Connell Barrett:

Welcome to the Dating Transformation podcast. Here's your host, dating coach, Connell Barrett.

Welcome back to the Dating Transformation Podcast. I'm your host, dating coach Connell Barrett. I'm your wingman. I'm your hitch, and I'm here to help you learn to flirt, gain confidence, and get a great girlfriend. And happy new year, And I thought we'd start the new year off by getting to some good old fashioned fun How to. Flirting moves. What to say, how to say it. I'm gonna give you this episode, we're gonna go through 10, Minimum 10.

Maybe we'll get more. 10 of my top favorite flirting moves, And I think you're gonna like this. If you're struggling with what to say and how to say it, if you're not sure how to text, if you ever Find yourself getting friend zoned or a woman just says, hey. I'm not feeling a connection with you. This is the episode for you. This is about how to make sparks happen primarily with your words, although there's other moves here. And If you know my coaching at all, then you probably know I talk a lot about teaching a lot of mindset and confidence. I really do think that 75% Of getting a great girlfriend, a great partner, and having really great fun, sexy dates, 75% of it is mindset, confidence.

A woman has to really feel your sense of worth, your sense of belief in yourself. It's gotta be there. At the same time, the other 25% is very important. We wanna flirt, be charismatic, funny, flirty, And not get stuck in that boring friend zone conversation. So let's do it. Let me let's go through My I wouldn't say my top ten. 10 of my top favorite flirting moves to help you Get a great girlfriend and have a lot of fun have a lot of fun, sexy dates on the path to finding her. So here we go.

Here are 10 plus moves to help you do that. Tip number 1: show clear interest. Show clear interest. If you're interested in a woman, make it clear. It could be as simple as saying, hey, let's go on a date, instead of, let's hang out. On the date, don't hide your feelings. Don't play it cool. I'm not saying give it all away right out of the gate and propose to her, but you don't need to be some fake mysterious James Bond. Make her wonder if I like her. No. Let your interest be known. Right? You can say, hey. Let's go out again. You can ask a girl out on the 2nd date for, you can ask a girl out for the 2nd date on the 1st date. That's not necessary. That's not desperate as long as it's coming from a place of you saying, hey, I like you.

You meet my high standards. Let's go out again. Women love that. So on the date, don't hide your feelings. Let her know that you think she's sexy, cool, interesting. Clarity, that clear romantic interest has to be there. That's our job as men in the dating dance. We make moves.

We lead. We show interest. We put a card on the table, and then she'll put a card on the table if she wants to. And if she doesn't put a card on the table, hey, at least at least you know. So show clear interest. I remember on my 1st date With my now girlfriend, Jess, we were having rooftop drinks on the rooftop of my apartment. And, I just remember saying to her, hey, you know what's really cool and sexy about you? I love how witty and funny you are. You're almost as witty.

I didn't say you're almost. I said, I'm usually the funny, quick witted one on a date, but I'm just trying to keep up with you. So, I'm psyched to see you again. Let's go out again next week. And, she really liked that. She liked that I put the card on the table. It's not thirsty. It's not necessary to do that. It's actually you doing your job as a man. So that's tip number 1, show clear romantic interest. Tip number 2 is, this is important, talk the talk. What I mean is, you want to Use your voice in a way that conveys your confidence. So what you wanna do is cultivate a rich, resonant vocal tonality. You can do this by recording conversations with a friend, and listening to your voice. Listen for flaws or little ticks, like uptalking, which is when statements you say sound like questions. Notice ups notice excessive umms and uhs. Another good tip about using your vocal tonality in a way that is attractive is when you're speaking to somebody, imagine another person, their doppelganger is sitting directly behind them, And talk loudly enough so that the person behind them can hear you as well. This helps you project your voice Since chances are, your voice probably shuts down a little bit when you're speaking to a woman you find attractive. It's very common To have this vocal reaction when we feel insecure. So think of a continuum A vocal tonality from supplicating, so think hesitant, quiet, uptalking, 2 more and then the middle of the continuum be continuum would be neutral and friendly. In other words, your normal voice. Kinda like the way I'm talking Right now, I'm speaking in a neutral friendly way. Right now. I'm gonna read your mind. Ready? I'll bet that you would love to confidently approach women. Get great matches on the dating apps, flirt with charm, and attract your dream girlfriend. Right? But fear keeps you from approaching. You're not sure how to flirt. You struggle on the apps, Undesirable women just don't seem into you. Well, I have great news. Dating coach Connell Barrett can help. He's guided thousands of men like you to more confidence and help them attract their dream girlfriends. So book a free strategy call today To see if Connell's coaching is right for you. On your call, Connell or a team member will give you personalized advice to help you have more confidence, More dates and more fun. Oh, and you'll be dating women as your best self, a charming gentleman. That's because Connell does not teach creepy pickup artist tricks. He unlocks your most confident self so you can make authentic romantic connections. Your next steps? Book your free call today at dating transformation.com/contact and grab a time that works for you. Then you'll be on your way to more confidence, better results, and attracting bright, beautiful women. Oh, So you know, soon Connell will stop taking on new clients, so book a call today while you still can.

Go to datingtransformation.com/contact and transform your love life. Bye.And then all the way to commanding, drill sergeant, barking orders. Hey. Let's get another drink. You don't wanna talk that way. You wanna seek a sweet spot that's Somewhere between neutral and friendly and commanding. It's gonna sound something, it's gonna sound something like this. It's a tonality that sounds firm, positive, yet certain. Friendly, but upbeat.

So, it's sort of like there's a sweet spot. Don't be supplicating and timid. You can be neutral and friendly like this with just a little bit of Positive assertiveness. This is the sweet spot that women like, what you're hearing right now from me, Except you wanna make it authentic to you. Don't do an impression of me, but do your version of you finding that sweet spot. It's between neutral, friendly and commanding. Okay. What's a good third one? Oh, here's a good, here's a really good simple tip.

Flirting tip number 3, look her in the eye. Look her in the eyes. Make really good eye contact. I once dated a marketing director, a very successful woman named Olivia, and I met her at Whole Foods. I remember on our 1st date, I asked her what she liked about me. We met at a Whole Foods. It was a winter day, and she was wearing this fancy winter coat. And I walked up, and I said Something like, hey, you look like the cover of the J.

Crew Winter catalog. I thought that was pretty smooth. I thought that was pretty funny. And the conversation went great. We exchanged numbers, and on our 1st date, I said, so what was it you liked about me when we met? And I was fishing for a compliment. Full disclosure. I was just trying to get a compliment. I thought I was I wanted to hear my ego wanted to be stroked And be told, oh, I loved your cool opening line.

And she said, you know what I really liked about you? You looked me right in the eye. You stood up tall, you stood up with good posture, she said, and you looked me right in the eye. That's very attractive. So keep in mind that women aren't gonna remember the exact words you say very often, But they will remember things like eye contact and good posture. Those little things go a long way. They go a long way. Okay. So that was tip number 3.

Flirting tip number 4 Is to be physically expressive. Physical expressiveness, touching, in other words, It's a really simple, powerful way to create a nice flirtatious vibe, especially on a date Or during an approach, especially if it's a nighttime venue where you're at a bar, you're at a lounge, you just started talking, So be physically expressive. So let's think about a first date. You can and should give her a nice warm hug when you meet. You can do things like early on in the date, you do things like high five her, tap her on the arm when you're expressing yourself. You could give her a fist bump. As the date progresses, if she's responding well to your physical expressiveness, you definitely must read the room. But if she's responding well, if she's touching you back a little bit, if she doesn't pull away, you could do things like Take her hand and inspect and inspect the jewelry.

It's called the jewelry inspection. If you want an old school move I learned from one of my coaches years ago, you grab her hand and say, oh, what's the deal with this ring? What's up with this bracelet? This is interesting. Now you have a reason to be touching her. And as the date progresses, you are welcome to keep, to add further physical expressiveness, assuming, and this is really important, Assuming that she's making it clear that she's comfortable with it. She's enjoying it, and she's reciprocating to a degree, Hopefully, to a great degree. So you wanna look for these green lights. But what you don't wanna do is wait for all the green lights for you to touch a woman. It's okay to high five her.

Touch her shoulder. You might even start to get a little bit more bold as the date goes on. If she's responding well, well, you'll throw your arm over her shoulder, whisper in her ear, give her some kind of whisper, confession, a little secret. Doesn't really matter what it is. And it's that physical expressiveness that basically helps us connect as humans. We're human. We touch. And for some women, physical touch is the main way or a big way that they experience love and connection, or the beginnings of love anyway.

So you wanna be physically expressive in a way that makes her That that's authentic to you, but that makes her feel safe and comfortable. So here's a bonus tip about physically physical expressiveness. Have a reason to do it. Just randomly placing your arm or hand on her person without any context? That's pretty weird. That's weird. Don't do that. You want to Make the touch an extension of your words and or emotions of the moment. So what I mean by having a reason is to have it make sense to her.

If you find out you both love the same band, what? No way. Do you love Demi Lovato? I love Demi Lovato too. High five. Now, you have a reason to touch. If you have a secret to tell her, hey, come here. I gotta tell you something. Whisper, whisper as you lean in, Arm over her shoulder. You have a reason to be touching her.

I remember I was on a date once, and My date was telling me how she was working with a new personal trainer. And I said, oh, cool. Let me see your muscles. Hold make a muscle, and she put her arm out to make a muscle. And I was like, woah, touching her muscles. Woah, damn. These are like diamonds. I don't know if I can date you.

You have bigger muscles than me. So I had a reason. If I just touched her arm, that would make no sense to her. That'd be creepy, But I had a reason for it. So yeah. Basically, you want to begin with small touches and taps on her arm, Upper elbow. This gets her comfortable with your physicality, and see if she likes it. If she clearly doesn't like it, stop.

Definitely stop. If you're clear she doesn't like it, stop. But if she touches you back, if she clearly starts to, enjoy your physical touch. You can keep it's almost like walking up a stair stairway of physical intimacy. You start with a hug, start with tat, high fives, fist bumps. Next comes Brushing the hair out of her eyes, arm over her shoulder, then comes things like holding hands, clasping hands, and then eventually kissing and intimacy if you get there. But, don't make the don't make the mistake of not touching at all. You need to break that touch barrier.

It's okay. You're on a date. It's okay to touch as long as you do it in a very, step by step way. Hope that makes sense. Okay. Move number 5. Move number 5. This is one of my favorites.

I think, have I not I I rarely say always or never, but almost always do this on a 1st date. Give a girl a power compliment. A power compliment is a sincere, specific thing that you like about her. It's not about her physical assets. It's about a behavior, a trait, or something that's just not about Her body. Her face. Okay? Does she have a cool tattoo you like? Does she have really cool stylish leather boots? Great taste and style. She's really put together.

You love her, kick ass leather jacket or t-shirt. Maybe you love her laugh, her confidence, her sense of humor. Tell her. During the date, say, you know what I really like about you? If you wanna dial it up, you can say, you know what's really sexy about you? It's the way you blank. It's your laugh. It's your x y z. I had a date, oh, man. This was a while back.

It was right before the pandemic, And this woman just had the most incredible feminine lilting laugh. I loved it. I just loved her laugh. And I said, you know what I really love about you? Yeah. I love your laugh. It is like music. I cannot get enough. I'm gonna keep cracking you up all night because I wanna hear more laughter.

And she sort of melted. She sort of swooned a little bit when I said that. And of course, it should be authentic. It should be coming from a real place because women have an incredible BS detector. They can tell if you're just saying a line, so don't make it a line. Make it legit. Make it authentic. Give her a powerful complement.

What makes it powerful is not just her looks. Don't just say you have gorgeous eyes, you have a beautiful body. That's what all guys think, and that's what a lot of guys say. You want to let her know you see her inner beauty, or you're beginning to. So give her a powerful complement. Okay. Next, dating. Now we're getting into some fun advanced moves.

I lost track. What are we at? 5 or 6? I need somebody to do the minutes of my podcast. I think we're at number 5. 5 or 6. Here's your next move. Use the push pull. Think of a push pull as a combination of 2 2 different 2 different dating moves. A compliment we all know what a compliment is.

Right? And then we know what a tease is. Teasing is when you tease her a bit about something, you know, Cute, dorky, something you can make fun of, you know, her bad taste in music, or a silly little habit she has. A push pull is when we combine a tease and a compliment together.

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The positive part of a push pull pulls her closer to you. That's what a compliment does, and the tease playfully pushes, quote unquote, pushes her away. So a push is playful is basically a push is playfully showing disinterest. Playfully. A pull is showing interest or a compliment, and a push pull combines the 2. It's a light joking comment but that blends them both, And it works because the contrast of the positive and the negative Creates a surprising curiosity, a surprising cocktail As if, if you will. It's sort of like 2 2 great tastes that taste great together because you don't expect them to be together. So for example, I wrote a book called Dating Sucks, But You Don't.

The title of my book is a push pull. Dating sucks. Pushing you away, making you feel like, results are gonna be tough for me. But you don't. In other words, you are enough. You're attractive to lots of women. That's a pull. I'm pulling you closer, letting you know, hey, man, there's hope.

It's basically a positive and a negative together. And it brings something about the positive and the negative wrapped in a playful bow, A bow of flirtatiousness and playfulness that just feels really good to women. So here are some examples of push pulls. These are basically copy paste versions. You can use these as crutches, but I really would prefer you come up with your own to come up with your own at the moment. But here are some examples. You could say things like, you're either the coolest girl I've met in a while or the nerdiest. Just not sure which one yet.

Get it? You're the coolest is the pull, but you're a nerd is pushing. So that creates a fun little polarity, positive and negative polarity. Another one is, I was totally falling for you until you said a blank comment she made that you disapproved of. Right? Oh, my god. I was totally falling for you. I was about to ask you out on a 2nd date until you said your favorite movie is legally blonde. Oh, god. I can't believe I'm on a date with you.

You're such a dork. So now you're pushing her away. But, again, just as a joke, you're not really pushing her away. It's playing. Okay? It's all playful. Yeah. I think I was, I remember I met a girl once out at a bar in New York City, and, at the time, I was in my Mid forties. She was mid twenties.

We're chatting. We're flirting. We're at a bar. And She was this young, attractive mid twenties woman, but she had the funniest phrases. She used phrases that, like, a grandparent would use, like old people use. She said things oh, she said, I got real pep in my step, and I said, I'm really confused by you. Here you are, this beautiful, Gorgeous 25 year old, but you talk like you're my grandpa. I don't know whether to ask you out Or watch Jeopardy with you and drink prune juice, something like that.

And she loved it. She laughed because I was giving her a compliment, but I was also teasing her at the same time. So feel free to experiment with push pulls. Try to avoid using rehearsed ones. The best ones arise in the moment. Let your natural sense of humor find something about her that you like. Also, mention something about her that's kinda dorky or that you can tease her about, and then you might find you'll really enjoy the kinds of responses you get from women. So anyway, that's a more advanced move, but it's a really good one.

Okay. Let's do some more. Tip number 6, or maybe it's number 7. I've lost count. Let's go with number 7. Tip number 7, text a woman As though she's already your girlfriend. A lot of guys ask me, Connell, what do I text? What should I say? What's the right thing to say? If she was already your girlfriend, if she was already the woman in your life, what would you message her? In other words, what would you message her if you knew she liked you and you guys had a really strong connection? Message from that place. Don't focus so much on what's the good content, what's the what are the right words.

If you knew she was already your girlfriend or she would be, How would you message her? Think about how powerful that is. What that does is it allows you to message from a place of abundance, From assumed rapport and connection and a sense of worthiness Because, hey, you know you're worthy to, attractive to your girlfriend. Right? So this will change the way you text her. You're not gonna send a needy text to your girlfriend. Right? No. You're gonna send her a fun, confident, Jockey message probably. Or maybe you won't, maybe it won't always be jokey. It might just be something very authentic, very genuine, because you're not trying and plus, the other powerful thing about this is When you text her as if she's already your girlfriend, you stop trying to impress her, and you start Expressing yourself.

You're just expressing. You're not trying to win her over. You're just expressing who you are as a guy, and that's very attractive. So that's a really simple move to test drive. Okay. Let's go with flirting move number 8. This is great to do on a date, Or when you're texting a girl you've just matched with, or this is or an approach. Basically, that was one of those early conversations.

Here's your next move. Give her a deal breaker. A fun way to spike a date or that one of those early interactions is to take an innocent detail about her and pretend that it's a deal breaker for you dating her. So if she says, hey, I'm more of a cat person than a dog person, You say, what? Oh, no. That's a deal breaker. I knew you were too good to be true. Damn it. And then she'll be like, no.

No. I love dogs. I I I just love cats more. You could say, sorry. I don't think I can be with somebody who has A coat made of Dalmatians. Just not you're just not for me. And then she'll probably start laughing and say, no, no, I really do love dogs. So, yeah, give her a deal breaker.

This works for a couple reasons. In addition to this just generating fun banter, Which feels good to both of you. Giving her these little challenges, it's part of the art of making her quote unquote chase you A little bit. Getting her more invested in winning you over, because it's just a truism That the more invested in something a person is, the more they want that something. So you can help her Do this. I want you. By playfully removing your, your validation. You're basically saying, Deal breaker.

I don't think this is gonna work out. Now don't don't overdo it here. Don't do it 5 times in a row. You know, you don't wanna oh, you don't you don't wanna overkill, but, I remember I remember on one date, a woman said something like, oh, gosh. What was it? Oh, she was telling me that she, you know, doesn't like the Midwest. The Midwest is Boring to her. I was born in the Midwest. I was like, oh, gosh, this is not gonna work out.

In fact, you're on a 2 minute time out. Sorry. And I literally turned her stool away from me, and I said, you're on a 2 minute time out. You're in the penalty box for dissing the Midwest because you're on a date with an Ohio boy. And so I literally turned her stool so that she was facing away from me. She turned it back, but that was not the point. Anyway, give her a deal breaker. That can be really fun.

And again, it's always meant as a joke. Number 8, I think. We're at number 8. Tip number 8. Flirting tip number 8. Move your eyes in a seven pattern. To dial up sexual tension, move your eyes in a seven pattern. That is from her right eye to your left eye and then down to her lips.

This will amplify your attraction to her, which can absolutely enhance the kind of, Emotional connection that you wanna create. Good emotions are contagious. Basically, you're letting her feel your eyes on her eyes and then on her lips, and you're essentially transferring your romantic desire From you onto her. One of the ways we do this is with that 7 pattern. So give the 7 pattern a try, go from Her right eye to her left eye down to her lips. See how that feels to you, and see how she responds to it. Okay. Dating, flirting move number 9.

This one's so easy. Give her a nickname. Give her a nickname. You know, troublemaker, kiddo, freckles, something something, very light and simple. Based on what you're observing at the moment, giving the woman you're on a date with or talking to a nickname, could be text as well, over text. Giving her a nickname Means when you give somebody a nickname, it means that you know them and like them, and it also suggests familiarity. It's something really confident, comfortable people do only with people they feel comfortable with. So you're sending her a message, I'm confident, And you're also sending her a message saying, you and I are getting closer.

We're getting to know each other. I remember the night I met my, My then future girlfriend, her name is Carrie. The night I met her, She started calling me Ginger Man because I'm a ginger. I'm a redhead. And it worked on me. It kinda made me more into her. I liked it. I liked how casual she was calling me a nickname.

Hey, come here, Ginger Man. Buy me a drink, Ginger Man. And, Yeah. So this stuff works on me. This stuff works on you as well. Okay. And number 10, here's a really fun, also kind of an advanced flirting move. Make her The seducer.

Make her the seducer. How do we do this? You misinterpret something innocent as quote, unquote evidence That she wants to seduce you. A lot of women really love this. You're basically Misinterpreting something as a sign that she's super into you. So for example, she looks down at your shirt Because she's checking out your style, you say, my eyes are up here. Please don't treat me like a piece of meat. Okay. Or she says she mentions her bedroom in a very innocent context.

Oh, I just redid my bedroom. You might say, listen, I'm not going into your bedroom tonight. I barely know you. I don't date, I don't kiss till the 14th date. Sorry. I'm not that easily seduced. She leans in maybe close to you to smell your cologne, or maybe it's a loud bar. You're like, hey.

Are you trying to kiss me? I need 1 more drink before you kiss me. Okay? So basically, your role you're reversing the roles here And making her the seducer. What's really fun when we do this is that it takes confidence. It's also very playful and fun, and sometimes she'll fall into this role play, and she will actually Start trying to seduce you. One of the first times I used this move on a date, it was the first time It was early on in my dating journey. We're talking way back, like the late double zeros. But it was the 1st time a woman ever said to me on a date, Hey. Why don't we go back to your place? So that was a moment.

I hope you have that kind of moment. And then the last tip I'll give you is, number 10, I think, or maybe it's 11th bonus tip, is embrace The essence of the craft. What do I mean by that? Keep it simple. Try to boil down all these tips. All of these moves that you learn maybe from my podcast or from other places where you're consuming dating content. It's all well and good when you're listening to a podcast, but when you're on a date, you wanna be in the moment. You wanna keep things simple. You wanna focus on only 1 or 2 things at most at any given time. So a way to describe this is I call it or actually, one of my old Life coaches calls this embracing the essence of the craft. Top performers in any field Think of 1 simple phrase, 1 simple sentence to help clarify and focus their mind.

For example, A Rod, who my former mental coach used to actually coach in baseball, Rod used to step up to the plate and tell himself one simple sentence. He would say, I hit the ball with an accelerated bat. When he stepped up at the plate, he didn't have time to think about 27 things because he's trying to hit a 99 mile an hour fastball. So he just said, I hit the ball with an accelerated bat. So when you're on a date, When you're talking to a woman, on a date and approach, when you're when you're quote unquote in the field, give yourself One simple, powerful essence of your craft, and I want it to be yours. It should be personalized. You should come up with it. But the one that always worked great for me that you're welcome to steal is mine was always, Be authentic and try to make her smile.

Be authentic, or sometimes I would add the word Flirt. Be authentic, flirt like crazy, and make her smile. And that Was a guiding light on so many great dates for me, and it helped me keep things simple. Because when you're on a date, I don't want you thinking of 27 tips that Connell gave you on his podcast. I want you thinking one simple thought to help you bring out your best authentic self. So feel free to test drive. My mission statement on any given date Is be authentic, flirt, and make her smile. If you do that, oh, man.

You're gonna have some pretty incredible dates. Alright. Thank you so much. Until next time, and remember, your Dream girl, your girlfriend, your future partner. She's out there, and she already likes you. She just has to meet the real authentic you. See you next time.

Thank you for listening to the dating transformation podcast. For lots of free tips, videos, and other goodies, go to dating transformation.com. See you next time.

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