There’s a good chance you struggle with what to say and how to flirt with women. You get stuck in your head. You doubt yourself. Maybe you fall into the dreaded “interview mode” with a woman and interrogate her. The consequences? She either disappears, or she says, “You seem great, but I didn’t feel a spark.” Either way, she’s lost interest. And this can kill your confidence.
Never fear—7 new flirting moves are here! In this episode of the Dating Transformation podcast, dating coach Connell Barrett shares some of his favorite ways to make sparks fly with women, whether you’re on a first date, chatting at a social event, or texting your latest crush. Tired of getting stuck in the Friend Zone? Listen to find out how to charm women and get in the Flirting Zone!
FOR A FREE STRATEGY CALL WITH CONNELL, TO LEARN HOW TO ALWAYS KNOW WHAT TO SAY TO WOMEN: https://www.datingtransformation.com/contact
GET CONNELL’S NO. 1 BESTSELLING GUIDE FOR MEN, “DATING SUCKS BUT YOU DON’T,” YOUR PRACTICAL GUIDE ON HOW TO GET A GIRLFRIEND BY BEING RADICALLY AUTHENTIC:
"Speak your deepest, most honest truth. Women love it when a man has the courage to be authentic."-Connell Barrett
00:00 – Introduction
01:06 - Attraction Mastery: Man to Woman Communication
03:21 - Navigating the Friend-to-Friend Channel on Dates
07:04 - Breaking Free from Transactional Interactions
10:06 - Unexpected Charm: When Wit Takes the Lead
14:01 - The Magic of Emotional Nakedness in Dating
18:10 - Playful Banter: Flipping the Seduction Script
22:02 - The Charismatic Pathway: Using Stories to Connect
24:52 - First Date Gold: Choosing the Right Embarrassing Story
26:53 - Your Best Dating Weapon: Self-Deprecating Stories
28:12 - Outro
Produced by Heartcast Media
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You're getting very sleepy. You are falling in love with me right now.
Welcome to the Dating Transformation podcast. Here's your host, dating coach, Connell Barrett.
Alright. Welcome back to the dating transformation podcast. I'm your host, Dating Coach, Connell Barrett. I'm here to help you learn to flirt, gain confidence, and find a great girlfriend all by being truly authentic. No toxic pickup moves needed. No manipulation. No hypnosis. You're getting very sleepy. You are falling in love with me right now. Anyway, today's a really fun episode because In the last few episodes, I've been going pretty deep on some inner game things, values, like resilience, confidence, mindset, and these things are really important. It's also fun sometimes just to talk about straight up, practical, flirting moves. Simple flirting moves. And so I wanna give you 789 of my favorite straight up flirting moves, what I call man to woman communication. Now before I give you these moves, keep in mind that flirting, how to, how to flirt with women, what to say, how to say it. It's not the most important thing in dating, but it is essential. The most important thing in dating, the single most important thing you need to have handled is to be in touch with the authentic value. You have to offer women. To feel and connect with your significance, your worthiness, your attractiveness. I've never met a single woman. Who does not wanna be with a man, who's confident himself, who feels like he's really worthy. He's enough. So nothing is more important than feeling that you're enough. You're worthy. You're you're, attractive to lots of wonderful women. However, once you have that in place, you also wanna be really good at flirting at what to say and how to say it. And that's what today's episode's about. Just the fun flirting moves, what I call man to woman communication. Just a quick overview of what man to woman communication is. That's the frequency. It's a frequency that we wanna get on when we're talking to a woman who we're attracted to. There's only 3. If you think about it, there's really only 3 ways to communicate with other people in the world. I should say three. It's like there's 3 channels, not counting family. Obviously, family is its own beast. But outside of family, every single social interaction you have falls into 1 of 3 categories. Those 3 categories are number 1, a friend to friend. Basically, a friend based conversation. Okay? The 2nd category is man to woman. Again, if we're talking about straight, single men like you, and this the 3rd category, the 3rd kind of social interaction is, let's call it business slash patron customer business or transactional. So think about this. Other than family, you've really only got these 3 channels. You know, you're at the office all day. You're having business transactional conversations in that context. You go to the store. You pay for your groceries. You go to the bartender. You order the drink. That's a transactional business based conversation. Hang out with your good friends. That's obviously friend to friend. And then, of course, there's dating, or I should say there's the man to woman context or frame. And the big mistake that men make the single biggest mistake men make is, at least on dates or when talking with women, is that by default, The big mistake men make is they get stuck on that friend to friend channel, that friend to friend context, usually by being safe, by not flirting, by, not treating her like she's a woman you're to by not playing romantic cards. That's the most common mistake guys make. A similar mistake would actually be you're at the bar and you're really attracted to the cute bartender. And then you ask her out, but up until you ask her out, the conversation has been totally business based transactional. You've only talked about her job, and she only sees you as a customer. And then all of a sudden, you go from you trying to go from that business patron context to the man to woman 1, and that's jarring to her. She's like, wait. What? No. I'm not gonna go out with you. You're a customer.
I'm gonna read your mind. Ready? I'll bet that you would love to confidently approach women. Get great matches on the dating apps, flirt with charm, and attract your dream girlfriend. Right? But fear keeps you from approaching. You're not sure how to flirt. You struggle on the apps and desirable women just don't seem into you. Well, I have great news. Dating Coach, Conor Barrett, can help. He's guided thousands of men like you to more confidence and help them find their dream girlfriends. So book a free strategy called today to see if Connell's coaching is right for you. On your call, Connell or a team member will give you personalized advice to help you have more confidence, more dates, and more fun. Oh, and you'll be dating women as your best self. A charming gentleman. That's because Connell does not teach creepy pickup artistricts. He unlocks your most confident self so you can make authentic, romantic connections. Your next steps Book your free call today at dating transformation.comforward/contact and grab a time that works for you. Then you'll be on your way to more confidence, better results, and attracting bright, beautiful women. Oh, So you know, soon, Connell will stop taking on new clients. So book a call today while you still can. Go to dating transformation dot com forward slash contact and transform your love life. Bye.
So, that would be an example of getting stuck in the transactional one. Even if you ever had a really attractive, charming waitress or a woman at the store helping you pick out clothes and you're thinking, oh my gosh. I would love to go out with her. Prop odds are you stayed in that business context, and you didn't even try to go out with her. But even if you did ask her out, it wouldn't have worked because you were in the wrong frame. You were in the wrong context. So, anyway, when talking to a woman you're attracted to and want to date or maybe are on a date with. I'm gonna give you a bunch of tools here right now to help you get on to that man to woman. Wavelength. So here are some ways to do it. I'll just get right to it. By the way, there's a lot more of these in my book. Dating sucks, but you don't. I have a ton, ton, ton of man to woman tips and moves. Here are a handful just for the sake of this pod, some of my favorites. Number one is to give her what I call a power compliment. What's a power compliment? It's letting her know you appreciate her and find something eternal about her really attractive. We all want to be, we all want to be appreciated for what's inside. So one thing you can do with the woman you're into is let her know that an inner quality you like about her is standing out. So maybe it's her smarts, her wit, her sense of humor, her big heart, tell her what you notice and why you like it. And then use a word that adds some emotional resonance to it. Tell her that, hey. You're really smart. You're really witty, and that's really sexy. I'm not easily impressed, but damn. That's really impressive. So feel free to use words like sexy or beautiful. You know what's really beautiful about you? I mean, obviously, Megan, you're super attractive. Any guy can see that, but you know what's really beautiful about you? If you have such a great sense of humor and you're very caring. That's really attractive. Anyway, blah blah blah back to the date. So what we're doing here is complementing your inner qualities. And what you're doing is you're raising your stature. You're letting her know if you're letting her know she's creating a romantic interest in you, but it's coming from something from her depths, the real girl inside of her. Lots of guys have told her how beautiful she is on the outside. You are the rare man who sees that beauty within, and that elevates you in her eyes while -- also clarifying that this is a man to woman conversation. I still remember of course, I still remember. I remember my first date with my girlfriend, Jasmine. We were on my rooftop having drinks after we've gone to a bar, and we were on my rooftop. And I was just so blown away by her wit. She's so quick witted. She's so funny. And I'm used to being the funny one on dates. I'm used to being the one who's clever and quick witted. And I was just trying to keep up with her. And at one point, I said something to the effect of, you know, it's really, really sexy, beautiful about you. It's you're so quick witted. You're so smart and funny. I'm not easily impressed, but, damn, I'm very impressed. And now she kept her cool. She said, oh, well, thank you. But I could see that she liked it, and she later told me that that just made her melt inside when I said that because many people have told her that she's pretty. She's really cute. She's beautiful. Very few men. I would argue, ever told her what incredible inner beauty she had. And I meant it too. Totally authentic, totally genuine. And she could feel that. So tip number 1, compliment her inner qualities. Tip number 2, give her a quote, unquote deal breaker. A really fun way to spike a date or a conversation with a woman is to take an innocent detail about her and pretend playfully, of course, that it's a deal breaker. That it won't work out for the 2 of you. So for example, she might say, oh, I'm more of a cat person than a dog person. And then you would say, what? That's too bad. That's a deal breaker for me. I knew you were too good to be true. And then that might get her to say, oh, no. No. I like dogs. I just love cats more. And then you would say, sorry. I just don't think I could be with somebody. Who has a coat made of Dalmatians. And that probably would make her laugh and say, no. No. I really love dogs. So in addition to generating really fun banter, giving your date fun little challenges like this, like, telling her why she has, again, playfully telling her why she's messed up her chance with you can actually make woman make a woman chase you a little it and get her more invested in winning you over. And it's and it's just a general truism that the more invested in something a person is, the more they want something. Now to be clear, I'm not saying you genuinely are telling her that it's not gonna work out. Don't do this as some kind of weird fake harsh neg. It's a joke. It's a joke. But there's a grain of truth in it because only a guy with a lot of self confidence in himself would even say to a girl, you know what? It was going great. Until you told me that you like Justin Bieber. I I gotta go. I gotta go. Can I walk you to the subway? Again, it's all done with a little wink. So give her a deal breaker. Number 2. Tip number 3 is to move your eyes in a 7 pattern, the number 7. So to dial up sexual tension, especially on a date, a 1st date, what you can do is move your eyes in a 7 pattern. That is from her right eye to her left eye and then down to her lips, creating a 7. And this will amplify your attraction to her, which can enhance something that's called emotional state transference. In other words, you're literally looking at her and allowing yourself to feel that romantic attraction. And then you're and she'll feel that on you. And oftentimes, a woman will feel what you're feeling because emotions are contagious. What you feel a woman will feel. So if you let yourself get lost in her liquid blue eyes. You can transfer that desire that you feel under her. Does this make sense? Maybe the best way to demonstrate this or to help you hopefully have this click in your mind is to think back to any time an attractive woman has looked at you with desire, looked you right in the eye, giving you that look of sexual or romantic desire. I hope that's happened at least sometimes. Think back to that. Do you remember how that actually made you feel the feelings she was giving you. So it's the same thing. You're basically moving your eyes in a 7 pattern and allowing your romantic attraction to her to come out from your facial expression, and that can transfer onto her. Okay. The next tip, number 4, is say the scary thing. Say the scary thing. In other words, be vulnerable. Now we're all searching for truth and realness in the world. So get into the habit of sharing scary, but honest feelings with women as long as it's not vulgar or negative, of course. And this emotional nakedness can be really powerful. And by going first, you get to free your date to do the same. And here are some phrases you can use to start things out. Okay? You can start off sentences this way. You can say, you know what I like about you and then fill in the blank, or here's what scares me the most. And then share that. Or, hey. I wanna share something with you, but I'm not sure if I should. Oh my god. Imagine saying that to your next date. She's gonna be begging you to share that thing. So if you want to be really brave, say one of these scary phrases that I just shared, say them to your date without knowing how you're gonna finish the thought. It's gonna be really scary. It feels like walking on a high wire, but as long as you're being honest and present, your brain's gonna figure out the right words, and your date is gonna know that they're real. They're authentic. So start saying those scary things. There's real power, and it's invulnerability. It's also very attractive So let her know what scares you. Let her know what you like about her. Share some things with her that maybe you're not sure that you should.
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Okay. The next one. Number 5, give her a nickname. Give her a cute nickname, troublemaker, kiddo, freckles, giving a girl a woman a nickname, It means it sort of assumes that you not not only that you like them, it also suggests familiarity. So the night I met my future girlfriend, now ex girlfriend, but the night I met her, Her name's Carrie. And she started calling me Ginger Man. So she used this move on me. She's like, hey, Ginger man. And that just kind of made me more into her. It made me feel like we had a deeper report. So all this stuff works on me too. Number 6, make her the seducer. Her, not you. So I love to misinterpret an innocent comment that a woman makes as quote, quote, unquote, evidence that she wants to seduce me. And a lot of women really love this. By flipping the male female dynamic, and accusing her of objectifying you, you're subtly telling her I'm not like other guys. And, also, This helps take things from that logical friend of friend context to the man to woman context. And plus it's just super fun. So look for opportunities to misinterpret what she's saying as her trying to seduce you. Again, it's a joke. You're not literally accusing her of this, but even as a joke, there's truth in it. So if she says, oh, yeah. So I recently redid my bedroom. You would say, listen. I'm not going to bed with you tonight. Look. I know I'm sexy, but we just met, so let's take it slow. Right? So, you know, if she sees if you catch her looking down at your shirt, you can say, excuse me, my eyes are up here. Please don't treat me like a piece of meat. You could say things like, Just so you know, as I don't hold hands until the 3rd date. That's a really funny thing to actually text, by the way, before a 1st date. Hey. Just so you know, as I know, I don't kiss till date number 12. I don't hold hands until date number 7. So just so you know, Yeah. And by the way, some women love this role reversal so much that they actually fully commit to the seducer role. And they, like, insist that they go back to your place or that you take her to yours. Anyway, it can really have a powerful effect. The next one is to be the buyer, not the seller. With women and especially those first that first date or so. Be the buyer and not the seller. This is a concept that comes to me. It came to me from my old coach, Owen, so props to Owen. I always love this. Men often try to sell themselves to women who they just met. And that can come across as desperate. It's better to adopt a buyer-seller vibe with you as the buyer. So let's imagine you're going to Best Buy shopping for a new TV. You're not gonna buy the first TV you look at. Right? You don't try, you don't try to convince the salesman that a certain model is right for you, and you don't try to impress him. First, you see if the TV is what you're looking for. Does it have the right sound qualities? Is the picture enough pixels? Is it gonna look good in your house? In the same respect, find out if a woman meets your standards. And this keeps you from appearing overly eager. So be the buyer, not the seller. Okay. Let's do one more. Oh, I love this one. Tell personal stories. Share personal stories on dates. We're all hardwired to love a good story. You know, a good anecdote from your life makes you more charismatic, helps hold her interest, and it invites her to share her stories. So, basically, good storytelling is instant charisma. Here are some storytelling tips. File feel if you don't have to do all these, but these are guidelines. One thing you can do is follow a 3 a 3 part story structure. So it's setting conflict and resolution. Okay? Setting conflict resolution. So here's a story from my teenage years. I've told this on dozens of dates. So I'll just give it to you, Cliff's notes version of it. So it goes like this. So I was in study hall in high school, and one day in high school I was in study hall. That's the setting before a geometry test. And I knew I wasn't ready to pass this test. And if I failed I was gonna end up in summer school. There's the conflict. So what I did was I went to the school nurse, and I pretended to have back spasms. So when my pay and when my parents came to pick me up at school, instead of taking me home, which is what I thought they were gonna do, they took me to the hospital for X Rays, and the doctor diagnosed me with, -- scoliosis, which I didn't even have. I had fake back spasms, and the doctor actually diagnosed me with scoliosis. And my parents started crying And, that's the resolution. And years later, I revealed the truth to my mom. She got really upset. So there's the resolution. Right? Now notice so the next tip with storytelling is you want details. Use details and specifics. Specifics and details bring things to light to sorry, to life, bring stories to life. So notice all the specifics in my story. It wasn't just any test. It was a geometry test. It wasn't just, oh, I pretended I wasn't feeling well. It was back spasms, x rays. When I actually tell the story on a date, not on my podcast, I get even more detailed. So details bring stories to life. And one more third tip here about storytelling on dates is avoid stories that make you look cool. You're gonna be tempted perhaps to talk about the time you hit the home run to win the world series, little league world series or whatever. Actually, avoid that. Avoid stories that make you look cool. It's actually cooler to laugh about an embarrassing moment from your past. The reason I tell the back spasm story is because I was such an idiot at that age. It's the story that shows that I sucked at math. That I like that, that basically I'm a flawed person just trying to get through life. But what makes it powerful is I'm telling it through the lens of my grown, mature, hopefully, more evolved self. So Sharing an embarrassing story actually can make you look even though it may make you look, feel embarrassed at times of the stories happening, it actually makes you look really cool and attractive to the woman you're on the date with. Because it shows you can laugh at yourself, and it shows how much you've grown. So choose an embarrassing story. Choosing an embarrassing story is a good option. For a first date story. You know, the time you struck out and lost the game, the time you got in trouble for cheating on a test, and you got suspended for a couple days in school. You'll have to find the right story for you. But the thing to keep in mind here is that vulnerability is powerful and attractive. At the same time, don't overthink this. Doesn't have to be the world's most amazing story. Sometimes just a fun, fun, weird quirky story that's just out of this world is more than good enough. My client, Craig, loves telling his dates about the time his friends had to sneak him into Canada by rolling him up inside of a carpet and putting him in the back of an SUV, an issue related to him having lost his passport. So he they had to sneak him into the country or, sorry, into Canada by rolling him into a by sneaking him in a car. I just love that. It can be as simple as that. So, yeah, remember that, that, just A story that's really interesting and quirky is gonna be a good story. Yeah, so embrace the power of storytelling. It's so simple. A lot of guys say, what do I say on the date? What do we talk about? Well, I will talk about you and her. And a great way to talk about you is go into any date with a couple of go to personal stories that are silly, weird, funny, or maybe that show you in a in a light, in a in an embarrassing light at the time, but now that you can laugh at it, you actually come across as very attractive because self deprecation as long as it's from the frame of of a very confident man who believes in himself, self, self deprecation is very attractive to women. Okay. Those are today as a man to woman moves to use on dates or you've just when you're talking to a woman for the first time. That's today's episode. Thank you so much for listening. And as always, don't forget that attractive, amazing, wonderful women, they're already out there, and they already like you. They just have to meet the real authentic you. See you next time.
Thank you for listening to the dating transformation podcast. For lots of free tips, videos, and other goodies, go to datingtransformation.com. See you next time.
Produced by Heartcast Media.
Welcome to the Dating Transformation podcast. I'm coach Connell Barrett, and I help men build confidence + connect with women by being their own authentic selves.
NYC Dating Coach Connell Barrett
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