:

Look at all these men, and I'm not a man. I'm small.

Connell Barrett:

This is not fixable. I'm hopeless.

Nick:

This is not fixable. I'm hopeless.

Connell Barrett:

Great job. Keep it going. I want even more emotional commitment in your voice. Okay? So really mirror me. This is unfixable.

Nick:

This is unfixable.

Connell Barrett:

I'm too sensitive. My muscles are too small.

Nick:

I'm too sensitive. My muscles are too small.

Connell Barrett:

I'm not a risk taker.

Nick:

I'm not a risk taker.

Connell Barrett:

Too feminine. I'm like a woman.

Nick:

Too feminine. I like women.

Connell Barrett:

Women want a man, and I'm just too feminine. I'm too lady. Like, why would they want me?

Nick:

Women want a man. I'm just too ladylike. Like, I'm why would they want me?

Connell Barrett:

Jesus Christ. This sucks.

Nick:

Jesus Christ. It sucks.

Connell Barrett:

Why bother?

Nick:

Why bother?

Connell Barrett:

Hold that for 10 more seconds. Okay? Think about the girl in college friend zoned you. Think about gorgeous women with other outgoing people compared to you. Hold that for 5 more seconds. K. Right now, on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being really low, unattractive, not a man, 10 being a fucking amazing superhero. What number are you at right now?

Connell Barrett:

Rejection, ghosting, loneliness, lack of dates, and lack of confidence. For many men, dating just sucks. But it doesn't have to. There's a simple yet powerful way to gain instant confidence and attract a great girlfriend. Be radically authentic. It's all laid out in the number one Amazon best selling book. Dating sucks, but you don't. Your step by step guide to attracting wonderful women and doing it with total authenticity. Author and dating coach, Connell Barrett, has had and fixed all the dating problems that you struggle with. He's also helped thousands of men gain confidence and find love. He's put his best tips and strategies into dating sucks, but you don't so that you can confidently approach women and get dates. Become magnetic and attractive even if you're not tall or great looking. Always know what to say to make sparks fly. Get lots of great matches and dates on the dating apps and attract your dream woman. You can find dating sucks, but you don't on Amazon. Or wherever books are sold in paperback, Kindle, and audiobook. Getting dating sucks, but you don't today. To transform your confidence and find your dream girl.

Nick:

Like three

Connell Barrett:

Okay. Got it. Please return to your seated neutral position. Thanks for doing that. Yep. So why did we do that? I didn't do it because I was trying to be a dick. I promise. Thank you. Thanks for stepping up and doing something that's not fun. The reason why we did that is I want you to feel the cost, the emotional cost and consequence in your body in your mind emotionally of how that feels to to really suck to to be sucked into that I'm not man and masculine enough belief. Basically, I want you to start I want you on this call to get a feeling for, well, that did that fucking like, did that just fucking suck? Yeah. Very much. How hard would it be to approach a woman feeling at three out of ten?

Nick:

Pretty hard. Borderline if possible.

Connell Barrett:

Right. Exactly. And how attractive did you just feel? Had you walked up to a woman through sheer, you know Well, power.

Nick:

Yeah. Very, yeah, very unattractive.

Connell Barrett:

Right. So the purpose of that is to get clear on the pain and consequences that this belief takes on you. It's kinda like you go to the doctor. You're smoking a couple packs a day for about fifteen years. I want you to see the spot on your lung. I don't want you to have a spot on your lung, but I want you to see it. Mhmm. So you can say, fuck this. I gotta get rid of these cigarettes. Kinda like we need to get rid of this mindset, this core disempowering belief. By the way, one last shitty part of this call, and then we'll have some fun. The way you just felt right then and there, Is it is it possible or even probable that feeling something like that has that kept you from approaching women? Has it kept you from taking action?

Nick:

Oh, absolutely.

Connell Barrett:

What are some potential prices you've paid, consequences you've paid for feeling the way you just felt? Are is it possible women you've they're women you could have approached and succeeded with but didn't because of the way you just felt? Because of that belief?

Nick:

Yeah. I usually don't even try, so that probably prevents me from potentially getting some success at least. Yeah. And, also, having that fear is is also self fulfilling prophecy because if I do go on a date and I'm super worried about not being masculine or confident enough, That just puts me more in my head, makes me very not confident. And then -- Yeah. -- the girl can probably sense that, and then it's just It just proves my original beliefs. It's like a -- Right. -- solves the belief perhaps. So you feel how that belief

Connell Barrett:

can hurt your posture, your confidence, your sense of certainty and belief with a woman, and how that can actually create the friend zone type situation on a on the rare dates you do have.

Nick:

Yeah.

Connell Barrett:

Right? Good. Not that it's happening, but good that you're clear on it. Because only when our site cology, our brains say, woah. This is way too costly. This belief is costing you love, action, sex, success, relationships. Maybe it's made you settle either for being alone or for women you're not that excited about. Possible, if not probable, that's been a a side effect of this belief.

Nick:

Yeah.

Connell Barrett:

Not to mention just kinda walking through life, feeling like it at two or three or four. That doesn't that just fucking sucks. Right? Cool. Yeah. Thanks for doing that. Yeah. We gotta get clear on consequences. Okay. And back back in my day, when I was doing this myself, I just remember thinking, oh my god. There's so many gorgeous, cool, amazing women in New York City who I didn't even talk to. It cost me dates, confidence, love, stories, adventures, and it really was taking a big toll on me. So it's a good thing to get clear on. Okay. Now let's have some fun. Let's talk about how we fix this. Let's get that confidence code in place. So here has here's how we're gonna do it. We're gonna go back to the courtroom. And except now, you have a slight you have a very different role. You are, like, a prosecuting or a cross examining attorney, and you're about to cross examine the witness. Sort of like have you ever seen the movie A Few Good Men, Tom Cruise? No. Jack Nicholson? Oh, amazing movie. Tom Cruise gets Jack Nicholson's character to basically totally crumble on the witness stand. Pokes his story, pokes so many holes in the story, he just totally crumbles. We're gonna do the same thing with your limiting belief, or at least we're gonna see how much we can make it crumble. And you're gonna be Tom Cruise. You're gonna be the cross examining attorney, and I'll be your co counsel. And -- Cool. -- and here's here's what we're gonna do. So think of the think of the this old belief. I'll say it one more time. You, Nick, you're just not masculine. Man enough to attract high quality women. Think of that belief as sitting in the witness stand. And your job is to poke some holes in the story. Here are some ways you can we can do that. You might ask, what's some counter evidence What's some evidence that's counter to the story? You might also ask, what might be untrue about this belief? Could it be a misinterpretation? Is it a hundred percent true, a hundred percent of the time with every woman in the world? Basically, how is the story either partial or total bullshit? I'll help you. Along the way, but you start give me some counter evidence. The courtroom floor is yours, counselor.

Nick:

Well, I am six  feet tall, and a lot of women would would think that's kinda masculine because they prefer taller men, and they associate that with masculinity in a way.

Connell Barrett:

Awesome.

Nick:

Great start. I'm a healthy weight now, so I'm no longer that borderline underweight teenager young adult. That I used to be. Okay.

Connell Barrett:

What do you mean? I do have some muscles.

Nick:

I weigh 180 pounds.

Connell Barrett:

Okay.

Nick:

I used to weigh : back in the day.

Connell Barrett:

You're 50 pounds heavier than your skinny youth?

Nick:

Yes.

Connell Barrett:

I didn't know that. That's amazing. Alright. Very cool. Somebody's been hitting the the protein.

Nick:

The the weight room or the protein the protein powder.

Connell Barrett:

Okay. Very cool.  6 feet tall,  180. What else? What else you got?

Nick:

I used to practice kickboxing, and I was 15 1 at the time, and I remember I was doing this drill with this big muscular guy who would go pretty hard on me even though I was only 15. He was, like, 29, I believe.

Connell Barrett:

Okay. And

Nick:

I remember he, like, hit me in the jaw, and a piece of my upper tooth chipped off, but I didn't even feel it. And then -- Okay. -- another another guy in my kickboxing class after the class He actually complimented me saying that I'm a very strong guy.

Connell Barrett:

Alright. I love it. Give me 1 more. Any any piece of counter evidence, and then I'll give you a couple more ideas to play around with. Because we got 6 feet tall kickboxer. Having teeth busted out. That's what's manlier than that. 50 pounds of muscle more than back in the day or 50 pounds of lots of muscle. Yeah.

Nick:

help us just myself. No. It's actually not, but that'll be nice. I like being dominant in the bedroom. Okay. So I'm  the rare occasion that I do have the opportunity. I stop -- -- on it in the bedroom.

Connell Barrett:

What kind of stuff do you say in bed to a a girl?

Nick:

Nothing too inappropriate, but I just show dominance.

Connell Barrett:

Oh, like, more like kinda like the like the way you move?

Nick:

Yeah.

Connell Barrett:

Okay. Got it. Okay. Awesome. Great. So we've got some great pieces of counter evidence that show a guy with some really masculine traits here. Right? I've never kickboxed. Okay. I am six feet tall. I never lost a tooth. Why am I feeling so inferior next to you all of a sudden? I don't know why. Cool. Let's go back to that core belief. Let's look at the let's look at the belief itself. Because I love what you said here. You basically said, hey. Women want masculine men, and I have a lot more going for me than maybe I focus on. But let's look at the belief itself. What is your vision of a, quote, masculine man enough man In other words, what is the archetype that you think women want?

Nick:

So someone Well, tall is good, but also someone kinda wide really broad shoulders and really muscular arms. My arms are pretty skinny. So so muscular arms, big shoulders, That's the physical part. And then personality wise, I would say, Also, like, someone with a broader face, bigger jawline.

Connell Barrett:

Okay. Can you give me -- -- physical pros. Paint a picture for me. What kind of famous person represents what went in law according to your belief or old belief. Is it I'm just make I mean,

Nick:

You tell me. You tell me. I like Gerard Gerard Butler. You know that. I I kinda like Gerard Butler. He seems very alpha.

Connell Barrett:

Okay. Gotcha. So is it possible that plenty of women would love a Gerard Butler type. Is it also possible that a lot of high quality beautiful women don't want a Gerard Butler type?

Nick:

Maybe.

Connell Barrett:

Is it possible? I think so. What a good lawyers do. Isn't it possible Isn't it possible? By the way, all we need to really crush this belief is doubt, reasonable doubt, just like a courtroom. So stick with me on this. So It's possible that some women are into the JRR Butler type, and some women is it possible some women like, he's a big glute in my mind. Mhmm. Do I look like Gerard do I have a Gerard Butler's size and muscles? No. Have I been with, as far as you know, a stupid number of women?

Nick:

Yes.

Connell Barrett:

But wait a second. I don't I don't look like Gerard Butler. I'm a I'm a skinny, nerdy, chicken legged ginger guy. I wear extra slim jeans. They're so slim. I like women's jeans. Is it possible that some women like my type and some other women like a Gerard Butler type?

Nick:

Yeah. That must be the case.

Connell Barrett:

Yeah. Do you see is it possible that because when I said, hey. What's your kinda the the Platonic ideal of what you've created, your old belief is created, It sounds to me like your old your old belief has created, oh, I've gotta be a Gerard Butler type. That's what women want. Is it possible that, sure, there's some truth in that? Some women might love that, and some women might be repulsed by and just not be into that at all and want something very different.

Nick:

That's possible.

Connell Barrett:

Have you ever seen a really attractive beautiful woman out in the world and she was with a guy who had was not up to our bowler type.

Nick:

Yeah. Yeah.

Connell Barrett:

Do you remember who? Remember where?

Nick:

No. Just, like, random people on the street. Okay. Well, I actually do know I used to have a crush on this young young professor in college not in college in grad school. And I assumed her husband must be this big macho guy. And then I found him on the Internet, and he was, like, this short, very chubby, bald balding, unattractive guy. And I was like, woah. Okay. What happened over there?

Connell Barrett:

Sorry. This this guy was with with what woman?

Nick:

So I used to have a crush on this universe young university professor. At university. -- beautiful? Yeah. Okay.

Connell Barrett:

He is -- Got it. He is her husband. Got it. So do you see how this belief has created I'm not saying you consciously think this, but it's there. Oh, women want a Gerard Butler type, and I'm not that. Mhmm. That equals feeling, like, a 3 feeling shitty. But you've got short, chubby, unique university guys who have a really attractive girlfriend. You've got me skinny 52 year old lost Weasly brother. I've had crazy success with women. And Gerard Butler could probably snap me in half. So do you see how the actual belief itself is creating this this unrealistic or at least oversimplified and and maybe, like, kinda raise the bar for what you think women all women want in terms of a masculine, quote, unquote, man?

Nick:

Yeah.

Connell Barrett:

Yeah. Is Pete Davidson? Is he a Gerard Butler type? No. How is he doing?

Nick:

Oh my god. Pretty well for himself.

Connell Barrett:

Exactly. Exactly. So the thing about a limiting belief let me just kinda cut to the chase here. What a limiting belief does is it paints 4000000000 women with 1 brush. Mhmm. Oh, all women or at least all quality women, your definition, wants this thing. Is it you're a smart guy with a lot of, like, psychology background, and you're very well read. I think you know a lot about how our minds work. Is it very, very, very likely that lots of different women have lots of different blueprints for what they want.

Nick:

I don't think so. Yeah.

Connell Barrett:

Yeah. I remember like, my girlfriend is it possible that a woman might fall for you and the value offer her. And then she might select something that gives her the masculine essence she likes, but that he doesn't have to be jaw or bowler.

Nick:

Yeah.

Connell Barrett:

Yeah. I mean, III have relatively nice biceps. I'm sorry. What are the ones on the outside triceps? Right? Like, outside? Once here? Biceps. I'm on triceps right here. Triceps. Triceps. Tries -- So I'm I'm not a muscular guy at all. I I'm more Jerry Seinfeld than Gerard Butler. But my girlfriend, Jess, is like, oh, I like your arms. Your arms look good. You hit the gym today. That's enough for a lot of women. So do you see how your old belief is basically painting all quality women with the same I wanted Gerard Butler type of brush?

Nick:

Yeah.

Connell Barrett:

Now I'm I'm not saying there's no truth in your belief. Yeah. Masculinity, quote, unquote manliness, Absolutely. That's something that I would say a majority of women want some amount of. But it's gonna change from woman to woman as opposed to all women wanting 1 thing. And by the way, it's but in terms of the masculine manliness that you do offer, 6 feet, 180 kickboxer, busted tooth. I'm getting turned on. Just talking to you. You're so masculine. Oh, no. And let's remember in that beginning of the call, when I said, hey. What's your evidence for this? A lot of assumptions. Right? Yeah. A lot of assumptions, a lot of painting with a really broad brush. And the fact is you're you're a lot more manly in masculine than you might realize, but you're not focused on that. You're focused on, oh, look how look how how much I fall short from Gerard Butler or, you know, whatever the ideal is. And so you see how when you really buy into that, you take action or inaction from that state. And you end up creating a self fulfilling prophecy where you're like, well, I wanna go up to her, but I'm not Gerard Butler. And I'm feminine and sensitive, and that you create the crappy, shitty outcome that you're afraid of. Either it's not approaching or maybe you maybe you do man up. God bless you for the action you have taken, but you got that internal voice just screaming at you. You're not enough. You're not Gerard. But do you see but do you see all the counter evidence that your old belief is bullshit or at least or at least very flawed.

Nick:

Yeah. Yeah.

Connell Barrett:

Yeah. Let me ask you this. Is it possible that there are a lot of quality women who like kickboxing healthy six foot tall dominant in bed intelligent, cool men with -- Yes. -- sense of humor?

Nick:

Yeah. Unfortunately, they don't find out the dominant duct part later. So that's unfortunate. But yeah.

Connell Barrett:

Okay. Got it. Does this make sense? Have you again, I'm not saying this is gonna magically transform in this moment, but do you see oh, wait a minute. There's some bit do you see the holes in your story? Feel free to disagree with me.

Nick:

No. I do.

Connell Barrett:

For sure. Totally. Are there lots of different ways to be masculine? Beam asking with your voice. Beam asking with your actions. You can be really blunt candid. Get is is flirting with women a way of being masculine.

Nick:

Yeah.

Connell Barrett:

Potentially. Yeah. So so I think what you've done is you've constructed this very narrow definition of what masculine man is that every woman wants. You can't be Gerard Butler. You can only be Nick, but you can be the most badass fucking awesome relatively masculine, but also sensitive version of Nick. And then what we wanna do is kinda just get that guy to come out and then you might be amazed at how much women love that guy. Okay. So let's have some fun now. Let's ask a very simple I have a very simple question for you. Let's say just hypothetically thought experiment. Let's say this belief just left your head. It was just gone. The old belief. You are free of it. How would that feel And what could you do if that weight of I'm not man enough was gone? What would that what what could you do with that?

Nick:

Definitely would feel more powerful and confident. And I have moments where I feel that way when I believe kind of falls off temporarily. K. And I feel more masculine and dominant, and it makes me feel much more powerful, confident, and hopeful about my prospects. So, basically, the the opposite of having that belief.

Connell Barrett:

Great. If that belief was gone, would it be so much easier for you to approach some really cute girls?

Nick:

Yes.

Connell Barrett:

Would you be a lot less hesitant and hopeful or at least not scared has scared of rejection?

Nick:

I think so. Although, I'll probably feel that I don't wanna I believe. So even though I might internally feel that I'm masculine at the moment, I would I would be afraid that if I approach and she rejects me that it's gonna burst my belief. Then I'm gonna go back to fueling. Not good enough. You know what I mean? Okay.

Connell Barrett:

Got it. Well, just stick with the with the what if here. What if the the thought the old thought just vanished? You were free of that. And you knew it was bullshit. It was just gone. Would it would the with so much of the approaching fear and the hopelessness, would that all diminish if not disappear? Yeah. I would think so. Yeah. Okay. Let's do something right now that is more powerful than just removing it. Let's replace it. Let's replace it with drum roll, please, your confidence code. Essentially, a new belief that will replace the old one and then essentially make you feel a lot more confident, a lot more excited, a lot more hopeful. And, also, this is something that's true. It's gotta be something that's true or at least that feels more true. So what is Let's think of it this way. Let's think of a belief that is a mere opposite. Of the old one. So for example, my old belief back in the day was I am just too introverted and dorky and nerdy to attract to approach and attract women. And my new belief was basically It read like this, a lot of really attractive quality women are into me. Because I am. And so it's great to have an I'm statement. Because I am intelligent. So instead of nerdy, I said, I'm intelligent. I'm funny. I'm I'm a cool edgy nerd, little bit of a hipster. And a lot of women love intelligent witty funny guys. And just focusing on that made me feel very differently. So, yeah, well, let's let's brainstorm something for you right now. I'm gonna ask you to start What what belief if you had it in your system would feel like an emotional fuel cell and make you smile and go, this feels great. Even if you don't believe it right now, what what might that be hypothetically?

Nick:

Does that have to be, like, the exact opposite of the my masculine belief? Or could it be anything that's

Connell Barrett:

It can be a mirror opposite. I like it to be all it has to we just want it to be something that feels really good. And that at least in theory makes you go, yeah. That fucking feels good. I wanna go test drive this. And it can be the opposite of the old one, or it could be something different that replaces the old one That's fine. But it should be it should be reflective of your worth and value that you offer. That's the one thing we want it to be because this is an identity belief. Okay?

Nick:

Okay. I would say something like a lot of women would find me attractive because I am tall, intelligent, charming, and a gentleman, but also dominant with the Nice. This is great.

Connell Barrett:

A lot of women find will find me attractive because I'm tall, A gentleman? What was it again?

Nick:

Tall, intelligent, charming.

Connell Barrett:

Okay.

Nick:

And a gentleman, but also dominant in the book.

Connell Barrett:

Nice. Do women tend to like men with this dominant side? Yes. Do you feel? I agree. Do women like intelligence? All things equal. Do they like a man who's do they want a man who's intelligent or stupid?

Nick:

I think intelligence.

Connell Barrett:

I think it's a lot of things. Yeah. Do they tend to want dominant or submissive and really wimpy?

Nick:

Probably dominant.

Connell Barrett:

Right. Do they want a scumbag who doesn't focus on her at all in terms of noticing how she feels, or does she want a true gentleman?

Nick:

Hopefully, the latter, I guess, it depends on the point.

Connell Barrett:

Alright. If we pulled a hundred women and we said, do you want a dirtbag or do you want a gentleman? What do you think most women would say?

Nick:

Probably gentleman.

Connell Barrett:

Okay. That was a long pause. So here is here's your old belief. I'm just not masculine and man enough to attract quality women. Here's your new belief. A lot of women would be attracted to me because I'm tall, intelligent, a gentleman, and I have a dominant side in bed. Now which of those two if you could if a if a a objective person on the street walked over to us and we read the them these two beliefs, what do you think most rational, reasonable people would say, or which beliefs feels more true to the average person, do you think?

Nick:

About me?

Connell Barrett:

About people in general. Let's say they don't know you. Let's say that base because basically your old belief is Every woman wants masculine, super masculine, Gerard Butler Manley type. That's your that's essentially your old belief. Your new belief is lots of women like guys like me who were tall, gentlemanly intelligent, and dominant in bed. Which would which would most people say is more true?

Nick:

Probably the second one

Connell Barrett:

Okay. So your kinda rational logical mind can look at that and say, yeah. That seems that seems like it makes sense.

Nick:

Yeah. Seems reasonable.

Connell Barrett:

Okay. Cool. Alright. And what do you want more? What do you want more? Do you want your old belief more? The Gerard Butler belief that makes you feel like a three? Or do you wanna feel like a tall, intelligent, attractive, worthy, sexy gentleman.

Nick:

Tall, intelligent, attractive, worthy, sexy gentlemen. Ding ding ding ding. Good answer.

Connell Barrett:

The truth is you can't have both. You gotta choose 1. You cannot have this whole belief and still and then get the results you want. Because even even if you magically started approaching women and getting dates with them, guess what? That 3 out of 10 Gerard Butler bullshit story is still inside of you. So good answer. You did the right answer. Okay. Now let's get this belief in your system. Let's let's basically upload the software. Let's upload the confidence code So I'm gonna ask you to stand up again, but now we're gonna do it very differently. And same same process, but I'm gonna ask you to stand differently. So stand up. And I want you to man spread with your legs. Stand nice and tall. Okay? And you know what? We've been talking for oh my god. We are. Okay. We're going way late. We're an hour in. We're almost done, but we've spent the last hour being very logical, very analytical. So I want you to just take 10 seconds. I want you to shake your body out, move your arms. Take a couple deep breaths with me. Basically, get out of your head. Getting nice. Awesome. Get into your body with me. Nice deep exhalation. Great. Great. Let's do 1 or 2 more deep breaths.

Nick:

In, out.

Connell Barrett:

1. one more time. Nice in. Exhale out. Alright. Stand nice and tall. I want your spine to feel like a steel rod man spread. I want Give me give me a quick higher self name for you. What's a good Nickname? No pun intended. What's a good Nickname that you When you are feeling in the zone, what is that guy's name? Mine is Connell fucking Barrett. I've got a client whose name is oh, geez. There's so many. Unstoppable Steve. Doesn't have to be alliteration. What's the name we can give you that when you are feeling this way in certain areas of life, you feel lit up. What's his name?

Nick:

I like calling myself Nick because it sounds so cool and sexy.

Connell Barrett:

Nice. Well, I like that. Nick. Cool. Nick, you are. So Nick is your higher self. Nick is how you are about to feel, so let's do it. Stand like Nick stands, And now for the next sixty seconds, I want you to do exactly what I do just like before, except this will be a lot more fun So here we go. Give me full commitment, mirror my my noises, my commitment, my emotion, sounds your barbaric yop. In other words, like, Walt like, Walt Whitman said. Here we go. Repeat after me starting now. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. I am Nick.

Nick:

I am Nick.

Connell Barrett:

Nice. Give me an even louder, deeper voice I am Nick.

Nick:

I am Nick.

Connell Barrett:

A lot of quality women

Nick:

a lot of quality women -- -- are gonna be attracted to me because I'm tall. -- be attracted to me because I'm tall.

Connell Barrett:

I'm a gentleman.

Nick:

And a gentleman.

Connell Barrett:

I am intelligent.

Nick:

I am intelligent.

Connell Barrett:

And I am dominant in bed.

Nick:

And I am dominant in bed.

Connell Barrett:

Yeah. Nick is gonna make them go,

Nick:

oh, Nick is gonna make them go.

Connell Barrett:

Yeah. I want you to hit the o harder. Nick is gonna make the girls go, oh.

Nick:

Nick is gonna make the girls go. Ugh.

Connell Barrett:

I'm six foot bitches.

Nick:

Go. I'm 6 foot bitches. I'm 180 pounds of kickboxing muscle. 180 pounds of kickboxing muscle.

Connell Barrett:

Do that again. I wanted 10 percent more vocal commitment. Go.

Nick:

A 180 pounds of kickboxing bustle.

Connell Barrett:

Awesome. Very cool. Now just for a second, I want you to go back to that old body posture. From before, but let's exaggerate it. Let's make fun of it. So get really small. Pretend like you're putting your finger in your nose like a nerd, and repeat after me. Okay? Here we go.

Nick:

I'm not masculine in I'm not masculine in men enough for women. Yeah. I'm not masculine. They're mad about forever. Yeah. I was playing a friend zone fifteen years ago. Yeah. I was friends old fifteen years ago.

Connell Barrett:

Okay. Come back to Nick. Awesome. Stand nice and tall. Okay? Big finish. We're gonna finish strong. Here we go. Repeat after me. I am Nick.

Nick:

I am Nick.

Connell Barrett:

I have an abundance of quality women.

Nick:

I have an abundance of quality women. Because I am tall, intelligent, and a gentleman. Yes. I am tall, intelligent, and a gentleman.

Connell Barrett:

And I am dominant in bed ladies.

Nick:

And I am dominant in that, ladies.

Connell Barrett:

Nick will make you go. Oh,

Nick:

1. Nick will make you go. I am Nick bitches. I am Nick bitches.

Connell Barrett:

I am Nick motherfucker. Give me the falsetto. Go. Go. I am Nick. Motherfucker. Say yes.

Nick:

Yes.

Connell Barrett:

Say yes.

Nick:

Say yes.

Connell Barrett:

Nice. Okay. Right now, on a scale of one to ten, one being a little piece of shit, shit on my shoe, ten being fucking Nick, superhero. What number are you right now?

Nick:

I would say a solid nine

Connell Barrett:

Fuck, dude. How'd you go from a three to a nine? What happened? How did you get there? Okay. I'm using that quote on my website. How did you get there? How did we do what we do to take you from a three to a nine?

Nick:

So I started doubting my old belief Yep. And started focusing more on a better belief that I also think has a lot of truth to it. And then I basically changed my body language to reflect that new belief.

Connell Barrett:

Right. And that's the confidence code in a quick little formula. You just gave it to me or you just said it. I'll underline it. The confidence code is number 1, it's a core, powerful belief about what you offer women. Combined with your physiology, the way you use your body and your voice. Notice how we had you yelling. We had you doing falsetto. Had you been getting silly? And so when you use your physiology and your focus on a story that's way more empowering, instead of focusing on that bullshit, I gotta be like Gerard Butler. Girls don't like me nonsense. What this does is it essentially takes your state to A78, 09:10, in your case, a 9, literally triple where you were before. And you don't need me with you to do this. You can do this on your own. And all you need to do, you don't have to do the whole hour, by the way. You already did the hard work. If you take this core belief that we just wrote, which you've repeated many times, and what you do is you say this out loud. You say it with some emotion. You really commit to it, and you say it while walking and talking in a nice, tall stance. Using your physiology because there's an expression that an old coach said to me, motion is emotion. If you're walking and talking and standing like a 3 friend zone, if feminine, sensitive, rejected guy, guess what? You're gonna get those results. But if you walk and talk and think and focus like Nick on your worth, your height, your gentleness, your intelligence, all these amazing things about you, you're gonna go up to 8, 09:10, and you can do this anytime you want. Now, by the way, out of curiosity, feeling like a denying like you're now feeling, would it be a lot easier to go approach a woman right now? Compared to us before. Right? Yeah. If you approach a woman in the state we just got you into as Nick, is there a much higher chance that something really good could happen based on that? Yeah.

Nick:

Absolutely. Of course.

Connell Barrett:

Yeah. And is it would it be much more likely that you would take a lot more action if you felt that way regularly versus feeling it, like, at a 234?

Nick:

Yes. Yes. Absolutely.

Connell Barrett:

So, basically, the fastest way to just really transform your confidence is to write that new belief, which you've done. Get it in your body, in your head, in your gut. Say it out loud. Use your physiology. You're in other words, the way you use your body. And here is the good news. I have bad news and great news. Bad news is tomorrow morning, you might wake up. Feeling maybe not at 9. Okay? Old beliefs die hard. Now it's possible that the old belief will disappear forever after this phone call. I hope it does. But if it doesn't, nothing to worry about, nothing to freak out about. Think of this new belief that you wrote with me. Think of it like a tabletop for a belief to become something that we know in our marrow. Our heart is true and real. It needs legs under it. It needs proof. In other words, proof that it's true. And that's what we're gonna be doing for the rest of our time together. Is going out in the world, meeting some gorgeous, cool, amazing women, and getting proof and evidence that you are tall, intelligent, attractive, more than dominant enough, more than man and masculine enough for lots of cute girls. And get it a little time, give it some new reps, some new references. Those references become table legs, and essentially, this new belief becomes really sturdy. Like, imagine a table with, like, 10 legs under it. It'd be really sturdy. Right now, there might not be 10 legs. It might be a little wobbly, and that's okay. That make sense? Yeah. For sure. Yeah. So your marching orders as we move forward working together is every day you're gonna do what I call in my book, the confidence kickoff. Which is getting yourself in a really good, resourceful, awesome state by doing what we just did here, except you don't need to do it for an hour. It only takes about 5 or 10 minutes. And you remind yourself of this belief. You tattoo this belief on your neck or your lower back. You memorize it if you get it in your system. And what really makes it true is when you start getting that new evidence. When you get that first really cute girl who's like, damn, Nick. You are so freaking manly. I love you or whatever she says. That makes you feel manly. And then your brain is like, woah. This really is true. And that's then this becomes something that you know and that is you, not something that you have to try to just believe. Does that make sense? Mhmm.

Nick:

Yeah. That sounds great.

Connell Barrett:

Say it one more time. You could say it in a chill. Nick just had the best sex of his life. You're lying, you're lying in bed. You're smoking an e cigarette with your lady. Turn to me and give me your new belief. What is it?

Nick:

I am attracted to a lot of beautiful women because I’m tall, intelligent, charming, a gentleman, and dominant in the bedroom. I am Nick.

Connell Barrett:

Cool. Now go back to bed with her. Wake up in the morning. Give her some, give her some morning sex.

Nick:

And -- Of course.

Connell Barrett:

Okay. Cool. So, yeah, marching orders make this your daily, what I call, hour of power confidence kickoff, and then give it a few weeks to really sink in and you basically Nick by the way, Nick is who you really are. When we strip away the self doubt, the stories, the bullshit, Nick is the real you, that radically authentic you. So thanks for stepping up and doing a really intense session. You did amazing.

Nick:

Thank you. It was -- Alright. -- life changing.

Connell Barrett:

Cool, bro.

Connell Barrett:

Thank you for listening to the dating transformation podcast. For lots of free tips, videos, and other goodies, go to dating transformation dot com. See you next time.

Produced by Heartcast Media.