43 Simple Tips to Help You Meet Your Soulmate
1: Become "Radically Authentic" for Instant Confidence
So, what do women really want? The answer comes down to one word: authenticity. Be who you truly are at your core, because women will like you for you.
Learn into being the nice guy, or brainy introvert, or divorced dad that you are. If you embrace authenticity in your love life, then your confidence will skyrocket, you’ll get more dates, and you’ll soon be sharing your life with a a wonderful woman who loves the real you.
2: Craft Your Amazing Outcome
You need a clear, compelling vision for your dating life that gets you excited and juiced. It’s your Amazing Outcome.
Keep it simple, specific, compelling—and give it a date of completion.
Example: “I want a sweet, pretty, well-educated girlfriend who laughs at my dumb jokes, and I want to be dating her by XYZ date.” Hint: 3 months is a good timeline for meeting Miss Right, because it’s doable but challenging. A deadline will motivate you to take action.
So, carpe date’em! Seize the date!
3: Be an Open Book, Not an Open Wound
As I write in my bestselling dating guide, “Dating Sucks but You Don’t,” apply a new golden rule: “What I’m thinking and feeling is what I’m saying and doing.”
Start living by this credo to make you more authentic. But don’t mistake honesty for “venting.”
Authentic speech is not a license to bitch and moan. Be an open book, not an open wound.
4: Choose a Passion Project
Passionate men are irresistible to women. The more you grow as a man, the more attractive you become.
Choose a self-improvement project that excites you, and that likely will have women taking part. Take a cooking class, or learn a new language, or join that Tuesday night bowling league.
This is not only good for the soul. It gives you the chance to meet women who share the same passion. And the thing is, if you’re wanting to learn how to find a girlfriend in real life, you need to be out and about.
5: Write Out an “Awesome List”
Most men focus on what they think they lack, rather than what they offer. (“Why can’t I be better-looking?”) This crushes your confidence. Let’s focus on specific reasons why you’re a great choice for women. This shift of focus boosts confidence.
Write out 25 reasons why you’re an awesome catch. There’s no wrong answer, as long as each item is specific. A sample from my Awesome List: “1) I like and respect women . . . 7) I’m a good kisser . . . 12) I know every Beatles song by heart . . . 17) I make great French toast . . . 22) I have a good job.”
For a woman to find you awesome, first YOU need to see that value in yourself.
6: When Flirting, Show Clear Interest
The art of how to get a girlfriend includes conveying clear romantic intent. If you’re interested in a woman, make it very clear you’re interested. No need to be subtle or “mysterious.” It can be as simple as saying, “Let’s go on a date,” rather than “Let’s hang out.” On the date, don’t hide your feelings. Tell her or show her that you think she’s sexy or cool.
7: Try a Direct Approach
“Going direct” means that your words and/or vibe convey clear romantic interest from the get-go. Here are examples of direct openers.
“Hi, I saw you and had to meet you.”
“You’re absolutely adorable.”
“Wow. You’re gorgeous. I’m here to flirt with you.”
8: Praise Her Inner Beauty
We all want to be appreciated for what’s inside. Let a woman know an inner quality you like about her. Are you impressed by her smarts, wits, sense of humor, or caring heart? Tell her. Lots of guys have told her how beautiful she is on the outside. Be that rare man who also sees the beauty within
9: Give Her a Flirty Nickname
“Troublemaker.” “Kiddo.” “Freckles.” Giving a nickname to someone means you know and like them, and it suggests familiarity. The night I met my future girlfriend Carrie, she started calling me “Ginger-Man,” and it made me even more into her.
10-20: Transform Your Online Dating Profile for More Matches
No fish photos allowed. She doesn’t want to date Quint from “Jaws”
Your featured photo should be crisp, clear, and bright, ideally shot with natural light, which tends to be more flattering than artificial light. You’ll want to zoom in close and shoot from the waist or chest up. Look at the lens—eye contact increases the sense of connection with the audience.
And smile—a real smile, not a fake, forced smile. (Leave the smoldering glares to Zoolander.)
Dress first-date great. No sweats, no ball caps, no cargo shorts—no exceptions.
Do a photo shoot with a professional photographer. Try googling “online dating photographers” or “social media photographers” in your area. You can also use a friend who’s good with a camera.
After your photo shoot, take five to ten of your best portraits and test them on Photofeeler, to get unbiased feedback from women. You can also ask female friends to pick their favorites.
For other great photos, use shots that showcase your passions—running a marathon, playing guitar, tearing up the dance floor. Women want a man who’s living a cool, fun life.
Do NOT Post These Photos on Your Dating Profile
- You shirtless, unless you’re at the beach. And even then, you need the pecs and abs to pull it off.
- Selfies. They’re common, and depending on the angle can give you seven chins.
- Group shots. If she has to work hard to decipher which one is you, she’ll swipe left.
- You wearing sunglasses, which breaks the eye contact and connection you want.
21: Use “Chick Bait” on the Apps
Mention fun stuff that women are drawn to: dogs, yoga, the beach, surfing, a cool job, and delicious foods such as guacamole.
22: Try the “Compliment + Question” Opener
Look at her bio and see what strikes you as quirky, interesting, or cool—say, her style, her love for hiking, her fondness for Steve Carell. Tell her what impressed you, and ask her a question that she would enjoy answering. Example: “Katie… I see you’re a Steve Carell fan. Awesome. OK, lemme ask you. Do you think he’s better in comedies or dramas?”
23: Ask Her Out the Right Way
Never say, “So, what do YOU want to do?” Women love a man with a plan. Lead! Suggest your idea with confidence (“I know a place you’re gonna love . . .”), but make sure to listen to any objections she might raise and adjust accordingly.
24: Make it Easy for Her to Say Yes to the Date
If she mentions her love of vino, you might ask her out this way: “Hey, Rebecca. You like red wine, so . . . Let’s grab a couple glasses this week. I know an awesome spot not far from you. It would be cool to finally meet you. What night works for you?”
25: Be a Man with a Plan
Women love a leader. When it comes to dates, never say, “So what do YOU wanna do?” Have a plan. Lead. Pick a place she’ll love for that first drink and have a second spot in mind for a nightcap. Know where you’re taking her, with decisiveness. (“Hey, let’s go to [cool place]. It’s awesome and you’re gonna love it.”)
26-33: Ask Great First-Date Questions
There’s an old expression: To be interesting, be interested. Here are seven questions to ask that will make you downright fascinating and trigger stimulating conversations on dates.
- “Who should play you in the movie of your life?”
This question caters to your date’s ego—and the actress she chooses will clue you in on how she sees herself
- “What’s your dream travel destination?”
Hey, everyone likes talking about travel. - “Who did you see for your first concert?”
Music is a great date topic. Prepare to be impressed when she mentions Beyoncé, or saddened when she talks about Nickelback. - “What was the best day of your life?”
This question takes your date back in time to a big life moment that she’ll love reliving, going much deeper than surface-level chat.
- “What do you love most about your job/career?”
This one lets you both talk about work in a positive, emotionally evocative way, rather than boringly asking, “What do you do?” - “What were you like as a kid?”
Sharing stories from childhood offers her a chance to be vulnerable or tell funny stories. - “What’s your hidden talent?”
This allows her to show off a bit while also revealing a secret—and sharing small secrets builds trust.
34: Play Games on Dates
Dates should be fun! So suggest a game or two, such as staring contests, Two Truths and a Lie, and thumb-wrestling. Games let you romantically connect while having fun.
35: Say this to Escape the Friend Zone
Okay, you’re on a date, and you can feel yourself getting swallowed into the quicksand of the friend zone. What do you do? Make a flirtatious “you” statement. Say something positive and flirty about her (“You’re adorable…”, “That look you gave me was R-rated . . . ,” “You’re so sexy when you XYZ . . .”).
36: Go for the Kiss this Way
On your next date, choose the right moment. Look at her, smile, and say, “Close your eyes.” If she closes them, that’s a green light. Kiss her. If she doesn’t close her eyes, no sweat. Try later. You’ve put the idea of kissing in her mind, which increases sexual tension—and you didn’t turn the cheek. It’s a guaranteed win.
37-41: Text Her this After a First Date
Here are some fun, flirty texts to send her the day after your first date, if you like her.
“Last night was great. Do you have a Yelp page where I can leave you a review?”
“Did you have fun last night? Text 1 for yes, 2 for HELL yes.”
“Mom! Dad! I think I met THE ONE last night. I just hope she doesn’t find out that I still live in your basement.”
“I think we both agree that last night was a blast, and we should do it again.”
And this one is a cheeky, flip-the-script classic: “Hey, I just wanted to say that you had a great time last night and you’d like to see me again…”
42: Do Boyfriend/Girlfriend Stuff
After a few “regular” dates, have her, say, help you pick out new jeans, join you at the gym, or go grocery shopping (followed by you whipping her up a delicious dinner, of course). Bonus: This breaks up the predictable, let’s-do-drinks model of dating and gives her some romantic variety.
43: And Finally… Pop the Question!
After dating for a month or two, it’s time to make your coupledom official. Choose the right place and time to “pop the question”—say, during a relaxing day in the park, not in some loud bar.
Speak from the heart. Tell her how much you enjoy her and what she’s added to your life. Say something like, “I’m crazy about you, and the way you [specific thing you love]. I don’t want to date anyone else. I want to be your boyfriend. Would you like to be my girlfriend?”
Next, celebrate, laugh, kiss, and rip each other’s clothes off. (If you’re in a park, wait till you get home for that last part.)