Intro:

Damn. She has the sexiest walk I've seen since Obama was president.

Welcome to the dating transformation podcast. Here's your host, dating coach, Connell Barrett.

Connell Barrett:

Alright. Welcome back to the Dating Transformation Podcast. I am your host, dating coach, Connell Barrett. I'm here to help you flirt, gain confidence, get dates, And find a great girlfriend and do it all by being authentic. And here's what I want to get to today. I'm really psyched for this. This is gonna be about a 20 minute pod, a little bit on the short side, but I'm gonna pack so much value and insight into it. I think it's gonna blow your mind the way you look at 1st 2nd dates. Because of today's pod, I'm gonna talk about How to stop getting ghosted after 1st dates. How to stop Getting that next day message. Hey. I'm just not into you. Well, women don't say that. Hey. I just wasn't feeling the spark. If you struggle with hitting that 1st and second date wall and a really cool, attractive woman Who you have a good conversation with. If the date flows well, you think it goes well, but then she goes quiet. She's not interested. She just says, I'm not feeling it. Today, I'm gonna help you fix that. I'm gonna help you figure out how to fix the The holes in your love life, specifically on 1st 2nd dates. So I wanna talk to you about the 5 escalators. There are 5 escalators, 5 core escalators that you want to understand are at play on a 1st date. Most Men don't even know they're there. And even if you know they're there, you still have to consciously, for the most part, consciously go up these escalators. When I say escalators, I'm talking about mutual win-win romantic escalation, where you're pushing things forward and she's Following you happily into it. Basically, you're leading the dance she's following and you end with a 1st or a 2nd date where you guys are making out or you're just really connecting and as people and or both, And she's chasing you and showing you interest and letting you know she wants to see you again. And, So the there are 5 escalators. So I'm gonna talk about the 5 escalators, what they are, and how to go up all 5 of them. Let me do it by Telling you a story. So I was on a 1st date. Once upon a time, back when I was figuring all of this out, I was on a 1st date With the woman the woman I'll call I'll call her Vanessa. So Vanessa and I were on a first date, and She has had and probably has long, beautiful brown hair. She's very tall and thin, Very statuesque, very modelesque, very attractive, also very, fun, easy to talk to. And I was just super excited about the date. I wanted it to go well. So we met at a bar, we had I'm sorry, we had a drink at a hotel bar and then we moved to a 2nd location, a rooftop bar for the 2nd location in a cool lounge here in New York City where I live. And I was about Let's say, I guess, we were about 2 hours into the date and up to that point, we'd had a lot of fun. We had gotten to know each other a little bit. We're having a good time, but there was no romantic spark. There was no romantic spark. So, and I remember thinking to myself, okay, Connell, you've got to escalate this in at least 1, maybe 2 ways. And what I realized I was doing or not doing was I had not said anything verbally intentful to her. I had not given her a verbally intentful statement. I hadn't basically said something like, you're sexy. I really like x y z about you. It's sexy. It's attractive. And I also had not touched her very much at all other than a quick hug, hello. And then when we moved from one Venue to the 2nd venue, I had put my arm out in that gentlemanly way, please take my elbow kind of way, and she took my arm. It was a little bit of physical touch, but we hadn't. I hadn't really expressed myself. I hadn't expressed myself through some physical expression. Anyway, so we're about midway through the 2nd venue on date number 1, and I'm in my head a little bit thinking, okay, I gotta say or do something because I feel like this is headed toward her saying, hey. I just wasn't feeling it. Had fun with you, but I just wasn't feeling it. So she gets up, and she walks toward the women's restroom across this lounge floor in the lounge. And I remember watching her, And I just remember looking at her thinking, damn, she has the sexiest walk I've seen since Obama was president or whatever I thought. That is the most sexy runway walk. Damn. She probably weighed 109 pounds, 5 foot 9, but every atom of her was moving the way that I enjoyed seeing. And she walks toward the ladies' room, and I have this thought, oh my god. That's the sexiest, hottest, most amazing walk I've seen in a long time on a date anyway. And I said to myself, hold on to that. Don't let go of that. Say that to her. Be authentic. Share your real thoughts and feelings. And so she comes back again walking toward me, and I'm thinking, tell her, say it. So she sits down next to me and I lean over to her and I say, Hey, I gotta tell you something. And as I lean toward her, I also put my arm around her shoulder and I pull her close as if to share a secret. And I said, Hey, come here. I gotta tell you something. Arm over her shoulder.

My lips are right pressed against her ear in secret telling mode. And I sayI'm gonna read your mind. Ready? I'll bet that you would love to confidently approach women. Get great matches on the dating apps, flirt with charm, and attract your dream girlfriend. Right? But fear keeps you from approaching. You're not sure how to flirt. You struggle on the apps. And desirable women just don't seem into you. Well, I have great news. Dating coach, Connell Barrett, can help. He's guided thousands of men like you to more confidence and help them attract their dream girlfriends. So book a free Strategy call today to see if Connell's coaching is right for you. On your call, Connell or a team member will give you personalized Advice to help you have more confidence, more dates, and more fun. Oh, and you'll be dating women as your best self, A charming gentleman. That's because Connell does not teach creepy pickup artist tricks. He unlocks your most confident self So you can make authentic romantic connections. Your next steps? Book your free call today at dating transformation.com/contact and grab a time that works for you. Then you'll be on your way to more confidence, better results, and attracting bright, beautiful women. Oh, so you know, soon Connell will stop taking on new clients. So book a call today while you still can. Go to dating transformation.com/contact and transform your love life. Bye.

You have The sexiest, most incredible walk I have seen in I don't know how long in years. And she swooned is a strong word, but she, She melted into me and all of a sudden as I touched her, I should say it with my arm over her shoulder and I whispered in her ear, she places both of her hands on my chest and she starts touching me back. And so now we're basically embracing and she laughed and said, Oh, well, I did do some modeling when I was in my twenties. She's early thirties. I did some modeling in my twenties and I learned how to walk in that model way. And I said, you really learned how to walk in that model way. I couldn't take my eyes off you when you were walking away, nothing fancy there, but I was just, I was being really verbally, intently clear about how I was feeling about her and what her beauty and general all feminine energy, general vibe was doing to me. And also the physical move also sent her a message, Sent her the message that said, 'Hey, this guy is not afraid to make a move, to take a small or medium romantic chance.' And she accepted that the risk of the action was accepted. She touched me back. And then the next thing you know, she and I are making out in the bar, all over each other. I, well, I shouldn't say making out, like, we weren't, we weren't, we weren't like doing it inappropriately. We just had a really nice first kiss Because as she touched me back and my arm was over her shoulder, I could smell her perfume. Her body pressed against mine and I and and All of a sudden we were, like, connected as one. And then I I kissed her. It was pretty easy at that point because I knew she wanted me to. And all of this happened in about 30 seconds from the time she sat down to us embracing each other and having that first kiss. And yes, she absolutely wanted to see me again. She was asking me, she asked me out, 2 days later, which most women, many women don't do. Most women don't. And Vanessa asked me out. She invited me to a live music event. So clearly she wanted to keep seeing me and I wanted to keep seeing her. Everybody wins. So what is the purpose of the story? Well, I had these 5 escalators and I needed to make a decision during that 1st date to go up 2 of these escalators to give this 1st date a really good chance of a strong, romantic, mutual connection. So I basically made a decision. Okay, I've got to escalate verbally and I've got to physically non verbally. The escalators were the 2 escalators I had not gone up on, pardon my grammar. So let me backtrack now and give you some more context. Here are the 5 escalators. These are 5 escalators you have that are always at play that are always there to go up if you so choose or to try to. Here are the 5 escalators of a date, Any 1st date or 2nd date basically. 1st basically think of this as escalators from day 1 through 3, especially 1st dates. We're mainly talking about 1st dates in this episode. The 1st escalator is going from, it is called it's the fun The fun, playful escalator from 1 to 10. Let's call it a 1 to 10 scale. 1 is a boring, Tedious conversation about taxes and politics and the weather. And ten is laughing your ass off, having a blast. You just, you're just having a time in your life. So the 1st escalator is fun and playful. Now the 2nd escalator is going from less personal conversation to more personal. So 1 to 10 would be number 1 would be, Hey, nice meeting you. How's your day? And 10 is you know, everything she knows your deepest fears and hopes and dreams. And you know hers. The 3rd escalator is verbal intent, Clear verbal intent where you let her know that there's something about her you find sexy, amazing, attractive. So number 1 would be basically, hey, you look nice. How are you treating her like you're her friend or your sister? Number, what I did when I said your, when I said to Vanessa, your walk is so sexy, I would say that's, about a 7 on the one to 10 scale. And you can go up to 10. 10 would be basically, I wanna take you home and, Kiss you all over in the dark and go down on you until your toes curl with pleasure. Okay. That would be something like a 10. Number 4, the 4th escalator is PhysicalNonverbal touching, looking at her with some romantic intent, Using your body basically mainly physical, but also eye contact, voice, how you use your body. One to 10 scale, 1 is not touching at all. You're sitting on your hands, never touching her. 10 is, obviously, sex, intimacy. And then along the way, there's things like high fives, Hand holding, kissing, all on that scale of 1 to 10. And the 5th and final logistical I'm sorry. The 5th and final Date escalator is logistical. That just means where you are, where you are physically together. One to 10 scale, one is you don't. You meet up at that 1st spot wherever that is a bar, coffee shop, whatever and you don't go anywhere you just stay there. And a 10 would be you go to a couple other places, you go to another bar, you go to take a walk, You hang out on a park bench, then maybe you go back to your rooftop or your apartment, and then eventually your or her bedroom. That's obviously escalating as far as we can go to the bedroom, right? So those are the 5 escalators, and So let's go back to the story I opened with Vanessa and me. I was doing really well on the fun escalator, really well. Women have a good time with me. Happy to say. The second one, personal, less personal to more personal. Really, we were doing really well. I was learning all about her. She was learning about me. I think these first 2 escalators are the most important. We gotta have a sense of fun and playfulness, And she has to feel like she's getting to know you and meeting you. I'm sorry, meeting the real you and learning and, and, and escalating things and just learning more about each other on a personal level. What I hadn't been doing though, up until I made that move, was I hadn't done the 3rd escalator verbal Verbal intent, nor had I really touched her very much. I I was not using my physicality. So then we had done 1 logistical venue change. So but I wasn't doing Escalate I wasn't going up escalator 3 or escalator 4. And it was so helpful to have that tool in my mind, have the skill set to be able to know, okay, the state's going okay, But it could be going great. How can I make it go great? I said to myself. And I realized, Oh, damn. I could say something much more verbally flirtatious to her and see how that lands. And I can also make a little bit of a physical move, Throw my arm around her, whisper in her ear with my lips close to her ear, me, my breath whispering on her. That's a physical move and it was those so I basically, I made 2 moves in 1, a dovetail physical escalation plus that verbal intent. Now by the way, I wasn't thinking about this all in this logistical and I'm sorry, analytical, logical way, like I'm talking about it now. I was just on a date with a really cool, attractive, bright woman. And I made a move because it felt like the right thing to do. It felt authentic. It was real. I wanted to say it. I wanted to share with her, and I wanted to see if she was liking me as much as I was liking her. Turns out she was. Rejection, ghosting, loneliness, Lack of dates and lack of confidence. For many men, dating just sucks, but it doesn't have to. There's a simple yet powerful way to gain instant confidence and attract a great girlfriend. Be radically authentic. It's all laid out in the number 1 Amazon best selling book, Dating Sucks, But You Don't. Your step by step guide to attracting wonderful women and doing it with total authenticity. Author and dating coach, Connell Barrett, has had and fixed all the dating problems that you struggle with. He's also helped thousands of men gain confidence and find love. He's put his best tips and strategies into dating sucks, but you don't so that you can confidently approach women and get dates, become magnetic and attractive Even if you're not tall or great looking, always know what to say to make sparks fly. Get lots of great matches and dates on the dating apps, and attract your dream woman. You can find Dating Sucks, but you don't on Amazon or wherever books are sold, In paperback, Kindle, and audiobook. Get Dating Sucks, but You Don't Today. To transform your confidence and find your dream girl. So please don't think about this as some agenda you have to apply or something that's gonna get stuck in your logical mind. Just know right now there are these 5 escalators. And so how can you use these 5 escalators? Well, the first thing you can do is use This, matrix, this frame, this model updating these 5 escalators, Use it to diagnose your next date or maybe diagnose the last 1st date you had. On your last 1st date with the woman who you were into on a scale of 1 to 10. What number did you hit for fun and playfulness? One to 10. What number did you hit for talking about each other more personally? You are sharing and also learning about her. Number 3, Verbal intent escalator. How did you say anything to her like, you look sexy. You are gorgeous. Did you flirt with her with clear verbal interest? Did you number 4, did you touch her at all? Did you hug? Hello? Did you give her some fun high fives? Did you thumb wrestle? Did you whisper in her ear? Did you brush the hair out of her eyes? Did you hold her hand? Did you go for a kiss? Did you invite her over to get intimate if you and she are feeling it? And then the 5th logistical I'm sorry, the 5th, the 5th escalator is logistical, meaning did you just sit on the same barstool for 4 hours Or did you go to different places? Women like variety. They like to move around from at least 1 spot to a second, maybe even a 3rd. And by the way, moving to multiple spots will make it easier for you to move to her place or your place if you both want that. So First thing you can do is diagnose some of your past dates and be brutally honest. Be really honest here and say, alright. What one to 10 scale, how far did I go up these escalators? I just did a coaching call last night with a cool gentleman and he's been really struggling on 1st 2nd dates. He's a brand new client of mine. We haven't actually begun his Actual official testing. But we're diagnosing the problem and he's been getting stuck in that 1st and second date friend zone. We went through these 5 escalators and 4 out of the 5, he was down at a 2 or 3 out of 10. That's why he's struggling. And so if you find out which of these escalators you are or are not going up, and then start to dial up. Now you don't have to get to 10. I'm not saying you need to, get to a 10 on any of these. You just want to be walking up well, it's an escalator. You don't walk up an escalator unless it's broken. But you want to be going up that escalator. And it doesn't have to be a 10 out of 10. You just want to look and see, Hey, where do I have a really low number here? And then what you can do is learn from your numbers, your grade you give yourself. And on your next date, Prioritize is definitely fun. Definitely personal, going from less personal to more personal. And you wanna say at least 1 verbally, intentful, flirtatious thing. It assumes, you know, again, assuming you're attracted to her.

Those first 3 escalators are fun, personal, and verbal intent. Those are the 3 most important, generally. And if you want to have an incredible first date that ends with you and her making out sparks flying, Even hooking up, if that's what you both want, then you're gonna want to go up all 5 escalators. And, it's a dance that you lead. If she is great, that's dating. If she doesn't, if she doesn't follow you up some of these escalators, read the room, Read the situation, use empathy, notice how she's feeling, figure out if you need to go back, you need to calibrate. That's a beautiful thing to calibrate. Make some adjustments. Don't mindlessly execute escalation Like some weird pickup artist. Don't do that. Just think of these 5 escalators as, hey. These are 5, These were 5. It's almost like they're 5 different dances and you just want to lead her on these 5 dances. And if she follows, enjoy. And if she doesn't, that's okay too. Lots of women out there, lots of fish in the sea. You're not meant to have great sparks with every woman. But this diagnosis, knowing these 5 escalators, will absolutely transform your dating Outcomes. So it'll give you clarity, it'll help you know what to do next time, it'll give you a roadmap to Assess a date if it goes well, you'll know why. If it doesn't, I'll bet you'll be able to look at these escalators and say, oh, I need to take, I need to take things up a notch. Okay. That's the end of today's pod about the 5 escalators. Thank you so much. I'll talk to you next time, and remember your dream girlfriend. She's out there. She already likes you. She just has to meet the real you. Till next time. Thank you for listening to the dating transformation podcast. For lots of free tips, videos, and other goodies, Go to dating transformation.com. See you next time.

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