Intro:

Is that a clock sound effect, or is that a chipmunk chewing? I can't tell.

Connell Barrett:

Welcome to the dating transformation podcast. Here's your host, dating coach, Connell Barrett.
Welcome back to the dating transformation podcast. I am your host, dating coach Connell
Barrett. I'm here to help you learn to flirt, gain confidence, and attract an incredible girlfriend and
partner, And to do it all with authenticity as your true real best self. No sketchy pickup stuff
needed. And today is a short but action packed episode. I'm breaking the format here just to do
something I think is fun. I thought to myself, you know what? I only have 15 minutes today to
chat, so let's do 15 dating tips in 15 minutes. Let the clock start now. Is that a clock sound effect,
or is that a Chipmunk chewing. I can't tell. Anyway, let's get to it. Okay. 15 tips in 15 minutes. Tip
number 1 is Do the push pull. What's the push pull? Push pull is a fun old school dating coach
movie where you're talking to a woman, And you give her a compliment combined with a little bit
of a tease. So for example, She says that she's from, I don't know, Dallas. And you say, oh, no. I
love girls from Dallas, but you're from the South, so, you know, I'll talk slowly. So you give her a
little tease, and you give her a little bit of a compliment. Another example of the push pull would
be this is a generic version, and I'm not a big fan of copy paste scripted stuff at all. I want you to
Totally be in the moment with a woman. But an old school scripted one I learned back in the day
Was you could text a woman on a dating app, for example. You could say after you've been
messaging for a while, you could say, I can't tell. You're either the coolest girl I've matched with
in a long time or the weirdest. Just not sure which one. And there's something about a little
playful push tease And a genuine real compliment that it's just sort of a fun, surprising
combination that tends to Land really well with women because you're not being a jerk. You're
not nagging her, but you're not just totally kissing her butt and only showering her with
compliments. So try the push pull. Tip number 2 is an approaching tip. When you go out at
night, Walk into the venue. If you are out to meet, approach, socialize with women, do not spend
the 1st 20 minutes Walking around the venue, getting a drink, hiding in the bathroom, walk up to
the 1st human female you see as you walk in the venue, And just say a quick 5, 10 second
hello. Hey. What's up? How's your night? Cool. And then leave if you want to. As soon as you
walk into a venue, either the venue gets you in your head and gets on top of you Or you get on
top of the venue. You wanna get into action social mode as quickly as possible. So when you're
going out to meet women and socialize, As soon as you walk in that place, talk to the 1st female
human you see. Whether she's beautiful, whether she's not your type, it's totally fine. Just
wanna get in social mode. Okay. Tip number 3 here at the 3 minute mark roughly. On a first
date, Give her what I call a power compliment. What's a power compliment? Tell her something
about her is sexy. That's not related. A quality, a trait, her wit, her presence, her laugh, And
mean it. Don't BS. Don't do it purely as a move. Do it because you're authentically, genuinely
expressing yourself. Most guys just fawn over a woman. Oh my god. You're so beautiful. But
you don't wanna be like other guys. You wanna say, Sure. You're beautiful. But you know what's
really sexy about you? Amy, it's you're so courageous. I can't believe you Went to Europe by
yourself and backpacked at such a young age. You're such a confident, courageous person
that's really that's really sexy. It's really attractive. Telling her that her traits, her mannerisms, her
behavior is sexy and attractive to you as opposed to just her appearance, That lifts you up into
the top 1% of men. And, basically, it tells her, hey. This guy likes the real me. And that's how we
can create a real connection. Tip number 4 is stop trying to impress And start trying to express.
So think express when talking to women, not impress. There's something Magnetic and
powerful about an expressive guy who is less unfiltered or at least less filtered. And women are
generally turned off by men who are clearly trying to impress them. Hey. Check out my cool car.
This is my job. This is what I make. Don't do that. That's never gonna make sparks happen with
a woman. They're much more drawn to a guy who's trying to express himself, Being really
honest, vulnerable, strong, with real opinions. Disagree with her if you genuinely disagree with
something Or express a real, honest, amplified opinion. So stop trying to impress women. Start
trying to express Your most raw, real, authentic self. Okay. Tip number 5 is here's a fun little
Friday Opener or text message you can send to a woman on a dating app or just a woman
you've been texting. On Friday And today's Friday, I think, is when this pod goes up. Text her
excuse me. Hold on. Clearing my throat. Text her, hey. Tgif., which in your case stands for, this
girl is fire, And then do a fire emoji. It's a little cheesy, but it's cute. And it's flirtatious. So, yeah,
do the TGIF This girl is fire. Text. I've never had a woman not like that. I'm gonna read your
mind. Ready? I'll bet that you would love to confidently approach women. Get great matches on
the dating apps, flirt with charm, and attract your dream girlfriend. Right? But fear keeps you
from approaching. You're not sure how to flirt. You struggle on the apps. Undesirable women
just don't seem into you. Well, I have great news. Dating coach, Connell Barrett, can help. He's
guided thousands of men like you to more confidence and help them attract their dream
girlfriends. So book a free strategy call today to see if Connell's coaching is right for you. On
your call, Connell or a team member will give you personalized advice to help you have more
confidence, more dates, and more fun. Oh, and you'll be dating women as your best self, a
charming gentleman. That's because Connell does not teach creepy pickup artist tricks. He
unlocks your most confident self so you can make authentic romantic connections. Your next
steps? Book your free call today at dating transformation.comforward/contact and grab a time
that works for you. Then you'll be on your way to more confidence, better results, and attracting
bright, beautiful women. Oh, so you know, soon Connell will Stop taking on new clients, so book
a call today while you still can. Go to dating transformation.comforward/contact and transform
your love life. Bye. Okay. Tip number 6 in minute number 6 is when you're going out to socialize
and approach girls, Follow the 3 times rule. That means you can walk up to a woman. And if you
approach a girl at the beginning of the night and it doesn't go amazingly well, Don't feel like you
can't talk to her again. You can go up to her 3 more times. I wouldn't do it right away, but 20
minutes later, half hour later, an hour later, you can always reapproach. Don't think of it like, Oh,
I can't talk to her. I've already spoken to her. I go out with my clients all the time here in New
York City. I'm their wingman for the weekend. We go out for the weekend, and I Wingman them
up. And sometimes my client will say, I'll point him to a woman I want him to talk to. And he
says, no. I can't talk to her. I already went over there. You can go back. You can approach 3
times. It's not weird. It's not needy. It actually shows persistence. It shows charm. As long as
that first action interaction you know, as long as she didn't say go away, I don't wanna talk to
you, That I would honor. Otherwise, follow the 3 times rule. I have been out with clients, and the
1st time my guy went up to a given woman, It went fine. Nothing amazing. By the 2nd or even
the 3rd time, she was a bit more buzzed. He was a bit more Buzz. They connected, and then all
of a sudden, they're kissing or they're planning a date together. So follow the 3 times rule. Okay.
Tip number 7 is when talking to a woman, stop asking yourself The question, how can I get her
to like me? And start asking yourself a simpler, more empowering question, which is, How can I
make her smile? There's something in psychology called the primary question. We're always
asking a question : Undergirds, if that's a word, on that that supports the behavior we were
involved in. And so often, that subtext based question is, oh, how do I get her to like me? That's
needy, and it's not attractive. A much better question is, how can I make her smile? Ask a shitty
to quote Tony Robbins, ask a shitty question, get a shitty answer. Ask a better question. You get
a better answer. So ask yourself, how do I make her smile? That'll give you a better answer.
Maybe you crack a joke. Maybe you get silly, get playful. Ask a question, a fun question that you
think would Amuse her. Self amuse. Ask, how can I make her smile? Okay. Tip number 8 Is
don't be a phone number bandit when talking to women. I was just out with my client a couple
days ago. I'll call him Paul. Paul and I were chatting up women. He was doing most of it, and I
was his wingman. And he was getting lots of phone numbers. He got 2 or 3 phone numbers
yesterday Out on the town. 1 at Whole Foods, another at a coffee shop. But both times when he
got the phone number, he got the digits, And then he said, alright. Cool. Thanks. Bye. And then
he left. When you get a woman's phone number, Keep talking to her for at least another 30
seconds about something, anything, the weather, Her tattoo, Machu Picchu, anything. Just talk
about something else after you put the number in your phone because you don't want her to feel
like getting her phone number was a trophy. That comes across as Gender driven. You want her
to feel like, oh, wow. I had a great conversation with a cool guy, and, of course, we exchanged
numbers. We were hitting it off. So, anyway, after you get that phone number, keep talking for at
least another 30 seconds, about anything, or you could simply talk about what you're gonna do
On your date, when you do meet up, that's a great thing to talk about in those last 30 seconds.
Oh, hey, Angie. Cool. Thanks for the number. Yeah. You know what we should do? Are you a
karaoke person? Because I love karaoke. You talk about the date. So talk about something.
Don't just bail after you get the phone number. Tip number 9, when conversing with women,
whether it's by text or in person, Lower the bar for how good the conversation has to be. Stop
trying to feel like you have to say the perfect thing. The reason you quote, unquote run out of
things to say is not because you don't know things to say. It's because you set such a high bar
for how Witty and flirty and cool your lines are. So lower the bar for conversation. As long as
you're talking about her and about you and you're being genuine and authentic, it's going to be
good enough. Okay? Number 10. Tip number 10 here in our 15 tips in 15 minutes is to tell
personal stories. Tell a couple of great Personal stories about you, about your life, your past. It
could be a funny anecdote about Crazy thing that happened to you when you went traveling
once. It could be a story from your past that's sort of vulnerable. My favorite stories are actually
Stories that make me look like a schmuck back when they happened, but now I'm laughing
about them. It shows some self effacement and that I've grown. So I talk about things like the
time I cheated on my Spanish test and almost got suspended in high school because I was a
dummy. I talk about pretending to have back spasms in high school so I could get out of taking a
math test. I did not have a good high school experience. And I talk about my failed 9 week
marriage, why that went wrong. So, yeah, tell stories. Stories are powerful ways to give a
woman a strong, genuine glimpse into who you are, And it also gives her the green light to
share stories about her. Okay. Tip number 11 is to follow the rule of 1 and 4. The rule of 14.
What is that? That means when you're out approaching, when you're especially at night in, like,
a singles type of venue, Once you get good at approaching, chatting up women, you're gonna
find that about 1 out of 3, 1 out of 4 women are gonna be very interested in you. And maybe 2
or 3 out of 4 are not gonna be that interested. So be liberated by this. You don't need to attract
every woman. Move toward getting that look of interest and attraction and connection From
about 1 in 3, 1 in 4 at night at night. Here's a quick story. I was out with my coach way back
when I first got into this many, many years ago. My coach is a guy named Owen, and Owen
mentioned this idea of the rule of 1 and 3. He called it the rule of 1 and 3. Basically, we wanna
be really polarizing, real ourselves. And then 2 out of 3 women won't be into us, 1 in 3 or so can
be really into us. And I approached 3 women standing at a bar here in New York City at a place
called, The Brass Monkey. Three women at this bar. And I walk up, and I say, hey. What's up?
You guys look friendly. How's your night going? And These 3 women laid out in front of me.
Woman on the left says, oh, hey. What's up? Nice to meet you. Hey. Hi. And she was
conversational, but not interested romantically. And then another woman on the far right, I put
my hand out to shake her hand, And she said, I am not friendly. She was not in a good mood.
The girl in the middle looked right at me with really, Basically, f me eyes. Very attracted, and she
said, you are cute. I like ginger. And it was like, woah. The rule of 1 and 3. 1 woman not
interested, but Friendly, another woman not into me at all. Girl in the middle was like, hey, ginger
man. I'm interested. So, yeah, understand the rule of 13, 14 is a real thing, and put that into
practice. Tip number 12 Is this very simple idea that when you're out socializing, approaching
women, day or night, Understand that you might think it's quote, unquote creepy to chat up a
random woman, But you know what? I think it's a lot creepier to want to do it, but just stare at
her and not, or to hover near her. There's just something really Beautiful and simple and
powerful about committing to the approach, walking up, and just putting your vulnerable
authentic cards on the table. I remember walking up to a table of 2 really cute girls long time ago
at a rooftop bar. And I walked over. I sat down at their table, and I said, hey. What's up? I just
wanna say hi to you guys. You look cool. And I really committed to it even though inside I was
nervous. And, one of the women, really classy, sweet, smart, brunette, if I recall, Short short
brunette hair. I remember she leaned in or she leaned toward me with her eyes really wide, and
she said, oh my gosh. You just came right up to us And said, hi. Do you know what you are?
And I said I was thinking, what? Some kind of weird creep? I said that to myself, But I held my
cool. I kept my cool. And I said, well, what do you mean? What am I? She said, you're normal.
You just came right up to us. Thank you. Then she pointed to a different guy sitting at a different
table. She said, see that guy over there? He's been staring at us all night, and it's creeping us
Out. Great. That was a great invaluable lesson I learned. So remember, if you're gonna go out
to meet girls, go up and talk to them Unapologetically, full commitment, don't stare, don't hover.
That's way creepier. It's actually cool and normal to go talk people when you're out at a bar.
Rejection, ghosting, loneliness, Lack of dates and lack of confidence. For many men, dating just
sucks, but it doesn't have to. There's a simple yet powerful way to gain instant confidence and
attract a great girlfriend. Be radically authentic. It's all laid out in the number 1 Amazon best
selling book. Dating sucks, but you don't. Your step by step guide to attracting wonderful women
and doing it with total authenticity. Author and dating coach, Connell Barrett, has had and fixed
all the dating problems that you struggle with. He's also helped thousands of men gain
confidence and find love. He's put his best tips and strategies into dating sucks, but you don't so
that you can confidently approach women and get dates. Become magnetic and attractive even
if you're not tall or great looking. Always know what to say to make sparks fly. Get lots of great
matches and dates on the dating apps, and attract your dream woman. You can find dating
sucks, but you don't on Amazon or wherever books are sold in paperback, Kindle, and
audiobook. Get Dating Sucks, but you don't today. To transform your confidence and find your
dream girl. Okay. Tip number 13. Off the dating path here, just sort of like general self
development, find a passion project. Find something that you love to do, Ideally something that's
part of a larger tribe. Go and join a volleyball league, take an improv class, Join an improv
community. In the past I've done things like bowling leagues. I've improved. I love Improv. I
joined an improv community here in New York City that I'm still part of. I have taken tennis
leagues and you wanna Follow your passion projects for 2 or more reasons. Two reasons for
the minimum. Number 1, a guy who's out doing Fun things he's passionate about that makes
you a higher value guy. It means that you're out in the world experiencing life, And it gives you
great things to talk about. Also, if you join and also very few things are more attractive than a
man who's, like, on his purpose, Living a life filled with passion. Also, if you join some kind of
activity that's tribe based, Other people are involved. There's a really good chance that you're
gonna meet some really cool, wonderful women potentially to date some of them or one of
them, And you already will have something in common. I'm happy to say I have had a couple of
relationships from women I've met through the improv community I've been in and I, and you
can take a class, cooking class, dance classes. There's a good chance you'll be part of a tribe
that will allow you to meet some women that way. And that's a very Socially attractive and
appealing way of meeting women is to be part of the same tribe. You don't even need to
approach. You're basically Part of the same group. So easy to talk to women that way. Okay. 2
more. Let's see. Blah blah blah blah. Oh, number 14. Find emotional commonalities when
talking to a woman, either texting or on a date or in a conversation. It's good if you can find
Having the same things in common, like, yeah, liking the same bands, enjoying the same music,
both being into the same things, that's great. Certainly, look for those commonalities, but those
are more surface level commonalities. Look for deeper emotional commonalities. Find out Find
out the deeper emotional ways you feel about life even if it's a different area. So for example, I
was on a date once with a woman who is a big painter. She's a very talented, successful painter,
and I've never painted my whole life. So I said to her, hey. What do you love about painting?
How does it make you feel? Basically, what's the deeper emotional resonance is what I was
looking for. And she said, oh, well, painting makes me feel like I'm alive. It makes me feel really
creative. And I thought to myself, yeah, I get that. And then I shared with her some things that
make me feel creative writing, improv, yeah, things like that, Comedy. Now I couldn't connect
with her on painting because I can't paint, but I was able to connect with her on that deeper
emotional commonality, and that's actually more powerful in terms of creating an emotional
connection with women than just liking the same thing or having gone to the same college. So
look for those deeper emotional commonalities even if you don't share surface level
commonalities. Okay. And Let's go with number 15 here. The last 1, I'm gonna say, let's go with,
bah bah bah. Oh, I like this. Let's go with my favorite sort of marching order for clients in terms
of being authentic, which is Whatever you're thinking and feeling is what I want you to be saying
and doing out meeting women or on a date. Loosen the filter. Don't funnel everything. Filter
everything through the lens of, is this funny? Is this witty? Am I creating attraction? Let go of all
that game stuff. Don't be so in your head With 15 different techniques, there's some really smart
people out there who are teaching some bad advice on YouTube, out on the internet, and one of
the worst things you can do is get sucked into doing 17 different techniques. Most people teach
this stuff wrong, at least most men do. And there are some exceptions to that, But most men
teach this wrong. And the big mistake I see is, oh, do these 19 different techniques, moves,
frame control, 77 different techniques and moves. Actually, the best thing to do when you're
talking to a woman is get really present and just ask yourself, what am I thinking and feeling
right now? And then share that with her, you know, assuming it's not vulgar, too vulgar and
assuming it's not negative. In other words, the idea of being authentic, it's to be an open book,
not an open wound, and not to be an open pickup book. Don't be a pickup artist book. Be an
open book. Share your real true thoughts, personality, jokes, And just literally say what's on your
mind, as long as again, as long as it's not vulgar and as long as it's coming from a good positive
place. It's almost like, I'm a big fan of the movie Liar Liar. It's kind of like you wanna move
toward Jim Carrey in Liar Liar. You wanna just, like, Be really radically honest and authentic.
Maybe not quite as honest as he is when you're saying crazy things, but toward that direction.
Women love a guy who just speaks from the heart, the gut, says what's on his mind, and it's
really attractive. It also just feels good. So, yeah. What you're thinking and feeling is what I want
you saying and doing and sharing with women. And by you going first, being vulnerable and
authentic. On dates, you give her the green light to be vulnerable and authentic. You're both
getting emotionally real, And that's when emotional connections can really start to happen.
Okay. What did I do? I think we did this in a little under 18 minutes. Not too bad. 15 tips in 15
minutes. Tell me if you like this or not. This was a blast for me though. If you want to know what?
I'm gonna plug something right now. If you are looking for a dating coach and you want to Flirt?
Get confidence? Get a great girlfriend? And you don't want to do some sketchy, weird, pick up,
toxic, manosphere bullshit, go to my website, datingtransformation.com. You can fill out a form
to book a free call with me And, we'll talk, see if, potentially we want to we want to be coach and
client. No pressure. It's a free call. And, you can go to dating transformation.com to book a free
chat with me to see if you might wanna work with me and if I might wanna work with you. Okay.
Till next time. Remember, your future dream, amazing, incredible girlfriend is already out there,
and she already likes you. She just needs to meet the authentic you. Till next time. Thank you
for listening to the dating transformation podcast. For lots of free tips, videos, and other goodies,
go to dating transformation.com. See you next time.

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