Connell Barrett:
For an eighties kid like me, Jennifer Beals was my crush. I basically started puberty watching Flashdance. Oh, what a feeling. Welcome back to the how to get a girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach Connell Barrett. I am here to help you learn to flirt with confidence, get a great girlfriend, and do it with authenticity and no toxic sketchy pickup artist moves. It's about dating with integrity, authenticity, and respect for women. And happy New Year.

Connell Barrett:
I'm really excited about today's episode because I'm a huge fan of goals and achieving great things in love and in life. At the same time, I'm not a big fan of resolutions because as you probably have heard this you've probably heard this stat before. A vast majority of New Year's resolutions are over by the time somebody hits February. And so this episode is not about resolutions. This episode is about a revolution. I wanna give you 5 game changing dating strategies, daily habits you can get into that will make you finding your ideal girlfriend in 2025 a done deal. It will happen. It will happen if you put these 5 strategies into place, but these are not gonna be resolutions so much as they're gonna be they're gonna be new behaviors that are pulling you toward an incredible rewarding outcome, which is love and a girlfriend and all the things that you want in your love life.

Connell Barrett:
And so that's what this episode is about, and think of me as your dating coach. I'm your podcast dating coach. Basically, I'm like your hitch, which makes you Kevin James, basically. But don't worry. I'm not gonna make fun of you if you don't know how to dance. Q tip. That's not working. Hit it with this.

Connell Barrett:
Don't ever do that again. I don't know how to dance either. Anyway, the bottom line is, here we are early in 2025, and you want something pretty wonderful. Right? You want love. You want a girlfriend. And at the same time, you've got some problems that you wanna overcome. Right? You don't wanna be lonely anymore. And I think probably the way you feel right now, if you're like a lot of single men, is you know what you want, but you're not sure how to get there.

Connell Barrett:
You don't have a plan. You're not sure what to do. You're not sure what actions to take. And this episode is gonna be about me giving you a plan, 5 new strategies to start putting into place, because I remember what it was like being in your shoes, which is to say, knowing I wanna date some wonderful women, knowing I want real connections, I wanna get better at online dating, I wanna get more dates, and I wanna find a girlfriend, but not knowing how to do it. I remember feeling lonely. I remember feeling frustrated. I remember knowing that I had to do something, but I just didn't know what to do. Well, today's episode is gonna tell you exactly what to do.

Connell Barrett:
Not just what to do, but these five strategies I'm gonna share with you in 30 seconds. Basically, if you put these into place, they will, not might, not could, but they will lead you to love and finding your girlfriend. As much as I can guarantee anything, I can guarantee you that. So that's how powerful what I'm about to share with you is. And I want you to stick around to the very end of the episode because after I go through these 5 strategies, I'm also gonna give you a 6th bonus strategy that is going to help you have a really strong, resourceful, positive mindset as well. So I'm gonna give you 5 strategies plus a bonus at the very end. So stick around because, yeah, I think this is gonna be a great episode for you. So let's do it. Let's not get into resolutions.

Connell Barrett:
Let's get into a revolution. Let's change your dating life. Let's change your confidence. Let's get you that dream girlfriend. So here we go. Here's strategy number 1. Strategy number 1 for you in 2025 is I want you to embrace what I call radical authenticity. I want you to stop listening to those other so-called coaches, mainly male coaches, who talk to you about being an alpha male, showing women who's boss, get rid of the toxic pickup moves that are so outdated, and don't be some fake alpha male.

Connell Barrett:
Instead, I want you to be what I call radically authentic, which is about being your real true self with women. Radical authenticity works with women because what it does is it strips away pretense and helps you remove the mask that you might be wearing with women, the mask that's trying to impress her, or the mask that's trying to be somebody you're not, or the mask that's trying to do an impression of the cool, smooth, James Bond type guy that you might think women want, and radical authenticity allows you to take off that mask and show you that real, true, deeply human self. And the thing about becoming radically authentic is this is you at your most attractive, and the good news is women are naturally attuned to and attracted to authenticity. People are in general, actually. This is just human nature. People are drawn to authenticity. Women, especially, though, are drawn to authentic men because when you're authentic, you do 2 really powerful things that a woman really loves. Number 1 is you become more confident in yourself because you know how to be you.

Connell Barrett:
You already know how to confidently be yourself. Maybe not in dating yet, but in life, you do, and confidence is attractive to women. So when you're authentic, you're more confident, and, also, when you're truly authentic, you are being really honest and true and real, and that creates a sense of trustworthiness. So women are, women get red flags from men who seem like they're not who they say they are, men who lie or exaggerate or who put on a false front. Women really have really good bullshit detectors. So when you become radically authentic, you become more confident, and you also show her a sense of truth and trustworthiness that lets her feel like, hey. I'm meeting the real guy, and that gives her the green light to be more vulnerable, more authentic, more real with you. And, then you've got 2 people, you and her, being sharing your quirky, real, passionate, vulnerable selves, and that creates an atmosphere of trust, of connection, of safety for her, and it just feels so good.

Connell Barrett:
So this kind of radical authenticity, this openness, it's the opposite of fake flashy bravado. It's the opposite of scripted pickup lines, and it's the opposite of toxicity. Authenticity is your secret weapon here. And, also, being authentic really does set you apart from so many other men who are using this outdated idea of being an alpha male or who are using these weird pickup artist moves, which still, amazingly, guys are still pushing out there in 2025. So, anyway, I want you to adopt strategy numb strategy number 1, which is to embrace radical authenticity because guess what? Your mom was right. Women like you for you. Girls like you for you. You get to be yourself.

Connell Barrett:
You really do. It's great. So how do you do that? How do you become radically authentic? Here's a couple of strategies. Oh, I should say, sub strategies. Number 1 is let your nerdy side shine on dates. Here's a quick story from my dating past. I remember my first date with a woman named Rachel. Rachel and I had one of the best first dates I've ever had.

Connell Barrett:
I met her at an improv class I was taking. We were both taking a musical theater improv class. And by the way, I'm a huge nerd. I love musical theater. In fact, before I sat down to record this episode, I was practicing the song from High School Musical on my piano, which I'm gonna sing and perform for my girlfriend as a little surprise for her. So I love nerding out on musical theater. I'm not a good piano player, but I'm getting better and better, and I love musicals. Anyway, so I was taking this musical theater class, and there was a girl in my class named Rachel, and we went on a date, and I just really leaned into being authentic.

Connell Barrett:
We got really nerdy. We talked about improv. We talked about musical theater. We talked about the Beatles. I'm a huge Beatles fan, and I remember she and I had a fun little debate about the most underrated Beatles songs. I had my view. Her view was Hey Bulldog, and under there's really there there are really no deep cuts with Beatles songs because the Beatles are so popular and huge, but there is a John Lennon written song for a John Lennon song called hey bulldog. And we had this really fun, lively debate about why she thought that was, and I thought it wasn't an underrated Beatles song.

Connell Barrett:
And the bottom line is I didn't play it cool. I didn't pretend to be some fake version of myself. I didn't try to impress her. She and I just both needed out on improv and theater and literature, talked about literature. We talked about really intellectual nerdy topics, and the date went great. We ended up going back to my apartment, and things progressed from there. We ended up dating and seeing each other for a while. And so, basically, one strategy you can apply is if you are like me, if you have a nerdy side, let that side come out on dates.

Connell Barrett:
Don't hide it. Don't feel like women won't like it. I'm not saying every woman's gonna like your nerdy side, but women who are attracted to your type are gonna love that nerdy side if you have a nerdy side like I do. So I remember another date I had with a beautiful, beautiful woman named Lane. I remember I was really getting into presidential history. I'm a big history nerd, and I was really getting into learning about Abraham Lincoln. And I must have talked for 20 minutes about Abraham Lincoln on that date. We're stepped out onto the world stage now, now, with the fate of human dignity in our hands.

Connell Barrett:
Now there are no dating experts anywhere in the world who are gonna say, talk about Abraham Lincoln for 20 minutes to create attraction, but guess what? That's authentic to me, and Lane liked how passionate I was about my love of Abraham Lincoln and history. So that's another quick first date example. So let your nerdy side shine on dates. Another way to be radically authentic to embrace this is when you approach, be vulnerable. Say something true and real and scary. Don't think of the perfect thing to say. Instead, think of the perfectly vulnerable thing to say. If you're shy, if you're nervous, if you're not sure what to say, walk up to her, shy, nervously, and say, hey.

Connell Barrett:
I just saw you, and I'm not sure what to say, but I wanted to meet you. That is so powerful to women because they think how vulnerable that is. Think how real that is. I have a client, and he goes by the name Ari. What I mean is my clients choose what I call a higher self name, which is their most confident, best, most badass version of themselves. My client chose the name of Ari because he loves Ari from the entourage. Anyway, Ari was my client a couple years ago. And Ari and I were out doing in person coaching, or I do wingman approach weekends with my clients here in New York City, and he was just really in his head about what to say to women.

Connell Barrett:
He was just so afraid to approach. He's like, I don't know what to say. What should I say? And I said, why don't you just say the most honest thing, which is you don't know what to say? And he was kinda scared by that, but he was also intrigued by it. So we're at this bar called Gem in, on the east side of Manhattan, and we see these 2 really cute brunette women standing there, and I say, walk over to her, and I want you to here's your opening line. I want you to start with, hey. I don't know what I just saw, and I don't know what to say. So he walks over, and he walks up and says that, and she said she really didn't even hear him. All she saw was that this well dressed, awesome, sincere, cool guy came up to her with commitment and a little bit of courage and was chatting her up in a world of dating apps where men rarely approach with vulnerability at all.

Connell Barrett:
And Ari walked up to her and said, hey. I don't even know what to say to you. I just wanted to meet you. And she smiled and said, what? I didn't hear you. What? And then all of a sudden, they were talking about something else. So that opening line doesn't even matter if you approach with real commitment and authenticity. 5 minutes later, I look over and Ari is making out with this beautiful young woman, this beautiful brunette, 5 minutes after he approached her with a, quote, bad pickup line. The bottom line is, what made that work is he committed to it.

Connell Barrett:
He said, I'm not gonna overthink about what to say. I'm just gonna lead with what's true, which is, hey. I'm nervous, but I wanna meet you, and I don't know what to say. And the bottom line is women don't really care what you say as long as you're in a good, positive, confident mode, and that's what radical authenticity can give you. And one quick one more quick story about that. I had this epiphany early in my journey of approaching women, and I remember a similar situation where I saw a beautiful woman out at a rooftop bar in New York City. This is back in the late 2000s, and I just said to myself, wow. I really wanna meet her.

Connell Barrett:
She looked like Jennifer Beals from the movie Flashdance. I don't know if you know Flashdance or not, but for an eighties kid like me, Jennifer Beals was my crush. I basically started puberty watching Flashdance. Oh, what a feeling. Anyway, so I'm on this rooftop bar, and I see a woman who is Jennifer Beals' twin look alike. So my type. She's wearing this really silvery dress, just gorgeous. And I was really nervous, and I just said to myself, alright.

Connell Barrett:
What's the deepest, truest thing that I can say to her? Sort of an anti pickup line. And that thing was that I'm shy, but I had to meet her. And I walked over to her and I said, hey. What's up? I want you to know that I'm actually pretty shy. I have social anxiety, but I had to meet you because you're totally my type. You look like Jennifer Beals. I literally am just speaking my thoughts, and she smiled and said, yeah. Right.

Connell Barrett:
You're really shy. She kinda winked and giggled when she said that, and she put her hand out and said, hi. I'm Amy. She was into it. She was into me, and I couldn't believe it and so that night, I'm walking home, I got her number, we're texting, and I'm walking home and I'm, like, wow. I didn't think you could just walk up to women, be really genuine and lean into it, lean into that realness, and they like it. And I now realize what happened was by me walking up to that woman saying, hey. I'm shy.

Connell Barrett:
I have anxiety, but I had to meet you. That sort of snapped me into a sense of alignment, of congruence, and she was sampling a really confident version of me. Even though I didn't feel confident in myself with approaching yet, because I was leading with authenticity and not trying to be someone I wasn't, I read as confident to her. And she liked it. She thought it was a line. She thought it was a pickup line, but she liked it. I didn't care if she thought it was a pickup line or not. I just knew that this Jennifer Beals look was into me, and I got her phone number, and that was a big big moment for me.

Connell Barrett:
So that's strategy number 1. Really, truly embrace radical authenticity. That's what this is all about, guys. It really is. I really only have 2 deal breakers in terms of what I want men to do and my clients and listeners of this podcast to do. Number 1 has become radically authentic. Number 2 is we wanna date with empathy for women, respect for women, and integrity. Do those two things.

Connell Barrett:
Anything else is fair game. As long as we're authentic and as long as we treat women with respect and we're honest and true, yeah, a lot of strategies can work. So, anyway, okay, here's strategy number 2 for the new year. Here's what I want you to start doing every single day. Strategy number 2 is I want you to craft an amazing outcome for your love life and connect it with it daily. Craft an amazing outcome and connect with it daily. When we have an exciting, incredible goal, that's where true motivation comes from. The reason why most people fail to follow through on their New Year's resolutions is because they don't stay in touch with it every single day and commit to it and stay in touch with how rewarding and powerful and game changing and life changing it's going to be.

Connell Barrett:
But when you focus on a real amazing outcome, what happens is your mind starts to get excited about it, starts to, gets thrilled to the idea of that smart, sexy, sweet girlfriend who will be in your life. And when you start focusing on what you want rather than focusing on what you fear, like rejection or anxiety, then your mind starts playing a better movie in its mind. Instead of a horror movie of rejection, your mind starts playing a beautiful love story. Story of you, boy, meeting a wonderful girl and getting a great girlfriend. So what I want you to do every single day is craft first, craft an amazing outcome and then connect with it on a daily basis. And here's my definition of an amazing outcome. It's really simple. It's gonna be different for every guy, but it's probably gonna involve your dream girlfriend, and that would be the external measurable outcome.

Connell Barrett:
And, also, you wanna be in touch with the internal outcome as well. The how it's going to feel when you wake up with this beautiful girl every morning, how you're gonna be able to how it's gonna feel to have somebody next year with you in your life at the holidays, how connected you're gonna feel to her, the trips you'll be able to go on, the cuddly, fun, sweet movie nights or dinner nights, making dinner with your girlfriend. The bottom line is to take the kind of massive action that you're gonna need to take and the often uncomfortable action that you're gonna have to take to get your dream girlfriend in 2025, you need a clear, compelling vision that gets you excited, gets you juiced. Because when you lack this compelling vision, then you lack direction. You lack motivation. And that's why 80% of New Year's resolutions fail by mid February. K? It's because all those other people don't have real consistent motivation. But when you know exactly what your outcome is, even if you get off track, you know your destination and you can correct the course.

Connell Barrett:
Now think of a jet taken off from JFK for a coast to coast flight. There are gonna be plenty of moments when that JFK flight to LAX has to stray from its intended flight path. There's gonna be turbulence. The pilot's gonna have to adjust for the wind, for turbulence, for weather, but guess what? That pilot knows where they're gonna land the plane. It's gonna be at LAX, right on that white stripe. Similarly, if you know what your outcome is for 2025, you're dating a romantic outcome, what I call the amazing dating outcome, then you're gonna stay motivated, and you're also gonna maybe get knocked down a few times. You're gonna have to stray from your path, but you know where you're gonna land this plane, and that'll keep you focused and keep you motivated. So an amazing outcome should have 3 elements.

Connell Barrett:
The first element is that it should be amazing to you. It should be exciting and juicy. It blows your hair back. The idea of you with this beautiful girl or the connection you're gonna have with her or the loneliness that you'll be done with, whatever it might be, it's amazing to you. The second element of an amazing outcome is that it should be measurable. It should be a measurable outcome. You know? Your outcome might be 2 dates per week, and then eventually a great girlfriend by, I'm just making this up, by March 1st. Right? Or it could be, having 2 or 3 different women in my, quote, unquote, rotation roster, going on dates with 2 or 3 women at a time.

Connell Barrett:
Nothing wrong with that. You're allowed to play the field. Or it could just be being in touch with the kind of gorgeous, cute girl next door who you cannot wait to introduce to your family and friends. Anyway, the bottom line is we want the outcome to be, 1st, amazing, second, measurable, something you can measure. You'll know if you have that girlfriend by March 1st. You'll know if you're getting 2 dates a week or not. K? And the 3rd element of an amazing outcome is it should be a place of arrival. It should be a place where you can arrive and say, hey.

Connell Barrett:
I am here. I am now all good in this area. Basically, you want to know that this is going to be something that you're going to be able to enjoy, and that's gonna bring you a real romantic reward and love. Okay? So it's in a place of arrival. So for most of the men out there and probably for you, that arrival will be, wow. I have this great girlfriend in my life. This is wonderful. But maybe not.

Connell Barrett:
It could be more that you just want dating options for the first time, having 2 or 3 good leads at any given time. Another place of an amazing outcome that a lot of my clients give me when we start working together is they say to me, you know what? I don't need a girlfriend right away. I just wanna have some fun. I wanna have some success for a little while. I wanna have some women who are into me. A lot of guys say, all I really want is to be able to approach attractive women with confidence, get some phone numbers and dates, and not be so frozen and so scared. That's another place of arrival. So whatever your outcome is, I want you to just think of it to those that lens of, hey.

Connell Barrett:
Is this amazing? Does it feel incredible to me? Check. You're in a good place. Is it measurable? Is it something that you can clearly measure? Check. And the third piece of it is, is this a place of arrival, a place that you can enjoy living for a while in terms of enjoying the abundance or enjoying the new girlfriend? If you get those three things checked, it's a really good outcome. Okay. Let's take a really quick break. You struggle with dating. Right? Sure.

Connell Barrett:
You have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt. The apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey. I struggled with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone. I owned real estate there, but I escaped using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love. It's what I wrote about in my best selling book, Dating Sucks But You Don't.

Connell Barrett:
And radical authenticity is why Psychology Today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I wanna personally help you attract your dream girlfriend. So go to dating transformation.com and book a free call with me. On our call, I'll tell you how my 1 on 1 coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to dating transformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend. Alright. And we are back.

Connell Barrett:
Let's go to strategy number 3. Here is your 3rd strategy for some game changing dating results in 2025 to get you that girlfriend you want. Strategy number 3 is I want you to do a daily confidence kickoff. What does that mean? What's a confidence kickoff? It's a morning ritual. It takes, I'd say, between 15 minutes and 45 minutes, 15 minutes minimum. Let's say 15 to 30 minutes. Take 15 to 30 minutes every morning to a confidence kickoff. What this is is this is a way for you to get yourself in a really positive, powerful, confident, emotional state every single day so that you're in the state and the mindset for you to steer your dating car into the outcome that you want.

Connell Barrett:
You wanna steer it toward a result, not steer it into oncoming traffic. Okay? So think of it this way. Think of your morning confidence. I call it the confidence kickoff. I certainly did not invent this concept. Not at all. I've heard it called the hour of power. I've heard it called the miracle morning. I call it the confidence kickoff.

Connell Barrett:
The bottom line is we need to get what I call, the higher self in charge of your dating life. The higher self is essentially the superhero version of you. He's you at your most confident, most excited, most authentic, basically you in the zone at a 9, 10 out of 10. And the way to do that is it usually doesn't happen automatically. It has to be a daily ritual that you put into practice. And so every morning, I want you to do a short ritual. Here's how I want you to do it. Actually, you can personalize this to what works for you, but here's how I have my clients do it.

Connell Barrett:
I have my clients do one of 2 things. 1st, they can either go to a quiet place, like in their home, their apartment, put on some music, just relax and some privacy. Other clients like to actually go out into the world and walk around, do something physical. I do my morning confidence kickoff usually while walking, so it's your choice. You can do it while walking, you can do it at the gym, or you can basically do it meditation style, sitting in a quiet place. It's really up to you, but what you're gonna wanna do is give yourself 15 to 30 minutes and focus on 3 things every single morning. K? The first thing I want you to think about is gratitude. What are you grateful for? What gifts, what wonderful rewards have already come into your life, dating or otherwise? In fact, it's probably you don't have very many dating results that you wanna be grateful for, so don't think about it through dating.

Connell Barrett:
Just think of it through the lens of gratitude. Recall specific moments that were filled with love, with joy, with wonder, anything positive. One of my go to moments of gratitude when I do my confidence kickoff every day is my dad's 85th surprise birthday party, which I planned for him with my 3 sisters. It was extra special because, my mom was very sick at the time, and she didn't have much time left to live, but she was able to hold on long enough to be there for my dad's surprise 85th birthday party that I threw for him with my 3 sisters, and that just makes me feel grateful to be alive. And sometimes I'm grateful for my health. Here I am, 53 years old, and knock knock on wood, I've never had any serious medical issues. I'm still a healthy man. I'm grateful for my beautiful girlfriend, Jess.

Connell Barrett:
I'm grateful for my clients. I'm grateful for my intelligence, my sense of humor, grateful for having had 2 wonderful parents, 5 incredible brothers and sisters. I've just had a life filled with love. And the reason why you wanna focus on gratitude is it puts your mindset in a state of you already being rich and wealthy in the most important ways. And how the hell does this impact your dating life, you might be asking yourself or asking me. Well, you wanna approach women, approach dating from a place of offering. You wanna have a lot to give. You wanna be in touch with all the rewards and riches you already have because women can sense a man who is living a life of gratitude and feels really good about himself and what he has in the world.

Connell Barrett:
Because if you think about it, dating comes down to bringing something of value to a woman. And before you go about your day working on your dating life, first, I just want you to feel really grateful and loved, and just allow your mind to be flooded with vivid thoughts and images of wonderful riches and rewards you've you've received in your life, people, things, moments. So I like to start my morning confidence kickoff with some gratitude, about 5 or 10 minutes of gratitude. Next, you wanna think of your idea of your confidence kickoff in, like, 3 parts. So we start with gratitude. Part 2 is I want you to think about that outcome we talked about. K? Your amazing outcome. What is your amazing outcome? What do you want? What is your future girlfriend gonna look like? What is she and what is her personality like? Is she bubbly? Is she silly? What are you gonna enjoy doing with her? That answer can be g rated or x rated or anywhere in between.

Connell Barrett:
So part 2 of your confidence kickoff is you remind yourself of that amazing outcome, the girlfriend you're gonna be with, the trips you're going to take together, the ways that you're going to enrich each other's lives. So what this does is this reminds your mind, your psychology, of the fact that you are moving towards something really powerful, really game changing. You're moving toward love. You're moving toward the one. Think of you, you don't have to just think about how great your future girlfriend's gonna be. You can go off into the future. You can say, wow. I cannot wait until I meet my future girlfriend because then she's gonna become my fiance and eventually my wife.

Connell Barrett:
I'm gonna have a family. I'm gonna have love and connection. I'm gonna be a father. One day I'll be a grandfather. I'm gonna start a whole family and really fall in love with all of the priceless rewards that are gonna come your way by finding that wonderful woman. Or maybe you're more lit up and excited by the fun short term dating results that are gonna come your way too. The love, the sex, the flirting, the kissing. Maybe you're just excited to finally break a slump and get excited about the next first date you have where you're gonna have some sparks flying, with my help, of course, coaching you here on this pod.

Connell Barrett:
And anyway, but the bottom line is the second half or sorry, the second third of your confidence kickoff is you just focus on that outcome, how great it's gonna feel and how rewarding it's gonna be. Because true motivation comes from not not feeling, like, you gotta drag yourself out to do stuff. True motivation comes from being catapulted towards something wonderful and rewarding. True motivation comes from being pulled somewhere that is gonna be so rewarding and special to you. So that's the second part of your morning confidence kickoff. And the third part is really simple. The third part is you ask yourself a simple question. What am I gonna do today to move one step closer to that outcome? So it's that simple.

Connell Barrett:
Three steps, morning confidence kickoff. Step 1, what am I grateful for? Step 2, what am I moving toward? What's my outcome? Step 3, what am I gonna do today to get a big step closer to that outcome? Yeah. That's it. That's that morning ritual. By the way, this probably doesn't sound super sexy to you. You're probably thinking, oh, man, I gotta drag myself out of bed, I gotta walk around or meditate for a half hour, 15 minutes. That doesn't sound fun. I hear you.

Connell Barrett:
It's not super sexy, but it's so important. The confidence kickoff is kinda like it sets your emotional thermostat to a really positive resourceful place so that you can do what needs to be done to get your girlfriend and to get your confidence and success in dating, and that's gonna take action. It's gonna take consistent action, and that's what the morning confidence kickoff is for. And then the bottom line is here's what we're doing. Let me take a little pause here before I move on to the next strategy. What we're doing here is we are ritualizing both your mindset and the right action that's gonna get you a beautiful girlfriend and help you find love. The bottom line is rituals have equal results. Rituals equal results.

Connell Barrett:
You know, you could have love handles or washboard abs. It all depends on your rituals, whether or not how you eat and whether or not you go to the gym. You can be dead broke or you can be richy, rich, wealthy, all depends on your rituals. You could be lonely and unlucky in love and sad, or you could be honeymooning in Hawaii with your dream bride. Your progress in any area or your lack thereof, it's gonna come from your rituals, the actions you take consistently, and committing to daily action is gonna propel you toward the love and romantic fulfillment that you desire. And that's what that's what that's what we're talking about here today is ritualizing both first the mindset and then the actions, the mechanics of what's gonna get you there. Because bottom line is you can visualize, you can meditate, get your kumbaya yas out all day long, but if you don't take consistent ritualized action, your chance of failure is gonna be really high. There's a line in my book.

Connell Barrett:
I'm quoting my book now roughly pretty close to accurate where I say vision boards and goals scribbled on paper, all that paper is just dead wood without the discipline to take action. So you must take action, and it's okay to go to see small improvements. Right? You don't need to take massive gigantic action every single day as you're about to find out. Yes. Big breakthroughs can and will happen, but please don't underestimate the power of small, steady, incremental improvements. James Clear, you probably are familiar with a huge best selling book called Atomic Habits by James Clear. He has a great factoid in that book where he says, if you get 1% better at something every day for a year, you're gonna end up 37 times better at that thing by the time you're done. So think about this, just by getting your confidence kickoff going, 1st, by becoming radically authentic, 2nd, by sculpting, crafting an amazing outcome, 3rd, by doing this daily confidence kickoff, you're gonna be getting more than 1% better each day in terms of dating and your mindset, but at minimum, 1% better, at minimum.

Connell Barrett:
And then a year from now, don't get me wrong, a year from now, you're gonna have an amazing girlfriend if you want one. But a year from now, you'll be 30 sets 37 times more confident. You'll be 37 times better with women if you get just 1% better every single day. So we're talking about daily rituals that lead to life changing actions. Okay. Super quick super quick recap. So, again, strategy number 1 is to embrace radical authenticity. Okay? Strategy number 2, craft that amazing outcome and connect with it daily.

Connell Barrett:
Strategy number 3 is to take at least 15 minutes every day. 30 minutes is probably better, but at least 15 minutes every day and do a daily confidence kickoff, focusing on gratitude, connecting with that outcome, and then connecting with one action you're gonna take every single day. Okay. Now let's move to strategy number 4, which leads to doing something scary, taking some scary action. So strategy number 4 is whatever that one thing you came up with during your morning confidence kickoff, do that one thing. Do one scary thing every day. In other words, most of the time, most days, this is going to involve you taking some kind of romantic risk. It's really about taking the action that is scary but necessary.

Connell Barrett:
Bottom line is you, if you're like I used to be and if you're like a lot of men are, you're afraid to do some things. You're afraid to approach that girl. You're afraid to ask out your crush. You're afraid to say something on a date or to say something to a woman that might be misconstrued as creepy or weird. The bottom line is fear is there, and I totally feel you, man. I know what it's like to feel fear. I was so afraid early on in my dating life. There's a story that opens my book, where I talk about the very first night I ever went out to approach girls.

Connell Barrett:
Before I approached girl number 1 in my whole life, 30 I'm 38 years old at the time. I'd never approached a girl. Before I went out approaching women, I was so afraid. I excused myself from the group I was with, and I went into the men's room stall at this club in New York City, and I had a panic attack. I started to hyperventilate, and I basically had the dry heaves in this bathroom stall. That was all fear. The fear of finding out that maybe women don't like me, the fear of rejection. So, but fear is not something to, you know, be afraid of.

Connell Barrett:
With apologies to FDR, fear is your friend, it's not your foe. Famous quote, you know, we have nothing to fear but fear itself. Well, I think that the only thing we have to fear is ignoring fear itself. Fear can be a friend. Fear is a powerful, powerful force to harness. So I think of fear as a call to action. So if you're afraid to approach that girl or go for that first kiss or to ask out your crush, that's actually fear telling you exactly what you should do. Metaphor I like to use is that your love life is like a boat and fear is the wind, and you can use those guests to reach your destination, or you can do nothing and end up lost at sea.

Connell Barrett:
The bottom line is you can't control the winds of fear, but you can control the sails of your own dating vessel. So what I want you to do right now is I want you to commit every single day to doing one scary, but one necessary thing, every day. Okay. 6 days a week. I'll give you one day off. How about this? 5 days a week minimum. You can take the weekend off or you can take 2 days off if you want, but let's call it 5, 6 days a week. Once a day, do one scary but necessary thing that's gonna move you towards your dating outcome.

Connell Barrett:
So yes, this does mean leaving your comfort zone. That's the price you gotta pay, but you have a choice. You can have comfort now, pain and loneliness later, or you can have pain now and comfort and love and a girlfriend later. It's your choice. By the way, I know all about pain. Okay? What's the old Police song? King of pain? I was the king of pain. I was the king of pain. I was the guy hyperventilating in the bathroom.

Connell Barrett:
I was the guy who wanted to approach women, but never did because I was afraid. I was the guy who was afraid to make moves on dates. I was afraid to take chances, and that brought me a lot of pain. Okay? So I don't want you to feel any more pain because I know what that pain feels like. I know the pain of loneliness. I know the pain of settling. I know the pain of jealousy and envy, comparing myself to other men who are succeeding with women who I wasn't at the time, and I was so tired of that pain. That's how I had to change things.

Connell Barrett:
I want you to change that before you feel any more pain than you've already felt. Okay? So you can have comfort now, you cannot do anything, have comfort now and pain later, or you can start taking action immediately using these five strategies, And have some pain now, have some discomfort, have some fear, but that's what's gonna bring you the results. Okay? So how can you do this? Every single day, you're probably asking me, Connell, coach Connell, tell me, Hitch. What do I do every day? Well, here's some simple ideas. Here's one thing you can do every day. Every single day, if you can't think of anything else that day to do that fearful romantic risk, then, break the ice with one attractive woman. It takes 15 seconds. Takes less than that.

Connell Barrett:
It takes 5 seconds. Takes 5 seconds to say, hey. Excuse me, miss. I really like your jacket. You have great style. Boom. Done. If she's an attractive woman who you would be open to dating, assuming you 2 connected and had some things in common, boom.

Connell Barrett:
You just did your scary thing. So, yeah, the simplest thing to do is once a day, 4, 5, 6 days a week, break the ice with one attractive woman whom you don't know. Can't be the woman you talk to every day at the coffee shop. I mean, it can, but let's go with somebody you don't know because that's probably scarier for you. Okay? Remember the power of doing 1 of getting 1% better at dating, and 1% more confident, and 1% more comfortable approaching. Remember, in a year, you'll be 30 thigh 37 times more confident and better. So the simplest thing you can do is break the ice with one attractive woman every day. I think that the longest streak I had of consecutive days approaching, a 110.

Connell Barrett:
I gave myself a goal of doing 100 straight days of approaching at least 1 woman a day for 100 straight straight days, and I got to 110. I even remember one day I went out with a really bad cold, a really bad case of the flu, but I had a streak. I was, like, 49 to 50 days in. I approached some women at Whole Foods. I'm all sneezing and flu ridden and all gross, but I'm like, oh, I gotta keep my streak going. But I do remember this moment I had during these 110 days. I remember I was about 40 days in, 40 straight days of approaching at least one attractive woman. I remember I walked up to this woman in New York City.

Connell Barrett:
She was wearing a really cute fedora, like an old school Frank Sinatra type of hat. She's a cute artsy girl and she had this fedora on, a really cool style. And I remember that was roughly day 39, day 40. And I approached her, and it went really well, and it was fun, flirty, and a good exchange. And when it was over, I realized something. I realized that I wasn't afraid anymore. I didn't approach anxiety anymore. I mean, I had butterflies, don't get me wrong, but I didn't have that paralyzing fear of approaching.

Connell Barrett:
So it took about 40 straight days for me at this point in my life, but I remember, wow. 40 days in, I was able to approach any woman and do it comfortably and relatively confidently because I was just getting a little bit better, a little bit better, a little bit more comfortable every day. So, and I got phone numbers and dates before I ever met her from approaching, but I just remember that was a big moment when I realized, hey. The fear is gone. Anyway, so strategy number 4, do one scary thing every day, and this usually means take some romantic risk. So one option is break the ice with one attractive woman every day. Another option is on your next first date, tell your first date what's sexy about her and use the word sexy. If you're like I used to be, you're afraid to tell a woman she's sexy.

Connell Barrett:
You're afraid or you think it might be creepy, it might be weird, and it's not. You know what's creepy and weird? It's to be on a date with a woman and treat her like she's your sister. Treat her like she's just a friend. That's weird. That's creepy. So on your next first date, if you find this woman sexy, tell her she's sexy and tell her why she's sexy. And as a bonus tip, make it something that's not about her looks or at least not solely about her physical body. Make it a trait.

Connell Barrett:
Make it something about her. I had a first date once with a beautiful, beautiful woman from Peru, named Claudia. Claudia, if you're out there, how are you doing? I remember my first date with Claudia, I just said, hey. You know what? You have a really sexy laugh. You have the most feminine, beautiful, lilting laugh. I love it. And she just kinda melted. She was like, oh my god.

Connell Barrett:
That's the nicest thing. That's the best thing anybody's ever said to me. And, again, I was just being authentic. I was just literally speaking my thoughts. So, anyway, on your next first date, tell a woman she's sexy. It's not creepy and weird to do it, especially if you tell her something about her is sexy as opposed to just her body or her eyes or her face. And here's one more thing you can do on a daily basis. You can or not on a daily basis, but when you do, when you do that daily approach, that daily ice breaker with a woman, let's say you talk for more than 2 minutes.

Connell Barrett:
Okay? Let's say you talk with a woman for more than 2 minutes, take out your phone and say, hey, let's do numbers. It'd be nice to stay in touch. What's your number? So that phone number close might sound simple as I say it to you right now. If you're like most men, once you start meeting women out in the real world, it's gonna be scary for you to then try to escalate things from just a nice conversation into a phone number because that's all of a sudden that feels romantically risky, but guess what? That's why you need to do it because it's scary, and you don't wanna just settle for nice conversations. So those are some strategies. Other strategies for doing the scary thing, it could be asking out your crush. It could be, it could be more social based. You know? Some people just need a little bit of sometimes it's it's like I'm someone who used to battle social anxiety.

Connell Barrett:
I had really bad social anxiety, and just having conversations with people, out who I meet out in the world, not even necessarily women I wanna date, just having social conversations with people I didn't know, that was scary and hard for me, but, boy, did it help me a lot because it got me out of my head and into the present moment, made me a better a better, communicator, a more social person. So your daily scary thing to do, it could just be talking to people who you meet out in the world and, again, being authentic, being genuine. But bottom line is if you follow step number 4, now or or strategy number 4, now we're getting to something really important. We're turning your goals and desires into real world action. Real world action, and real world action is where your results are waiting for you. So you gotta take action. You can't just listen to podcasts. You can't just consume content on YouTube.

Connell Barrett:
You can't just consume information. You've gotta be an executor. You gotta take action. Information is overrated. Action is underrated. And, look, I'm a big fan of my own coaching. I honestly believe, and I don't mean to sound arrogant when I say this, I just believe it. I believe I'm the best dating coach in the world, at least the best dating coach for men.

Connell Barrett:
However, the right approach, the right real world interaction with you and the right woman, that's gonna be worth more to you than any podcast episode I could ever do. Any information I can give you on this podcast is not gonna be as valuable to you as an interaction you have or a date you have or a breakthrough you have by taking action out in the real world with a woman, the wonderful woman. So go out there and take action. That's what step 4 is about. Do something scary every single day. Don't fast forward. This is not an ad. It's a free thing that's gonna help you flirt with confidence because I'll bet that you struggle with what to say to women and how to flirt.

Connell Barrett:
Right? Well, let's fix that. I'm gonna give you what I call the flirty thirty. These are 30 flirty questions to ask women on the apps or on dates or when you approach so that you can confidently connect with cool sexy women starting today. It's time to stop running out of things to say and start asking them flirty questions that are gonna make them want to date you. So to get your copy of the Flirty 30, it's totally free. Just go to dating transformation.com/flirty30. And that's flirty30. Datingtransformation.com/flirty30.

Connell Barrett:
You're about to start confidently flirting with women, going on dates, and soon getting a great girlfriend. Go get your flirty 30. And here is strategy number 5. We haven't talked about online dating yet. We've may we've mainly talked about mindset and meeting women out in the real world, but I also wanna talk about online dating. Strategy number 5 is I want you to treat online dating not as dating. Treat it as digital marketing because that's really what online dating is. Along the way in my journey of getting good at dating, I realized something really simple, but I thought it was really powerful, which is that online dating isn't really dating.

Connell Barrett:
It's not really dating until you meet that woman out in the real world. Until you actually meet her, it's really marketing. You're basically running a digital ad for yourself when you launch your Hinge or your Tinder. It's not really dating, it's digital marketing. Now you might have negative associations with the idea of marketing, but the nice thing about marketing is it it can be done with integrity because because the very concept of marketing might make you think of, like, a sleazy, deceitful used car salesman or cheesy cheesy marketing lines, like, you know, stand you know, call now. 25% off. Operators are standing by. But the thing about marketing is it can actually be done with integrity.

Connell Barrett:
The right marketing message can create real trust with an audience. And I'm not an expert, I'm not a professional marketer, but I've done a lot of marketing in my business as a dating coach. So, if you might, you might know a little bit about advertising campaigns from the past. In the 19 sixties, the Avis car rental company basically admitted its second tier status to Hertz with the slogan, we're number 2, so we try harder. And the result of that really refreshing honesty was that Avis actually doubled its market share within just a few years. And more recently, Southwest Airlines promised its flyers, quote, transparency, meaning no hidden fees, and their campaign racked up something like 5 or 6,000,000 Facebook likes. So think of marketing as something that can be done should be done with integrity and authenticity. You wanna market yourself to women that way through the lens of, hey.

Connell Barrett:
I'm marketing myself to women, but you're doing it honestly with integrity and authenticity. And this not only feels good, it's also what works. Here's why. As with any good piece of marketing, your dating profile has to do 3 things. Okay? Your dating profile has to, number 1, be disruptive. Your profile on Hinge, on Tinder, on Bumble, it has to stand out, and it has to sort of snap women out of their swiping hypnosis. So you gotta disrupt, give women something that they're not used to seeing. The second thing a good piece of online dating marketing has to be, in other words, your profile, is it has to be valuable.

Connell Barrett:
It has to show her there's something in it for her. A cool guy, a fun date, a good conversation on a date, potentially a relationship, sex, love, a fling. In other words, you've gotta show her clear upside. And the third thing your profile has to do, like any piece of marketing has to do, is it must create trust. If a woman can't trust you, even if she finds you attractive, she's not gonna date you. Okay? So that's the essence of marketing done right, both online dating and other kinds of marketing. Be disruptive, have a disruptive message, any it stands out, having it show some value for the audience, In her case, what's in it for her? And the 3rd piece is it's gotta create trust, a sense of heart and humanity. So here's a quick story about what not to do.

Connell Barrett:
Here's what not to do. So I have a new client. I'll call him Ben. And Ben and I just had our very first session, and we're talking about online dating. He's on Hinge and he's on a dating app called Field. Field is a kink app and Hinge, I'm sure you know Hinge. And so Ben and I are talking and our first coaching session is about his profile. And he gets no matches, almost no matches, almost no legs.

Connell Barrett:
He's literally never had a date from a dating app. And he's a virgin. He's not yet had intimacy with a woman, and he's had very few dates. And so, Ben, on this very first call we ever had, or coaching call we ever had, he's really he was kinda getting a bit emotional. He was like, yeah. I gotta admit, Connell, it's crushing. I feel so crushed because women clearly don't like me. I get no matches.

Connell Barrett:
I got no dates, and that's why he hired me. And I said, okay. Well, let's look at your profile. And I looked at his profile, and he had one photo. It's a bathroom selfie, and you can see the toilet in the backdrop. Now he is a good looking guy, and to his credit, he is well dressed. He is the best dressed man in the bathroom for sure. And so he had one photo that offered women no value.

Connell Barrett:
K. He had no photos that offer any value. He didn't have a photo that showed him doing something cool and fun. He could have had a portrait of him at a, you know, outside, well lit, beautiful lighting, looking really handsome and smiling. Instead, he had sort of a scowl on his face in his bathroom selfie photo. And then we looked at his profile, and his profile had no profile, had no personality, and Ben has a lot of personality. Like me, he's a nerd in a cool way. He's got a dry sense of humor, but his profile, it just simply said, I am looking for this.

Connell Barrett:
I am looking for that. Here's what I want. So his profile didn't offer anything of value. So let's look at the three things a profile has to do. It has to be disruptive and stand out in a positive way from what women are used to seeing. He failed because his photo is just another bathroom selfie, which sucks. And his second thing is his profile has to show women that there's some value in it for her. He didn't offer any value because he didn't give a glimpse of what he might bring to the table for women.

Connell Barrett:
All he talked about was what he wanted, and he didn't have any other photos to show what life with him might be like. And the third thing that women need to see is that sense of trust, some heart, little sense of humanity, there was nothing there that created any heart and trust. You know, he didn't mention his family. He didn't talk about what he loved about his job. There was no sense of trust, so he went 0 for 3. And I wasn't beating him up as I was telling him this. I was telling him this. I said, Ben, I've got really good news for you.

Connell Barrett:
Your profile sucks. Your profile is awful. This was one of the worst profiles I've ever seen from a client, but I said, this is good news. This is good news because guess what? This does not mean that you are more than enough. It's just that your profile sucks. So he was under the mistake, the misapprehension that he sucked. Women didn't like him. Too short, too boring, too nerdy, not good looking enough.

Connell Barrett:
What he realized after this first conversation we had was it's not that his profile sucked. I'm sorry. It's not that he sucked. It's that his profile sucked. So my book, by the way, I'm not. I'm not trying to market to you right now, but my book is called Dating Sucks But You Don't. That came from a similar conversation I had with a different client where I said, hey, dude. You're awesome. You think you suck? You think you're not getting matches because you suck? No.

Connell Barrett:
It's your profile that sucks. You're a great guy. We just have to change your marketing. So Ben and I had a similar conversation. He doesn't suck. His profile sucks. So what I want you to do going forward in 2025 is I want you to change the way you look at online dating. Don't think of it as dating.

Connell Barrett:
And another lesson is do not mistake your struggles on the dating apps as evidence that you are not a great catch. Don't mistake your struggles on Hinge or Tinder or Bumble and not getting matches because you're not good looking enough or you're not good enough or you're not cool enough or not tall enough. That's bullshit. The problem is your marketing sucks. The problem is your marketing sucks. This is good news. It's not disruptive. It's not valuable.

Connell Barrett:
It's not creating trust. This is good news because this is fixable. Okay? Trust me. This is what I do all the time, and I had to do this with my own profile first. So I'm not wagging my finger at you. At first, I'm wagging my finger at myself. I had one of my first coaches way back in the day who had to say, Connell, your photos are shit. You're great, man, but your photos suck.

Connell Barrett:
Where's the smart ass personality? Where's the great style? Why are your pictures so mediocre? Basically, I needed that tough love, so I'm giving you some tough love. But it's great news because guess what? If you're not getting matches, it's not because you lack anything, it's because your profile is lacking. We fix it by making it disruptive, valuable, and creating trust. So please keep that in mind going forward. So, action points going forward. Oh, before we get to the action points and your missions for this episode, let me give you that 6th and bonus strategy. Here's another ritual, another thing I want you to do on a daily basis is I want you to stand guard at the door of your mindset. Stand guard at the door of your mindset.

Connell Barrett:
How? Well, every single day, you're gonna be taking some kind of romantic risk. Right? Every single day after you take that romantic risk, which is strategy number 4, I want you to ask yourself, what was good about that? What can I feel good about? And every day, you can also kinda kinda layer this into your morning ritual, your confidence kickoff. Every single day, I want you to say to yourself, alright. What can I feel good about that I did yesterday? What did I do well? What did I learn? How did I grow? Give yourself a daily pat on the back. I call this standing guard at the door of your mindset. It's sort of like, imagine your mindset is a club. You have to be the bouncer standing at that door, and you gotta look at the people in line who are trying to get into your club. Some of these people are sexy and well dressed and beautiful and cool, and those are the good, empowering, positive thoughts.

Connell Barrett:
Let those people into your club. Those are the people, those are the thoughts like, oh, I have so much to offer women. I'm a good man. I'm funny. I have a steady job. I have a great heart. I'm gonna be a great husband, a great boyfriend. I'm funny.

Connell Barrett:
I'm successful. I've traveled. Whatever it is, let all those people in your club. At the same time, there's gonna be some riffraff trying to get in your club. There's gonna be some real sleaze bags, they're not on the list. You can't let them in. Those thoughts are gonna be thoughts like, oh, man. That girl you approached didn't give you her number.

Connell Barrett:
You must suck. No. Don't let that person in your club, or, oh, man. Why does dating have to be so hard? Why do some guys have all the luck, but I don't? No. You can't let that thought into your club. You gotta stand guard at the door of your mind and give yourself a lot of good mojo. The 2 ways to do this, or 2 of the most powerful ways that I know how to do this is number 1, you know how you're gonna be taking one romantic risk, doing that one scary thing every day? Every day after you do that thing, whatever it is, ask yourself what was good about that? Or what can I feel good about? For example, I had a client, Dan, who lives in Pittsburgh. I remember the day he came to me or he called me and said, Connell, Connell, I did the most amazing thing today.

Connell Barrett:
I approached this total stunner in the grocery store. She was wearing yoga pants. She was a total 10. She was dynamite. It felt amazing. I said, oh my god. That's awesome. What happened? He said, yeah.

Connell Barrett:
She wasn't into it, but I didn't care. I was just so happy that I'm finally stepping up to some real beautiful women. And bottom line is he's actually started getting some really good results from approaching. But basically he didn't judge his approach based on whether or not a random woman at the grocery store gave him her number. He said, you know what was good about it? If I'm, I'm taking action. I'm stepping up to my nines and tens, and that made him feel so good. So after every romantic risk, ask yourself, what was good about what I just did? Or what did I learn about it? Or what good mojo can I attach to it? That'll keep that mindset in a good place. And the other thing you can do to stand guard at the door of your mind, of the club of your mind, is to focus on progress.

Connell Barrett:
It's another great point that James Clear makes in atomic habits. He talks about how our brains love to see progress. Tony Robbins talks about this too. Our brains love progress, so beware of the trap that men fall into by looking at the gap between where you are and where you want to go. Oh my god, my girlfriend, my success, my outcome seems so far away. Part of what I want you to do is don't look at the gap between where you are and where you want to go. Look at the gap between where you are and where you were yesterday or last week or last month. So focus on progress even if it's just 1% improvement.

Connell Barrett:
So every single day, stop and ask yourself, what was good about that risk I took? What was good about that scary action? What can I feel good about? If the woman likes you, if the approach went well, if you had a great interaction, feel good about that. But if you didn't have a great interaction, if she didn't giggle and twirl her hair and wink at you. You can still ask yourself, hey. What was good about that? What did I do well? Or what can I get better at and get better at today? So that's your 6 and kind of bonus, daily strategy is to stand guard at the door of your mindset. It's not super sexy, I get that, but it's so important, to keep yourself in that resourceful, positive, powerful state. Okay. Alright. We've covered a lot.

Connell Barrett:
So what have we learned today? We learned that flabby, wimpy resolutions don't work. I resolved to do this. I resolved to do that. That doesn't work. What does work in terms of creating real game changing results is ritualizing the actions that you take that are gonna bring you some wonderful reward. So we've learned that you have to get excited about a real compelling outcome that's gonna keep you motivated, and we've also learned that you have to connect with that amazing compelling outcome every single day, or else you're gonna lose motivation. K? You've gotta stay in touch with it every single day. And we've also learned that you've got this is an absolute must.

Connell Barrett:
It is an absolute must. You must take regular scary, quote, unquote, risky actions. You have to. You just have to. You do. Like, I was so scared that night. That first night I went out to approach, I'm hyperventilating in the bathroom. I'm having all these horror stories in my mind, and that was the night I approached a beautiful woman and took her home.

Connell Barrett:
The most beautiful woman I'd ever been with at that time. And I remember thinking, wow. Thank god I went out here and took this action. I was so scared, but, wow, that's where my, that's where my results were waiting for me. So okay, so what is your mission at the end of this episode? Here's what I want you to do. Let's go through them real quick again. Number 1, embrace radical authenticity. That's so important.

Connell Barrett:
I want you to do so step number 1 is start doing that. Step number 2 is I want you to craft a clear compelling outcome. Keep it simple. 2 or 3 things. 2 or 3 things that are gonna feel amazing when you get there. The future girlfriend, the approaching success, whatever it is. Step number 3, mission number 3 is I want you to start doing a confidence kickoff every single morning. I like to do mine for an hour, almost.

Connell Barrett:
You don't need to do an hour, but you definitely have 15 minutes. Right? Everybody has 15 minutes every morning if they want to, so you do. So give yourself at least 15 minutes every morning and do a confidence kickoff, focusing on gratitude, focusing on your outcome, and asking yourself, what am I gonna do today to get one step closer to my outcome? Mission number 4 is take that daily risk, do that scary fearful thing, take that one daily romantic risk, at least 5 or 6 days a week. And number 5 is looking at the dating apps, changing the way you look at online dating and thinking of it as a digital digital marketing experiment rather than as some sort of indictment or or verdict on your worth as a man. Your worth as a man is not related to whether or not you're getting 50 matches a week or 0 matches a week. Think of online dating as a digital marketing marketing experiment, and this will help you to keep changing and altering and adjusting your profile just like a digital marketer does until you start getting the kind of online dating results that you want. And along the way, every single day, don't forget that bonus strategy, which is guard your mindset. Stand guard at that mindset, the door of your mindset.

Connell Barrett:
Think of yourself as that bouncer. Only let the sexy thoughts in. K? Don't let those ugly nasty thoughts in, at least not for very long. And the last thing I wanna say to you is this, start this. I want you to make a commitment. I want you to start doing this, all these five things. I want you to start today, not tomorrow, not next week, today. It's 2025.

Connell Barrett:
The New Year is here. Valentine's Day is gonna be here. Spring is coming, and you have a decision to make right now. Your decision is to listen to this podcast and think, okay, he made some good points. Yeah. Maybe I'll get around to this. I'll start working on this soon, but, you know, I got a lot going on. Or you can make a decision right now to start taking daily action.

Connell Barrett:
So you can right now decide to embrace radical authenticity, create a clear outcome, do your morning confidence kickoff, follow your fear every day by doing something scary, and along the way, keep adjusting your online dating profile like an amateur semi professional digital marketer. And if you do these five things, I can almost guarantee you that you're gonna meet your girlfriend and have an amazing girlfriend in your life in 2025. You're gonna get dates. You're gonna become more confident. You're going to get the kind of love and romance and significance and rewards that you deserve if you do these 5 things. Or you can just listen to this podcast and say, okay. That was good information, and then just kinda get back into your normal groove, and then nothing will change, probably. And what I want for you as the listener of the how to get a girlfriend podcast is don't just think of this as information for you to consider.

Connell Barrett:
I want you to take action. Take action. Because remember, information is overrated. Action is underrated. Action is what it takes. It takes massive right action. So I want you to go do it starting right away. And along the way, email me.

Connell Barrett:
Keep in touch with me. Let me know what successes you're having. Let me know what, let me know what drawbacks you're dealing with. Shoot me an email. My email is connell@datingtransformation.com, and you are more than welcome to email me. Ask me a question, give me some updates. I'm here to serve. I'm here to help.

Connell Barrett:
I'm your hitch. I'm your dating coach. I'm your podcast dating coach, and I am here to help you get better at flirting and take action and get that great girlfriend who you deserve. So thank you so much for listening. And remember your dream girlfriend, she's out there. She is waiting for you. She just has to meet the real authentic you. Happy New Year, and I'll see you next time.