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How I Went from Dateless to Dating Wonderful Women! The Power of Radical Authenticity

Featuring NYC Dating Coach Connell Barrett
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Would you like to stop doubting yourself and start confidently connecting with wonderful women—without using sketchy pickup artist tricks? In this episode, dating coach Connell Barrett talks about the night that transformed his love life and his self-confidence. Are you ready to harness the power of your own Authenticity, flirt with charm, and find a wonderful woman who loves you for you? Then listen now!




"Authenticity not only fulfills women's cravings, it also fosters a fun, connecting, and exciting vibe."

-Connell Barrett

"As you grow and give more, you become a better man, attracting more positive responses from others."

-Connell Barrett

Featured in the episode

Connell Barrett

Founder and Executive Coach of Dating





00:00 - Intro

05:33 - Seeking Seduction Tips: Pursuing Personal Desires

08:53 - Bold Confession of Feelings on a Park Bench

11:08 - Winning in Romance with Authenticity and Bravery

15:58 - Clients Dub Their Insecurities with a Cringe Nickname

17:06 - Childhood Nickname Inspires 'Lower Self' Alias

23:06 - How Authenticity Fosters Trust, Confidence, and Connections in Dating

25:39 - Viewing Rejection as Insightful, Boosting Confidence Fearlessly

27:59 - How Fear of Rejection Promotes Loneliness and Stagnation

32:59 - Pursuing Personal Growth and Human Flourishing

35:27 - The Role of Authenticity in Sales and Romantic Relationships

39:00 - Choosing a Personal Nickname That Resonates

40:31 - Empathy and Respect in Relationships Enhance Happiness

41:10 - Outro

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From Dateless To Dating Coach



This is your new mantra. Twelve simple words. Take authentic, courageous action with love for yourself and empathy for women.

Connell Barrett:

Welcome back to the Dating Transformation podcast. I'm your host, dating coach Connell Barrett, the real life hitch. I'm here to help you find your dream girlfriend all by being radically authentic. No sketchy pickup moves needed. And in today's podcast, I'm gonna give you the single biggest secret to confidently flirt with women, find your dream girlfriend, and never be lonely again without using creepy pickup moves. Your dating life is gonna change today. And I learned the secret to confidently meeting and connecting with wonderful women. It was a big moment I had that changed my life.

So stick around until the end of the episode because I'm gonna give you a dating system, a philosophy in 12 simple words that will help you confidently meet and attract some wonderful women. So stick around to get those 12 magic words. Okay. But first, let me tell you about the night I discovered what I think is the secret to succeeding with women. It was in the late 2000. I was on a rooftop bar in New York City, and this wavy haired investment banker was stealing my girl right in front of me, and she was letting him. Now today, as a professional dating coach of 12 years, I can handle this sort of situation. But when it happened, man, 15 years ago, on the very first night I ever went out to approach women, no less, I panicked.

So I was on this rooftop bar and I was hitting it off with Kelly, a very witty, pretty actress, blonde hair, blue eyes. And I'd approached her about an hour before. We had a very easy chemistry. We hadn't yet kissed, but it felt like it was only a matter of time. Now Kelly knew I was a journalist out that night with my friend, but what she didn't know was that my friend was a renowned dating expert. He was teaching a boot camp, quote, unquote boot camp, that he was running to teach men how to meet women, how to attract women. She also did not know that I had very low self confidence. She also did not know that before that night, I had never once approached a woman, cold approached a woman.

She did not know that I was anxious. And I was so afraid of rejection. I was so afraid of rejection that night that before I started meeting women, I actually had to go to the men's room stall and I had a panic attack. I got the dry heaps because I was so worried that I was about to find out that I was not enough for women, that they just didn't like me. So why did I pay $3 for a weekend with a dating expert? Well, I was just done. I was done hearing I only see you as a friend. I was done feeling lonely. I was done seeing girls out, you know, in bars or parks or at the gym and just being too afraid to talk to them.

I was done paying sex workers for sex. I had almost gone broke paying sex workers because I felt like the only way I could be with an attractive woman was to pay her, at least to be with her intimately. I was done settling. I was just done. I was done being lonely. I was just plain done. So it was so thrilling tonight to find myself vibing with Kelly, who's the coolest, cutest girl in the place as far as I was concerned. And I said, hey.

I'm going to get us more drinks. I'll be right back. And I went and got a couple vodka sodas. When I got back, she was surrounded not surrounded, but she was ringed by these 3 Wall Street bros. These 3 burly sort of like bras. And the handsome, wavy haired guy who was in the middle, she was flirting with him. He had her twirling her hair and giggling, and she was really enjoying talking to him. And I had spent an hour with her already, so I assumed that on my return, Kelly and I would pick up where we left off.

And I was very wrong. I said to her, hey, here's your drink. And I handed her her drink, and she took it without breaking eye contact with wavy hair. And it was almost like I wasn't there. Like, minutes ago, I had been her date. Now I was her waiter. And so I said, should we go downstairs? I said it kind of feebly. She ignored me, and then 2 wingmen with wavy hair's 2 wingmen closed the circle and turned their backs to me and literally boxed me out.

So I couldn't even get access to her. And then she's flirting with wavy hair, and I'm boxed out. My shoulders slumped. Because all my adult life, charismatic, cool, better looking guys like this were dating the kinds of women I ached to be with. And now the rare girl, the very rare girl who was into me, he was stealing her from me right in front of me. She was letting him. So it was a really low moment, and I was nervous. I was anxious.

I didn't know what to do. So I went to my coach, and I filled it in on the situation. And at that point, I'd read a lot of these seduction forms about how you handle the AMOG, the alpha male of the group. So I went to my coach and I said, hey. What's my move? Do I make her jealous by talking to other women? Do I say something to try to, like, lower his status, try to hurt his confidence? And he just looked at me and said, just go take her away from him, my coach said. And I said, what do you mean? I'm sopping sweat off of my forehead. And he said, well, she was with you. Right? She likes you, but she wants to see if you're gonna go after what you want.

It's survival of the fittest, he said, and he said she's leaving the bar tonight either with him or you. Who's it gonna be? And I said, well, I want it to be me, and I could feel some fury, some electricity building inside of me. I said, I want it to be me. He said, well, go assert what you want.

Gonna read your mind.
If she is if she was your girlfriend
I'll bet that you would love
to confident you would be true

to women. Get great matches on the dating apps, flirt with charm, and attract your dream girlfriend. Right? But fear keeps you from approaching. You're not sure how to flirt. You struggle on the apps, and desirable women just don't seem into you. Well, I have great news. Dating coach, Connell Barrett, can help. He's guided thousands of men like you to more confidence and help them attract their dream girlfriends.

So book a free strategy call today to see if Connell's coaching is right for you. On your call, Connell or a team member will give you personalized advice to help you have more confidence, more dates, and more fun. Oh, and you'll be dating women as your best self, a charming gentleman. That's because Connell does not teach creepy pickup artist tricks. He unlocks your most confident self so you can make authentic romantic connections. Your next steps? Book your free call today at dating transformation.comforward/contact, and grab a time that works for you. Then you'll be on your way to more confidence, better results, and attracting bright, beautiful women. Oh, so you know, soon Connell will stop taking on new clients.

So book a call today while you still can. Go to dating transformation dotcom forward/contract and transform your love life. Bye.
And I'd I said, I wouldn't give up. I'd walk right over there. March over there and stop it. Take her back. He said, Cool. Go do that. And I even said, What do I say? What should I say? The worst question, What do I say? He's like, I don't care what you say. Just go over there and take her back and whatever he said actually, he said something great. He said, speak your deepest truth. Speak the deepest truest thing that you're feeling when in doubt, tell the truth. And so my adrenaline got all flowing. My coach got me all ramped up. I beelined back toward Kelly, broke into their circle. I took her by the hand and I commanded, come with me now. And I pulled her away, and she said, bye, guys, as I as I yanked her away and, I led her to this nearby bench, and we sat down. And by the way, the investment bankers did not utter a word. They didn't follow. And all of a sudden, I felt like I was in charge now. And I wasn't sure what to say, but I thought back to that thing he said, speak your deepest truth, speak your deepest truth. And the right words came, and I said, Kelly, I really like you. You're smart, and you're cool, and you're sexy, and soulful, but it's not cool to try to make me jealous. And I half expected her to splash my face with kettle 1, throw a drink in my face, but she actually leaned in closer.
She's twirling a tendril of her hair. She's biting her lower lip and I realized, holy shit, this is turning her on. And she said, you just yank me away from those guys. Like you own me. She said it with a hint of a smile. And I realized this was another test. She wanted to see if I was gonna apologize for my bold move, but I didn't back down. In fact, I'd never felt so confident.
I'd never felt so strong. And I said, look, I don't own you. I barely know you, but I wanna get to know you better. And when I want something, I go after it, and I want you. I've never said that to a woman in my whole life. I want you. I'd never said that before, but it came from inside. I wasn't trying to formulate the words.

The words just flowed out of me. And until that moment, I had never made a woman swoon ever at age 38. I was 38 years old. I'd never approached a woman before that night. At that moment, I made a beautiful girl swoon. I leaned in. She leaned in. We kissed, and we were together for the rest of the night.
And that night ended at my apartment. The next morning, I remember we were in bed together. I was awake. She was asleep, and I stared in awe as she slept. I was, like, kinda kinda creepily watching the girl while she slept. And I even, like, lightly poked her shoulder a couple times to say to myself, wait. She's really here. Right? This is not a dream.
Because I've never had somebody that beautiful in my bed before. I'd never walked up to a random woman in a bar before and left with her. I remember the looks on some of the men's faces as I walked out with her. All these guys were looking at me like, dude, how'd you do that? So lying in bed with her that morning, that Saturday morning, I felt fantastic. I also felt unsteady because I always thought that I was a loser who had to settle for less in dating and love, but now I was asking new questions like can you really just walk up to a woman and be yourself and they'll like you? And if this is possible, I asked myself, what else might be possible? Now don't worry. You don't have to battle a bunch of Wall Street Bros to bring a wonderful woman into your life. That story was just meant to illustrate some of the essential values that will improve your romantic success values, like courage, taking action, telling the truth, and most importantly, putting it all with it, wrapping it, wrapping it all up with a bow, being authentic. These features, what I just described, courage, taking action, telling the truth, being vulnerable, these features create or comprise a dating philosophy that I call radical authenticity.
And this means being fully grounded in who you are at your core, your deepest, truest, most awesome self, And then putting that amazing guy in charge of your dating life. It means speaking honest thoughts and taking honest, courageous action all while leaning into what makes you, you. And think of radical authenticity. Sure. It's a philosophy. It's also a switch that you can flip that unlocks your most confident, charismatic, badass self, and then that leads to a filling, connected love life and a great girlfriend and a lot of confidence. So why did Kelly choose me that night instead of the richer, handsomer, wavy haired guy? Well, because the courage and authenticity that I showed elevated me in her eyes. Basically, she saw more value in me than in my competition.
And I remember a few days after that night, I told a friend this same story that I'm telling you, and my friend said, man, that doesn't sound anything like you, Connell. Actually, when I told Kelly, I want you. I go after what I want, and I want you. I had never felt more like me, at least around women. That insecure, self doubting dweeb who I had been presenting to the women of the world, he was the imposter. This straightforward, confident, courageous guy, that was the real me, the core me. Now this confident guy has shown up in other areas of my life. I had a great magazine job at the time.
I was a journalist. I had awesome friends. I could break 80 on the golf course. A family I love, and they love me. But in the area of dating, oh, man. If you'd ask me to approach a girl back then, I would morph into this frightened loser whose hands would shake and forehead would sweat around women. So why that dichotomy? Why was Doctor Jekyll and Mister hiding from girls? Well, as my years studying dating has taught me, and I've been studying this area for 15 plus years, it's because we all have 2 selves. We all have sort of a Jekyll and Hyde, actually.

We have the higher self and the lower self. Your higher self is that hero of your life. In any arena in your life where you feel confident, joyful, fulfilled, you get results, you feel yourself you're lit up. That's your higher self in charge. He's confident. He's focused. He's totally authentic. He's you at your full potential.
But every superhero has an archvillain, and that archvillain is the lower self. And this is the fearful doubtful part of you who's been botching up your love life. It's that little voice that whispers, don't approach her. She's out of your league. The pain, the frustrations you felt, the loneliness, the settling, the jealousy you felt watching other men you know get girlfriends, succeed with beautiful women while you don't, feeling unworthy, all these things, these all stem from your lower self. They're all your lower self's fault. And there's a great power in understanding your enemy. Know thine enemy.
And so what I do with my clients is on the 1st day of their training, I have my clients give their lower selves a name, a nickname that makes them cringe. So for example, I had a client named Fred, an attorney in his late thirties, and he came to me because of his fear of approaching. He's afraid to approach women. What's called approach anxiety in dating coach parlance. And with a friend, his hands would shake at the thought of talking to a pretty girl. I was with him at a Barnes and Noble, and I said, go talk to that girl reading Vogue magazine. Go over there. And he couldn't do it.
He froze up. His his hands shook. And so he he named that lower self frightened Freddie. Another client of mine, Nick, is a jazz musician, and he was struggling to get matches on Tinder and online dating, really struggling with online dating. He struggled with texting, and he just kind of struggled with the overall confidence as well and taking some risks. So Nick named his lower self no nuts Nick, or maybe it was 1 nut Nick. Sorry. It was 1 nut Nick.
Just 1 nut. So those are two examples of the lower self name. My lower self name is Connie. That's the grade school nickname I had as a little kid that reminds me of the dorky, nerdy, afro, shy, ginger boy who was not super popular, at least not with girls. And so I named my lower self Connie. Next, what I do is I have my clients recall a specific moment of awesomeness from their life, a time or an area of their life when they felt fulfilled and confident. It's kinda like a mental snapshot, and it can be anything. It can be the time you cross the finish line in a marathon or jamming on stage with your guitar if you're a guitar player or at the gym when you do that last rep and your muscles are popping and you're so tired, your heart's pounding, but you feel so incredible that you're getting into such good shape.
And then what I have guys do is give that what I call higher self a name, and that's the version of you who's capable of doing incredible things in life and with women. So for example frightened Freddie became Frederick the Great. Fred named his lower self frightened Freddie, and he became Frederick the Great. And Frederick the Great could soon successfully confidently approach women almost anywhere. I remember he texted me one day saying, Connell, I just walked into a hotel lobby bar. I'm not even staying at the hotel. I just saw this gorgeous woman, and I walked in. We chatted.
Next thing I knew, we were getting drinks at the bar together. It was super flirty and fun, and she was super into me. Totally transformed. Frederick Frederick the great can do that. Frightened Freddy cannot. One nut Nick transformed into Nick Summers. I love the name Nick Summers. That's his higher self name.
Sounds like a private eye. And Nick Summers soon found the resilience, the courage to take some actions, to overhaul his profile, do some things, and pretty soon he had tons of dates lined up. Because, hey, women don't wanna date 1 nut Nick. But what woman wouldn't wanna date Nick Summers? And my higher self name, it's so stupid that it's brilliant. I went from Connie to Connell fucking Barrett, a bold man of action, Because Connie means loneliness and approach anxiety and, settling, a failed marriage, sex workers, just a lot of lot of pain. But Connell fucking Barrett is the guy who walked up, broke through that wall of of investment wankers, took my girl back, told her how I felt and what I wanted, and made her melt. Connell fucking Barrett can do that. Connie can't do it.
CFB can. So think of your lower self as a metaphorical version of you that contains all the pain and self doubt that's hurting your dating life. All the fear comes from your lower self. Your higher self, however, has bottomless confidence, and can get lots of dates and can get good at flirting and find your dream girl. He's that best inner you buried beneath the layers of doubt and fears. He's that priceless gleaming diamond encased by worthless igneous rock, but you got that gleaning diamond within you. So it's time to give your higher self the keys to your love life.
Rejection, ghosting, loneliness, lack of dates, and lack of confidence. For many men, dating just sucks, but it doesn't have to. There's a simple yet powerful way to gain instant confidence and attract a great girlfriend. Be radically authentic. It's all laid out in the number one Amazon bestselling book. Dating sucks, but you don't. Your step by step guide to attracting wonderful women and doing it with total authenticity. Author and dating coach, Connell Barrett, has had and fixed all the dating problems that you struggle with.
He's also helped thousands of men gain confidence and find love. He's put his best tips and strategies into dating sucks, but you don't so that you can confidently approach women and get dates, become magnetic and attractive even if you're not tall or great looking. Always know what to say to make sparks fly. Get lots of great matches and dates on the dating apps, and attract your dream woman. You can find dating sucks, but you don't on Amazon or wherever books are sold in paperback, Kindle, and audiobook. Get Dating Sucks But You Don't Today to transform your confidence and find your dream girl.

Okay. What is radical authenticity? Well, when you channel your most authentic and real self and project that self out into your dating life, women feel very 2 very powerful things, attraction and trust. She's attracted to you because it takes confidence to unapologetically be yourself and confidence is very attractive to women. It's intoxicating She also begins to trust you as she sees that you're being honest. You're being your real self. And as a single woman, she's heard more lies than a polygraph expert. So when you're being authentic, you signal to her that you're a guy that women can trust and also a guy who believes in himself. And those are 2 incredibly powerful things to women.
When there's both attraction and trust, you can really get women into you because they trust you and you're just such a high value confident man and being authentic is powerful in any walk of life of course but in dating it's it's so rare which makes it 10 times more potent and when you put that real authentic self on the line you stand out Authenticity is not only what women crave, it creates a vibe that's more fun, it's more connecting, it's more exciting. You also don't have to try to be someone you're not. Look, you don't know how to impersonate a fake alpha male or mysterious cool James Bond type. That's not you. However, you know how to be yourself. You know how to be your best self, what I call that most radically authentic self. So here are 5 big benefits that radical authenticity brings to your dating life. Number 1 is you have more confidence.
Because when you align your thoughts, words, and actions with your most pure self, you feel free. You stand taller, you talk more loudly, you become more comfortable in your own skin, just tons more confidence. Number 2, the second benefit of being radically authentic is you become magnetic to women. Not all of them, of course, but a lot more than you might think. Because, look, not every woman's gonna love you, but women who like your type, oh my god, they're gonna become your biggest fan. Your biggest fan. And women have a 6th sense for a man who knows himself and believes in himself. The third benefit of being truly radically authentic is you create genuine connections with women because you're being true, real, vulnerable.
And once you are more, let's call it emotion being emotionally naked, you're giving women the green light for her to be emotionally vulnerable, authentic, emotionally naked. And then you got 2 people being really real with each other. You're being emotionally naked. It's more likely you'll be actually naked. The 4th the 4th benefit of being radically authentic is you just know your worth. You know you're worth something. You're more than enough, because when you're authentic, you send a powerful message to women, obviously, but you're also sending a powerful message to yourself, to your date, and to you, a message that says, I am enough. And when you know that you're enough, when you truly feel in your marrow that you are enough for any woman, oh, man.
There's nothing to fear anymore. Rejection becomes nothing. Just becomes information, not rejection. Fear of rejection subsides. Your confidence is 10 feet high, and there's really nothing to fear. You can walk up to any woman that way because her quote, unquote rejecting you, she can't hurt you because you're worthy of anyone. Whether or not she likes you, who knows? But you're definitely worthy of lots of wonderful women. And the 5th big benefit is you know what to say you know what to say once you're communicating with women authentically what I call man to woman communication which is just speaking authentically being honest being real like when I told Kelly I want you you're sexy and you're smart and you're soulful but I'm not loving how you flirt with other guys, but I do like you and I want to be with you tonight.
When you'll know what to say because it's coming from a true place and when you're authentic that really powerful paradox kicks in. You stop straining for the right game, the right syntax, the right words, and you just say, live, speak the truth. And that's when the right words come. That's when the right words come because they're truthful words coming from your authentic self. Unfortunately, very few men date this way. Most guys wear a kind of mask around women. One mask men wear is the people pleaser, the too nice guy you might call him. In other words, a fake nice guy, people pleaser, supplicating guy.
Another mask men wear is the bad boy or the alpha male or the pickup artist, that fake bullshit persona that still is so prevalent. So many so-called dating experts, mainly men, who say be a bad boy, show her who's boss is an alpha male. You know these guys. You've probably seen their content. Anyway, that's a fit that's a mask as well. And, men tend to wear different masks around women because they suspect that a guy suspects that if he shows his real self to a woman, she might not like him, and then he'll get rejected, and then he'll feel unworthy. And that's the worst mask of all, actually. I call it an unworthy man.
The guy who avoids putting himself out there. This was me for 30, 7, 38 years, an unworthy man. And that mask is the guy who avoids putting himself out there. He fears rejection. And when you're wearing this mask, you're taking on a mindset that basically says dating reminds me that I'm not enough, and that hurts. So I won't date, so we don't date at all, or you might take 1 or 2 small little steps, like one approach or or a little bit of swiping on a dating app, but it doesn't go well, and then you regress to basically inaction or stasis. And this leads to short term relief because if you're not approaching women or you're not taking chances or you're not asking out girls who you wanna go on dates with, you're not getting rejected, so you get short term relief, but at a long term cost. Loneliness, in my case, loneliness and settling.

In other cases, social isolation, depression in extreme cases, misogyny, deep depression, even thoughts of suicide. All those incels out there, all those incels on the red pill on Reddit, they're filled with so much pain. They've taken pain from the fact that they're trying to transform the pain of unworthiness and transform it into anger and hatred of women because that makes them feel more powerful than feeling rejected. So, yeah, the unworthy man mask is, I think, the worst of all, because to borrow a phrase from John Updike, it's the mask that eats into the face. But it's only a mask, and like all the others, you can remove it and become authentic at any time. So what is radical authenticity? Here it is. There's basically 4 pillars of it. Here are the 4 pillars of radical authenticity.
Number 1 is honesty. Never lie to women. Never present a false front. Share your true self, your true sense of humor, your points of view, your passions. Own everything and just always tell the truth. The more honest you are, the more you accept your authentic self, and it's just so bracing and refreshing to women. So number 1 is honesty. Number 2 is vulnerability.
Let your flaws, your fears, your mistakes show while owning them, fully own them. It takes real strength to be vulnerable, and women love strong men. The 3rd pillar of radical authenticity is taking courageous action. Align your actions with your words and your values. The moment that I had with Kelly that night was I was afraid, and I had to take courageous action. I was afraid to approach her, frankly, but I did it and we hit it off. Hour later, I was afraid to try to go back and steal her back from those guys. And I did it, and it changed my life.
So to quote a character from a Shakespeare play, action is eloquence. Take courageous action. And the 4th pillar of radical authenticity is growing and giving, because in dating, as in life, the more you grow and the more you give, the more you become as a man and the more women want to give back to you. Authenticity basically comes down to taking full responsibility for yourself and for your life, and the history of authenticity itself has interesting and deep roots. The very word authentic comes from the Greek word authentic authentic. Sorry. Authentikos is the pronunciation, meaning to act in one's own authority. So to be authentic means to be your own authority and to act in accordance with your deepest thoughts and feelings instead of blindly reacting to your environment.

And even the phrase know thyself you might have heard that term before know thyself it was first used about 3000 years ago by the Oracle at Delphi, and later by great great thinkers like Socrates, Plato, and Aristotle. And Aristotle was an interesting guy. He was very wrong about a lot of things 3000 years ago. For example, he thought, oh, yeah. Some people should be slaves. That's that's has not aged well, but he did have one really cool concept I wanna talk to you about. Aristotle gave us the concept of eudaimonia. Eudaimonia.
And no. Not eudemon. Eudaimonia. And, roughly translated as human flourishing, eudaimonia means to live in harmony with your inherent character. Aristotle argued that everyone is born with a singular self and singular gifts and that only by becoming your best self can you truly live a good life, a life that's in harmony. In other words, you are here to pursue your potential to become a great husband, to become the world champion tennis player, to become the world's finest whittler, to become the 87th member of the Beach Boys, to become something at your peak, at your best. So the best way to be a person, Aristotle said, is to be the best person you can be. Now what does all of this philosophy have to do with getting girls? Well, it boils down to value.
Simply put, authenticity equals value to women, and value equals attraction to women. Attracting women is not about cool lines or saying witty funny things. It's not about being mysterious or being some alpha male. To hell with that bullshit story that pickup guys tell you. It's about offering women authentic value. Think of it this way. Think of that stunner, the yoga goddess at your gym who you can't take your eyes off. Think of that stunner at the gym.
You're attracted to her because you see value in her wit, her curves, her femininity, and the potential for the sex and love and connection that she could bring to you. So she has a lot of value to you potentially for her to be into you. She has to see the value that you can bring to her life. Attraction is a trade. And before you trade sweet nothings, before you trade, pillow talk, before you trade love and sex, you have to trade value. So by definition, any authentic thing is valuable because it's real, it's rare, and it has utility. Think, think, an authentic Picasso sells for 1,000,000 at Sotheby's. A reproduction of a Picasso probably sells for a few $100.
Right? An authentic voice at the sales meeting cuts through the bullshit. A voice that's just being a yes man for the boss, nobody pays attention. An authentic tech brand connects with its customers because maybe the tech brand is very geeky and nerdy, and so are the customers, so that stands out. And an authentic man is magnetic to women because in dating, women date in a landscape filled with liars and players and fakers and pretenders. Authentic man is a truthful high value man, a man who's in harmony with himself and who is the highest value man walking around in the world. So think back to that night I met Kelly the story that started off this episode The night I met Kelly, basically, I removed my mask, and I showed her an authentic guy who had real value for her and who could be vulnerable. I remember at one point early on, I was really opening up to her and she was opening up to me. I was talking about how I was a fat kid in grade school that they called Mack Truck.
And she told me she did not develop very early on. When all these other girls were developing, she had not developed as an adolescent, and they called her ant bites because she had small breasts, no breasts. And so, we were both being really vulnerable about our insecure, you know, early teen years. And it was that kind of vulnerability that she liked. Also, the bravery I showed by stepping up and trying and stealing her back from those dudes, the honesty I showed her. All of these things, this is what created the connections with her. And, so Aristotle calls this being virtuous, man. I call this awakening your higher self, and radical authenticity is how you summon that higher self to transform your dating life.
Authenticity is king. Connection is queen. And forever, may they reign. Alright. I have 3 missions for you. Three missions, before we wrap up because I don't want you to just listen to this podcast. I want you to do something. I want you to take some action and start having the kind of dating success and dates and confidence and excitement that you deserve.
So 3 missions for you. Mission number 1 is to name your lower self. It's time you know your enemy. So give your lower self a name. Could be a childhood nickname that you hated or a description that captures the biggest dating problem you have, like, let's say you're anxious. Could be an anxious Aaron or not confident Chris or Frankie friend zone. Alliteration is optional, not required. The trick is to choose a name that makes you feel disgusted.
You wanna feel like, ew, I hate that lower self. Just like I hated Connie. I was so sick of Connie. So yeah link pain to that lower self so you can leave this loser behind. Mission number 2 is to name your higher self your higher self name name your best most awesomely authentic you. How? Recall a moment when you felt really powerful and in the zone. The speech you aced, or the dance contest that you won, Or maybe it was a woman you did approach that one night you got in the zone, and she loved talking to you. What is this guy's name? Here are some examples.
My clients' nicknames include Badass Brett, Caesar the Great, William the Conqueror, a guy named Confident Kurt, or you could steal mine if you want. You can you can call it just go with first name, fucking last name, just like I do Connell, fucking Barrett. And whatever name you choose, just make sure it feels great. It should feel great to you, the idea of it. Because it represents the real you. It represents that superhero who's gonna take your dating life to new heights. And your 3rd and final mission is, I did not forget the promise I made to you at the beginning of this episode. I wanna give you the 12 simple words that if you apply this dating philosophy starting today, this will change your dating fortunes.
Here is your new dating philosophy. I call this the golden rule. This is your new mantra. 12 simple words. Take authentic courageous action with love for yourself and empathy for women. I'll say it again, take authentic courageous action with love for yourself and empathy for women. If you live by this philosophy, you're going to do something scary every day because you're you're you're gonna be using courage. It's gonna be authentic and genuine and real and you're gonna have a growing sense of love for yourself and how worthwhile you are while also, importantly, liking and respecting women.
Empathy and love for respect for women is so important. So those are the 12 magic words. Live by these 12 words. Take authentic courageous action with love for yourself and empathy for women. And that's gonna take you to the path that will lead you to your future girlfriend. And by the way, your future partner, she's out there. She's beautiful. She's sweet.
She loves you for you, and she can't wait to meet you. She just has to meet that real, most authentic you. See you next time.
Thank you for listening to the dating transformation podcast. For lots of free tips, videos, and other goodies, go to See you next time.

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Dating Tranformation with Connell Barrett

Welcome to the Dating Transformation podcast. I'm coach Connell Barrett, and I help men build confidence + connect with women by being their own authentic selves.

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NYC Dating Coach Connell Barrett

106 W 32nd St, New York, NY 10001

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