Intro:

So basically, bro, you don't need towering height. You need towering confidence.

Welcome to the Dating Transformation podcast. Here's your host, dating coach, Connell Barrett.

Connell Barrett:

Welcome back to the Dating Transformation podcast. I'm your host, dating coach Connell Barrett. I'm here to help you learn to flirt, gain confidence, and attract an incredible girlfriend, and do it all with authenticity, being a real true best you. And today, I wanna do a special episode for men who struggle with their lack of height, which leads to a lack of confidence. So if you're under 5 foot 9, 5 foot 8, if your height makes you gets you stuck in your head, makes you feel less attractive to women, if you think that women or you know that women are blowing you off or rejecting you because you're 55, 56, 54, or shorter, this episode is for you. I wanna talk with you about how to date successfully and confidently no matter what your height is. And I wanna read a letter, an email I got from a person in my audience, and this is from Gerald in New York City. So think of this episode as a special episode.

It's a one question episode from Gerald. Here we go. He says, dear Connell, I'm 5 feet 5. Women I meet reject me, and I don't get matches on the dating apps. I'm lonely and low in confidence, and I've almost given up hope. So I'm considering a painful procedure in which my legs would be broken and lengthened to make me a few inches taller. It costs about $100,000. I know it's radical, but I'm desperate.

Should I go through with it? Gerald, New York City, 28 years old. Well, first of all, thank you for the note, the email, Gerald. And, by the way, 100 k to have your legs broken, that's a lot of cash to have your legs broken. I know a guy down at the docks, Nikki the Nostril, he goes by. He'll do it for way less. All you gotta do is miss one of your payments, and he'll do it for, basically, for free. So, anyway, Gerald, I feel your frustration, man. I have never broken a bone, but my heart absolutely breaks when I see a good guy like you struggle with loneliness simply because of your lack of height, and it shouldn't be this way.

Dating should not be this way. So what I'm what I'm about to say to you, I say this with love and empathy and good intentions, which is this, are you fucking bonkers? Are you effing crazy? Think about it. You're gonna be volunteering to pay about $100 to suffer a grotesque physical trauma the likes of which one would associate with a high speed car crash or a piano falling on you, all in the hopes of becoming slightly, maybe more swipeable on Tinder for about 2 or 3 inches. And I guess another question I have for you is, are you sure that gaining just 2 or 3 extra inches is even gonna make a difference? Is that really gonna fix things? I'm 6 foot 2. Meh, maybe 6 1. I'm 6 2, and I have my poofy fauxhawk going. And I had epic dating struggles up until my mid thirties. I was lonely.

I was dateless. I had one woman, really, one woman into my thirties who I was really into. I married her, and she dumped me 9 weeks later. And that was what set me off on the path to become good at dating and confident and eventually a dating coach. And so I had epic dating struggles until I learned what really attracts women, no matter what your height is, which I'll get to in a second. So, yeah, Gerald, are you even sure that 2 or 3 more inches is gonna make that big of a difference? You're not going from 55 to 65. You're going from 55 to maybe 58 after a pretty traumatic event is happening to your legs, talking about multiple broken bones. Now I will concede a couple things here.

I will absolutely concede that dating bias against shorter men is real, especially on the apps. Many women do filter out guys who fall beneath a certain height threshold. There was actually one study that reported that a typical 5 foot 6 man has to earn $175,000 more annually than his 5 foot 11 inch counterpart guy would in order to be seen as desirable to women as that taller guy. So I get it. I do see that there is a bias here against height. But you know what? There's a bias against lots of different parts of us. There's lots of different biases in dating. There's bias against height.

Sure. There's bias against age. I'm 52. On the dating apps, plenty of women filter me out because they're not even seeing me because they might stop at 40 or 30 or 50. There's bias against looks on dating apps. There's bias against ethnicity. So while the bias against your height does hurt, and I do feel that pain, it's part of the game, or it's I should say it's part of the rules of dating. There are just certain biases we have to deal with.

But guess what? The good news is there are ways to get around those biases and fix the issues that you're talking about here. But, anyway, it's really not. It's no wonder that you're thinking of doing this procedure, which is called leg lengthening. I did a little research after you wrote me the question, Gerald, and it's interesting. Leg lengthening is a real booming trend. Now, traditionally, leg lengthening was a procedure performed to correct malformed legs. Some people are born with one leg significantly longer than the other. That can affect the way somebody walks, their gait. So that's usually typically why these procedures were done.

Also, if somebody suffered an injury in an automobile accident, it affected their legs, Leg lengthening procedures could be used. But lately, more and more guys, mostly guys, are having this work done to get taller, to boost their self esteem, and to try to improve their dating lives. So just in the last 5 years, leg lengthening procedures in the US have increased by an estimated 900%, and 85%, roughly, 85% of those procedures are men. And there's no data on how many of those are dating related, but I have no doubt that it's a huge number. And the procedure you're considering, Gerald, let's look at this procedure because it is not fun. It's a 4 hour procedure. It entails breaking both femurs, and then the doctor would insert telescopic titanium nails down the center of your bones. Over the next 90 days, a magnetic device inside would pull the cut bone apart at a rate of about 1 millimeter per day.

And then over the course of the next 3 or so months, the body makes new bone material to fill in the gaps. And then about 3 months later, you're 2 or 3 inches taller. Now the downsides potential downsides are

I'm gonna read your mind. Ready? I'll bet that you would love to confidently approach women. Get great matches on the dating apps, flirt with charm, and attract your dream girlfriend. Right? But fear keeps you from approaching. You're not sure how to flirt. You struggle on the apps, and desirable women just don't seem into you. Well, I have great news. Dating coach, Connell Barrett, can help.

He's guided thousands of men like you to more confidence and help them attract their dream girlfriends. So book a free strategy call today to see if Connell's coaching is right for you. On your call, Connell or a team member will give you personalized advice to help you have more confidence, more dates, and more fun. Oh, and you'll be dating women as your best self charming gentleman. That's because Connell does not teach creepy pickup artist tricks. He unlocks your most confident self so you can make authentic romantic connections. Your next steps? Book your free call today at dating transformation.comforward/contact, and grab a time that works for you. Then you'll be on your way to more confidence, better results, and attracting bright, beautiful women.

Oh, so you know, soon Connell will stop taking on new clients. So book a call today while you still can. Go to dating transformation.comforward/contact and transform your love life. Bye.

First of all, you're gonna endure terrific pain. You're having a double leg fracture? That's gonna hurt. So there's a lot of pain from this procedure followed by weeks, if not months, in a wheelchair, followed by 3 or 4 more months of physical therapy. And the potential complications include things like blood clots, infections, poor bone reformation, re breakage. Imagine you're shooting hoops 6 months later, a year later with your friends. You go up for a rebound, you come down, and crack. Re broken leg. Very possible.

And there's also rare but potentially fatal consequences in very isolated incidents. I won't bore you with it. I'm not a doctor at all, and I have no medical background at all. But the article I was reading talked about how sometimes a certain kind of infection can travel from the legs to the lungs and become potentially fatal, and this is all to be just a little bit taller. So, yes, your height in dating is a challenge. I should say your lack of height is a challenge to an extent, and it's a bummer, and I wish you didn't have to deal with it. I seriously do. But the main problem is not your height.

I guess that's the big moment I wanna bring to you today. Your problem is not your height. The real issues are 2 other things. The real problem is, number 1, you believe the myth that all women only wanna date tall men, and this kills your confidence. It kills your confidence. And number 2, this lowered confidence makes you a much less attractive man to women. In other words, bro, it's about your head. It's not about your height.

And I want you to take this as good news. This is great news, by the way, because it's a lot easier to strengthen your mindset than it is to make your legs longer. It's a lot easier. So let's look at this. Let's bust this myth that's really hurting you, this myth that women only want tall men. The truth is for the typical woman, it's not really about a guy's height. It's about how a guy's height makes her feel. Feminine, safe, small, protected.

It helps her get into that feminine essence. A taller man can make her feel that way. Now a shorter man like you can give her those same feelings of femininity, safeness, smallness. You just have to do it in a different way than a tall guy can do it. Right? You can get ripped at the gym. You can hone a really charismatic, confident personality. You can work really hard on your mindset, your self confidence, and walk through the world with a steely self certainty. Women love a man who's very certain in himself and knows his worth and value.

And, by the way, don't get me wrong. I'm not saying that height isn't a virtue for guys. Lots of ladies like guys with height, but I've been a dating coach for almost 12 years now, coming up on 12 years. And I found that most women simply want a guy who's not shorter than she is. Height's like a nice bonus for most women, but, mainly, they just want a guy who's at their height or or a little bit shorter. So this means, Gerald, that you have tens of millions of potential dating options out there because you're 55. The average American woman is 5 4, an inch shorter than you. So you literally have tens of millions of potential dating options in the USA even at 5 5 because women are looking for many, if not most women, who are saying, I want a guy at my height or shorter, but not necessarily 6 foot.

She just wants a guy who's not gonna be, you know, looking up at her. So, again, what's hurting your dating life the most is not your height. It's how your height hurts your confidence and makes you insecure. And it's your lack of confidence. It's your insecurity that I'm certain is turning some women off. If you're approaching women, which you probably aren't doing very much, if at all, but if you are approaching women and you're bringing a sense of insecurity, of fear, of timidity to that approach, you are done. That woman is not gonna be interested in you for very long because she can smell that low self esteem, smell the insecurity, like bad cologne. She's not saying, get away, short man.

She's actually saying, oh, get away, a timid man who doesn't believe in himself. Now that might be related to the height, but it's not caused by the height. It's caused by your mindset.

Rejection, ghosting, loneliness, lack of dates, and lack of confidence. For many men, dating just sucks, but it doesn't have to. There's a simple yet powerful way to gain instant confidence and attract a great girlfriend. Be radically authentic. It's all laid out in the number one Amazon best selling book. Dating sucks, but you don't. Your step by step guide to attracting wonderful women and doing it with total authenticity. Author and dating coach, Connell Barrett, has had and fixed all the dating problems that you struggle with.

He's also helped thousands of men gain confidence and find love. He's put his best tips and strategies into dating sucks, but you don't so that you can confidently approach women and get dates. Become magnetic and attractive even if you're not tall or great looking. Always know what to say to make sparks fly. Get lots of great matches and dates on the dating apps, and attract your dream woman. You can find dating sucks, but you don't on Amazon or wherever books are sold in paperback, Kindle, and audiobook. Getting dating sucks, but you don't today to transform your confidence and find your dream girl.

Let me throw another idea at you. You have the I think a lot of guys like you have this core belief that, you know what? Every woman just wants a tall guy, and, again, that's not true. Many women want a guy who's no shorter than she is. But every woman wants a 6 foot guy. That's total bullshit. I dated a woman. I'll call her Diane. And before she dated me, she became my girlfriend for a while.

Before Diane dated me, Diane's 5 foot 5, as I recall, she went out with a little person. She went out with a guy who's 4 foot 7. And I asked her about this. I was fascinated because I was a dating coach when she and I went out. And so I said, really? You weren't you weren't turned off by his height or his smallness? She said, no. He had a great sense of humor. He had kind of a cool confidence about himself. He was very self effacing about his height.

It didn't bother him. And here's a 5 foot 5, very attractive woman, very quality, intelligent, cool person, just as good heart, and she dated a 4 foot 7 man, a little person, quote, unquote, because of his sense of humor and his confidence in himself. So use Diane as an example of the story that you tell yourself about height is false. So, yeah, for most women, height is just not a top requirement. So, yeah, all women do not want 6 foot tall guys. What do all women want? Pretty much all women? I mean, maybe not a 100%, but, men, pretty darn close. All women want a confident, authentic man who knows his worth and knows how to make her feel special, whether he's 6 foot 4 or 4 foot 6. So think back, Gerald.

Think back to a time when a woman turned you down for a date. Was it really because of your height, or could it be because of how insecure and timid your perceived insufficiency made you feel about yourself? So basically, bro, you don't need towering height. You need towering confidence. Now I can already hear you. You might be saying, hey. Come on. Wait a minute, man. What about the apps? I'm struggling on Tinder and Hinge.

Isn't that about my height? To which I would say to you, why are you talking to a podcast? I can't hear you. But, look, I haven't seen your profile, obviously, but I have a client named Ben. Again, not his real name, but I because I protect my client's privacy. But anyway, Ben, his profile is actually on my homepage. Go to datingtransformation.com, and you'll see Ben's screenshot of his online dating matches. He's 5 foot 6, so he's an inch taller than you, Gerald. And Ben came to me because he was getting zero traction on Hinge. Just crickets.

And he assumed it was because of his height. But I looked at his profile, and then, like, we were pretty clear what the culprit was, what the real problem was. He had really lame photos, unflattering selfies, really boring prompts, and photos that just didn't sell himself in an effective way. Basically, the problem wasn't was not his height. It was his marketing, his online dating marketing. So we updated Ben's profile, and we added some really cool photos of him surfing in Santa Monica. We added some cool, witty, funny prompts. One of his prompts is one of my favorite ones for shorter guys to use.

He wrote on one of his hinge prompts, quote, what I lack in height, I make up for with an 810 credit rating. And, the takeaway, 2 days later, Ben, with these new photos and improved prompts, he had 83 new matches with some really wonderful women. You can see them on my home page. And he was soon going on more dates than he can handle. He was sending me text messages saying, Connell, I had to cancel on 2 or 3 really cute girls because I only had time to go on 3 other dates this week. He actually had more options than he could handle. 5 foot 6. At 5 foot 6.

So there's another hole in the story that women only wanna date tall guys online. No. Women want a man who brings something to their table. And if height is not what you bring to the table, then, find something else to bring to the table, humor, cool photos, great portraits, funny prompts, a cool life, a cool authentic life. And, that is what works. I had another guy. Actually, Michael. My client Michael is even shorter, even shorter than you, Gerald.

Michael's 53. He met his now girlfriend, Allison, on Bumble. Allison's about 53. I think she's the same height as him, maybe an inch shorter, 5 2, 53. And, what she liked about his profile is that he has really cool travel photos. He's got some cool shots of him, like, traveling the world. There's one of him in Japan wearing a kimono, looking really cool, and having, like, a fun high status, fun travel life. Yeah.

And this painted a picture for her about what it would be like to date Michael. She obviously did not care that he's 5 3. She said, oh, he's well dressed. He travels. He's got a cool life. He's, maybe, maybe he's the kind of handsome she likes. Women's opinions are very subjective. Every woman's got her own blueprint for what makes her want to swipe right.

There's not a one size fits all thing here, man. So yeah. And so bet both Ben, Michael, neither of these guys had to get medieval on their own legs. They did not have to break their own bones to attract some great options. So, yeah, my advice to you is I want you to build confidence that comes from your core, not from your height, and build a dating profile that showcases your best authentic awesome self in attractive ways. That's how to do it on dating apps. The way to do it in person is you have to build a real strong sense of self worth that's got nothing to do with your height. Find 10 other amazing things about you that are not height related, that make you feel great, that you're a great catch.

And I'll end with this. I tell every one of my clients, you are enough. Every guy I let know, they are enough. You're enough to get a great girlfriend. You have worth. You have value to women. You don't have to be lonely. So I tell that to every guy.

In your case, Gerald, I mean that literally. Literally. You at 5 foot 5 are enough. There's enough of you there, more than enough. You don't need 3 more inches to become worthy of love. You need to see how worthy you already are and begin to believe it. And as soon as you start to believe it, women will start to believe it as well. Okay.

That is today's episode. Thank you so much for listening, and remember, Gerald and you listening at home, you are enough. You are more than enough to get a great girlfriend, to learn to flirt, to have a wonderful dating life, and to find love. And that dream girlfriend, she's already out there. She is just and she already likes you. She just has to meet the real you. Okay. See you next time.

Thank you for listening to the dating transformation podcast. For lots of free tips, videos, and other goodies, go to datingtransformation.com. See you next time.

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