Intro:

That is your mission, should you choose to accept it, young Skywalker. Oh, wait. I just combined Mission Impossible and Star Wars. Welcome to the dating transformation podcast. Here's your host, Dating coach, Connell Barrett.

Connell Barrett:

Welcome back to the Dating Transformation program. I'm your host, Connell Barrett. I'm a dating coach for men. I help guys flirt with confidence, get dates, and find a really wonderful girlfriend, and do it with authenticity, and genuineness. Not being fake, not being phony, not being some weird toxic pickup guy. And, Today I want to talk to you about my client Paul. Paul is a new client, and he is crushing it with confidently approaching women and making some dates happen. And I wanna give you the secret to Paul's amazing, blazing success, so that you can have the same kind of success.

Here's a story with Paul. So Paul came to me a few weeks ago and he had not approached a woman ever in his whole life. He had never had a has never had a girlfriend. He's had some dates, and he's had 1 or 2, kind of brief situations that went more than 2 or 3 weeks, but he's never gotten close to a girlfriend, never had real steady success with women, and it was hurting his confidence. and we started to dig into what was holding him back. And he said, well, I just wanna make sure I'm doing it right. I want to get the right information. I want to know all the right things about how Paul had gone down the rabbit hole on YouTube, watching tons of YouTube videos and reading a lot of content. He read my book, Dating Sucks But You Don't, which I appreciate, but he also read a bunch of other books. So he was immersing himself in information, but he wasn't taking action. So Paul and I began to work together, and here's some data from this week. This is just from this week. This week, Paul has approached over 30 women. He got 11 phone numbers from approaching 30 women in the daytime. By the way, he's doing it sober, He's doing it in the daytime, and he's doing it with vulnerability, with authenticity, the way I coach him to and this week this week, he's approached over 30 women, gotten 11 phone numbers, and just 2 nights ago, which is Wednesday night as I record this, he had a great, Great date with a beautiful girl, and he said it went amazing. They kissed, they connected, They actually went back and hung out at his apartment till late in the evening. So things went really, really well. And that was his 1st ever date from a daytime approach. He walked up to her, started chatting, did a couple of quick moves that I taught him, and the next thing he knew he was on a date with her, and they had an amazing night out. By the way, he's also completely free of approaching anxiety. Nothing is holding him back. He is now able to go out and approach women with confidence, and That's an amazing batting average to get to have 1 out of 3 of the women you go up to and talk to Give you her phone number. That's just that's incredible. And that's what's possible. So what is Paul really doing? What is the magic thing he's doing? It's nothing he's saying. I did not give him a magical pickup line. I did give him some good openers that make sense to use in different situations, but I didn't give him some kind of magical piece of information because guess what? Here's what you need to know about attracting women, especially about approaching women and attracting them, and that is Information is overrated. Action is underrated. If you're like most single men, You're listening to my podcast. Thank you. Or you're on YouTube. You're consuming content. You're consuming information. But I'll bet you that you have not taken nearly as much action as compared to the information you've taken in. Am I close? Like, let me ask you this. In the last 6 months, how many attractive women have you walked up to and tried to flirt with, said something to them? Any? Maybe 0? It's probably a very low number, maybe 0. Here's my next question. In the last 6 months, how much time have you spent consuming content, dating content either on YouTube or Reddit or podcasts. How much time have you spent consuming content? Several hours, maybe many hours, dozens of hours, 100 hours. I'll bet the number is pretty high. If you're being honest with yourself. So chances are you're immersed in information, and you're not taking action. What Paul did this last week is he said, you know what? I don't need more information. I need to take action. I'm gonna go out, and he went out and talked to 30 Girls. By the way, I gave him my clients missions to do as their coach. I say, okay. Go out and do x, do y, do z. He went out and he tripled what I told him to do. I said, talk to 10 women this week and do x y z. He talked to over 30 because he got so into action mode. And I'm reminded of a quote from one of my old coaches, a guy named Alex. Alex was one of the really good coaches I had back in the day, and Alex had a really great catchphrase he used to use with his clients. And he said this to me. He said, it doesn't really matter what moves you make as long as you're making moves with women and dating. Basically, he was saying, don't overthink how to do it right. Just do something. Try your best, and then the chips are gonna fall. In other words, my translation of that is stop thinking, start taking action. And that's all that Paul's been doing. He's been taking action. I'm gonna read your mind. Ready? I'll bet that you would love to confidently approach women. Get great matches on the dating apps, flirt with charm, and attract your dream girlfriend. Right? But fear keeps you from approaching. You're not sure how to flirt. You struggle on the apps, And desirable women just don't seem into you. Well, I have great news. Dating coach, Connell Barrett, can help. He's guided thousands of men like you to more confidence and help them attract their dream girlfriends. So book a free strategy call today To see if Connell's coaching is right for you. On your call, Connell or a team member will give you personalized advice to help you have more confidence, More dates and more fun. Oh, and you'll be dating women as your best self, a charming gentleman. That's because Connell does not teach creepy pickup artist tricks. He unlocks your most confident self so you can make authentic romantic Connections. Your next steps? Book your free call today at dating transformation.comforward/contact and grab a time that works for you. Then you'll be on your way to more confidence, better results, and attracting bright, beautiful women.Oh, So you know, soon Connell will stop taking on new clients. So book a call today while you still can. Go to dating transformation.com Forward slash contact and transform your love life. Bye. He's not too immersed in information. And you wanna ask yourself how much time am I actually taking action? By action, by the way, here's my definition of action. I'm talking about actions that can lead to good dating results. K? I'm talking about romantic risks. I'm talking about an action that is uncomfortable. K? Not just comfortable action, but uncomfortable action. Because guess what? It's not entirely comfortable the first time you start walking up to women and trying to flirt with them. It's scary. It's not comfortable the 1st time you go for that 1st kiss on a date, or maybe you have a crush. Maybe there's a woman in your life who you would love to ask out, and you're too caught up in information as opposed to Action. So beware the tyranny of information overload. Information is overrated. Action is underrated. I'll use myself as an example of what not to do. I never went out and approached a single woman in my entire life till I was 38 years old. 38 years. I went before talking, approaching a woman. And but I'd wanted to do it for years before that. I can't mean there had been hundreds of girls I'd seen out in the world I would have loved to have talked to, but Something held me back. And one of the things that held me back was this desire to do it right, to do the right thing, to say the right thing. What do I say? How do you approach? What's the right move? And I told myself I can't take action until I have the information. And that was my mistake. Well, one of my mistakes was I waited 38 years until I felt like I was gonna have some okay. Now I know the perfect Cold approach, cool pickup line to use. Now that I have this, I'm gonna go out and take action. Guess what? I never got it. I never got the magical line because there's not one. There is no such thing as that magical pickup line. There's no such thing as the perfect thing to say all the time to every woman. There's no perfect information. What there is is action. It's you taking action, taking a romantic risk, and surrendering to uncertainty. To really take massive action, you have to get vulnerable, and you have to surrender to uncertainty. You see that attractive woman up at the bar, and you think, oh, wow. I would love to go talk to her. I don't know how it's gonna go. I'm not even sure if what I say is gonna work but I'm just gonna take action. And then at least you'll get the reference point. You'll approach. You'll talk. She'll answer. It'll go how it goes. Maybe her eyes will light up. Maybe you'll throw up in your mouth. I don't know. But at least you're gonna get a new reference point, and you're gonna feel so you're. You're gonna feel so much better about getting into action mode. Here's the thing about action mode. Here's what's so great about it is once you get out of information zone information mode into action mode, then you get momentum. You get momentum. You start to feel really good. You start to see maybe you see some good results happen. That will change your life. That'll make you feel amazing. Or maybe you don't have results right away, but you learn some lessons Or you just feel good that you're out there stepping up. So back to Paul. Paul was going out and approaching women this week. The 1st 15 or 16 he approached, he said he didn't really feel super comfortable, super confident until about halfway through into the mid teens. And then all of a sudden, he said all of a sudden, he said, Connell, I just felt like I didn't care anymore. I didn't give a damn. I was just feeling good that I was taking action. That is when he said women started really responding to him and smiling and giving him their phone numbers. And it was after he had that moment of realizing that He could let go of how it went. He let go of judging himself on what he said, and he let go of how that approach went. And he'd put his entire focus on taking action. One of my mantras is that every approach is a plus plus plus plus plus. Everyone's a 10 out of 10 because either you get a great outcome or you get a lesson, you get a reference, you get to feel like you're a man of action. So really what happened with Paul, now that I'm playing this out in my mind live on the pod, is he had an identity shift this week. He said, you know who I am? I am not Little Paul, the guy who's afraid to approach girls, he had an identity switch. He said, you know what? I am Paul, man of action. I am a man who takes risks, takes action. Some women are gonna love it. Some women might not be into me, and that's okay because I have an abundance of great options, and I have so much to give. It's basically the shift he had. But guess what? How do you get to that shift? You can't get it through information. You're not gonna get it through YouTube videos. You're not gonna get it through, Reddit. God knows if that's not gonna help you. You're not gonna get it just and only by just listening to this podcast. And I'm very proud of my podcast. I'm really proud of my coaching. I think I'm the best dating coach for men in the world, not just because of the results my clients get, but because they're doing it through the lens of authentic action, being their best selves, showing women their real vulnerable selves, empathy and respect for women. But that's That's not enough. They need to take action. And the right the right action and the right interaction can change your life much more than any piece of information content that you consume can. So I tell this to my clients too. I say, look, I'm the best dating coach in the world, but the right 5 minute approach with the right woman is worth more to you than an hour on a coaching call with me or anything that I can tell you in terms of information. In other words, you know, if you go up to the right, you go up to a given woman and have the right kind of lesson in that moment through action, you're gonna have a breakthrough. You're gonna say, woah, that's That's the vibe of man to woman flirting that women love. I'm just gonna do that. Or, Woah. I've never had a woman that beautiful, that attractive. Give me her phone number and tell me how glad she was that I came up to her. And in that moment, that guy's identity can change. So the thing is action leads to priceless return on investment and outcomes. Information can only get you so far. So, yeah, I think I'm the best dating coach on the planet. However, I'm hopefully humble enough to realize the right action you take is gonna be more valuable to you than any piece of information I can Give you on this podcast or in my book or in my coaching. So please please please please make a commitment. Turn off this podcast. Stop listening to me. Not literally. Please keep listening if you want to. But don't only listen. Take as much action as you can that is equivalent to the amount of content you're consuming.My old coach, Owen, Owen Cook, used to say he said this at a seminar once. He said for every hour you spend at a seminar, you should be out approaching women. It should be at least 1 to 1. I think that's great advice. I think that's really good advice.

Rejection, ghosting, loneliness, Lack of dates and lack of confidence. For many men, dating just sucks, but it doesn't have to. There's a simple yet powerful way to gain instant confidence and attract a great girlfriend. Be radically authentic. It's all laid out in the number 1 Amazon best selling book. Dating sucks, but you don't. You're a step by step guide to attracting wonderful women And doing it with total authenticity. Author and dating coach, Connell Barrett, has had and fixed all the dating problems that you struggle with. He's also helped thousands of men gain confidence and find love. He's put his best tips and strategies into dating sucks, but you don't So that you can confidently approach women and get dates. Become magnetic and attractive Even if you're not tall or great looking, always know what to say to make sparks fly. Get lots of great matches and dates on the dating apps, and attract your dream woman. You can find Dating Sucks, but you don't on Amazon Or wherever books are sold in paperback, Kindle, and audiobook. Getting dating sucks, but you don't today. To transform your confidence and Find your dream girl. Yeah. So don't be an information junkie. Don't be an information junkie. Be an action junkie. Become an action junkie just like Paul has become. Become a man of action.

 It's funny. I used to go to all these dating, pickup, seminars as a student when I was learning these things. And I remember There was this guy, Gerald. Gerald was a regular at these different conventions, and I went to Vegas, I went to Miami, I went to London, I went to all these different, like, kinda dating and pickup conventions. And so I'd see the same faces from time to time. And Gerald, I remember him being a gentle kinda soft spoken heavyset guy, little bit chunky, and he had all of these notebooks from all these different seminars. And he was this amazing note taker. So he would write down every tip, every nugget of wisdom that a given coach would say. He had all these notebooks filled with content. And I remember I chatted with him one day, and I said and I had been taking quite a bit of action at that point, I'm happy to say. I was meeting a lot of women, taking action, approaching, and I was on my journey of getting better with women and dating. And, anyway, I started talking to Gerald one day, and I said, hey. How's it going? How's your, how's your dating life? How are you? How's the approach going? And he said, oh, I haven't approached I haven't approached anybody yet. And I said, what do you mean? Look at all these notebooks. What have you been up to? He said, oh, well, I'm just, You know, I'm just I wanna get the theory right. I wanna make sure I know the theory before I go out and start doing this. And I said, Oh, alright. Okay. Fine. And I didn't really think about it that much at the time. But I later realized, oh, man. Gerald is stuck. He's stuck in a stasis. He's stuck in the information paradigm, the content paradigm. And what that means is it's a form of creative avoidance. Our brains are always trying to give us ways to avoid something that's uncomfortable. Now that that thing might be something valuable and life changing and so important to you, but it also might feel uncomfortable. So your brain is always looking for ways to sabotage you and make you keep you in stasis to conserve energy, to concerts and conserve mental calories, to keep you safe, to keep you from feeling rejected. Our brains are an evolutionary mechanism. And what Gerald was doing was giving himself a quote, unquote good reason not to go approach women. The good reason was, oh, I just need more content. I need more theory, but that's actually not a good reason. It's creative avoidance, giving yourself an excuse not to do the uncomfortable thing, and go approach that beautiful woman in the coffee shop or the bar. And he was afraid to do that.I'm fairly certain because he just didn't wanna feel rejected. He didn't wanna deal with the discomfort, the awkwardness, the pain of projection. So he gave himself a get out of jail clause, which let me read more tips. Let me take more seminars. So don't be a seminar junkie. Don't be a Podcast junkie. Don't be an information junkie. Be an action junkie.Be somebody who if you're gonna consume information, if you're if you're really into YouTube videos and podcasts and books, awesome. Take in everything you want. Look. I wrote a book about dating. I have a podcast about dating. I am a pro theory. I'm not anti content. I'm not anti information.But, again, information's overrated. Action is underrated. So become a man of action. How do you do that? Here, let me lee let, leave you with some practical tips. After this Podcast is over, write on a piece of paper. Five actions, Five uncomfortable actions you want to take that could help your dating life. Write them down. I don't know what exactly those are, but they might be things like, I want to begin to approach 3 gorgeous women every week.I want to ask out my crush, Susie. I want to go for that 1st kiss on a 1st date, but I'm afraid. So I'm gonna do it. So write out the action list, Specific measurable actions that are not about consuming content. And then simply take this list and then choose a start date. Whatever the start date is, press the button. Starting on October 5th, every single day or every single week, I'm gonna take these actions and then you decide to do it. You make that decision to take action. That's how you get out of information land. You also make your own agreement with yourself. You give yourself a rule, and you heed the advice of my old coach, Owen, and basically say, alright. Every hour, I consume content about dating. I'm gonna go out and Approach Girls, or I'm gonna go online and swipe and work on my online dating profile, or I'm gonna go to a speed dating event. Start taking measurable actions. Information's overrated. Action is underrated. And, I learned this myself. The opening chapter of my book, I tell the story about finally going out on the town and approaching women for the first time in 38 years. I'd never done it before. And I was so nervous. I was so scared, and I walked up to a beautiful woman, the first approach I ever did, and Nothing bad happened. She wasn't into me. She was a pretty girl with a cowboy hat on a rooftop bar in New York City in 2000 and eight, and nothing bad happened. She wasn't super into me. She also did not run away and say I was creepy.She just chatted with me for about a minute, and then she went away back to her friends. And I remember thinking, that's what I've been afraid of all these years. That's not so bad. I can handle that. If that's as bad as rejection gets, that's not that's no big deal, and it felt so good to get into action mode. And about 7 or 8 approaches later that night, I approached an incredibly attractive, interesting young woman, and we ended up hitting it off that night and going out together later that night. So basically that was the night I decided no more information or at least not primarily information and content. It's time to take action.So stop listening to this damn podcast. Stop consuming information and start taking action. That is your mission, should you choose to accept it, young Skywalker. Oh, wait. I just combined Mission Impossible and Star Wars. Oops. It happens. Anyway, thank you so much for listening.

Until next time, and remember, Your future awesome wonderful girlfriend. She's already out there. I mean, she's out there, and she already likes you. She just has to meet the real authentic you. I'll see you next time. Thank you for listening to the dating transformation podcast. For lots of free tips, videos, and other goodies, go to dating transformation.com. See you next time.

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