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“How Do I Get More Dates on the Apps?” Your online-dating questions answered!

Featuring NYC Dating Coach Connell Barrett
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It’s another installment of “Ask the Dating Coach!” This week, your host Connell Barrett helps you solve your trickiest online-dating problems. Today’s questions include: “How long should I text a girl on an app before I ask her out?”, “Should I boost my profile, or is that a waste of money?”, “What’s a smooth way to ask for her digits?” And much more.

Yes, online-dating is challenging, and you’re probably struggling in some areas. But Connell has ALL the answers. (Got a question for him? Email him at

It’s time to STOP swiping without luck, and START getting quality matches and dates every week. Listen now!



"On the apps, it's better to have great photos and mediocre texting skills than great texting skills and mediocre photos."

-Connell Barrett

Featured in the episode

Connell Barrett
Founder and Executive Coach of Dating Transformation


00:00 - Introduction
03:15 - Navigating Dating: Quality Over Quantity
05:17 - Unveiling the Texting-Profile Connection
08:07 - Building Connection Through Giving and Asking
10:13 - Texting Turn Offs: Avoiding the Over asking Trap
11:09 - How to Avoid Common Pitfalls in Dating Apps
13:48 - The Sweet Spot: Striking a Balance in Asking Her Out
15:35 - The Dos and Don'ts of Taking It Offline
24:08 - Navigating the First Week After Getting Her Number
31:17 - The Profile Makeover: Crafting a Winning Online Dating Persona
36:17 - Decoding Match Ratios in Online Dating
40:12 - Outro

Produced by Heartcast Media

This show is part of the Spreaker Prime Network, if you are interested in advertising on this podcast, contact us at

Related Episodes:

Quality Online Dating Matches

Best Dating Photos for Guys



Don't ever say, okay. Cool. Here's my number. Shoot me a text. Don't do that. If you do that, I'm coming to your house, and I'm gonna throw eggs at your house.

Welcome to the dating transformation podcast. Here's your host, Dating Coach, Connell Barrett.


Connell Barrett:

Welcome back to the dating transformation podcast. I'm your host, dating coach, Conwell Barrett. I'm here to help you learn to flirt, get a great girlfriend, and have lots of babies all before the end of this episode. That's right. I'm not good. Thanks for being here. And I had a really fun episode today. I thought we would dial in on some of the biggest online dating problems and questions I get from men, because, hey. You are very likely a guy who struggles on dating apps. Most men do, actually. Here's what's the opposite of a fun fact? Here's a succinct fact, which is that according to a Pew research poll, I read, 51% of men who have used dating apps have never had a single in real life date from the dating apps. Let that sink in. Over half of the men who use dating apps, have never actually met a woman in real life. And, heck, probably a lot of the other guys when they met that woman, she turned out to be, I don't know, a big fat guy, janitor, who was not who she said she was. So the bottom line is online dating is -- rife with problems and frustrations. There's a lack of matches. There's not knowing how to text asking boring questions, women women ghost. They go quiet. It's just, yeah, online dating can create a lot of pain. If you're like most men, you've probably felt a little bit of that pain. I have a client I'm working with. He's a great guy. I'll call Martin And Martin came to me because he was just feeling devastated, just devastated by his struggles. And using some of the strategies I'll be sharing with you today, Martin went from getting basically 2 or 3 matches per week and not quality matches to he sent me a screenshot the other day. I know we're in a, I know we're in an audio format here, but, well, I would hold this up to the camera. I'll do a screenshot, on my website, but using the strategies I'm gonna share with you today, he had 83 matches, and they were really quality matches. cool, cute, attractive women he, Martin, is into based on some core profile changes. And that's what I want for you. And I want you to go from very likely, scarcity, a lack of good matches, a lack of dates from the apps. And I want you, you don't need to have 83 or 87 matches like Martin. You just need, I don't know, 55 to 10 good matches a week, and then that will become 4 or 5 solid numbers. And then that'll become 1 or 2 dates with bright, beautiful cool women. And if you're going on a couple dates a week, man, you are. in a good place, and that's all totally doable for you. it's what I do with my clients, and it's certainly doable for you as well. So Let's get into it. So here are these so, basically, we're gonna do some of the most frequently asked questions I get from either clients or men out there on social media or just guys who shoot me emails. Okay. First question comes from Doug Doug is in Houston, Texas. And Doug says, Hey, Connell. I struggle with texting women. they tend to go quiet. I think my texting is just kind of boring, any tips for how to text women in a way they really like. Well, Doug, the truth is. Yeah. In the digital age, texting is super important. and it's never actually, it's never been more important to dating results. Now I will say that good texting is important. Let me preface this by saying what's more important is having great or at least very good compelling magnetic photos on your profile, especially 2 really good portraits because the better your profile is, the more women are gonna write you back. Let me rephrase that. The better your profile is the less perfect your texting needs to be. Your texting can be good enough, and you'll be in a great place. So there's a big myth about this. Guys think they need to text amazingly. And it's a nice bonus if you text amazing. if you're witty and funny and just so compelling, but, man, that puts a lot of pressure on you. So the best thing you can do for your texting other than well, I'll give you a simple system in a second. But first thing you can do is just make sure your profile has lots of great good photos, good portraits, test your photos, your portraits on photo filler. You get some feedback from women before you put them on the apps. That's gonna help your texting so much. So for example, Martin, the client I mentioned, the reason he's getting 83 matches is and so much investment and interest from women is because his profiles are, sorry, his portraits and his photos are just making women say, yeah. Oh, look at that guy with his surfboard. He's so attractive. He's so cool looking. He's got a cool surf life. I want it. and that's gonna get women to write you back, more often than you'd rather have really great photos and be an average texter. That's gonna do better for you than having mediocre photos and being a great texter. So I want you to have great photos and be and I want you to be a A good enough texter.


I'm gonna read your mind. Ready? I'll bet that you would love to confidently approach women. Get great matches on the dating apps, flirt with charm, and attract your dream girlfriend. Right? But fear keeps you from approaching. You're not sure how to flirt. You struggle on the apps. and desirable women just don't seem into you. Well, I have great news. Dating Coach, Connell Barrett, can help. He's guided thousands of men like you to more confidence and help them attract their dream girlfriends. So book a free strategy called today to see if Connell's coaching is right for you. On your call, Connell or a team member will give you personalized advice to help you have more confidence, more dates, and more fun. Oh, and you'll be dating women as your best self. a charming gentleman. That's because Connell does not teach creepy pickup artistricts. He unlocks your most confident self. so you can make authentic romantic connections. Your next steps, book your free call today at and grab a time that works for you. Then you'll be on your way to more confidence, better results, and attracting bright, beautiful women. oh, so you know, soon, Connell will stop taking on new clients. So book a call today while you still can. Go to and transform your love life. Bye.


Back to the tip. So here's my tip for you, Doug. It's a four word system that I teach all my clients. Here's how we text women. Give give give ask. I'll say it again. Give, give, give, and then you ask. Most of your messages should be giving her something of value. Jokes, compliments, teases, cat memes, song lyrics, thought provoking questions. And it can also just be simple, sincere, authentic conversation. You don't have to, it doesn't have to be amazing content. It just has to give her at least a little give. So you mostly give with texting. And then every so often, what you do then, of course, is ask for what you want, which is usually a phone number. or a date or a second date. Because when you give women a lot, a woman is much more likely to say yes when you ask for something. Now she'll actually want to give back because a single woman is looking for a guy who can make her feel special. who can bring value to her life, who can help her to thrive and survive romantically. So it's about what you give Not what you get. So give give give ask is the magic potion here, but too many guys text the opposite way. Too many guys ask, ask, ask, and then they ask some more. You know, they ask boring questions. How's your day? They ask for dates before she's even gotten to know you. Hey. Great matching with you. Wanna go out Thursday? Don't do that. It's too soon. Don't ask right away. they ask for validation. And all of this asking gets them nowhere because it basically turns a guy like that into a marketer. to spam. You don't want her to feel like a match with you is, like, all of a sudden, it's spam. Hey. You wanna buy this? Hey. You wanna date me? Hey. You wanna give me your number? So I'll feel validation and not feel like an unattractive loser. Women hate that. They wanna feel like they're getting something of value. So here's a quick texting lesson of what not to do. This is actually from my book. I'll read this to you. this is a guy who came to me. I'll I'll call him Barry. And, this is Barry, right, when he and I first spoke. So Barry had a really good first day with a young woman named Rachel. They both go to the same college. And then things went well on the date, but then ouch. And she went from liking him to ghosting him all because he was all he was doing was asking. he wasn't giving. So his first message was at, 12:03 AM right after their date. He wrote, pay him home. Hope you had a hope you had as good a time as I did and that we can go out again soon. Okay? Good start. Rachel replies. One minute later I had a great time. I hope we do too. Exclamation point, happy face. Perfect. He gave. She loved it. then let it go. one minute later, he wrote back. I'm looking forward to it. Okay. Fair enough. Fine. Then he continues. When is the next day? You don't have to get up early for anything. So he immediately asks right after the the loop had been closed. She and him are both feeling great. Then he asks at 12:04 AM, no response. the next day actually, the next evening, 9:0:7 PM. How was your day? Oh, terrible. Boring question. Don't don't ever ask that. no answer from her. The next morning, Tuesday at 10:20 AM, Hey. What are you up to? Come hang out with me. What are you doing? Asking no response. Barry, again, later that afternoon about 3:45. Hey. Were you a class today? Did you give up on class? I didn't see you. Are you coming to class? Woah, now he's really getting eager and asking. And at this point, it's already finished. but then another text at 10:40 the next day, good morning. Typo. He actually said Mormon. Don't don't watch for typos. A smart girl like Rachel who goes to college. She doesn't wanna date. A guy who can't spell mourning correctly. So watch for typos. So, and this continued, and then she never once responded. Barry's big mistake is he just went into ask mode right away, and he did it less than a minute after she had said good night. We asked 3 more times in the next 2 days while also being bored, and that's also a way of asking or taking You know, how was your day? How are you? What are you up to? Why don't you do a class? So if you get stuck on how to ask yourself this question. Here's a good mindset or a good little tip. What could I write to her that might make her smile? Just what might I write to her that might make her smile. Okay? So give, give, give, and then don't forget the 4th step is to ask. You do wanna ask for the next day or the first date or whatever it is you're asking for, but we gotta go. We gotta give. Right? Okay. So please make give give give ask your new texting religion to Doug and you listen at home. Okay. Next question is, hey, Connell, this comes from Chris in Ohio. Cool. Connell asks, hold on one second. Okay. Hey, Connell. Any tips on the right way to ask a woman out? I'm not sure if sometimes I wait too long. What's the right way to ask a girl out, on the dating apps he's asking? Okay. Chris in Ohio. so, yeah, the typical guy waits way too long to ask a woman out. ask a woman for her number. So what he either does is he either gets her or gets bored because she thinks he's too afraid to take that chance, and then she loses interest. but also other guys make the mistake of asking too quickly, like, before the example I gave would be, hey. Great matching with you. Are you free Thursday? The balance is somewhere in the middle. Right? You wanna have a little bit of rapport, a little bit of back and forth. with most women before you can then ask her out and expect her to say yes. So, here's some guidelines about asking for her number, asking her out. One tip is before you go for the number, plan to talk about 1 or maybe 2 topics with her over the course of your messaging and limit your messages to about a dozen total. about. So that said, now if a woman's really upbeat, if she's if she's giving you, like, 5 heart eye emojis right out of the gate. And she's like, oh my god. Hi. It's so nice to meet you. I'm so glad we matched. and she seems really upbeat. You don't need to wait 12 messages and play some weird game. You can go for the number after just one topic and a couple messages. So read the room, but the guideline here is to think of it as a dozen messages. 12 to 15 total back and forth. and 1 or 2 topics. Don't fall into the pattern of 5 topics, 27 messages. She does not want a penpal. She wants, she wants a date with a cool guy who knows when to pull the trigger. So once you've exhausted those 2 or so topics, definitely go for it. Right? She wants that date, not not to be exchanging messages forever. And the sooner you take things off of the dating app, the better. you wanna graduate to texting as quickly as possible. Because by doing that, you've elevated yourself above all the other guys she's matched with. So get her off the app ASAP. Again, a lot of guys ask me, do I text? Do I stay on the app with her? Get off of the app. as quickly as you can because then you graduate to instead of the seventy nine men she's matched with, or however many it is. Bottom line is if she's an attractive, good catch. She's gonna have 100, maybe thousands of likes. She'll have if she wants them, she'll have dozens of matches. Maybe even more. 100 could be over a 100, but she'll have dozens if she wants that many. And you don't wanna be just another guy on the app. messaging her. You want to be the guy who's now texting her on her phone, and she's texting you back. So get her off of the app first. Now a lot of guys say, should I, should I only ask her? Should I only ask for her number? or should I ask her out first and then take her number? It doesn't matter. Either can work. I prefer just saying something like, oh, hey. Let's hop off the app.


Rejection, ghosting, loneliness, lack of dates, and lack of confidence. For many men, dating just sucks. but it doesn't have to. There's a simple yet powerful way to gain instant confidence and attract a great girlfriend. Be radically authentic. It's all laid out in the number 1 Amazon best selling book, dating sucks, but you don't. Your step by step guide to attracting wonderful women and doing it with total authenticity. Author and dating coach, Colonel Barrett, has had and fixed all the dating problems that you struggle with. He's also helped thousands of men gain confidence and find love. He's put his best tips and strategies into dating sucks, but you don't so that you can. Confidently approach women and get dates. Become magnetic and attractive, even if you're not tall or great looking. Always know what to say to make sparks fly. Get lots of great matches and dates on the dating apps. and attract your dream woman. You can find dating sucks, but you don't on Amazon. Or wherever books are sold, in paperback, Kindle, and audiobook. Getting dating sucks, but you don't today. To transform your confidence and find your dream girl.


we can talk a little bit and and figure out a time to meet up. So I like to do that. she a woman will get it. you're asking her to get off the app, she'll assume it's so that you can chat a little bit and then set up a date. now if a woman says, hey. I feel more comfortable staying on the app. totally fine. If a woman says, actually, I prefer Instagram. That's okay too. you can defer to her there. But I like to I I suggest you start by going for a number because it's just more dating. It's more dating and more personal. I don't love Instagram exchanges. I'll take it. I'll take it if it's between that and nothing, but start by asking for her number after that nice 12 text or so report period, and women just like that as well. Please don't do this. Here's a big don't. Don't give her your number unless she explicitly asks you for it. Don't ever say, okay. Cool. Well, here's my number. Shoot me a text. don't do that. If you do that, I'm coming to your house, and I'm gonna I'm gonna throw eggs at your house, and I'm gonna tell your friends that you suck. I'm just kidding. I probably won't do that. But I don't want you to do that. Here's why. If you give your number to a woman, you are basically putting her in the masculine frame. And you're putting yourself in the feminine frame. You're basically saying, here's my number. Come get me. Shoot me a text. That's what women do. I There's some poll I saw on this. I forget where it was, but basically, like, 90% of women prefer when a man asks for her number. and I've had many women say that to me. I remember a woman on on Hinge once said to me. thank you. Thank you for asking for my number. I hate it when guys give me theirs. So I had anecdotal feedback as well. okay. Oh, in terms of, like, some of the syntax for how to ask a woman out, Don't overthink it. Simple is fine. Hey. What's up? I'm I mean, hey. Let's hop. I like I I like using the word let's. Hey. Let's let's text off the app. Like, I actually like to give a compliment, and then and then, like, here's a here's a simple way to do it. Compliment let's text off the app. What's your number? So for example, hey. You have a great sense of humor, Jenny. why why don't we text off the app? What's your number? You could do that. It could be that simple. here's a funny one. a text, you can send Like, if you if you here's a good text, you can send after she laughs at something you wrote. Or even if she doesn't, you could just say, hey. I got a question for you. How much are you enjoying this conversation on a scale of and then you and then you do, Let's see here. How many would that be 10 zeros so that looks like a phone number? So, basically, it's like, hey. How are you enjoying? How how much are you enjoying this conversation on a scale of parentheses, 30s, and parenthesis, hyphen, 000, hyphen, 000, 2 and then it's all nines, right? Parentheses, 33 nines in parentheses, and then 999999. So the way it reads is, hey, How are you enjoying our conversation on a scale of 000? Basically, phone number of all zeros, to phone number of all nines. This this reads better than it sounds on a podcast. If you, get my book, go to page 113 of my book dating sucks, but you don't. which I'm reading from right now, and you'll see how it looks, and you'll get it. And it's it's really smooth and funny. she'll and she'll get the message. And then we want her, of course, to say, LOL. You're smooth. Well, I'm in on a scale of 000 to all those nines, I'm enjoying it this much, and then she gives you her phone number. 917 blah blah blah. Anyway, I love that move. I invented it. Oh, no. Did I? I might have stolen that from somebody. I forget. But I I use it a lot. Not still borrow. Okay. And once you do get her number, another tip is you wanna text her sooner rather than later. In fact, you can text her right away. One of the questions I get a lot is how long do I wait to text her? text her right away. It's cool and confident to do that. It shows you're not playing games. It also shows you're interested. And women like a guy who's interested in her. It's not needy. As long as you're following the give, give, give, ask system, you'll be in a really good place. So you can ask if you can text her right away. One final point about getting the number is keep in mind that once you get a match, and a phone number on a dating app, the clock is ticking. The clock is ticking. What I mean by that is, in general, after you get her number, every day that passes, the iron gets colder. You have I would say you have a ballpark anywhere from 2 to 7 days. Well, I mean, it could be that night, actually. You know, let's call it 1. You have about a week. You have 1 to 7 days to get her out on a first date before the trail goes cold. The longer you put it off, the less likely it is that you and she will meet up. So think of any new number close, think remember, the irons getting colder. So strike while the irons are nice and hot. Ideally, you text her. You send that first text. Hey. What's up? It's Mitch from hinge. What's going on? 1 or 2 quick messages back and forth, and then you say to her, hey. So, we should definitely get drinks this week. or whatever the first date is. What night are you free? What night are you free? Or what nights are you free? You can start setting up the date right away as soon as you Go to texting. Longer you wait, the less likely it is to happen. So keep that in mind. Okay. The next question comes from Gerald Gerald in Columbia, Missouri. No way. I went to grad school in Missouri in Columbia. Very cool. Okay. Gerald asks, with online dating, he has 2 he has actually two questions here. With online dating, do you suggest premium memberships? or should I just do the free cheaper ones? definitely do the top tier memberships on any dating app. That assures that a maximum number of women are gonna see your profile, and it only costs you, I don't know, 10, 20, 30 bucks, depending on the app. To me, that's, like, 2 drinks. And, that's a bargain. All things considered. A good profile is gonna work on any dating app. but it's gonna work best if you are doing the top tier, you know, Tinder platinum or hinge is premium, So, yeah, keep that in mind. it's kinda like, yeah, you pay for it, but you're paying for more reach and you're paying to be you're paying to have your profile pushed out in front of more women and also higher quality women. because the dating app wants to make you happy because you're giving them a little extra money than the average guy is. So they wanna make you happy. So they're gonna show you more attractive women. One caveat, though, is paying extra for the top tier, it only works if you have a really good profile. It's all about the profile or it's at the beginning. It's all about the profile. So, don't just randomly upgrade and think that's gonna magically fix your profile. It won't. a profile that flops on the free app is gonna flop on the top tier. get your profile handled first and, and then then you'll see the good result. So, yes, pay for the top tier, but only after your profile is really solid. Gerald also asks, should I boost my profile? Yes. Yes. Boosting is very valuable no matter what app you use. when you boost, your profile goes to the front of the line. And the maximum number of cool, awesome, sexy, sweet, smart, amazing women are gonna see it. I'm happy to say that it was having a boosted souped up profile. That's how I matched with my girlfriend, Jasmine, on a dating app called The League a couple years ago. I might not. I probably wouldn't have even seen her if I wasn't boosting. So that was a few bucks that was very well worth it. I met the love of my life. because of a profile boost. So, yes, you should boost. Absolutely. blah, blah, blah, yeah. And when you boost, Oh, here's another bonus tip, about boosting. So boosting does 2 things for you. Not only does it help you hopefully get dates, more matches, and dates, of course, but also it's giving you valuable data. I want you to boost your profile immediately after you make any significant profile changes because the app's algorithm is gonna see that you're active. and making changes and, paying them money, of course, for the boost. So they're probably getting your profile is gonna be pushed out to the best of the best catches on that app. And then we're also gonna find out how good your changes are. And on an app like hinge, where every single piece of your profile has the possibility of getting liked and matched with. Unlike other apps on hinge, every single puzzle piece of your profile either will or won't get a, like, And that's valuable data, really valuable data. So, that's why boosting has multiple benefits. Not just dates, but you get valuable data. Okay. Another question is, oh, I get this a lot. Hey. What if I boost and I get poor results? then what? don't panic. Repeat after me. Bring the data, not the drama. bring the data, not the drama. This is a marketing mantra to help you focus on the numbers. And then by extension, focusing on potential solutions rather than falling into a bad emotional place where you start to interpret your lack of results, in a way that makes you feel like, oh, I'm ugly. Apps don't work. Women are shallow. I hate apps. This is really important. What I'm about to say, so please listen up. A lack of matches does not mean that you're unattractive. It merely means that your marketing needs work, your online dating, marketing. I've launched many dating profiles. on my own and got poor initial results, but I improved it. I optimize it. I tweak it. I tried 1 or 2 different photos. I mess around. And by fiddling with and testing the different photos, and versions of my bio and prompts. Then I see what works. I keep what works. I I, discard what doesn't. And then, boom, by the end of it, I got a great profile that's humming and getting me matches and dates and, well, I mean, I'm in a relationship, but when I was last single, getting me lots of matches and dates, and my clients follow the same pattern here. I should say follow the same system. So, yeah, if you launch your new profile and you get a ton of matches, party, celebrate, But if you don't ponder, basically, either you win or you learn. Okay? Don't think of it as a win loss. Think of it as learning. So if you don't get the initial kinds of matches you want, don't freak. Bring the data, not the drama, and then make some changes. k. Revisit your featured photo. Are you sure your featured portrait is really good? Was it taken for online dating, or did you just grab something from your phone? Look at the rest of your photos. Look for a weak link. Are there any red flags? Is there anything that might turn a woman off? Are there boring prompts? Remember, every single piece of your online dating profile might be about you, but it's for her. It's all about what you offer women. K. So you wanna say, are my photos making her smile? Do I look attractive and as handsome as I can look? Am I my personality coming across? Am I painting the picture of some fun things that we can do together? Yeah. Sometimes a small change can make a big difference. I had a client way back in the day, a guy named Randy, and Randy launched his Tinder profile, and he had really good photos. But his initial match results were kinda meh. on Tinder. And what we did is we realized that his bio was a little bit too bland. A little bit too nice guy. So we swapped in a different photo of him. found a photo with a black leather jacket. And we also changed his, the first line of his bio to, I forget what he had, but it was something wasn't something super edgy. It was just kind of sincere. We changed it to quote, If you can handle a man who's a little bit cocky, then we might get along. So that and that new line combined with a new photo of him in the black jacket. all of a sudden, he got, like, double, almost triple matches, like, very literally overnight. Like, he had, like, 13 matches the next day. And about half 7 or 8 of those were really good leads. And I remember one woman. He's a woman, so what makes you so cocky? So, basically, we realized, oh, you know what? I was a little too nice guy. A little too safe. a little too boring. We added some edge. Anyway, but first, we had to look at the data and ignore the drama. a couple final questions here. let's see here. I'll take this one. Oh, a couple quick ones. Should I use Super Lakes on the dating apps? I guess that's a Tinder thing. yes, use any feature that assures a woman will see your profile. On Tinder like super, super likes, Bumble. I think they call them super swipes, that tells a woman that you're interested and puts you at the top of her queue. And the more women who see you, -- assuming you have a good profile, the better your chances for matches. So again, yes, do that. Assuming you have a good profile. assuming your profile is as good as you can make it that you've tried your hardest. Should I use video loop features? Yes. Definitely. I love video loop features. Most apps have some variation of these now. Short video clip. Video brings you to life. So, absolutely, I recommend it. In the clip, you wanna be doing something that conveys something attractive, positive, or just as giving off good energy, right, maybe your water skiing, shooting hoops, making a funny face on my most recent profile, the video loop I use, just a 5 second video loop of a dog and licking my face. And I'm like, kind of giggling and laughing and kind of it's kind of gross, but also kind of cute. Like, you know, like, when a dog licks your face, it's like, ew, gross, but also really sort of heart meltingly sweet. women just have gone crazy for that video. So, yeah, once you find a video that works, boom. You're good. You don't have to change it, but, yeah, you find tests and videos from short video loops. Let's take one more question here. Oh, here's a good one. How many matches should I expect when my profile is really humming? This totally depends on so many factors. Again, my client here in New York Martin, he had over a 187 was the last number he told me he had and I'm talking good matches too. you probably don't, you might not live in New York City. so it depends on a vary lots of variables, right, like your city where you live, your dating market, bottom line, though, is it so it depends on the app and where you live, but If you're based in a major, relatively major metro area or the suburbs, you know, of a major metro area, bare minimum that you wanna shoot for is, I would say, A dozen good matches a week is a nice floor. A dozen good matches a week, quality matches. Okay? because that's a really nice number to work to work off of. because, again, let's say you have 10 or 12 good matches a week. I'm talking about swiping every day for at least a half hour. Okay? so if you have 12 good matches a week, then you'll probably be messaging half of those and having the back and forth happen of those 5 or 6 you're messaging with. I'm talking about a fairly busy week online. then ask out 3 or 4 of them, 1 or 2 of them. You and she can get your schedules together. Then you've got 1 or 2 dates a week. That sounds pretty good to me. So, yeah, you can absolutely, I would say that we would make that. I would make that your how many matches to expect when your profile's humming after you've done all the things that I teach. So, it does take time to get there. I'm not gonna bullshit you. Online dating is competitive. You got more men than women. You got 80% of the men. or all trying to match with the 2025 most attractive women, it is competitive. But the good news is I'm on your side. You've got your coach right here helping you. so help you hear on my podcast, and there's a whole chapter in my book about online dating. And, really, all you have to do is get a profile that puts you in the top 10% of men, and that's not that hard. In fact, it's pretty much a done deal. using the basics that I teach. And once you're in the top 10% of men, then it's about optimizing, tweaking things, and then you can get a couple dates a week. Don't be that guy, like that pull said, you know, half of more than half of men never have a single date. Don't or don't let that dissuade you. Just know that it's because most guys don't know how to do online dating. You now know how or at least will know how. If you listen to this pod and maybe check out the online dating chapter in my book, yeah, it's just marketing. It's just a marketing challenge. Okay. That's today's episode. Thank you so much. I hope I answered some questions that were on your mind. If you have any questions for me, to take on my podcast, or if you have any questions at all, just shoot me an email. My work email is connellc0nnell Thank you so much for listening. And remember, your future, incredible, amazing, awesome, sexy, snuggly, gorgeous, girlfriend. She's out there, and she already likes you. She just has to meet the real authentic you. See you next time.


Thank you for listening to the dating transformation podcast. For lots of free tips, videos, and other goodies, go to See you next time.


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Dating Tranformation with Connell Barrett

Welcome to the Dating Transformation podcast. I'm coach Connell Barrett, and I help men build confidence + connect with women by being their own authentic selves.

dating sucks but you don't #1 Amazon bestseller

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NYC Dating Coach Connell Barrett

106 W 32nd St, New York, NY 10001

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