Connell Barrett:
Welcome back to the How to Get a Girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach Connell Barrett. I'm the real life Hitch, if Hitch was a nerdy ginger with glasses. I'm here to help you learn to flirt, gain confidence, and get a great girlfriend, and do it with authenticity. No sketchy pickup artist moves need it. And this episode is a fun one. We're gonna dial in on exactly how to write online dating openers on Tinder, on Hinge, on Bumble that women respond to. Because chances are, on the dating apps, women don't reply to your openers, usually.You get ghosted. You're probably not sure what to write. You're not sure the right way to send a woman a message and get her to reply to you. At least you're not doing it consistently. And it's frustrating. Right? It's frustrating to have a profile, to swipe, to pay for these dating apps, all this money. And then either you get a match, which feels like you won a scratch off lottery ticket, and then she doesn't reply to your opener. That is so frustrating.Or maybe you send blind openers. Some apps let you send those. Like, on Bumble, you can send that opening compliment even if you haven't matched with her. Not getting responses for those, it just wears you down. So let's fix that. Today, I wanna give you the 3 biggest mistakes you're making with your openers so you can fix them and get more matches that way. So we're gonna fix 3 of the biggest mistakes you're likely making. I'm also gonna give you some very simple tested strategies that my clients and I use to write openers that women love.I'm gonna show you exactly how to write openers. And finally, stick around to the very end. And this is a short pod. It's only gonna be 15 or 20 minutes. But stick around until the end because I'm gonna give you the 12 word opener that you can send to any woman on any dating app, and it works better than pretty much any opener I've ever tested. It's my 12 words. I'm gonna call it my 12 word sexy opener because it uses the word sexy, and women like that. So stick around to the end. I'm gonna give you my 12 word opener that you can literally send to a 100 women, after this episode.Okay. Let's first, let's go into the 3 biggest mistakes that you are making with your online dating openers. Mistake number 1 is chances are your openers are logical and informational rather than being light and playful or having some kind of emotional component. Bottom line is logic and information, that's the opposite of flirting. Women aren't on a dating app to exchange information with you, to answer logical questions, logical statements. So here are some examples of logical, boring informational openers that women typically don't wanna reply to. It could be something factual like, oh, hey. I see you went to Northwestern.What year did you graduate? Or how long have you been working at that law firm? Or any specific piece of information about her, like, oh, I see you grew up in Ohio. When did you leave? And women don't wanna feel like they're being interviewed for pure logic and information. It's totally okay to ask questions. I have no problem with questions. In fact, I love asking fun, flirty questions. But logical, boring informational openers, they just don't reply to those typically, and we wanna fix that. So beware of logical informational and boring openers. I'll give you some examples of how to keep it fun and playful in just a minute.Online dating opener mistake number 2. A big mistake you're making is you're just sending her openers that are cliches. She's heard them before. The most common one is, hey. How are you? How's your day? Hi there. How was your weekend? How was your day going? Women hate, hate, hate these cliches because they get them all the time. I would say a majority of men either don't send openers, they just like the woman on the app, or they do send openers, but it's a cliche. Hey.What are you up to? How's your day? So any variation of, hi. How are you? How's your day? How's your weekend? You're basically asking her to go quiet on you and ghost you, or you're asking her not to reply. So if you wonder, why does a woman match with me, but then not reply to my opener? I thought she liked me. I thought she wanted a chat. Well, she doesn't wanna have a cliched conversation. Okay. So avoid those cliches. In other words, I guess I guess what I'm saying is you want to avoid cliches like the plague.Get it? Okay. And here's the third mistake that you're probably making with your online dating openers. The 3rd mistake is you send openers okay. Maybe they're not cliches. Maybe they're not logical and purely informational. But the third mistake you're likely making is you're sending copy and paste openers that don't feel personalized. Women want an opener, a message to feel like they were specifically written for her. And if it doesn't feel personalized to her, then she's gonna notice that, and it's gonna make her less interested in replying to you.So beware of copy and paste openers that sound like copy and paste openers. And there's a lot of these going around with other so called dating experts, mostly men, who know jack shit about what actually works with women. So, yeah, you don't want a copy and paste opener. And a copy and paste opener is basically something that sounds generic that could be sent to anybody. You know? For example, I saw this going around on some other guru's YouTube channel. It was like, oh, hey there. Hey, you. I saw your profile, and you seem pretty awesome, and I wanted to find out if you wanted to grab coffee with me.And that just reeks of copy and paste one size fits all. And by the way, I have no problem with copy paste openers. I actually personally prefer personalized openers. But, look, you're busy. Maybe you don't want to spend all day thinking about the perfect opener. I'm on your team there. But if you're gonna use copy and paste openers, they need to feel personalized. So those are the 3 big mistakes, logical, boring informational openers, cliches, and openers that just don't feel personalized.So let's talk about what you should do, the art, the secrets, and the right way to send openers. Here's some strategies. Here's some solutions. Think of openers online dating as falling into 1 of 2 categories. You can either send a personalized opener where you clearly make it clear that you read her profile and you mentioned something in her profile that shows you read it. Or you can send a copy and paste opener. But if you decide to go with the latter, the copy and paste opener, it's just gotta feel personalized to her. It can't read that way, and that's hard to do.But I have a great one for you. I have my 12 word sexy opener that's gonna give you a great copy and paste opener to use anytime you want.I'm gonna read your mind. Ready? I'll bet that you would love to confidently approach women. Get great matches on the dating apps, flirt with charm, and attract your dream girlfriend. Right? But fear keeps you from approaching. You're not sure how to flirt. You struggle on the apps. And desirable women just don't seem into you. Well, I have great news.Dating coach, Connell Barrett, can help. He's guided thousands of men like you to more confidence and help them attract their dream girlfriends. So book a free strategy call today to see if Connell's coaching is right for you. On your call, Connell or a team member will give you personalized advice to help you have more confidence, more dates, and more fun. Oh, and you'll be dating women as your best self, a charming gentleman. That's because Connell does not teach creepy pickup artist tricks. He unlocks your most confident self so you can make authentic romantic connections. Your next steps? Book your free call today at dating transformation.comforward/contact and grab a time that works for you.Then you'll be on your way to more confidence, better results, and attracting bright, beautiful women. Oh, so you know, soon, Connell will stop taking on new clients. So book a call today while you still can. Go to dating formation.comforward/contact and transform your love life. Bye.So think of good openers as falling into 1 or 2 categories. You look at her profile and you can either send her something copy and paste or personalized. Let's talk about the personalized approach. Here are 2 or 3 of my favorite strategies. I keep in mind a very simple truth, which is that everyone is most interested in their favorite subject, which is themselves. So when you're sending an online dating opener, the first thing I want you to do is look at her profile. And if you wanna make it personalized, look at her profile and find something specific about her profile that you like and that stands out to you. And then call that out in your opener. you can call it out and you don't need a lot to call it out. Just one simple specific. So for example, let's say I was just texting with a woman on Tinder who I matched with, and my opener was about the fact that she works at a rescue shelter. She works with dogs and volunteers with dogs at a rescue shelter. That really jumped out at me as something interesting and unusual. So I noticed that unusual thing about her, and I mentioned it in my opener, and then I asked her a question about it. So I think my opener was, I forget. I think her name was Catherine. It was, Hey, Catherine. I see that you work at XYZ animal shelter. That's fantastic. That's so cool. And then I asked her a non logical, non boring question. And then I asked her an authentic question. I said, let me ask your opinion. I'm thinking about getting a dog. Should I get a rescue dog, or should I get a breeded dog like a Frenchie? Now I knew what her answer was gonna be, presumably, because she works at a rescue shelter. However, I wanted to give her an emotionally infused question that she wanted to answer. Right? So think about the logical boring approach to this opener would have been, hey, Catherine. I see you work at an animal shelter. Great. How long have you worked there? Again, factual, logical, boring, informational. She may or may not respond to that, but I actually asked her a question that she cares about. She has passion about.Hey, Katherine. I see you work at an animal shelter. I'm thinking about getting a dog. Should I get a rescue, or should I get a Frenchie? What do you think? And, of course, she sent me back a paragraph about the benefits of a rescue and also asking me questions about the kind of dog I wanna get. So she was very engaged by it. It wasn't super, it wasn't flirtatious at all, but it got the conversation started. And really, that's the goal, just to get a good conversation started, one that can become flirtatious. So that's one approach.Think of it this way. Notice what you notice about her profile, something specific, call it out with a compliment or an observation. Hey. I really love that you're into backpacking. I really love that you are a Bill Murray fan like me. Oh my God. I see you're a horror movie fan. That's so cool.It's it's spooky season. So think of compliments plus questions. That's a good way, a specific compliment plus an emotionally charged question. That's a good way to think about how to do a personalized opener. Okay. That's one way to think about it. Another approach I like to an opener is I like to personalize it this way. I call this the, let's call I'm just making this up right now.I call this the axe murderer opener, where let's say you like 2 or 3 things about her profile. Let's say she's the dream woman for you, like, literally the dream woman. She's beautiful. She looks like Gal Gadot. She's intelligent. She's stylish. Just total knockout inside and out. You could send this opener.You would say let's say her name is Sarah. Right? And Sarah's beautiful and into tennis just like you and a huge fan of Coldplay just like you. You might say, hey, Sarah. Okay. Let me get this straight. You like Coldplay, and you love tennis, and you're very stylish and beautiful? Okay. Now you've pointed out some specifics. Then you say, come on.Nobody can be this perfect. Are you secretly an axe murderer? A gentleman must be careful. And you use a little axe emoji, and you use a little laughing emoji. Because, obviously, this is a joke. It's an absurd joke. It's hype, it's hyperbole. And by this this lets you get away with complimenting a woman without coming off like you're fawning over her. You don't wanna fawn over a woman with an opener. You don't wanna say, oh my god. You're so beautiful. You're so gorgeous. You seem so incredible. Would you like to get drinks with me? That's not gonna work because you're not flirting with her. You're fawning with her or you're fawning over her. So instead, you could tease her a little bit or playfully ask her if she's a secret axe murderer. I like the word axe murderer better than serial killer.Just the word serial killer is just so negative and dark. Axe murderer is absurd, especially I'm I'm recording this during the spooky season, so it's fun to think about axe murderers and slashers and horror movies and stuff. So, anyway, yeah, I've used this many times. So here it is again. Hey, name. Let me get this straight, and then list 1 or 2 things that make her the perfect woman for you, basically, or almost the perfect woman. Hey, Jennifer. Let me get this straight. You love hiking, and you're a successful attorney? No way. No woman is this perfect. Are you secretly an axe murderer? A gentleman must be careful. Winky emoji. So now you're giving her that compliment. It's personalized. Right? It's not a copy paste. It's personalized. There's some playfulness to it, some gentle teasing, and logic. It's not logical and boring. It's playful. It's light. It's more emotionally infused. And you're complimenting her without fawning. And women like that. Women love a guy who puts a card on the table, lets her know that she's interesting. She's gorgeous. She seems cool. And also, if you think about the framing of this, when you playfully accuse her of being too good to be true, you're screening her. You're not just saying, oh my god. I wanna take you out so much. Please date me, which can come off as needy and eager. You're actually saying, alright. You seem great, but I don't know. Are you real? Are you secretly an axe murderer? I've also asked women. I don't know. You seem a little too perfect, Deborah. Are you secretly a 300 pound man who's catfishing me? I have to be careful about these things. And it puts you in the, in the seat of deciding whether or not she is meeting your standards as being a real person. So I like that approach. Here's one more way to do a personalized playful opener. I call this the opposite approach or sorry. I call this the opposites attract opener. Basically, you mention 1 or 2 specific things that you like about her profile, but then you say you point out something that you feel the opposite about. And you ask her if that might be if opposites attract, because maybe it's not meant to be. So you're doing something really powerful. You're actually telling her she seems awesome, but you might not be a good match. You might be opposites. So while every other guy is fawning over her and hoping, praying she wants to give him her number and go on a date, you're that rare guy who's asking her, I don't know. We seem like we might be opposites. Do you think opposites attract? Here's the exact phrasing for the opposites attract opener. Rejection, ghosting, loneliness, lack of dates, and lack of confidence. For many men, dating just sucks, but it doesn't have to. There's a simple yet powerful way to gain instant confidence and attract a great girlfriend. Be radically authentic. It's all laid out in the number one Amazon bestselling book, dating sucks, but you don't. Your step by step guide to attracting wonderful women and doing it with total authenticity. Author and dating coach, Connell Barrett, has had and fixed all the dating problems that you struggle with. He's also helped thousands of men gain confidence and find love. He's put his best tips and strategies into dating sucks, but you don't so that you can confidently approach women and get dates. Become magnetic and attractive even if you're not tall or great looking. Always know what to say to make sparks fly. Get lots of great matches and dates on the dating apps and attract your dream woman. You can find dating sucks, but you don't on Amazon or wherever books are sold in paperback, Kindle, and audiobook. Getting dating sucks, but you don't today to transform your confidence and find your dream girl. And by the way, obviously, on a podcast here, this is an audio medium, but if you wanna see visually see my openers and how these look, and that can definitely help, go to my, Instagram, dating transformation Instagram, and you'll see so many screenshots of me walking you through online dating openers. So here's the opposite attraction. It reads like this. Let's for example, here's an actual woman I matched with. I'm from Ohio. I grew up in Ohio, and I've matched with a beautiful woman on Hinge, who's from Michigan. I actually went to the University of Michigan. I'm an Ohio State fan.She's a Wolverine. So I said I forget what her name is, but let's say it was Samantha. I said, hey, Samantha. Great profile. I I and I think I gave her one compliment. Great profile. I love how you're into swimming like I am. And then I wrote, but, uh-oh, you went to Michigan, and I'm a Buckeyes fan.What do you think? Can opposites attract? Winky face, thinking emoji. So again, hey, name. I really like specific things about you. I really like that you're into paddle or not paddle ball. What's the, what's the tennis, the tennis craze everybody's into, platform tennis. Oh, sorry. Pickleball. Pickleball. Hey, name. Oh my God. Do you love pickleball? So do I. That's so cool. I see that you're into cats. I'm more of a dog guy And you see, it seems like you're a cat lady. What do you think opposites attract? Winky face, thinking emoji. Notice how this creates a little bit of let's call it not tension, but flirtatious pushback. You're not quite sold on the 2 of you as a couple, but again, it's more of a playful approach to this. You're not literally saying we're different. I can't date you because you're not what I want. Don't make it like that. It's not a serious thing. It's always light, always playful, always light, always playful. So think of it as a fun way to play. You're basically teasing her. This gets a light playful tease. So I call this the opposites attract opener, and you end it with a very specific question. What do you think? Can opposites attract? Think about this. It's not a cliche. It's not logical and boring. And it's telling her, hey. I'm not sure we're a good match. What do you think? And then what you'll get a lot of from women is, oh, well, there's only one way to find out if opposites attract. Right? Or, hey, why not? Opposites can attract. That's okay. Or maybe she'll be like, oh, I don't know. You went to Ohio State? I'm from Michigan. We might not get along. That's fine. We want any response that is good. Right? And most importantly, this works really well because it is personalized.And the nice thing about the opposites attract opener is all you need is one specific thing that you feel is the opposite of her. And you want to make it small and light. Don't make it a big thing. Make it something small. Simple. You know, she likes dogs. You like cats. She likes pizza.You like tacos. She's a big traveler, which every woman is. Right? You're more of a homebody. It could be anything. So don't don't pick something major and big like, oh, I see that you're a conservative. I'm a Democrat. Well, that's more serious stuff that's gonna kill the vibe. So give the opposite approach opener a try. Okay. Now I want to give you what I think is I just recently started testing this, and it's gone through the roof in terms of my results on the dating apps. And I've had a couple clients use it as well. So I'm calling this the 12 word sexy opener. This is the single most effective copy and paste opener that I've tested in my decade plus as a dating coach. I do think the very best openers, the, the, the ones that work the best that give you the highest yield, in my experience, they're gonna be personalized. They're gonna be something like the opposites attract opener, or you're going to call out something on her profile that resonates with her. However, this 12 word copy paste opener, the sexy opener, is working really well. I sent this out last night to 12 different women on Tinder, all attractive, in my book anyway, and 7 of the 12 have responded. It's 9 AM right now as I record this. Last night, I sent it out at about 9 PM. So in about 12 hours, 7 out of the 12 women have responded. And who knows? Maybe some more responses will come in. So way, way over 50%, probably 60, 75% by the time I'm done. So here it is. Here's the 12 word opener. I'll give it to you, then I'll explain why it is so effective and why women like it. Here are the 12 words. Let's say her name is Susie. I just sent this. I just sent this last night. Hey, Susie. You know what's surprisingly sexy about you in your profile? Question mark, thinking emoji, winking emoji. So one more time, real quick. Hey, Susie. You know what's surprisingly sexy about you in your profile? By the way, when I write, hey, I write it with 2 y's. H e y y is just a little bit flirty as opposed to just h e y. You know, there's a difference between hey and hey. So anyway, hey, Susie or whatever her name is. Hey, hey, name. You know what's surprisingly sexy about you and your profile? Think about this. Every single word in this opener is doing something helpful and effective that you want to give to women. Hey, Susie. I'm using her name. It's personalized. Surprisingly sexy is creating some curiosity. I'm not telling her, Hey, you're hot, you're sexy. I'm saying you're surprisingly sexy. So I'm calling out a very specific thing. And even the word sexy is clearly a romantic phrase, a romantic, what I call, a man to woman word to use with women. You're letting her know she's sexy, but you're not telling her what it is. And I think what really makes this work really well so so some of the responses I got last night were let me just read a couple to you right now. A girl named Bernice said, LOL. I'm listening to that opener. Anna said, hey, I wanna know what it is? What's sexy about me? Just like really wanting to know. Hey, Connell. My name is Erin. I really want to hear that she sent me a whole big paragraph.Sorry for not replying right away. Please leave your number. I really want to hear what your evaluation is of me. Basically, the power of the 12 word sexy opener is that you're turning yourself into a key that unlocks something about her to reveal what's sexy about her. This is human nature. We all want to feel sexy. We all want to feel attractive. And this opener tells her that there's something sexy, something surprisingly sexy about her, and you have the answer to what that is. Now you might be asking, what the heck do I write next? And here's what I was writing last night, and it worked really well. Let me read it to you. I'm just scrolling through my phone right now. Let me see if I can find an example. Okay. Here's what I wrote to Gia. Hey, Gia. You know, what's surprisingly sexy about you and your profile. She wrote back, what is it? What, what is it? And I wrote, well, most girls on Tinder try very hard to look hot, but you're not trying. You're just being authentic and very real, and I find that very sexy. Does that make sense? So I end with a question to make it easy for her to reply. So basically, I can send that to any woman if I want to. Now I do like to try to find something that I find surprisingly sexy in my second message. You know, it could just be, oh, you're not doing a duck face, puckering face. You just have a sly, sweet, almost shy smile. And I just find it so sexy when a woman doesn't try to be sexy. I think that's what really resonates with the follow-up message is you're not trying to be sexy. You're just being yourself. You're being authentic. And, man, I find that real version of you is just so sexy. And I'm telling you, dear listener, I have not gotten responses from, this kind of, strong responses from so many women in a long time. So this might be the shit. This is my favorite new opener. The reason and also keep in mind, of course, that even though this is obviously copy and paste, it sounds and feels personal. Right? I'm telling you. I'm using her name. I'm letting her know that I looked at her profile, and then I found something surprisingly sexy about her. So you're I'm making myself a piece of clickbait. You are becoming clickbait with this opener, and a lot of women are gonna wanna know what it is? What's so sexy about me? And one final benefit of this opener is you can't get in the friend zone. You may or may not date this woman. You may or may not ever meet her, but she's not gonna put you in the friend zone. You're not gonna be in the friend zone by telling a woman she's surprisingly sexy. You're actually putting yourself in that romantic flirtatious man to woman zone. So the surprisingly sexy twelve word opener, it fixes every online dating opener problem and mistake that men make. It sets a flirtatious, sexy tone, fun tone, and sexy. And it's also even though it's copy and paste, you could send it a 100 times if you want to. It feels personalized. And I'll end with this. Yes. It's copy and paste.It doesn't feel that way. And if you, if you genuinely truly find her sexy, it's also authentic. It's real. It's genuine. And for me, dating is all about being authentic, putting that real masculine heart out there for a woman who's your type and letting her feel that. So give the 12 word surprisingly sexy opener a try, and I will see you talk to you on the next pod. Remember, your dream girlfriend, she's out there, and she's already into you. She just has to meet you, and she has to meet the real authentic you. See you next time. Thank you for listening to the dating transformation podcast. For lots of free tips, videos, and other goodies, go to datingtransformation.com. See you next time. Produced by Heartcast Media.