Garrain Jones:
You must become the kind of man that matches that high valued woman. So if you're not a high valued man, you don't stand a chance.

Connell Barrett:
Alright. Welcome back to the how to get a girlfriend podcast. I'm your host, dating coach Connell Barrett. I'm here to help you flirt with confidence, get a great girlfriend, and do it by being authentic. No sketchy pickup moves needed. And also doing it with a lot of heart. And heart is a great word to transition into my special guest today because this man has a lot of heart. When he was 4 years old, someone tried to kill him by putting him in a dryer.

Connell Barrett:
When he was 10 years old, men tried to drown him. By age 12, his father had been murdered. And later, my guest today went on to prison for drug charges. But now, after hitting rock bottom, a couple times in his life, he is at the top. Garrain Jones is a best selling author. He's a thought leader, and he has helped millions of people change their mindset and change their lives. As the creator of Artist Power, his Artist Power programs, Garrain helps people reconnect with their authentic selves. I'm all about that.

Connell Barrett:
And he's helped them unlock their potential to achieve extraordinary life results. And on today's episode, Garrain is gonna share his remarkable journey to give you some actionable insights to help you become an even better man. And by becoming the best man you can be, that's how you're gonna get a great girlfriend who's gonna fall in love with you. For more about Garrain, you can go to garrainjones.com. That's garrainjones.com. Garrain, welcome to the show. It's a privilege to have you.

Garrain Jones:
Brother, thank you so much for having me on. It's always whenever I'm hearing somebody do an introduction, I try to pretend like I'm not me so that I can be a neutral party listening. And I was like, I would probably wanna listen to this guy.

Connell Barrett:
Hell, yeah. Well, you came from a rock bottom, and we're gonna talk about that because a lot of men have rock bottom moments in their lives, their dating lives. By the way, stick around to the very end because at the end of the episode, Garrain's gonna share with you his formula for attracting an incredible woman into his life and how it can help you. He has an amazing wife, and he's gonna talk about his formula that you're gonna love. So stick around till the very end. So here's how I'd love to kick off, Garrain. I was listening to your book at the gym yesterday, your audiobook, which you narrated. The book is called change your mindset, change your life, like a fantastic bestseller.

Connell Barrett:
And I wanna do a short dramatic reading of a section of your book. I can't do it as well as you did, but I wanna tee you up to talk about something. I wanna talk about rock bottom moments. Here's what you write in the prologue to your book. One day, I was sitting in a parking lot on the corner of La Brea and Hollywood. I was at rock bottom. The worst part about it was that I blamed everyone else for my situation. I felt like a washed up singer, model, and person.

Connell Barrett:
It was August 2011 at 3:43 AM, and I was experiencing cold sweats. It was raining, and the right side of my car window was busted out from someone breaking in the night before. All that blame finally caught up with me. I threw my hands up in a moment of surrender. Take it from there if you would. Tell us more about that rock bottom moment and what happened to you and who you met later.

Garrain Jones:
Well, I didn't. I didn't know that that was rock bottom. I just knew what it felt like at that time. I tried everything, and for some reason, I could not move forward in my life. And meanwhile, I would see less talented people than me flying all over the world and doing extraordinary things. I'm like, this is not making sense. And at that time, I wasn't doing a lot of self self help and inner learning interpersonal skills and things of that nature. And so I was like, these people just gotta be lucky, but it doesn't make sense. So in my darkest moment, which I now know is my rocket rock bottom, That's when I remember saying either I die in this moment or I do something about it.

Garrain Jones:
The moment I said do something about it, new thoughts started to enter my brain because typically we're habitual creatures by nature. Then why does this keep happening to me? Why is this because you probably keep asking the same question. But when I gave myself a new, like, commanded statement, either I die or I do something about it, it was as if it told the innate nature of my body that I had another option. So in that split second, I'm like, what could I do about it? Well, I can't blame everybody else. I blamed my skin color, the news, the weather, and the president. I blamed everybody for the situation that I was in. But what I realized was not one of those people said, hey. Don't write that book that you always said that you were gonna write.

Garrain Jones:
Hey. Don't do that. That was all me. So it was at that moment, I realized I was the bottleneck to my life because I never blamed myself. I never took radical responsibility for where my life was. So when I took radical responsibility, I started thinking, well, what could I be responsible for? I was responsible for being overweight, responsible for having a negative attitude, responsible for gossiping and trying to tear people down, complaining. I was responsible for all of the things negative in my life. That's when I threw my hands up.

Garrain Jones:
And I'm just like, oh, god. I am tired of fighting. I don't wanna fight anymore. I wanna be healthy. I wanna be happy. I wanna be surrounded by nothing but positive people. I just wanna inspire people, and I wanna make a bunch of money. And I want that money to represent something that I passionately believe in that I would do for free.

Garrain Jones:
Just show me a sign. Show me a sign. Show me a sign. And a week later, I'm at a gas station with my last $2. And anybody that knows anything about Los Angeles gas, you get a gallon for, like, $4 $4.59. So I can get a gallon. Last $2, putting what I can in there, a homeless person asked me for money, and I said, you have more money than me. And he said, change your mindset, change your life.

Garrain Jones:
So that statement right there took a life that would have gone on. I probably was dead within a year and created a conscious interrupt that made me think, wait a second. What if my whole life was a lie based on how I was thinking? Okay. So, let me start thinking the opposite and doing the opposite in every area of my life where I'm not happy and there started to just the trajectory of the man of the devoted husband, of the devoted father, of the extraordinary businessman that you now see who did not grow up with any model of who I'm representing standing here as a man right now.

Connell Barrett:
Incredible. So would you say that rock bottom was a good thing for you that you needed?

Garrain Jones:
For me, yes. I don't think that everybody needs to hit rock bottom if they know what to look for. I didn't know what to look for, and I was hard headed, and I wouldn't listen to somebody. And so rock bottom is what I needed to hit. Because as soon as you can bounce on them all of a sudden, it's one of those things where I just needed something to just slap me up.

Connell Barrett:
Yeah. And

Garrain Jones:
I bought in the past, I've always been hard headed. But, again, I wanna say, you don't have to do that. If you know the book to read, the Right. The mentors to have, the podcast to watch. I didn't know that at that time. So it was, like, basically me against the world.

Connell Barrett:
Amazing. I agree that you don't need to hit rock bottom, but boy, when it happens, it can be a gift if you turn it into 1.

Garrain Jones:
Abs

Connell Barrett:
Sounds like for you, you turned it into a gift.

Garrain Jones:
That just kept giving.

Connell Barrett:
Yeah. Exactly. My rock bottom moment wasn't nearly as intense as yours, but in my own way, it was it was pretty painful for me is I was very lonely and largely dateless well into my adult life, and I settled for the one woman who liked me and who wanted to be with me even though we were not in love with each other. We were both settling, but we chose each other out of a place of scarcity. And then 9 weeks after our wedding, she dumped me. She left me for a cool, handsome guy in a Harley. The one thing you don't wanna hear during your honeymoon period is, oh, hey. I saw your wife on the back of this guy's Harley.

Connell Barrett:
Not a good sign. And as I was driving my red Honda Civic back to Dillard's department store with my back seat filled with wedding gifts to be returned for store credit, I remember thinking, I've gotta get me some dating options. I've gotta stop settling. So that was a rock bottom moment for me, and luckily, it turned into something powerful. So I guess back to you, Garrain. For that guy out there who does have a rock bottom moment, or maybe he's trying to avoid a rock bottom moment, what advice do you have for a guy who has hit bottom or is afraid he might? What does he need to do first?

Garrain Jones:
The one thing that I didn't realize was as valuable as it actually is is a community of forward thinking, goal driven people who are living in the direction that you want to live in. I had no idea just how powerful the right comp being around the right combination of people because I was a lone wolf. And, you know, I had friends, but in my mind, I was a lone wolf and I was selfish and it was just my ego. I allowed my ego to just take over. And I would say, which would make sense why just even our our government tries everything they do to try to separate us from actually coming together as a community, whether it's black, white, gay, straight, like, man, woman, the trans, cis community, that everything is, like, pull them apart, pull them apart, pull them apart. You can clearly see it, and I'm a gamer, so I can see games played all day long. And, when somebody is really wanting to evolve or avoid hitting rock bottom, I'd say accountability is one of the single most things that you can sort out. You don't need it.

Garrain Jones:
You don't even need money for it. There are accountability groups all over Facebook. You just your energy is worth more than your money. You just gotta know what to look for because it wasn't until I was overweight. I was negative. I didn't have any money. I wanted to make a difference in my life, but I didn't know how to. I went into a community that was focused on health.

Garrain Jones:
They did personal development every day. They inspire their community. They were making a difference in the world. I just stayed in that environment. So naturally, you become the sum total of the people that you hang out with the most. I started getting healthy. I started feeling better about myself. I started sharing that wealth, which is health.

Garrain Jones:
I started motivating people. I started reading the same books because that is a form of language, the frequency that you're continuously in and what when you're around 2 or more people, it amplifies the frequency. So when you stay in those environments that are continuously growing, you cannot not grow because of how energy works.

Connell Barrett:
Speaking of reading, do I have this number right? Did you read the power of positive thinking 282 times?

Garrain Jones:
It's now 3300. I think I'm probably on 367.

Connell Barrett:
Okay. Wow. You've memorized you probably memorized it at this point.

Garrain Jones:
Yeah. Well, the thing about it is that it's like that movie Jumanji. Remember whenever they were turning the pages and then there was, like, the pages started growing with the reader. Things started happening as you would change. If you read a book properly, that is meant to teach you something. You are actually called to apply and then when you apply, that insinuates, you grow. If you go back to read that same book, you will not be the same person. So every time I kept reading the book, I kept getting these really cool results in my life.

Garrain Jones:
So I said, so why would I stop reading the book? And I went to these free leadership seminars and they said, if you ever find a really good book, never stop reading it. Always keep it in your back pocket. So I just kept reading it. And meanwhile, I go to a friend's house. He's got this whole shelf. Looks like, look at all these books that I read. Meanwhile, nothing in his life resembles mainly any of those books that he read. So what that told me was, he read a book he reads books from memory, and I would read books for mastery not knowing what that was.

Garrain Jones:
I would read a book until it started reading me. Meaning, my life was a replica of the information that was stored. If you see my bookshelf right now, I literally I'm a show you. I literally have 3 books on the shelf. One of them is the power of positive thinking. The other one is my book, and another one is called boiling energy that has to do with community healing while using music. And, you know, you come over there, like, yo. You only have 3 books? And I was like, ask me how many times I've read that book, though.

Connell Barrett:
Let me put you on the spot then for the listener, the man who is working on his dating life, maybe he's lonely, maybe he's got some self doubt, mindset issues. He just wants to feel better about himself, dating or otherwise. What, what's at the top of your reading list for our listener?

Garrain Jones:
For that?

Connell Barrett:
For a man listening who wants to rework his mindset. Okay. Other than your book and my book, we'll put those 2 aside.

Garrain Jones:
I don't remember the author, but it's a really, really beautiful book that I think every man should read and it's called No More Mister Nice Guy.

Connell Barrett:
Oh, Robert Glover.

Garrain Jones:
Yes. So No More Mister Nice Guy by Robert Glover. The magic will start to trickle in the 3rd read. Do not settle for the 1st reading. Oh, I got it. No. You wanted to triculate. And so after the 3rd reading, all of a sudden you'll start absorbing, and then you'll start remembering things that you didn't even realize that neurons were shut off when you were, like, 5 years old.

Garrain Jones:
You just keep reading over and over and over. So no more mister nice guy is a really, really, really good book, and there's 3 that I would recommend. The power by Rhonda Byers. She did this, she also did the secret, but the power listening to the audiobook was recorded in the frequency of the heart. So even if you're not listening to it for memory, it's restructuring your being. And so it's all about mindfulness, loving yourself, honoring yourself, and then activating a part of yourself that most men shut off because boys don't cry. When, you know, some of the toughest men I've ever met in my life are so strong that they're not afraid to shed vulnerable tears. So that's number 2.

Garrain Jones:
Number 3 book is by, is, by Napoleon Hill. You've you've heard of Think and Grow Rich, but he wrote another book that's less popular because people took Think and Grow Rich out of context, and it's called Grow Rich with Peace of Mind. That is one of the most powerful books that I've ever read in my entire life on giving you the whole spiritual context, of bringing your full embodiment while experiencing the wealth of life and maintaining peace simultaneously.

Connell Barrett:
Those are great. I'll throw one more to your list. I really I'm a big fan of David Davis, The Way of the Superior Man.

Garrain Jones:
Yeah. That's a good one as well. I would have every man and every woman read that book because not every man harnesses the masculine energy and not every woman harnesses the feminine energy. So if you think in terms of masculine and feminine energy, everybody deserves to read that book thinking in terms of energies, not the structure of man and woman. And then a lot of women can understand themselves even more by understanding their energy.

Connell Barrett:
Yeah. I just love how your teaching is so much about mindset and energy and thinking. Thinking the right thoughts. I tell my clients or I tell men who wanna work with me, and I put this in my book, dating success is 80% mindset, 20% mechanics, what to say, how to flirt. Those are important things, but they're not as important as being in tune with your authenticity, offering a lot of really authentic, genuine value, and giving women what they want from a very, resourceful, place of love and kindness and giving. Could you talk a little bit about why the right mindset is going to bring success to men in all areas of life and just make them feel more fulfilled?

Garrain Jones:
Because a man who doesn't know where he's going will never lead a prosperous life. So it takes the right kind of mind to know who you are, how you are, and where you're going. That is a leader. And if you don't know how to lead yourself, no one's gonna follow you, not even your dreams. And so you will always get and attract your level of worthiness, not what you show people, but when you look in the mirror and the truth shows up and nobody else is around. You will always because we're the most powerful magnets in the world. And so you won't attract what you want. You'll attract who you really are.

Garrain Jones:
So if you cannot stand what you keep attracting, it's an opportunity to take a good look in the mirror. And if you want to keep shying away from that, well, then the riches of life and money with money being the least of all value is gonna keep shying away from you because you're repelling all the things that you want because you're not able to pour into your own cup. That's why mindset is important because mind, body, soul, you can't be embodied if you and unless you embody your full self. And I can tell you this from personal experience. No high valued woman wants a weak man who doesn't know himself. You can pretend all day long, but she'll snuff it out. And if she doesn't get it from you, she's gonna get it from someone else.

Connell Barrett:
So well said. That's why guys, it's mostly men, who teach the toxic pickup artist thing, pretend to be an alpha male, pretend to be somebody you're not, use these lines. A good line is only gonna go as far as the man who is saying the line can take it. And a woman can have incredible bullshit detectors. They have bullshit detectors like a polygraph in the Yeah. In the NYPD. It's like I can tell when you're full of shit. That's why you just gotta learn you can't fake this.

Connell Barrett:
You really have to be your best, most badass self if you want an amazing badass woman.

Garrain Jones:
Yeah. And if you're being really, really, really honest. You know, I tried to be an overly overly masculine person. That shit didn't work. It was like, I feel like you're hiding something. I'm like, yeah. There's this really sensitive side of me that I I I I don't want because it's associated with softness. And then you know what I realized? That sensitivity is the same sensitivity that has inspired millions of people because I'm sensitive to how broken the world's heart is.

Garrain Jones:
And so I have a sensitivity to the world suffering, and so that same sensitivity has my intuition at a very high level. So all of the nonphysical world things that are so so, like, wizard like and magical, I have a sensitivity to pick up on those things to be able to utilize and feel when I'm walking in a room and you can feel the energy bodies of everybody around. So if I don't embrace what's naturally inside of me, I can't be authentic. So it's not necessary for me to overt myself to be this overly masculine person when I'm not. You know what people tell me now? I love how safe I feel around you. I've never felt this safe in the presence of another masculine man who didn't want anything from me. And and and but in a drop of a heartbeat, I'll protect and provide my family. That's easy for me.

Garrain Jones:
And in a drop of a heartbeat, I can be so soft with my daughter who's 3 when she's crying and she's just like she's redlining and I'm just holding her and holding her and being the space that can hold for all of her tears and be in the space that can hold for my when my wife is angry to be the space to hold for all of it. That takes a special kind of man who knows himself that won't get lost in all this other all these other identities, but the true self when fully accepted, oh my goodness. You have the sweetness of life on the horizon for you.

Connell Barrett:
I love that sweetness of life. What a great phrase. Another phrase you said about a minute ago was the world's heart is broken. I'm paraphrasing. There's a lot of brokenness out there. And there's also a crisis of your words, a crisis of authenticity and a crisis of confidence in people's lives. Can you talk about that crisis and also how you can help people with that crisis heal?

Garrain Jones:
Yeah. Well, I mean, we gotta anytime I talk about something, it's important to talk about the context. You know, it's hard to blame us when we talk about adults or deteriorated children. If you take this suffering or people lacking confidence or let's just say the number one fear in the world even more than death is public speaking.

Connell Barrett:
Right.

Garrain Jones:
Okay. I can hear that, but why? Okay. Let's take it all the way back to when I was 5. Trying to sing and express myself when there's parental intolerance. It's like when parents are just sleep deprived and everything, can you please just shut up? So when you tell a child you're too loud or too loud, they turn that impact into the same thing that they turn the impact of the beginning state of language. ABCs turn into words, sentences, paragraphs, essays, books, libraries. Alright. Cool.

Garrain Jones:
The beginning of the impact of shut up. You're too loud. You're too much. Me singing in front of my whole family, and they're like, oh, Gary, you can't sing. You can't dance. I wonder where my lack of confidence came from. It's possibly because when I was learning how to express myself, I didn't even know what puzzle pieces were in this box. I was learning.

Garrain Jones:
Maybe it was a little messy, but I was 5. So when we're little, unconscious parenting will try to even have a song, hush little baby, don't you cry won't you cry? Think about what that's actually saying. Your expression, I don't want to hear. If I could rewrite it, I would do it just like this. You get to express what is in your heart. And if no word is still your truth, so no more hushing what's real for you. Cry little baby, Won't you cry? Crying, little baby. Won't you cry? I would sing that and this

Connell Barrett:
Amazing. That was incredible. That was

Garrain Jones:
incredible. Sing to my kids. No. Keep crying because we don't know what that is. So I'm not gonna put my parental intolerance off on your precious new expression where we don't even know what that is. It's gotta come out. That's where it comes from.

Connell Barrett:
I just got chills, by the way. You brought me back to being 4 years old and my mom scratching my back and singing that song to me. You have a better voice than she did, but, wow, that was incredible.

Garrain Jones:
Thank you. I really appreciate it. But this is where it comes, this is why I do inner child work as well. There's work for everyone out there, but for me, I'm the reason why we're able to get so deep because I never keep my I never take my eye off the kid inside of the adult. They're like, damn. I feel like you can see me. I was like, you wanna know what I'm looking at? I'm like, I'm looking at I'm like looking at little Garrain. I'm looking at little Connell.

Garrain Jones:
I'm like looking at little Brady, and I'm just zoning in and saying, hey. You have a friend. You're not alone. What is it that actually makes you happy?

Connell Barrett:
I was listening to you on Ed Mylett's podcast last year. It was a great spot. You got you 2 talking about this very topic. You were talking about that inner child and getting in touch with that playful inner younger you and helping that younger version of you to come out in a sense, come out and play as adults. And you and you and Ed talked about that. It was really a fascinating chat. Can you talk a little bit about how to do that? How do we get in touch with that inner child and still be a man?

Garrain Jones:
Yeah. Well, the thing about it is that the child is inside of you already. We just we just let it, you know, we say, oh, be a man. What exactly does that mean when we have been groomed? Boys don't cry. We don't share tears. We don't express our feelings. And I wonder why the rate of men committing suicide is growing every year. I wonder where that comes from.

Garrain Jones:
Possibly because they don't know who to share or feel safe enough to share their deepest, darkest, most precious, vulnerable secrets that maybe a tear or 2 could probably just have cleared, you know, your nervous system. So this is a very deep conversation. And the best way I know how is to remember something that you used to love as a child. Mhmm. Is to remember anything. It doesn't matter GI Joe's, building sandcastles, looking up at the sky, running, jumping, singing, dancing. Even if it's really small, you think it's really small. And I want you to once a week.

Garrain Jones:
I don't have enough time for myself. That's probably the issue. You have not carved out time for the most important thing in the world, which is the self. So let's just say 5 to 10 minutes. If you can't carve out 5 to 10 minutes a week for yourself in your heart, You probably deserve everything that's currently happening in your life. 5 to 10 minutes a week and take yourself on an inner child date. Yourself alone. Don't bring anybody else.

Garrain Jones:
Whether it was the playground, the seesaw, playing football, whatever, and just allow, imagine what it was like whenever you used to hit that baseball or go swimming and just be in the energy of that and allow yourself to just feel that and be like, I love you, little g. That right there can radically transform anyone's life. Why? Because the EKGs of the heart take the most powerful frequency in the world. So when you use it, it just might have special gifts for you. And what I learned was, oh my goodness. The little kid is the one with boundless energy. The little kid is the one with the endless creativity. The little kid is the one that always had these big aspirations of life.

Garrain Jones:
Where did it go?

Connell Barrett:
You struggle with dating. Right? Sure. You have a good job and cool friends, but you just aren't sure how to flirt, the apps don't work for you, and sometimes women put you in the friend zone. It's frustrating. Hey. I struggle with dating too. As an introvert and a total nerd, I didn't just live in the friend zone. I owned real estate there, but I escaped using the dating philosophy of radical authenticity, which I've used to help thousands of men in 17 countries find love.

Connell Barrett:
It's what I wrote about in my best selling book, Dating Sucks, But You Don't. And radical authenticity is why Psychology Today called me the best dating coach in America. And now I wanna personally help you attract your dream girlfriend. So go to dating transformation.com and book a free call with me. On our call, I'll tell you how my 1 on 1 coaching will help you find your dream girlfriend, and you'll be doing it by flirting with confidence and authenticity. No creepy pickup tricks needed. So go to dating transformation.com, book a free call today, and let my personalized coaching help you get a great girlfriend. I love it.

Connell Barrett:
You just reminded me of one of my favorite tips about how to flirt, how to talk to women, because that's probably the most common question I get as a dating coach. How the heck do you talk to women? What should I say? And my two word answer is, here's how you flirt with women. Let's play. Let's play like little kids. Let's make it light and playful, and let your inner child come out at first. You can get sexy, you can get masculine, masculine, you can have intimacy later, but when you first meet that woman, let's play. Let's keep it fun and light. That is so I think it just hits a chord inside of other people that makes them wanna be with you.

Connell Barrett:
So I say, don't worry about the perfect pickup line. What's something playful you can say to make her giggle, make her smile? Make it innocent, but light. You can get sexy later.

Garrain Jones:
Yeah. No. That's right there, easy. Like, me and my wife, that's it. In the beginning, we were, like, wrestling. I'm like, no. So hot. And she's like, he's so hot.

Garrain Jones:
And that's when we had the best sex. And I didn't even know that was gonna happen. This was like a thing that I fumbled upon, but it was something about this act of play that heightened the frequency.

Connell Barrett:
I dated a woman years ago. We're not together now, but we dated for a while. And we were 3 or 4 dates in, and I had met her by approaching her. She was walking outside of a women's clothing store in New York City, and I approached her with a very light playful little icebreaker. It cracked some kind of a joke. And I said, by the way, what was it that you liked about me when you met me? And I was fishing for a compliment. I was hoping she was gonna say, oh, you were so witty, or the thing you said was such a good line. She didn't say that.

Connell Barrett:
She said it was so innocent. You came up to me with innocence. All these other guys were catcalling her and making it about her body or her looks, and I came up in a playful, childlike way. And she said, I just love that, and that's what got me. And I never forgot that little feedback she gave me. That that inner child is somebody you can have in your dating life.

Garrain Jones:
Yeah. And then one thing I wanna tell men, just make sure that you have range. Because if you always stay in that, then it'll be the point where the dynamics of the woman is always changing. You can never grasp what that is. That's like trying to really contain the waves of the ocean. If you just stay in that and he's in a different mode Yes. Then over time, she'd be like, oh, I just feel like you're my I'm mothering you or something. And and so, like, make sure that when you're in the play, you also have and you work on having, a range where, like, say for instance, you're walking down the street and there's, like, it's like a dark alley and there's, like, 3 other men and they're drunk.

Garrain Jones:
Like, literally, baby, hold my hand to the right, look down, straight ahead. Boom. I got you. Like, there's not a time to play. So

Connell Barrett:
Right.

Garrain Jones:
She also wants to feel that, oh, this man can also protect me as well. Yeah. So absolutely. Play the range. Protect, persevere.

Connell Barrett:
That range is so important. To me it's like music, and I'm not a musical expert. You are. You're a professional musician. You worked with Ludacris. You're obviously a brilliant musician with a great singing voice, but I just recently started taking piano lessons literally 4 months in, so I'm a total noob, but what I've noticed is how songs are so powerful when they have range. There's a soft sweet part, there's the loud part, there's the power chord, the reason the power chord is so powerful is because that minor chord sets it up. Similarly, when you're in a relationship or or courting, dating a woman, she wants this she wants lots of different chords.

Garrain Jones:
Yeah. Absolutely. Yeah. I love that. I love it, because I never thought about it in a way where you think about songs that have, like, range. One of my all time favorite songs as far as musically is Bohemian Rhapsody by Queen. And the level of range of where that song goes, I'm like, what? The first time I heard it, I was like, what is this?

Connell Barrett:
Yeah.

Garrain Jones:
And it just takes me on an entire journey. And so, I love now you gave me something to think about, something that I embody every day inside of my marriage and inside of parenting and leadership, as it pertains to business.

Connell Barrett:
I had a first date once with an amazing woman named Eileen. We dated for about 6 months. She was my girlfriend. And our first date was like a great song. I just remember we were silly, we were cracking jokes, but also there were some really vulnerable, not serious, but vulnerable genuine moments. There was laughter, there was sincerity, there was flirting, a whole range of things, and she texted me that night on her way home, and she said, I just have the most incredible floaty feeling right now. And to me, that was like again, I didn't think about the music analogy, but I remember thinking, wow, it's kind of like how we feel after a great song. That high, the highs, the lows, the counterpoint is just yeah.

Connell Barrett:
To me a great first date can show her lots of different chords you can play. Oh, that's good. That's really good. Back to you though in your dating life. Let's talk about your your dating past or your relationship, whatever you'd like to

Garrain Jones:
discuss. I'm in whatever question you want to ask.

Connell Barrett:
Great. What was it? Before we'll get to your partner, now your wonderful wife. I'm sure I've never met her. But she seems amazing. I mean, I'm sure she is. But when you were last single, what were some of the whatever it might be, moves? What worked for you? What didn't work? What lessons do you learn in dating that our listeners can take from a guy like you who has a and was a pretty incredible woman?

Garrain Jones:
So interesting because a girl in 7th grade rejected me named Ashley Bostrom at the skating rink. She led me on and she led me on the whole year, and I was deathly afraid to ask her out. And everybody's like, just ask her out. She's gonna say yes. I asked her out and she said no, because I'm in love with Roswell, who happened to be one of my best friends at the time. And the level of crush, my soul, this the level that my soul was crushed in that moment, I said, I will never in my life put myself in a position to be rejected like this again. So in some weird way, I developed all of these skills to be able to position myself to be seen so that they can see me. And so women, I would find a way for women to always find attraction and come to me.

Garrain Jones:
Come to me. Come to me. One time, I was in a nightclub, and I would never approach a woman. And I was in a nightclub, and I brought a book to a nightclub, and I've been reading the book in the nightclub.

Connell Barrett:
Okay.

Garrain Jones:
And the most beautiful thing that every single person in the club was trying to holler at came to me. She was like, she just sat down with this weird look. She goes, why are you reading a book in a club? And I lied to her and I told her, I said, because my friend dragged me here, I don't wanna be here. And I said, if I'm gonna be here, well, then I'm just gonna be here on my terms. And I was just reading this book. She's like, so what are you reading? And so it was just something that was out of the ordinary

Connell Barrett:
Yeah.

Garrain Jones:
That they're not typically used to. So I got really good at finding ways to be seen. That's probably why I'm a really good salesman, and everything that I do sells out because I know how to position value. So thank you, Ashley Bostrom, because you gave me a great gift. But with my past, I never approached a woman. They would always approach me based on what I was wearing, what I was smelling, that I was different from everybody in the room. If I would see everybody do one thing, I'm like, well, I'm not gonna do that thing. I observe the masses and do the opposite.

Garrain Jones:
So I get really good at that, but I would not get really good at picking the kind of woman that I actually wanted to be with. So I would pick, you know, what I thought was my picky list. Oh, this exotic woman with nice legs. So I get this exotic woman with nice legs, but she'd have a fiery attitude and she wouldn't know how to make money and I'd be broke too, so we couldn't figure life out. And it was the same thing over and over and over again. I was like, why do I keep attracting the same kind of women? Really beautiful, very exotic, nice legs, and there's nothing else to show for. So that was my past, and I slept with I had cheated on every girl I'd ever had. Mhmm.

Garrain Jones:
I slept with so many women, and there wasn't, you know, in my young boy mind, I'm like, it's going to count. Like, I slept with this many women. So this would validate my worth and things like that. And they'd be like, oh, man. Amongst the guys, I became cool because I slept with all these women. I had no idea how unworthy I felt. I had no idea at that time that I was a broken boy trying to be a man with no real role models on how to actually be a man.

Connell Barrett:
Yeah.

Garrain Jones:
Because even the men were all doing the same things even when they were married. So I had no role models of the kind of man I actually wanted to be like, so I just settled for what was there. And so that was my dating in the past. It wasn't good, but it gave me data on when I did find the right one, who I was not going to be because I then found worthiness in myself, and you often treat people how you treat yourself.

Connell Barrett:
Let me ask you this. Speaking of the younger Garrain, Yeah. If you could go back in time in 20 years or so, 25 year old Garrain or roughly that age, if you could go back in time and give your younger self one piece of dating advice, what would it be?

Garrain Jones:
If I would give him 1 because and that's a weird question because I would not want to change anything or alter anything that happened because one degree different, then most likely I would not be here. But if I could keep the same life that I have right now and nothing changed, then let's play in that possibility. If I could go back, because I would not like it, I got a baby chief. I got a soul. I have a relationship with my 23 year old daughter now, my beautiful wife. I'm like, nope. I'm not trading that for nothing. So if I could keep everything I have the way that I have it now, then I can go back and I can give little Garrain, young Garrain, broken boy Garrain trying to fill a hole that he didn't know was bottomless.

Garrain Jones:
Advice. About dating, I'd say, you must learn how to work harder on yourself than you do on anything outside and anything else outside of you. And then I'd be like, well, what does that look like? Alright. So let me give you this book. Yeah. You know, give me this book called the Four Agreements. Well, let me give you this book. Yeah. Called the power of positive thinking, but I want you to read this book from the context of where you're in now, learning about how to love yourself, learning about how to respect yourself, learning about how to honor yourself because anyone that you attract, you're going to give them what you give yourself.

Garrain Jones:
And if you give beyond what you give yourself, you're ultimately gonna lose it because that energy is not a matching it's not a matching frequency and like attracts like. And so over time, you'll lose what you're out of resonance with. And so I would teach him about how to be in resonance with self. I would teach him how to build a strong foundation of self. I would teach him about leadership because if you don't know about leadership, you're definitely never gonna lead a household. And, so I would teach him about resonance, strong foundation, self respect, dignity, honor.

Connell Barrett:
Yep.

Garrain Jones:
And I would get him around some healthy men who are married so that he could just learn. And I'm talking about marriage is not the end all be all. Who are devotional husbands, who are devotional to their marriage and parenting, and find a way to get him exposed to that environment. That's what I would do.

Connell Barrett:
That's great advice because so many men are saying, hey. What are the tactics? What are the things to say and do? And don't get me wrong. I love tactics. I'm gonna ask you for a couple of your tactics back in the day if you have any you wanna share. Yeah. But I'd much rather tell men the truth, and I'll say, look. I can teach you all the best dating tactics in the world. But if it's coming, if those tactics that you're quote, unquote, you know, using on women aren't coming from a really big hearted authentic man who's evolved into the best possible version of himself at that moment.

Connell Barrett:
How well are those tactics gonna work? Not very well. So what I love about what you would tell your younger self is what this is what I heard you say, basically, is keep just keep working on yourself, become a better version of you. Aristotle said the same thing. Aristotle wrote a book called the Nicomachean Ethics, which is not a really fun read. Not saying he needs to but I'll give you the TLDR version. He basically said, we are here to achieve eudaimonia, which is a fancy word that just means to flourish and to become the best version of ourselves and to be in harmony with our inherent character. We all have an inherent character. We're all meant to be a specific version of ourselves, and there's we wanna keep growing into that version of ourselves.

Connell Barrett:
And to me, your answer was basically aligned with Aristotle, which is just to be the most amazing version of you, and that's gonna be that's gonna attract you to some incredible women in your life regardless of what you say and how you flirt with them.

Garrain Jones:
I love that. I love that.

Connell Barrett:
Yeah. So your book's way more than your book is way more fun to read than Aristotle's. Don't fast forward. This is not an ad. It's a free thing that's gonna help you flirt with confidence because I'll bet that you struggle with what to say to women and how to flirt. Right? Well, let's fix that. I'm gonna give you what I call the flirty thirty. These are 30 flirty questions to ask women on the apps or on dates or when you approach so that you can confidently connect with cool sexy women starting today.

Connell Barrett:
It's time to stop running out of things to say and start asking them flirty questions that are gonna make them want to date you. So to get your copy of the flirty thirty, it's totally free. Just go to dating transformation.com/flirty30. And that's flirty30.

Garrain Jones:
Datingtransformation.com/flirty30.

Connell Barrett:
You're about to start confidently flirting with women, going on dates, and soon getting a great girlfriend. Go get your flirty 30. Yeah. Let's talk about let's finish up with a few fun dating questions. So back from your single days or just from things you see out in the world, let's let me back up. Let me ask you this. What are some of the dating mistakes you see or have seen men make that make you go, no, no, no, no, no. Don't do that.

Connell Barrett:
Don't do that.

Garrain Jones:
Mistakes that men make.

Connell Barrett:
What makes you wanna grab a guy and say, don't do that, man. Come on.

Garrain Jones:
If you are in a professional setting and a student comes in your professional setting and somehow you have fallen for the student and then somehow you end up in her vagina. That is the ultimate no no.

Connell Barrett:
True.

Garrain Jones:
And it's taken advantage of your power.

Connell Barrett:
Mhmm.

Garrain Jones:
And this happens in music. It happens in entertainment modeling. It happens in the spiritual communities with facilitators and head coaches and things of that nature. Because when you're on this pedestal, people almost, like, shrink, and it's almost like they'll do what you say. And then it becomes this wave of, oh, no. That's leaky sexual energy. And so if you cannot contain yourself with discipline, honestly, you won't be, like, truly respected. And so there'll be this, like, low shadow hanging over what people think of you and then who you really are, and those who are going to eventually bottleneck, and it will never work in your favor because that's how energy works.

Garrain Jones:
So that's a major no no. Were you about to say something?

Connell Barrett:
No. Go ahead. You're great.

Garrain Jones:
Okay. Yeah. That's a major no no. I would say that trying to overcompensate and make your life look like something that it's actually not. I'm like, bro, lying for the sake of approval

Connell Barrett:
Yeah.

Garrain Jones:
Is a hurt little boy not gonna work in your favor.

Connell Barrett:
Yep.

Garrain Jones:
And, I think one of the biggest things I wanna speak about what I think all men should, like, strive for. Do your best to live a life of integrity. And truly, if you truly want to attract the woman that your soul is craving, not the one you settle for, you must become the kind of man that matches that high valued woman. So if you're not a high valued man, you don't stand a chance with a woman who knows herself. So I need you to know yourself. Like, what are you up to in the world? Like, don't get in a relationship and then be like, oh, can you pay for me? I can't. I need you to take care of me. So, baby, it's like an iteration of a baby over and over and over and over and over again.

Garrain Jones:
And what women look for and 94% of my clientele are powerful driven women. So let me give you a cheat cheat code.

Connell Barrett:
Great.

Garrain Jones:
They are looking for a lot of women, not all not all women, but a lot of women, they have this vision of being married, having somebody that can wrap their arms around them so where they can actually just not have to protect themselves. They had to protect themselves their whole life from predators or people wanting something from them their whole life. So they want somebody that they can feel safe around physically, mentally, and spiritually. So knowing yourself, what you're up to, where you're going, and you can effortlessly communicate that is going to create a notion of safety inside of her womb. And when you are when you have some aspect of physical stature, I'm not saying that's the end all be all. These are just conversations that I work with women on, and I ask them, what is your dream person? And it's like someone who I feel safe walking down the street with. So you being in your feminine and you want her to be in her feminine, that that right there, there's no polar at clarity. So either she's in her masculine, you're in your feminine, or you're in your rightful state, and she's in her rightful state, and then you can experience what the infinity sign actually represents.

Garrain Jones:
This coagulation of this, where 2 becomes 1 type energy. They are looking for somebody who can hold them and all of their emotions, no matter how crazy, no matter how rangeful because as the little kid who is just learning to get all of the stuff out, women have also had their voices stuffed. So imagine that woman being a little girl that's times 10 never had an opportunity to really express what's in there. So it might in the beginning come out as rage and why do you have to be so angry and women are associated with being angry, especially black women. So it's like, if you don't have confidence in your stuff to know that and communicate, I can hold onto all of it. I signed up for all of it. That right there is what's missing in most men. If they blame them, they blame the very thing that's actually needed to expand them.

Garrain Jones:
Like a woman's rage, once you allow yourself to hold, will expand you a 1000 times greater than you sit right now by yourself.

Connell Barrett:
That's fantastic. That was so good. As my improv teacher never says to me, I have no notes. Nothing bad. That was great. Two final things, Garrain. I'll let you go. You just mentioned what women want in men, And you have a pretty amazing seeming wife named Blair Yeah.

Connell Barrett:
Fitness instructor who you met at a personal development seminar.

Garrain Jones:
Yeah.

Connell Barrett:
When you first met her, whether it was your first date or the first interaction you had with her, do any moments jump out at you as a moment that stands out that helped you to, for lack of a better term, get the girl?

Garrain Jones:
Every single time I had any point of connection, whether it was text, whether it was FaceTime, in person, there was this energy that just goes. I was like, what is that? And I was I don't I don't know, but it was just so there was something so alive. Like, she awoke aliveness inside of me before I even knew what that term was. And it just never stopped. And on our first date, I saw something I'd never seen in my entire life. With every girl I'd ever dated, I'd never seen past the next week. And how I would just end up because I settled for the girl. What would happen was I'd end up dating a girl who is trying to be a woman to then need enough evidence outside and enough time to then see if she qualifies to be a wife when I didn't even know what a wife was, what wife material was.

Garrain Jones:
So this is just this bottomless pit. With Blair, there was, like, this portal opened up. This was on our first date, and I saw what I've never seen before in my life.

Connell Barrett:
What was your first date?

Garrain Jones:
What did you do? She asked me on a date. She asked me on a date. Nice. She's like, Garrain, has any woman ever asked you on a date? I was like, no. Garrain Jones, I'd love to take you on a date. And I was like, alright. I was like, well, when you mean date, when you mean, like, we're going to eat or we're together? She's like, I think it's like, I take you on a date. I pay for it.

Garrain Jones:
You take you on a date. The next time you go and I was just like, I've never this was a conversation I've never heard in my life. And so as I

Connell Barrett:
close Sadie Hawkins day. She asked you out.

Garrain Jones:
As I got closer, we went to mister Chow's in LA, and we went to mister Chow's in LA, and then I saw because I wasn't thinking about it, no, I'll take care of it. I was like, this is something new, but I'm open to it. I saw my future. I saw her being the mother of our children. I saw her being my wife and I told her that night.

Connell Barrett:
The night of your first date?

Garrain Jones:
That night. On our first date. Wow. But I wasn't, like, punching above my weight class. Yeah. There was something that took over my whole body, and I was willing to express it in its full, raw, vulnerable truth. And if it didn't work out, I was willing to take it didn't work out. But at least I was honest.

Connell Barrett:
How did she respond when you said that?

Garrain Jones:
She did it like this, went to the bathroom, called her best friend, I found out, and told her what happened. And then ultimately, what I saw is what happened.

Connell Barrett:
I love that story. Not only did you not, quote, unquote, play it cool, like those so-called experts say, oh, don't let a woman know you're into her. Be mysterious. I think that's bullshit. I love that you were so vulnerable and open with her, and look at the 2 of you now.

Garrain Jones:
Yeah. And I'm saying this might not work for the next person, but it worked for me.

Connell Barrett:
Let's finish up with that little dating formula that we teased at the top. You mentioned, oh, yeah. Let's talk about a formula for dating or for attracting the kind of girlfriend, the kind of woman you want. What is that formula?

Garrain Jones:
So you write 3 columns. 1st column, write the attribute that you want in a woman and be as picky as possible. Typically, I wrote 2 two two attributes. This time I decided I was going to be as picky as possible and I had 62 attributes on there. Loves god, masculine, can easily slip into her feminine, can make her own money and but loves being taken care of, loves to travel, loves personal growth, and I was writing down, if this were a Build A Bear, I'm being so picky. I wrote down 62 attributes. And then right after that, I wrote down how I wanted to feel in the relationship. Next column.

Garrain Jones:
How you want to feel in the relationship, but how you want to feel is also what you should mirror if you're going to meet your mirror. And I wrote down, I want to feel seen and heard, and I want people I don't wanna have to communicate things and for people to just, like, know when I need help and support and love and things like that. So I wrote that down in its entirety. 3rd column, the top five places where you would meet this person that you don't typically go to, circle and star the one that you feel the most connected to that has the most attributes connected to it. So if you look at your attributes column and then you look at where you'll meet this person, make sure mine was literally circled and starved for a personal development seminar. Interesting how I met my wife who loves to read, who loves personal growth, who can make her own money, but loves being taken care of. All of it, and that was the one that had the most, and that was the one I circled and starred, and that's where I met that's where I met Blair. So you have those three components.

Garrain Jones:
Now, here's what's gonna happen. Just like you put a specific address in a GPS system, you are putting a specific address in your soulmate's GPS system. And how that works is when you do that in a car, it'll give you 5 different ways to get there, the long way or the short way. So when I wrote down my list, I didn't know that I wasn't half of those things on that list.

Connell Barrett:
Wow.

Garrain Jones:
So it took 3 years for me to develop into the person that was actually the reflection of that list. When I became the reflection of that list, that's when I met my mirror.

Connell Barrett:
I love it. Now that is a hell of a formula.

Garrain Jones:
Now here's the last thing I wanna say.

Connell Barrett:
Fire away.

Garrain Jones:
When you look into the mirror, you're not seeing what you actually look like. You're seeing the reflection of what you look like. In order for you to see what you look like, you literally gotta take a selfie and then turn the photo. Flip the photo. You can see what you actually look like. So a mirror reflects the opposite of what you look like. So sometimes you're like, this person is just like me, not gonna last because there's no there's no friction to develop. It'll last in the settling of it, but there's no friction that can help you climb that mountain.

Garrain Jones:
So Blair is the we're we're of the similar makeup, but she's the opposite of everything that's my genius. It's her weakness. Everything that's her genius is my weakness and that's what creates. So she's my mirror of the opposite part of me.

Connell Barrett:
Beautiful. I like how elegant and nuanced that is, but also practical.

Garrain Jones:
Yeah.

Connell Barrett:
Super, super practical. Okay. Let's finish with this. We're done. You've been amazing. Thank you so much, Garrain. Before we before we go, I would love for you to talk a little bit about your artist power program

Garrain Jones:
Okay.

Connell Barrett:
And how this is creating some pretty amazing results and the people who take part in it. What's the concept of artist power, and how is that helping your clients?

Garrain Jones:
So the artist is the little kid, the one that I never take my eye off of. And we're all creators. We all started off as creators with big energy living in your bigness. And when you tap into that, when you tap into that energy, it unlocks the power. So that's where my company, Artist Power, was born. I was thinking about how I can create a world where adults feel safe enough to remember who they've always been deep down on the inside, where all their magic is, where all their energy is, where all their creativity is. So everything that I do has an ingredient of an inner child inside of it, whether it be the masterminds or the leadership. I've got a high level leadership CFOs and founders program that I'm doing starting January for 12 weeks, and then we're going to retreat in Costa Rica. But I'll be teaching the range of man, leadership, entrepreneur, but then also all of that is coming from the iteration of the little the little kid with full permission to be all of that. So I'll be teaching that, while just facilitating, just masterminding things, with the people who are in the container, the right combination of people, then we'll go to retreat.

Garrain Jones:
And then in June, have another retreat that is open for anyone that's over 18, and there's a whole interview process. And that is all about play and activations and and painting and dancing and singing and drumming and chanting and truly activating your soul's permission to full self acceptance so that you can be who you are actually called to be in the world and not part of who you're not part of who you're called to be.

Connell Barrett:
I love it. You can find out more about this program at his website, garrainjones.com. Again, that's garrainjones.com. And your book is fantastic. Thank you so much for being here and sharing so much of your hard earned wisdom. It's inspiring to see how you went from rock bottom to the Apex mountain where you are now, and you deserve it. Thank

Garrain Jones:
you so much, and thank you for the work that you do in the world, as well. And I just just wanna acknowledge you for being brave enough to create platforms like this so stories like mine have wings. I know that it's not easy. So for you spreading these messages, may you and your family, just be enriched 10 times over in an effortless way for all of the value that you're putting out in the world. So thank you again for this opportunity.

Connell Barrett:
You got it, man. Alright. I'm gonna go to the club tonight with my favorite book. See if women come up to me. Okay. Thank you so much for being here. Stick around one second, Garrain. And, by the way, for you listening, don't forget your dream girlfriend.

Connell Barrett:
She's out there, and she's gonna love you. She just has to meet the real authentic you. So go out there, take courageous, authentic action, and carpe datum, seize the date. We'll see you next time.