Intro:

Let me show you how to hold the ax, Melanie. You know out of context, that sounds so murder y. I like

Connell Barrett:

Welcome to the Dating Transformation podcast. Here's your host, dating coach, Connell Barrett.

Alright. Welcome back to the Dating Transformation Podcast. I'm your host, dating coach Connell Barrett. I'm the real life Hitch. If Hitch looked like it. Buddy Holly or young Richie Cunningham. I help you attract women by being authentic, get more date dates, and get a great girlfriend. And we have a pretty good, quote, unquote, date in store for you today because I have a very special guest, and I wanna get right to her and welcome her.

Connell Barrett:

And as my guest says on her website, let's queue the confetti because our special guest today is Melanie Sutrathada. She's an actor, a host, and a lifestyle expert. She's an on camera personality with a love for hamming it up, so she's gonna get along great here with us. You may know her from the Today Show, Good Morning America, also a show called In the Know. And when she's not on camera, Melanie can be found planning her next trip or binge watching The Office. We have to talk about that. Melanie's got a great Instagram. It is fantastic.

Connell Barrett:

It'll make you wanna travel the world. You can find her on Instagram at @melaniesutra, and @that'smelaniesutra. And also melaniesutrathada.com and that link will be down in the description. Melanie, thank you so much for being our quote, unquote, date And guest today.

Melanie Sutrathada:

Thank you so much for having me. You know, I'm such a fan of all things you, and I cannot wait to dive in and to learn more about you. Journey and to discuss all things, hopefully, The Office. This is actually now a podcast about The Office. Thank you for joining.

Connell Barrett:

Yes. It's now an Office pod. Don't get me digressing to TV movies.

Melanie Sutrathada:

Oh, no. I'm gonna do it.

Connell Barrett:

I can go down a deep rabbit hole. Just real quick, we'll get to you and everything dating in a second. What office character Do you most see yourself in?

Melanie Sutrathada:

You know, I like to think that I'm mostly Pam with a bit of Kelly Kapoor. Just a little bit. It's a little bit of toxicity, but not in a horrible way just enough where you're like, what is happening there?

Connell Barrett:

Right. Just a dash of toxicity, of toxicity.

Melanie Sutrathada:

I love it so much.

Connell Barrett:

I am a 100% creed. I'm just kidding. No. Oh my god. No. I Wow. I want to aspire to be Jim. I think I'm 81% Jim, but I've had my Michael Scott moments.

Connell Barrett:

I confess.

Melanie Sutrathada:

I think I think we all have a little bit of Michael Scott. And, honestly, I do feel like I have a little bit of Andy Bernard in me. Like, Would I burst into song? Would I dance in an elevator and suddenly sing when nobody wants me to sing? Maybe. Has it happened?

Connell Barrett:

Okay. Well, let's get real. Remember the episode where Andy is singing acapella, a song acapella to his crush?

Melanie Sutrathada:

Acapella songs. Wait. Was this he singing to Ellie Kemper?

Connell Barrett:

Yeah. No. I believe it I think it was too, I forget her name, the blonde sort of prim proper character on the show. But he was He didn't

Melanie Sutrathada:

have a crush on Angela, Did he Maybe

Connell Barrett:

it was maybe it was Ellie Kemper, but I remember he sang a song to her acapella. I forgot the song, but it was very cheesy and it was very effective. It worked. I guess my question for you is if a guy is in the right context, maybe it's karaoke night or maybe it's a bar or lounge. If a guy walked up to you and he just started singing a karaoke style song, would you find that charming or very strange and weird?

Melanie Sutrathada:

You know, I am probably not the right person to ask because I grew up doing musical theater. So it is pretty common to meet people and have them burst out into song, and then you all join into song. That being said, if they're a good singer, I'm in. I guess my standards are a little lower than I expected, But I'm down. If you're willing to be brave enough to do something that may just make you look like a fool, I'm in. I think that's so charming and so funny. And at the very least, if it's terrible, we'll have a good story later on.

Connell Barrett:

Absolutely. By the way, I'm a musical theater nerd as well.

Melanie Sutrathada:

Oh, I love it.

Connell Barrett:

Without the talent, but all the passion. I do musical improv actually here in New York the MAGA theater and other places. So Wait. The

Melanie Sutrathada:

panel, have you serenaded someone on a whim?

Connell Barrett:

Absolutely. Not only have I done that, but one of the techniques I do with my guys when I take them out on the town in New York as their wingman, one of my favorite Openers to do is to point out to my client this actually happened with one of my first clients, a guy named Ken. We were in a bar in New York City called the bra the Brass Monkey and down in the Me Packing District. And we were on the 2nd floor, and I said, okay. Look around this room, Ken. What woman here is most your type? And he pointed to a woman and said, oh my gosh. She's so cute. She's totally my type.

Connell Barrett:

And I said, what's your favorite karaoke song? And he said, purple rain. So I said, here's your opener. Walk over to her, sing the first two lines to purple rain. So he walks over, and he just belts out. Never meant to cause you any sorrow. It just went right into it, and it went great. She was laughing. She was loving it, and they started singing it together.

Connell Barrett:

So Oh,

Melanie Sutrathada:

I love this.

Connell Barrett:

The karaoke opener.

Melanie Sutrathada:

It. Oh, I have never heard of anyone doing something like that, but I'm in. I love it. I think regardless of whether or not it goes well, it's So funny and so different. And at the very least, you would both have a story to walk away with, which is, I think, primarily what dating is about, just having a story to walk away with.

Connell Barrett:

Absolutely. And just shooting your shot and having fun with it

Melanie Sutrathada:

and not

Connell Barrett:

taking it too personally.

Melanie Sutrathada:

Exactly. 100%.

Connell Barrett:

Okay. There's something I wanna quote of yours. You wrote this on your most recent Instagram post.

Melanie Sutrathada:

Oh, no.

Connell Barrett:

Quoting you. I know. I have a quote.

Melanie Sutrathada:

I have a whole Do it.

Connell Barrett:

I have a whole file on you. No. You write

Melanie Sutrathada:

god. Yes.

Connell Barrett:

You write in a post, I wanna be rich, rich in memories and experiences. And then you superimpose that with your wonderful real images of you on the beach dancing, eating empanadas. I think this was in Cartagena. Essentially, your message here is life for you, at least part of life, is all about making life richer through Just rich experiences.

Connell Barrett:

I'm gonna read your mind. Ready? I'll bet that you would love to confidently approach women. Get great matches on the dating apps, flirt with charm, and attract your dream girlfriend. Right? But fear keeps you from approaching. You're not sure how to flirt. You struggle on the apps, and desirable women just don't seem into you. Well, I have great news. Dating coach, Connell Barrett, can help.

Connell Barrett:

He's guided thousands of men like you to more confidence and help them attract their dream girlfriends. So book a free strategy call today to see if Connell's coaching is right for you. On your call, Connell or a team member will give you personalized advice to help you have more confidence, more dates, and more fun. Oh, and you'll be dating women as your best self, a charming gentleman. That's because Connell does not teach creepy pickup artist tricks. He unlocks your most confident self so you can make authentic romantic connections. Your next steps? Book your free call today at dating transformation.comforward/contact and grab a time that works for it. You.

Connell Barrett:

Then you'll be on your way to more confidence, better results, and attracting bright, beautiful women. Oh, So you know, soon Connell will stop taking on new clients. So book a call today while you still can. Go to dating transformation.comforward/contact it. And transform your love life. Bye.

Connell Barrett:

Am I reading that right? Can you elaborate on Absolutely. Why is that important to you?

Melanie Sutrathada:

Absolutely. You know, I think Money will come and go, and I've met people in my profession who have more money than, like, I could ever even fathom, and sometimes those people are the unhappiest. I think, really, life is about doing the things that you've always wanted to do, whether that's, you know, shooting your shot or going to another country or quitting your job. I think I would rather have those memories than money any day, and I think, really, money will come and go. I think you have to, you have to do the things that you think you can't do and dive right in because tomorrow really isn't promised to anyone.

Connell Barrett:

Well said. Well said. Some of the best dates I had back in my single days, and I'm in a relationship now. Mhmm. But when I was going on dates and meeting women, It happened at a time in my life when I was beginning to travel a lot and going out into the world and having experiences. And that made the dates It gave me things to talk about. It gave us both experiences to share. And I go down in the weeds with my clients and The guy who's listening to this podcast about how to talk, how to flirt, how to make moves, all that stuff is great.

Connell Barrett:

But there's nothing there. Perhaps, there's nothing more valuable than just having a rich full life to let a woman into or see a glimpse of when you first meet. So you can talk about shared experiences. What are your thoughts there?

Melanie Sutrathada:

Absolutely. I think it's all about having stories to tell when you're older. I don't wanna wake up one day at 80 and be like, oh, I'm so happy I saved all this money for it. But now I'm not able to hike Mount Kilimanjaro. Now I'm not able to hop on a plane on a whim. Now I'm not able to do all these things. I think life is meant to be lived right here and right now, not waiting for someday. And that's the thing about someday.

Melanie Sutrathada:

Right? It's always one day away. It's always in the future. I think if we don't do these things now, then when will we? Really, I mean, I just had a I just, unfortunately, had a family member pass, and I think about all the things that were not sad, all the things that they did not get to do, and all the things that I I wished for one day, and they never happened. And now they will not, unfortunately. And so I think I come from this perspective very recently of thinking that tomorrow really is not promised. And so if you see someone cute at a bar, I've been like, oh, I'll poach them later. Like, no. No.

Melanie Sutrathada:

No. This is a time you don't know if you'll see them again, and this is a time to shoot your shot because it may never come again.

Connell Barrett:

Well said. It's such a cliche, but it's so true. You know, seize the day. Yeah. They're all we have now, and I can't tell you so before I became a dating coach, I became a dating coach because I had all these problems myself. I could not approach women. I didn't know how to flirt. I was really low in confidence.

Connell Barrett:

And I just really got in my head, and I was always trying to think, well, what's the right thing to say? What's the cool line? And what I learned, and I'd love to hear your take as a single woman on this. What I learned is the perfect words when you go up to meet somebody or talk to somebody. Look. It's a nice bonus if you say something witty and funny and cool, but what's most important is just committing to it and being yourself and having good intentions, and then the right words will come to you after you relax in a few seconds. Yeah. Yes. Disagree. Agree. Disagree.

Connell Barrett:

What's your take on that?

Melanie Sutrathada:

Absolutely. Absolutely. You know, I've had things happen on both ends of the spectrum where, like, Somebody had the perfect line. And I was like, oh, my gosh. Am I in a Hallmark movie? This is incredible. But they were not the best person for me. And I've had the opposite happen where people were awkward and they fumbled on that initial approach. And then I found them so incredibly charming and funny and sweet afterwards.

Melanie Sutrathada:

It's really not about the right thing to say because the right person for you We'll be able to figure it out eventually. You know? And I think if someone were to approach me and I reacted really negatively, then I'm not that person's person. Right? I think it's all about really just going in with the best of intentions and the right person. Similar to, like, friendships as well. The right people will see you, and they'll be like, oh my gosh. I don't ever wanna let this person go.

Connell Barrett:

Well, sir, good intentions And making the interaction as much as you can making it about giving her a positive experience Yes. No matter what else happens. It's like the whole idea of that karaoke opener. It's silly. It's designed to make her smile and laugh. If it, quote, unquote, works as a dating move, Great. That's a nice bonus. Go on a date.

Connell Barrett:

Go on a karaoke date that night.

Melanie Sutrathada:

Let's do it.

Connell Barrett:

But at the very least, so many men walk up to women where most of them most men don't. But the few men who do approach women or go talk to them or try to make something happen, it. It's coming from a lens of, I hope she likes me. Oh. I hope that I get what I want. And I want it. Want men to say, hey. Before you get what you want, why don't you give her a little something? Give her a moment, a compliment, a silly song Coming from the lens of, like, handing out instead of walking around with your handout, so to speak, walk around handing out twenties.

Connell Barrett:

That feels so much better than if you're going out looking for validation.

Melanie Sutrathada:

I love that, Connell. I think that's so valuable and so just wonderful. I really do think you're doing such a service people because I think at the end of the day, whether or not you are, you've listened to this podcast, now you're like, I am dating, I am married, I am all the things. I think so much of what you teach is also about how to be a good person and how to be someone who listens to understand versus listen for their opportunity to speak. So I think all these things that you're talking about are really applicable to people in so many different facets of life.

Connell Barrett:

Okay. So I know that my listener is dying to hear more about the woman's point of view on dating.

Melanie Sutrathada:

Oh, I'm ready for you.

Connell Barrett:

You are, I want you to put on your expert hat. You're a single woman. You are a great catch. I have no doubt. You've been out dating to an extent. I don't know your whole story. Tell us first of all, tell us a little bit about it. Your dating history, your dating life, what you like to do? Tell us tell us just a little bit about your personal life as much as you

Melanie Sutrathada:

can share. Oh, of course. Thank you so much, Connell. Well, as you said, I'm single as a pringle. You didn't say single as a pringle, but I think I heard that through Mindy Kaling once. And I was like, that's a great descriptor. Mostly because I am single, and I also enjoy Pringles. So here we are.

Melanie Sutrathada:

I was in a very long term relationship that ended a couple years ago. It ended very mutually and still. He's one of my closest friends. And I do it. Dating someone shortly after that broke my heart. And so yeah. But, hey, you learn. You learn.

Melanie Sutrathada:

And so I haven't really dated since. But I think the past few years for me have really been about figuring out what I bring to the table and making sure that I am the kind of person that I would wanna date. So things about me, like, I love adventure. Like, one of my favorite things to do is, like, paddle board, and I love to, like, going into break rooms and literally destroying shit with a sledgehammer. I love things like that. I grew up playing sports. I think I've been to, like, some 40 countries. And those are things that when I was dating someone, they weren't.

Melanie Sutrathada:

It. What do I need? What am I interested in? And I have been single intentionally, and been really wonderful, actually. I feel like that might change in the near future. But I'm in a place right now where I I love where I'm at, and I, like, I really love who I am and the people I'm surrounded with, so could not be happier. But I think if I met someone who just complimented me so well not compliment with, like, an I, but e. You know? Like, compliment our heads together. I think, you know, I think you sometimes find people, Whether it's a friend or a significant other, sometimes you find them when you are the happiest with yourself.

Connell Barrett:

Assuming you were clicking with a guy or you were interested in a guy. What would be a really fun first date idea that you would enjoy doing with him?

Melanie Sutrathada:

That's a great question, you know? So what is a good first date that I would wanna do? Is that right?

Connell Barrett:

Yeah. Like, if you were interested in a guy who you maybe You met, were fixed up with online. You met him. And it was time for a first date suggestion. He's about to give you the pitch. It. What would you love to have him suggest you do?

Melanie Sutrathada:

Oh, man. Okay. This is so silly, but I've been wanting to learn how to throw it. I think that sounds incredible. Also, I don't know if maybe you end up dating a sociopath or a psychopath. I'm like, then you're murdered. I don't know. I don't like that.

Melanie Sutrathada:

But I do think something where you're doing an activity where both of you are not familiar could be very fun. I love the idea of ax sewing. I love the idea of, like surfing, like taking a surf lesson. I'm not great at it, but I think, again, having something where you're actually doing something versus, Let's go to a movie. Like, I don't wanna go to a movie. I don't wanna go to dinner. I'm not interested in drinks. Like but that's also who I am.

Melanie Sutrathada:

Like, I am someone who's very active, So I wanna go and go on a run on the Hudson and then go and get milkshakes or, you know, things that are very active. So I think it's really important for that first date. If you are someone who likes this very specific lifestyle, then that would be amazing. For me, if someone went, Melanie, I think you are so fun. I heard that you like things a little off beat. Do you wanna go to medieval times with me in New Jersey? Oh my gosh. That is my dream. Someone takes me to medieval times where I can wear a paper crown and cheer on some jousting nights with a turkey leg in my hand. That would be the dream date.

Melanie Sutrathada:

I I don't fantastic. It'd be incredible.

Connell Barrett:

Just like a cable guy. Think they came to medieval times.

Melanie Sutrathada:

That's what I'm

Connell Barrett:

That would be fun, yeah. So an activity date, basically. Something besides let's do drinks. Yeah. Nothing against having drinks. I mean

Melanie Sutrathada:

No. Well, I think one of the things that happens when you're getting drinks also is you're sitting typically, when you're sitting when you're at, like, dinner or something like that, you're sitting across from someone. So when the date comes to an end, you have had very little physical contact with them. So going in for a first kiss is it. So uncomfortable and awkward because you've literally been 4, 5 feet away versus if you're with someone at, I don't know, ax throwing. There's the moments in between, like, oh, maybe this person is better than you at this thing, so then they could put their arms around you and try to help you focus. Or Maybe it's like, oh, man. You are incredible, and it's like a touch on the arm.

Melanie Sutrathada:

I think these types of activities offer more in terms of actual physical contact, and I think they are something that you really bond with. So regardless of whether the date goes well or not, you're gonna remember that date in medieval times versus, you know, cocktails after work.

Connell Barrett:

Absolutely. That's a great tip you just shared about how An activity date can have some incidental, totally normal physical touch that's not creepy or weird As opposed to a potentially weird, awkward move on a 1st date. I tell my guys the best way to not be creepy In touching is to have a reason to do it. Like, oh, here. You know what? Let me show you how to hold the ax, Melanie. And then, you know

Melanie Sutrathada:

Out of context that sounds so murder y. I like it. Don't like it. I don't, everyone. This is not what we're going for.

Connell Barrett:

Out of context quotes. But here here's how you hold the ax, and then he, you know, in a G rated fashion, maybe touches your elbow or hand

Melanie Sutrathada:

Right.

Connell Barrett:

As opposed to a first date where it's like, Time to execute a touching move that some pickup artist said to do. That is creepy AF.

Melanie Sutrathada:

It is. And it's never gonna be easier. I think in I think really it's all about

Connell Barrett:

Rejection, ghosting, loneliness, lack of dates, and lack of confidence. For many men, dating just sucks, But it doesn't have to. There's a simple yet powerful way to gain instant confidence and attract a great girlfriend. Be radically authentic. It's all laid out in the number 1 Amazon best selling book. Dating sucks, but you don't. Your step by step guide to attracting wonderful women and doing it with total authenticity. Author and dating coach Connell Barrett has had and fixed all the dating problems that you struggle with.

Connell Barrett:

He's also helped thousands of men gain confidence and find love. He's put his best tips and strategies into dating sucks, but you don't so that you can confidently approach women and get dates. Become magnetic and attractive even if you're not tall or great looking. Always know what to say to make sparks fly. Get lots of great matches and dates on the dating apps, and attract your dream woman. You can find dating sucks, but you don't on Amazon or wherever books are sold in paperback, Kindle, and audiobook. Getting dating sucks, but you don't today. It.

Connell Barrett:

To transform your confidence and find your dream girl.

Melanie Sutrathada:

What I've been trying to do is Go on dates where I would wanna do these things anyway. So it's kind of like you're checking off your bucket list. Right? So you're whether or not you're excited about the person, hopefully, you are. But whether or not you are, you're like, oh, I'm you know what I'm gonna do tonight? I'm gonna go to medieval times or, like, oh, I'm gonna go paddle boarding on the lake. Like, that's incredible. I think finding ways to be excited versus, like, man. It's, like, my 15th Hinge date of the month. We're doing the same thing.

Melanie Sutrathada:

Like, I hope they like me. There's no excitement in that. It's very difficult to generate excitement that sort of, like, artificially when you feel like you've been going through the motions. If every date is different, Then every date gets to be fun and a new adventure.

Connell Barrett:

And back to your earlier point, what I mentioned from your Instagram, have have Activities that are new rich experiences. Yeah. Worst case scenario, if you 2 don't hit it off, you can talk about now you've got ax throwing photos for your profile. Or maybe you have your new favorite hobby.

Melanie Sutrathada:

Oh, I love that. I love that so much. I think dating is just a part of life, and we wanna make sure that, I don't know that dating doesn't feel like a drudgery. Because I know it can be. If you're really set on finding your partner in 2020 four, and you know that you're going on, like, 50 dates in a year. That is exhausting. And I think that if you're going on 50 dates a year And you're just kinda going through the motions, then you're not gonna bring your best self to the table. And, also, I think it really puts a sense of dread on all of these dates.

Melanie Sutrathada:

If you can make it fun every time, then every time is different and a story and an experience that you're gonna talk about one day.

Connell Barrett:

Okay. You just made me think of a fun question. So imagine a guy who's not going on 50 dates a year. Maybe he hasn't had a date in a while. It's been months. Little bit of a slump. Great guy. He's been in a slump.

Connell Barrett:

And then all of a sudden, he's got a 1st date with somebody like you.

Melanie Sutrathada:

It. Oh, man. Love this.

Connell Barrett:

Intelligent, traveled, great style, attractive inside and out. Basically, a great catch. He is nervous. He's gonna be nervous, I think. Any advice for this kind of man who's getting back in the game after a little bit of a slump? When he meets somebody like you, how can he relax? How can he have a good chance at a good date with you?

Melanie Sutrathada:

Well, first, Connell, that was so incredibly kind. Thank you. You just made my whole day. I think one of the best things you can

Connell Barrett:

do trying to have you not ax murder me. That's why I said it.

Melanie Sutrathada:

I mean, Who knows? You would end up on a Netflix documentary one day, and that could be fun. Hey. Famous. I'm gonna help you out.

Connell Barrett:

Posthumously famous without a head. That's me.

Melanie Sutrathada:

You do what you gotta do out here. You know? No press is bad pressed. He got murdered. It happens. True crime. There we go. I mean, well, thank you again so much. That's so informative.

Melanie Sutrathada:

I think being really honest and open is the way to my heart personally. If you go, Mel, oh my gosh. You are beautiful and you're so funny and this is my 1st date in a while. I'm sorry if I'm gonna be If you if you are honest with me, oh my gosh. Suddenly, you feel so human to me. Suddenly, I'm not afraid to be like, okay. Well, Connell, oh my gosh. This is my 1st date in a while, and I'm so scared.

Melanie Sutrathada:

So we're in this together. I think being really honest and open from the jump and saying, like, This is my 1st date in a while. It really breaks that barrier down, and then every conversation after that can be really silly because you already have something in common. A. And then, b, you've shown that you're not afraid to be vulnerable. And I think that's the thing. A lot of times, people go on dates wanting to be the best version of themselves, and they wanna say what everybody wants them to say, and they wanna show this image because they think that this is what that is what a woman wants. And, really, I know for me, I'm looking for my best friend.

Melanie Sutrathada:

I'm looking for someone who is gonna be funny and make me laugh and And get all my silly, quirky talks about true crime and someone I'm gonna be able to really talk with. Being it. Charming and funny and confident. Of course. That's something that I'm really attracted to. But when you're with someone long term, You wanna be able to see all these different facets of them, and how do they react when they are uncomfortable? Are they someone who does it? Is it really forthcoming, or is there someone who really tries to hide and put on a mask? I'm not interested in the latter. You know? I don't I don't. I don't need anything artificial. I call them brunch people, like people you'd go to brunch with.

Melanie Sutrathada:

I already have friends. I'm good. I wanna know, like, what it is. What makes you really excited? What makes you really happy? What makes you nervous? So being open and honest and vulnerable from the jump is gonna be, for me, it. It's already going to put you, like, 50 points ahead of anyone else.

Connell Barrett:

Well said. I'm so glad you said that. I just love hearing from a woman's point of view. One of the things I teach my clients and my guys comes to me because they haven't had a date or a good date in a long time. And so I say, just own What you're thinking and feeling is what you're saying and doing. Be really truthful and genuine and authentic. And if you're nervous, you can say to her, hey. Oh my gosh.

Connell Barrett:

I'm super nervous. Excited to meet you, but also a little bit nervous if that's how they're feeling.

Melanie Sutrathada:

Not as

Connell Barrett:

a move, but as a way to actually kind of Anti pickup move. It's like, this can be really genuine. And something really cool can happen to a man. Sub Communications, his voice, his eye contact. It can make him feel really, like, aligned, congruent, where he's not pretending to be somebody he's not. He just says, look. I'm really you're really pretty, and I haven't had a date in 6 months, and I'm nervous as hell. And all of a sudden, it feels so good to own that that it can Make it kinda snap him into a more fun, confident zone,

Melanie Sutrathada:

and

Connell Barrett:

then you get the best of both worlds. You don't have to be fake, but you get to feel more you.

Melanie Sutrathada:

Yeah. I love that. I think so much of it is trusting that what you bring to the table is enough that you don't have to put on a front or research pickup lines or try to be really confident when you're not. I think if someone said to me, I am so nervous, I think I would be so charmed. I would be so I think that would really allow me to drop my guard as well and share how I'm feeling. And, also, then we're going into this thing together. It's not, okay. There's this version of me trying to meet this version of him, and are we gonna get along? I don't know.

Melanie Sutrathada:

Or do they think that I'm, You know, maybe they saw me on Hinge, and they're like, oh my gosh. She was way prettier online versus in person. You know, there's all these things that we think. And if someone comes right out and says, I am so nervous. You seem way like, you're so charming, I think I would basically be like, alright. Put a ring on it. I'm done. We're good.

Connell Barrett:

A few minutes ago, you mentioned The hypothetical ax throwing date and going for a first kiss. So as a single woman, any tips, dos, or don'ts about going for that 1st kiss? What are things women like or that you like? What are things women don't like or that you don't like?

Melanie Sutrathada:

Oh, man. I haven't had many recent first kisses. Oh, man. Dang, Conner. Why would you bring that up? Sad.

Connell Barrett:

Do you have anything memorable from further back where you had a really good first kiss where it just happened or your lips met at the perfect moment? Just be a story. Anything that comes to mind.

Melanie Sutrathada:

Oh.

Connell Barrett:

In my experience

Melanie Sutrathada:

Yeah.

Connell Barrett:

When I was single and dating, I found that most women seemed just like that.

Melanie Sutrathada:

Yes.

Connell Barrett:

It happens somewhat naturally and organically. And I'm not against it. Asking for a kiss. I generally don't advise my guys to ask for it. I think that women tend to want to feel like it happened really naturally at the right moment, but you're the woman. You're the expert. What do

Melanie Sutrathada:

you think? I would definitely agree with that. I think it's so much for me, I'm such a person, I love banter. I love chemistry. I love having just really good energy together. And I think When the time is right, you'll know. I'm not opposed to someone asking. I think it's Okay. Sometimes it feels like someone's just being very chivalrous, which I can very much appreciate.

Melanie Sutrathada:

I think sometimes when we're on a date, there's a moment, and we let the moment pass. And then afterwards, we try to backtrack and go, oh, gosh. I should've kissed them, and I didn't. Like, this is so awkward. So I think I'll just let it happen naturally. And when you see the moment, go for the moment. I think that's a good thing about life too. Just go for the moment, and that way, you don't regret it later on.

Melanie Sutrathada:

And if it's not a good kiss, then you know that, like, okay. Maybe our Physical chemistry is not right, but at least you know, versus now you've been, like, 5 dates down and you haven't kissed now, there's a lot of pressure on it. Just going when there's an opening, I think, is so important.

Connell Barrett:

And, also, make sure you go for that 1st kiss before She chops your head off with an ax because then it's so much harder to just make it happen.

Melanie Sutrathada:

No. I yeah, Connell. I think that's probably your number one piece of advice. I think that would go very far for many men.

Connell Barrett:

Let's talk about banter because

Melanie Sutrathada:

you just mentioned

Connell Barrett:

that you and I have something in common, Although you're actually professional. Fun am I'm a fun amateur. Improv.

Melanie Sutrathada:

You, I'm obsessed.

Connell Barrett:

You're an actor. You've taken years of improv training as I understand it. Yeah. And I'm in improv. I love improv. I found that to be an incredible way to get more confident talking to people, and get you in touch with your silly playfulness. It helped me a lot with my dating. Banter.

Melanie Sutrathada:

Oh, tell me more.

Connell Barrett:

Well, I just found the idea of yes and agreeing with your scene partner. All the concepts that are so great in improv can absolutely help, especially, like, an introverted, less verbally confident man on a date because he can learn the art of connecting with people and being playful and yes, and ing yourself. We don't need to go down a rabbit hole of it. Nerdy improv, although I can't. No. I love it. We'll do that on our office podcast.

Melanie Sutrathada:

Great. Great.

Connell Barrett:

Great. But in terms of banter, in your dating history, what kind of What's your definition of good banter? Any tips or any things that you've really enjoyed from men you've met?

Melanie Sutrathada:

Oh, yes. I think to be someone who's good at banter, you have to really be someone who listens. I think

Connell Barrett:

I'm sorry. What? I I didn't I didn't catch that. Connell. I'm sorry. Who is this again? Oh, Melon Jeff.

Melanie Sutrathada:

I'm so over this.

Connell Barrett:

And see. McDonald's. Okay. But I think

Melanie Sutrathada:

proceed. Now you're getting the ax. Regret.

Connell Barrett:

Okay.

Melanie Sutrathada:

The moment I think you really do have to be someone who listens because I think a lot of people are not used to actually having someone listen. Everyone's just waiting for their turn to talk. And I think that can happen a lot on dates, especially if you've been on quite a few. So I try to really stay away from those conversations of, like, I mean, obviously, you do wanna know this, but it's the, oh, hi. I'm Melanie. Like, what do you do for work? Oh, finance, how long have you been doing that? Oh, okay. Do you like it? These types of conversations do nothing for us. And, of course, it is important to know, like, actual facts about this person's life.

Melanie Sutrathada:

But when it comes to banjo, I think these little stories that we tell are like, now you know that I love medieval times, you know, that's it. Love true crime. I think those little nuggets that you can run away with are where banter gets really fun because then you think, oh, man. Like, I There were so many things to say. I cannot wait. The thing about dating someone long term is that, eventually, you don't run out of things to say by any means, but there will be days where the conversation revolves around, oh my gosh. Did you watch it? The golden bachelor.

Melanie Sutrathada:

What do you think about Gary? Oh, he's so charming. Can you fall in love after x, y, z day? I think you wanna find someone whose conversation style is really compatible with yours. Like, I love telling stories. I go on tangents all the time. How dare you nod right now, Connell? How dare you? I won't thank you.

Connell Barrett:

Sir? I'm just you.

Melanie Sutrathada:

You are. You are. But I think banter is all about having stories and on finding different things and genuinely asking questions about the things that you're interested in. Because you're really interested in The Golden Bachelor and trashy reality TV, then, oh my gosh, we have a whole nother topic to talk about. Maybe you're like, oh, she loves medieval times. It. I I do have you ever gone to a Renaissance fair? Oh my gosh. I love Ren Fairs.

Melanie Sutrathada:

Like, there are so many ways to continue the conversation that still feel really organic. I think it really goes back to that yes and of, like, oh my gosh. I'm hearing you, and here's a little tidbit that I think you would find valuable. I love things like that, and I think it really enhances the date.

Connell Barrett:

And you and I have actually been doing something in this conversation naturally, because I think we're both naturally bantery people, as we're bouncing around from multiple topics and going back to old topics. Yes. Ax murder jokes, free crime, office. So bad. But we're but we're back to the main point here, hey. This is Melanie's day to share some wisdom on a podcast, but we bounce around. Similarly, on a date, I have to tell my guys. I say, look.

Connell Barrett:

The date's about you and her hopefully connecting and getting to know each other, but it's totally fine. Sort sort of like you're in bumper cars together moving around to different topics. And that can feel really good because our brain likes that variety where it's office. Ax murder, renaissance fair, and then but then back to sort of the main point. Does that make sense?

Melanie Sutrathada:

It absolutely makes sense. And, also, I think what it does is it leaves room for a follow-up. So if you and I were on a date obviously, we're not because you are, you're taken and no. But, If we were on a 1st date, after the date, I might text you and go, okay. I just watched The Office, you know, the episode where Andy does Sweeney Todd and I thought of you. We need to go and have this karaoke place or this trivia place nearby that does office nights. Do you wanna go? It leaves room For, like, fun little tidbits and follow-up. And I think that's so important because it shows that you were listening, and, b, it shows that we are compatible.

Melanie Sutrathada:

And I think that's what we're looking for.

Connell Barrett:

Yeah. Exactly. So my girlfriend, Jess, she actually texted me before our 1st date. We texted A 100 times before we actually met.

Melanie Sutrathada:

Love this.

Connell Barrett:

And she texted, and I quote I was so happy to see this. I'm really liking our banter because we had this great fun banter. And so I just wanna be clear to my listener. Banter is a great bonus. It's a great addition. It's not required. You don't have to be some improv comedian or master communicator, But it is good to learn the art of, like, light, playful conversation about various topics as you get to know each other. That's how I define banter.

Connell Barrett:

Doesn't have to be an incredible comedy like you and I are doing right now. Comedy. If I may say so.

Melanie Sutrathada:

Well, it's so good. And I do think, you know, That's so much of good banter, though, is being someone who knows what you like. Like, I could never date someone who does. Really was not interested in anything culturally or did not wanna travel. And so if you're something I think the thing is you have to be single And have time to develop your own interest. And so I think for these amazing men listening to this podcast with you, Connell, I think It's okay to be single. It is okay to have time for yourself and go, okay. I'm not really sure what I'm looking for right now.

Melanie Sutrathada:

I'm like, oh, maybe I spent 6 months on a farm in Laos or Maybe I spent a year learning another language or maybe Yeah. I don't know. You learn how to be really good at solitaire. Okay. Great. Then that's something we can talk about because why? I don't understand. Why are you interested in solitaire? I have questions. It's okay to use this time for yourself and not feel like you have to be dating if you don't want to.

Connell Barrett:

Well said. Okay. In our last 5 or 6 min do you have another 5, 6 minutes? Are you still good to go? Good. Okay. I want to let you go back to planning your next trip. Murder spree, so, I wanna be respectful of your time.

Melanie Sutrathada:

So many documentaries right now. My head is not in a good place. There's so

Connell Barrett:

I know. There's so much true crime out there.

Melanie Sutrathada:

There is so much true crime.

Connell Barrett:

It's hard to turn it off once it turns out. Really? Let's talk about another question about dating. Can speak for all women if you want or yourself or both. You, yes. I take that back. You are now about to speak for 4,000,000,000 women.

Melanie Sutrathada:

Great. Easy. Done. I don't have to worry. This is great.

Connell Barrett:

I think there are a handful of common myths about what women want. Things that I find are things like A lot of men think, oh, women only want looks or money or, you've gotta be, super charismatic. Those are the kinds of things I hear from time to time. That's just some things I hear from men.

Melanie Sutrathada:

Yeah.

Connell Barrett:

What would you say? What's a big myth that many men have in their minds about dating, either about women or about dating. What's a big myth that guys can correct right now?

Melanie Sutrathada:

Oh, man. That is such a fantastic question, Connell. I think one myth, it. Question, Connell. I think 1 myth oh, man. I'm like there's so many things popping in my mind. I think one myth is that you have to be perfect right out the gate. I think men are like, oh, like, all these women have checklists.

Melanie Sutrathada:

Like, I don't I'm not I don't need the checklist. And, realistically, when the right person comes along, I think I mean, the last person I dated had nothing on the checklist. I did have a checklist. I still do have a checklist. But I think when you meet the right person, it doesn't matter. If you guys make sense together, then the rest will be figured out. You know? It.

Connell Barrett:

What is your checklist, or what's on your checklist?

Melanie Sutrathada:

Well, number 1, just be it. Michael b Jordan. I am obsessed. Literally, my whole life just falls apart when I think about Michael B Jordan as evidenced by me knocking over my gear. Okay. Cool.

Connell Barrett:

You heard it from Melanie, sir, at home listening to this. If you're Michael b Jordan, you too can have an amazing dating life.

Melanie Sutrathada:

Please. Please. My checklist, someone has to. I think the big thing for me is I have to feel really taken care of. Need someone who not financially or anything, but I need someone who you know, when I get home from the airport and it's 2 AM and I've been gone for a month, I want someone who, like, leaves out my pajamas or, like, writes a cute little note or stays up to make sure that I get home safe. That's something that's really important to me.

Connell Barrett:

That is really cute. I think she's probably gonna hear this. So, Jess, sorry for

Melanie Sutrathada:

Jess.

Connell Barrett:

Revealing stuff. I once wrote that I cat sitted for her cat Boots when Jess was out of town for a few days, and I left a note for her in Boots's handwriting, that she just loved. Like, dear, Jess Connell was so nice to me and gave me wet food, like, let letters backwards and stuff like a cat print. And that yeah. But your pajama tip was great. So you're basically talking about, like, the little, like, little sweetnesses Yeah. Once you get to know somebody in a relationship. Yeah?

Melanie Sutrathada:

Yeah. I think, you know, I am fabulous. How do you feel about love languages? Do you believe in them? Are you

Connell Barrett:

I see a lot of truth in them. Absolutely.

Melanie Sutrathada:

Absolutely. Yes. I like the language I love. And the way that I show love to people is through acts of service. And so, you know, I am that person who, like, okay. If I know you're getting up, with me, it. Previous relationship, I think I made him lunch because he was going through grad school. I think I made him lunch every day for 3 years.

Melanie Sutrathada:

Not because he wanted me to or, like, asked me to, but I was like, I think if there's one thing that I can do that's gonna make your life a little easier, I'm gonna do it. And I think knowing what your love language is is really important. Knowing what your significant other's love language is is really important. Like, some people are really into physical touch. So, Okay. When they come home or maybe if it's on that 1st date, like, putting your arm around them, like, putting your hand like, I don't know. Doing those little things that you know will be specific for them is so important. And so much of that comes from getting to know that person really well on a date.

Melanie Sutrathada:

Are they very complimentary? Do they say, oh my gosh, Connell. Your hair looks amazing, or, oh my gosh. Like, I loved what you wrote on x y z. Those things? Okay. Then that person's love language might be words of affirmation. So When you go after the date, you follow-up and say, okay. Connell, it was so nice to meet you. You're so charming.

Melanie Sutrathada:

I'm like, this was such a great time I would love to go out on another date or, you know, figuring out what those little things are that makes that person happy is gonna make such a difference because everybody's checklist is going to be really different.

Connell Barrett:

I'm so glad you just said that last part. Everybody's checklist is gonna be different. Yeah. And because a lot of men struggle with, oh, you know what? Every woman wants x, y, and z. And you know what? Some women might want Whatever your x, y, and z is. Charismatic, tall, successful. Nothing wrong with those things.

Melanie Sutrathada:

No. That's great.

Connell Barrett:

But is every woman like that? No. I don't have 6 pack abs. I have a 2 liter. Great. We

Melanie Sutrathada:

just we want

Connell Barrett:

1. Yeah. I have a dad bod. I'm a I'm a man

Melanie Sutrathada:

Dad bod.

Connell Barrett:

I'm a gent on the street with a dad bod in the sheets, and My girlfriend Jess is cool at that. So

Melanie Sutrathada:

That was so ridiculous. Oh, no.

Connell Barrett:

Don't feel like you have to be mister 6 pack abs. Some women might like that, But your point was great. Every woman has her own blueprint for what she's looking for. Right?

Melanie Sutrathada:

Yeah. And I think realizing what you have For all your listeners out there, I mean, unless they are a murderer, not into that. I am not into that. Someone else could be. But I think you do have something really wonderful to offer, and the thing is you no one's gonna see what you have to offer if you stay home on your couch and watch the golden bachelor. Like, you need to put yourself out there because no one's like, if you're not gonna find love sitting on your couch. You know?

Connell Barrett:

Boom. Two final questions, and then we can

Melanie Sutrathada:

Let's do it.

Connell Barrett:

Get back to you spilling coffee all over your home.

Melanie Sutrathada:

That's in here. It's bad. It's really bad.

Connell Barrett:

Almost every guy listening to this wants to be able to approach, flirt with, chat with women they meet out in the world. But many of them think, oh, no. It's creepy. It's weird. It's wrong. I'm afraid to. Can you talk a little bit about how you feel about a man you don't know coming up and talking to you? Things you have noticed when they do it well, thing or things you don't like

Melanie Sutrathada:

Yes.

Connell Barrett:

Or just how you feel about it in general?

Melanie Sutrathada:

So one thing that's on my checklist, the list, is that I will never approach anyone Because one of the things that I really need is, so in my job, I'm an actor and I'm a host. In my job, I am around it. Really beautiful, talented, wonderful men and women all day long. And so I need someone who is going to be really confident, who is not going to be jealous. Or feel some type of way about that. So I need someone who's gonna take the initiative, and that is so I will never approach. Because if you're not willing to approach me, then you're probably not someone who takes the initiative In the way that I like. Again, everybody's list is different.

Melanie Sutrathada:

So I've only been approached actually, I've been approached a fair amount of times, and I think The best way to do it is really finding something in the environment to talk about, like, oh my gosh. This bar is so fun. I I noticed you've been watching soccer. Are you a big Man, something so simple or saying like, oh, man. What are you drinking? That looks horrible. I'd be like, okay. That's So funny, and, also, it does taste horrible. So here we are already, we have something to talk about.

Melanie Sutrathada:

You know? I think you don't have to overthink it. It is. I know it's really not a fair thing to put on men. And, of course, there are women who love, love, love to be the first to approach. Again, it's not something that I like to do simply because I know it's something that's really important to me for someone to take that initiative. But I think just going for it is so important. And if it doesn't happen, if it doesn't work out, Okay. Well, that's fine.

Melanie Sutrathada:

At least you tried, and then that gives you the confidence to go and approach someone else who you think is intriguing or funny.

Connell Barrett:

And it can feel good. As I can tell you as a man, it can feel good to go for it. Obviously, if somebody like you likes me, wants to go on a date with me. Oh my gosh. That'll change your life. But even if you say, hey. Thanks, but no thanks. I'm in a relationship or I'll pass.

Connell Barrett:

Even that can feel really good for just taking a swing at the plate. Yeah. So I tell my guys, Approach an attractive woman to do it with good intentions, and it's a guaranteed win because either you get a date or you get to put another on it. Brick in the cathedral of your character as an authentic man. And that's also

Melanie Sutrathada:

a win. The cathedral of your character. Connell, that was incredible.

Connell Barrett:

I've said it before, but it sounded improvised to me.

Melanie Sutrathada:

It did sound improvised. I was like, oh, cathedral, your character. Yeah. I think you just gotta go for it. I know I know it's really hard because nobody wants to be rejected. I understand that, and that's not fun. But you don't you can't win the lottery if you don't buy a ticket. And Sometimes approaching someone at a bar or approaching someone on the subway, that's you buying a ticket, and every every no gets you close to that yes.

Melanie Sutrathada:

Maybe you, you know, approach 10 women, and all the women are incredible. And they think you're so funny and rude, but they're in a relationship. That's not on you. And so then that 11th time you meet someone and you're like, oh my gosh. This is incredible. Had you not gone and really put that confidence into full gear on those other 10 women. You never would have had the you would never would have taken the initiative to meet that 11. And, you know, every no will get you close to that.

Melanie Sutrathada:

Yes. You have to just do it. I know it's scary, but I think finding someone who is incredible and makes your life better is so worth it.

Connell Barrett:

You are the wisest ax murderer I've ever talked to.

Melanie Sutrathada:

You know, that is on my dating profile, so thank you for it. Zoom at McDonald. Cathedrals being built. Wow.

Connell Barrett:

Last question. Since you're an actor, I've gotta ask you. My guilty pleasure is romcoms. I love romcoms. Good, bad, I don't care.

Melanie Sutrathada:

No. There are no bad. They're all good. They all have such different plots.

Connell Barrett:

My girlfriend and I were watching High School Musical recently, and we just couldn't get to know each other. Do you have a favorite rom com?

Melanie Sutrathada:

Oh, oh, oh, oh. Okay. So, You know, I really love maid of honor spelled m a d e with Patrick w

Connell Barrett:

J it. J. Lo?

Melanie Sutrathada:

No. It's,

Connell Barrett:

creative wedding planner.

Melanie Sutrathada:

Yeah. Oh, I also love wedding planners. The plot is askew, but I don't care. It's fantastic. Anything with JLo, really. Wedding planners are definitely fantastic. Made in Manhattan, also great. So I think that might be the one you're thinking of.

Melanie Sutrathada:

But I love, love, love, love. Also, I actually love Hitch, so this is perfect. I was very excited when you, yeah, asked me to come on here. There's just so many good ones. Oh, I forgot. The princess switch series on Netflix.

Connell Barrett:

Oh, I don't know that. It. The princess switched. Okay.

Melanie Sutrathada:

It is so absurd. It's Vanessa Hudgens, and she is it. She is a princess who doesn't really want to be a princess, and then she runs into this baker. Named Stacy who looks exactly like her, and then they decide to switch places as one does. It's incredible.

Connell Barrett:

I can't wait. It's on the list. You're so sweet. I have a theory. So a lot of guys get bad advice out there, like, be sexual. You know, be a pick, do the pickup stuff. And I'm like, you know what? We're I think women want to meet the guy in a lifetime rom com. Yes.

Connell Barrett:

He's a little cheesy. Mhmm. He's a little, maybe even a little grumpy, but what I mean is he's authentic. He's genuine. He's a little cheesy, And he does flirt, but it's very G rated. It's its Lifetime. It's so And so I tell guys, don't be this, don't be Cinemax. It.

Connell Barrett:

Be Lifetime. Be the guy in the Lifetime rom com, at least for the 1st couple dates, and then things can get progress.

Melanie Sutrathada:

So much. Exactly. I wanna meet someone. So okay. So, actually, this is perfect because in so many of these holiday movies, the trope is that, you know, the the The big city girl is going to a small town, and then she leaves behind, like, her big city job that she hates and this boyfriend who terrible and, like, probably yells at children in hospitals or whatever. And so the person she falls for is the person who, You know, is running like the Christmas tree lot or cares about family and is home visiting to take care of his grandma or the person who, You know, is helping somebody cross the road. You know? I think, really, what we're looking for. Is someone who, when it's stripped down, they're just a really good person.

Melanie Sutrathada:

And not that the big city person who yells at children couldn't be good. There might be something redeeming about that. I don't know. To each their own. But we're all looking for someone who just makes us feel seen and, Like, there could be possibility.

Connell Barrett:

Well said. Alright. Check out this transition. Speaking of seeing Melanie, how can people see more of you? Pretty smooth. Right?

Melanie Sutrathada:

Oh, fancy.

Connell Barrett:

Like, can you tell us about your hosting career or how people can see and hear more from you? How does it feel?

Melanie Sutrathada:

Well, thank you so much for that, Connell. I'm so excited. I mean, I truly am so excited for all your listeners because you are incredible. I mean, I guess you're okay. I take that back. You're alright. It. You and your 2 liter.

Melanie Sutrathada:

I buy one of the best ways to see me, to follow along on, like, my day to day is on Instagram. At Melanie sutra. I also have a website where you can see lots of my hosting work. I've done a lot of regional and national television. And I'm so excited. Once the SAG after strike is over, you can see me on a few other projects. I've been working on it over the past year that I'm incredibly excited about. So make sure to follow along.

Melanie Sutrathada:

I think Instagram is the best way, and then I'll link to all the fun things. But I just wanted to really thank you. This has been so lovely, and I'm so grateful that your men have such a fantastic resource. I know dating is hard, And I think having someone like you at the helm where you truly wanna see people succeed is so, so valuable. Truly invaluable.

Connell Barrett:

Thank you so much, Melanie. Follow Melanie Sutra Thada on Instagram @melanie, and then it's sutra. Also, melanie.com. By the way, your Instagram is so colorful and vibrant. It cured my color blindness today. It's, like, so awesome. All of a sudden, I can see the colors of the world. Thank you for fixing my rosin coat. It's incredible. It.

Melanie Sutrathada:

Enjoy.

Connell Barrett:

Thank you, Melanie. You're the best. And, thank you for listening. And remember your dream relationship, She's already out there, and she already likes you. She just has to be the real authentic you. Till next time.

Connell Barrett:

Thank you for listening to the dating transformation podcast. For lots of free tips, videos, and other goodies, go to dating transformation.com. See you next time.

 Produced by Heartcast Media.