Intro:

Talk like my grandmother. I don't know whether to ask you out or to play bingo with you.

Connell Barrett:

Welcome to the Dating Transformation podcast. Here's your host, dating coach, Connell Barrett.

Welcome back to the dating transformation podcast. I am your coach and your host, dating coach Connell Barrett. Here to help you learn to flirt, gain confidence, and attract a great girlfriend, all by being authentic. And, Yeah. I'm the real life hitch. And I have a very special episode today because I'm about to give you my secret flirting formula to help make you magnetic to women. And I'm also gonna share 10 tested flirting tips that you can use right now to stop quote unquote running out of things to say and start attracting cool cute girls. So here's my question for you, do you struggle with what to say and how to flirt? And have you ever been stuck in the friend zone? Well, today's episode is me giving you what I call the secret flirting formula that ignites attraction in women, and it's called, drum roll, please, man to woman communication.

This is a turbocharged form of flirting that amplifies romantic connection. And you might be asking how does man to woman communication work? Well, here was my moment. Let me share a story with you. Many years ago, when I was struggling with flirting, I was getting stuck in the friend zone. Date after date after date, women kept telling me, Connell, you're a nice guy, but I just didn't feel a spark. It was very frustrating. And then I had a date with a woman named Amanda, a smart, witty woman, and she could have passed for Jennifer Lawrence's twin sister. Gorgeous, intelligent, cool.

She's a pastry chef. And I was really excited about a date with her because she was my, what I call, a wow girl. So I had a date with Amanda. I almost called her Jennifer Lawrence. I had a date with Amanda, and I decided this date is gonna be different because I was gonna use what what felt like my new secret weapon, man to woman communication. So and she actually we we texted before the date, and she even gave me a heads up. She said, hey. By the way, just so you know, I really haven't clicked with any guys I've met lately.

So, you know, no no, nothing personal if it doesn't work out. You know, if we end up being friends, just so you know, that's okay. So she was basically a preemptive friend zoning, basically. So I decided, you know what? No matter what happens, I'm gonna flirt in a bold, compelling, authentic way. A way that I was learning women really liked. Even though I was getting in the friend zone on dates, I was seeing some good things happen. I said, you know what? Tonight's a night. Let me show Amanda what I'm capable of.

So Amanda walks in. She sits down next to me, and I just say, you know what? I'm gonna stop being too safe and timid to myself. So I teased her for running a little bit late. I said, you owe me a drink for every minute you're late. So it looks like I'm getting trashed tonight, and she laughed. After a little bit, we played some playful games. We did some thumb wrestling. I did a staring contest with her.

And at one point, I remember she looked down at my button down, and I noticed her looking down at my shirt and I said, excuse me. My eyes are up here. Please stop objectifying me. That made her giggle. She called me a smartass, which is totally authentic to me. I'm a natural born smartass. And but it wasn't all teasing. Okay.

We got real. We got vulnerable. At one point, I confessed how nervous I was to meet her because she's so gorgeous and successful, and I thought, wow, this girl's incredible. I'm nervous. I told her that. I also told her she had a sexy laugh, and she really liked the compliment. She also liked just the vulnerability, the genuineness. One point, I took her hand, and then she threw her leg over mine.

So we were less than an hour in. We were physically getting very close. Then she said, I think I need to change seats. And she sat up, she got on my lap. And then she was sitting on my lap and even I could take that hint. And I kissed her, and we started making out. And I could feel all of the eyes of all the people in the bar. This is a bar called The Other Room, Downtown New York City.

I remember all the people in the bar just looking at us, you know, with that, hey, get a room guys kind of vibe. And this is less than an hour in. This is maybe 50 minutes into the date. I've got this gorgeous woman sitting on my lap, and then before the date is over, she asks me out for a second date. She invited me to get a sensual couples massage with her, and she said my treat. And she even said, hey. After the spa treatment, maybe, you know, they they give you the room for a while. Maybe we can have some fun.

You can have a peak, she said. So that was a very different date than I'd been having. And I walked home that night. I was buzzed on, Chimay beer and just incredible emotion thinking, woah, that's how you flirt with women. That's how you make sparks fly. And I have literally never been friend zoned since that night. Not that I remember anyway. That doesn't mean every woman is like me.

It what that means is any woman who I had some genuine mutual chemistry with, I've never been friend zoned again. Because when sparks fly between 2 people, it can seem really random. It can feel like, oh, just something that just happens, like a lightning strike. But the truth is you can learn to consistently ignite that great romantic connection using what's called man to woman communication, which is that flirty frequency that amplifies romantic connection. And this is not just a secret weapon for dates only, and this is the lens I want you to use to flirt with all women you're into. Whether you're texting or approaching or chatting up a girl at a party, anywhere. So let's break this down. I'm gonna break down man to woman communication to you, the art of it, and then I'm gonna share 10 practical ways that you can use this flirting method to make sparks fly.

So here we go. Let's start with a thought experiment. Imagine you're on a first date with a classy gorgeous woman, but it's going nowhere. It's safe. It's platonic. You ask boring informational questions. Where'd you go to school? How long have you worked at your job? And you're not sure what to say. You're not sure where to take it.

You don't even try to kiss her. And the next day, you get that text message. Hey. You're a nice guy, but I just didn't feel the sparks. But we can be friends if you want to. You know, how often does that happen to you? Now, imagine you're out with that same woman. Imagine that same woman, but this time the air is electric. She twirls her hair, she touches your arm, and you feel magnetic.

You compliment her one minute, you might tease her the next, You're open. You're real. You're vulnerable. And, most importantly, you're authentic and playful. Authentic and playful. And then at one point, you boldly go for a first kiss, and now the 2 of you are making out. And the next day, she texts you last night was amazing. When am I gonna see you again? When are you asking me out again? So the difference between those two scenes in the first, you played it safe, treated her like a friend.

In the second, you connected on a man to woman wavelength. In other words, you used your secret flirting weapon being man to woman. And this is the moment I want you to have, like, right now as you listen to this. Women don't put us in the friend zone. We do it to ourselves. How? We do it by treating them like buddies, not as potential lovers. So I want you to see the matrix here. See the matrix.

All social interactions you have in life, other than with relatives, all social interactions fall into 1 of 3 frames or categories, 3 social frames. Here they are. There's only 3. Number 1 is friend to friend, a purely platonic vibe with no romantic subtext, you know, friends and acquaintances. The second frame the second social frame is professional slash business. So that's you relating with your colleagues, clients, employees who work at the restaurant, at the store where you're shopping, professional business. And the 3rd frame is, for men, I mean, for straight men, man to woman communication. And that's the romantic context in which your authentic masculine side and a woman's feminine essence click.

And every count every encounter you have with a woman will fall into one of these 3 frames in life. It's almost like you're clicking your remote control to 1 of 3 channels, but you probably don't even know you're doing it. It just happens. And so your dating problems happen when you inadvertently click from the friend of friend zone, or you click to the business channel with a woman you're into rather than flipping to that man to woman channel. So a girl might find you attractive, but if your vibe with her is safe, timid, friendly, not romantic, not, hey, how you doing? Then she might feel, oh, he's a great guy, but I'm not feeling it romantically. Hello, friend zone.

I'm gonna read your mind. Ready? I'll bet that you would love to confidently approach women, get great matches on the dating apps, flirt with charm, and attract your dream girlfriend. Right? But fear keeps you from approaching. You're not sure how to flirt. You struggle on the apps, and desirable women just don't seem into you. Well, I have great news. Dating coach, Connell Barrett, can help. He's guided thousands of men like you to more confidence and help them attract their dream girlfriends.

So book a free strategy call today to see if Connell's coaching is right for you. On your call, Connell or a team member will give you personalized advice to help you have more confidence, more dates, and more fun. Oh, and you'll be dating women as your best self, a charming gentleman. That's because Connell does not teach creepy pickup artist tricks. He unlocks your most confident self, so you can make authentic romantic connections. Your next steps? Book your free call today at datingtransformation.comforward/contact, and grab a time that works for you. Then you'll be on your way to more confidence, better results, and attracting bright, beautiful women. Oh, so you know, soon Connell will stop taking on new clients.

So book a call today while you still can. Go to dating transformation.comforward/contact and transform your love life. Bye.

And if you don't know what to say or if you don't know how to flirt, then you're automatically putting yourself in that friend zone probably and you don't even realize it. So here are the 3 pillars of man to woman communication. Here we go. Number 1 is showing clear romantic interest. Make your words and actions clear and aligned to let her know you're interested or to let her know this frame is romantic. So it's about clarity. She needs to know that this story is a story of boy meets girl, not friend meets friend. Okay? Number 2 is communicate emotionally, not logically.

Most men communicate in a logical analytical way, and this is great at a business lunch, but it's death death on a date. So man to woman language at its core is emotional. It's primarily fun, playful. It's not logical and informational. In other words, you want to be be Captain Kirk, not Mr. Spock. And the 3rd pillar is speaking authentic thoughts. Women like you for you.

So share your true, honest, most real self with her. Because, hey, what's more authentic than saying to your crush, Hey, I like you. I wanna date with you. So here's a quick tip. The reason you quote unquote run out of things to say with women is not because you don't know what to say. It's because you think you need great lines or great content to get her attracted to you. No. You need to share your authentic self in a clear way.

So stop thinking, what's the right thing to say and start thinking, what's a true feeling I can share with her? Let's go back to my date with Amanda, that big moment I had. Sparks flew with her and me that night because I let my authentic smart ass side come out while also telling her that I thought she was cool, sexy, letting her know what I liked about her. And I also played with her. We had fun. I was being man to woman and she felt finally a guy who's real and fun. He makes me feel sexy. That's why she sat on my lap. That's why she invited me out for a sexy massage for our second date because I was being man to woman.

And I want you to think of this as like a dial on a channel. You can turn that channel from friend to friend or business professional to man to woman, and it's like going from PBS to 50 Shades of Grey. Now you might be asking, how much do I flirt on a date? What what's the right kind of, balance? Great question. Follow the 80 20 rule. About 80% of your communication on a date is what I call baseline communication. Just sincere, normal, being yourself like I'm doing right now. And then 20% of your communication is emotional spikes, compliments, flirty comments, physical touch, suggestive eye contact, using your voice the right way, teasing her, cracking jokes, and just having fun. So beware of the pickup dudes out there who teach this poorly and who want to give you 77 fancy tactics, moves, and backflips you need to do on your next date.

You don't need tons and tons of tips. Just follow the 80 20 rule. 80% baseline, normal, sincere, being normal, and then 20% fun emotional spikes that is essentially what man to woman communication breaks down into. So to find the right balance, I want you to envision an EKG heartbeat monitor. The baseline that runs horizontally represents your quote unquote normal conversation, just you being sincere and real, and this should be about 80% of what you say. About 20%, visualizing that EKG, are the peaks and valleys of that EKG, those emotional spikes that could beep up and beep down. So mostly normal and sincere, but every so often you throw in a tease or a joke or a compliment or something playful. So, yeah, think of, think of, EKG with 20% spikes going up and down, and the rest of it is just base level communication.

That's what a really good first date looks like. Okay? So now I want you to, get some practical ways that you can be man to woman. So here we go. Here are 10 simple ways for you to be man to woman on your next first date or your next conversation with a woman out in the world at a party. Maybe you do an approach, maybe you're socializing. Here are 10 simple ways for you to be man to woman. Here we go.

Rejection, ghosting, loneliness, lack of dates, and lack of confidence. For many men, dating just sucks, but it doesn't have to. There's a simple yet powerful way to gain instant confidence and attract a great girlfriend. Be radically authentic. It's all laid out in the number one Amazon bestselling book. Dating sucks, but you don't. Your step by step guide to attracting wonderful women and doing it with total authenticity. Author and dating coach, Connell Barrett, has had and fixed all the dating problems that you struggle with.

He's also helped thousands of men gain confidence and find love. He's put his best tips and strategies into dating sucks, but you don't so that you can confidently approach women and get dates, Become magnetic and attractive even if you're not tall or great looking. Always know what to say to make sparks fly. Get lots of great matches and dates on the dating apps, and attract your dream woman. You can find dating sucks, but you don't on Amazon or wherever books are sold in paperback, Kindle, and audiobook. Get dating sucks, but you don't today to transform your confidence and find your dream girl.

Ten man to woman moves. Man to woman move number 1 is to give her a sexy compliment. Early in a conversation with a woman, find a trait that you like about her that is not looks related, and tell her that you find that trait sexy. Her laugh, her wit, her sense of humor, it'll sound, it'll sound like you just saying a truthful normal thing, but it happens to be about how sexy she is in some specific way. So let other guys tell her that her body is sexy. You're that rare, classy gentleman who lets her know that you see that inner beauty. So on my first date with my now girlfriend, Jessamine, we were we were on my rooftop bar. We went to a bar.

I'm sorry. My rooftop bar. My rooftop, buildings rooftop. Our first date, we went to a bar, and then we went back to my rooftop at my apartment and we were having drinks on my rooftop. And I said to her, you know what's really sexy about you? Your wit. You're so quick witted. I'm usually the funny one on a date, but I'm just trying to keep up with you. And she did a pretty good job of, holding, keeping a poker face that night, but she later told me how much she kind of swooned inside, melted inside.

Cause lots of guys have told my girlfriend, Hey, you're hot. You're pretty. You look good. But I was that rare guy who found an internal trait about her sexy and beautiful, and that elevated me into the top 1% of men, I I think, so I'm told. And, we're still together now. So that's that's move number 1. Move number 2, man to woman move number 2, talk to talk. The way you use your voice conveys your confidence level, so cultivate a rich resonant tonality.

You can record conversations with a friend and listen to your voice for flaws like uptalking, like this, or excessive umms and ahs. And when speaking to somebody in person, imagine this is a good tip. Imagine somebody is directly behind them and talk loudly enough that they can hear you, that the person behind them can hear you. This will help you project your voice since chances are your voice shuts down a little bit when speaking to a woman you find attractive. This is a very common unconscious reaction that happens when we feel a little bit insecure. So if you could imagine, like, a continuum of vocal tonality, we have supplicating like this, and then we have more neutral like this. The way I'm talking right now is very neutral. And then there's commanding like this drill sergeant commanding.

And the sweet spot is somewhere between neutral and commanding, but a little bit positive too. So, basically, here's a good way to do it. Do a commanding voice. Hey. You know how fast you're driving? Imagine imagine a a highway patrol guy pulls you over. Hey. You know how fast you're driving? That's too harsh. Now smile when you say that.

I'm gonna smile. Hey. Do you know how fast you are going? Can you hear the smile in my voice? That is a a positive, assertive use of your voice, And that's a really good sweet spot to come from when you're talking to a woman when you're just meeting her. She's at a bar. You walk over. Oh, hey. I just saw you, and I wanted to meet you. Hi.

My name is Fred. I don't know why I came up with Fred. So, yeah, that is a sweet spot. So think don't think supplicating? No. Don't talk like this? You're dead. But also don't be fake and commanding. Don't be some fake alpha male toxic bullshit pickup dude, like, who still teach this stuff. That's lame.

That's that's artificial. It's fake. It's toxic. It's bad. Think how positive and dominant. Hey. What's up? I just saw you and I wanted to meet you. What's up? Nice to meet you.

That's how you talk to girls with your voice. Okay. Man to woman move number 3. When you approach, look her in the eye. So simple. Right? I dated a marketing director named Nicole once, and I met her in Whole Foods, in the Whole Foods section. And I remember the day I met her, it was a cold winter day, and she was dressed in this really well put together winter outfit, like a furry hat and a matching scarf, and she just looked really put stylish but warm or bundled up. And I walked up and I had a what I thought was a pretty cool line.

I said, oh, hey. Excuse me. I just saw you and you look like you look like a model for the cover of J. Crew's winter catalog. I thought that was pretty good, and she liked it. She laughed. She smiled. We we talked.

And on her first date, I asked her what she liked about my approach. I was basically fishing for a compliment, and I thought she was gonna say my funny smooth pickup line, which which was what my ego wanted to hear. But women rarely remember your opening line. What she said was, oh, what I liked about you was easy. You looked me right in the eye. You stood up straight, and you looked me right in the eye, and that that's what worked with her. So look her right in the eye. Make great eye contact.

Man to woman move number 4, on a date. Speaking of looking, on a date, look at her like she's dessert. What do I mean by that? Let your attraction for her come out for your eye contact. If you're feeling genuinely romantically drawn to her, even sexually drawn to her as a date goes on, there's nothing wrong with that. That's okay. You're allowed to feel that way. You're allowed to look at a woman that way. So let her feel your desire, your attraction for her through your eye contact.

I was on a first date with a woman in Santa Monica once, and we had drinks at a patio bar, and it was near my hotel. It was, like, a 5 minute walk from my hotel, and we were both feeling the sexual vibes rising as we teased, as we talked, as we laughed, and at one point my my wolfish eye contact made her say, you're looking at me like I'm dessert. But the way she said it, she was into it. She felt desired by the way I was looking at her, and that dialed up the romantic sparks. And I remember as we walked back to my hotel room, something happened that had never happened to me before with a woman. As we're walking back to my hotel room, we were in my hallway or the hallway of the hotel, and she was already unbuttoning her top and taking off beginning to take off her clothes even before I'd opened my hotel room. This was on our first date. So, damn, that's not gonna happen every time.

That might only might never happen to you. That kind of thing only happened to me once, but, man, when you really dial things up with a woman, it can really get things steamy. Man to woman move number 5, show her that her beauty is distracting you. It's a bit basic to tell a woman, woah. You look hot. That's what cat callers do. That's not what classy gentlemen do like you. It's better to show her that her beauty is getting to you

So you might say I'm sorry. What did you say? Your lips were very distracting when you were talking. Or you might look at her dress and say, wow. I lost my train of thought. There's a good line I got from I forget where I heard this, but I one girl was just looks so gorgeous on a date, and I said, I'm you're making it really tough for me to clink dearly. I think I might have gotten that from Craig Ferguson. Feel free to go on YouTube. Check out Craig Ferguson on his old CBS talk show.

He is a master flirter. Look at his episodes where he's flirting with Kate Mara and flirting with Alice Eve as two of the highlights. Man to woman move number 6, tease her. Light playful teasing can amplify attraction, so tease her a little bit and see if she responds well to it. You want to avoid areas that could bring offense, like never tease a woman about her appearance, her family, her job, her pets. Stick to less touchy topics like her taste in movies, TV shows, music, things like that. I have a client who lost a girl who was into him, and he teased her too harshly about her drinking. He mentioned he kept joking about she's an alcoholic and that was a sore subject for her, understandably so, and she basically blew him off.

So tease about light surface level things. Number 7, use the push pull. So I give I give pickup guys out there a lot of shit because most of them suck at coaching, and I'm talking about some very experienced, very popular ones. But I do like one old school move that I learned from the pickup dudes. It's called the push pull. Here's how it works. Teases and compliments are both effective tools separately. You can tease a woman.

That can work really well. Compliment is always great. A push pull combines 1 of each into one comment. The positive comment pulls her closer to you, while the t's playfully pushes her away, hence the name push pull. So, yeah, push is a playful showing of disinterest. Playful. A pull is interest. I'm showing I like you, and push pull is a light joke that blends both.

And a push pull can work really well because the contrast of the positive and the negative creates a really compelling curiosity. So here's some examples of push pulls, and these are not I'm not saying you should memorize these. I'm just giving you examples. K? These should be you want yours to be in the moment and and organic and genuine. So here's some some examples. You're either the coolest girl I've met in a while or the nerdiest. I'm just not sure which one yet. I was totally falling for you until you said insert comment she made that you didn't like.

You are so cute. You remind me just of my little sister. Here's one more. We should go on a date as long as you promise not to stalk me. So play around with push pulls. They're fun. The best ones come out of the moment. I was at a Brooklyn bar once, and I met a young, beautiful, mid twenties woman who said things like she talked like my grandfather.

She talked like an old person. She said, pep in my step and my corns are hurting me. And I said, oh my god, you're driving me crazy. She said, what do you mean? And I said, well, you're this young, beautiful, 20 something woman, but you talk like my grandmother. I don't know whether to ask you out or to play bingo with you. Really fun push pull. She loved that. Things went really well.

Man to woman move number 8, be physically expressive. Physical expressiveness is a simple powerful way to create that man to woman vibe. Okay? You can high 5, hold her hand, tap her arm, touch her thigh, whisper in her ear, brush the hair out of her eyes. There's lots of ways. You just want to make sure she's comfortable with this and that notice how she's feeling and that she's reciprocating. Always notice how a woman is feeling and women like a guy who notices that showing that genuine empathy is really important. But yeah, we're humans we touch, So don't be afraid to break that touch barrier during a date and to see if she likes to touch you right back. And here's another tip about touch.

The most important rule about touching is have a reason to touch her. If you just take your hand and put it on her back, her lower back, and just leave it there like a dead fish early on in a in a date where you barely know her, that's gonna seem weird to her but or creepy to her. But if you notice her cool tattoo and you grab, not grab, but you take her arm or shoulder and go, oh, what's the story behind this tattoo as you touch her arm? Or inspect her jewelry, have a reason for the touch, it makes sense to her, and it doesn't feel weird. It's actually pretty normal to express yourself through some levels of physical touch. It's part part of what people do. Okay. Man to woman move number 9, make her the seducer. I love to misinterpret an innocent comment as so called evidence that my date wants to seduce me.

A lot of women really enjoy this because by flipping the male female dynamic and accusing her of objectifying you, you're subtly telling her, hey. I'm not like those other guys. And it's also just fun to take things from a logical friend to friend context and do it in a man to woman way with a fun little, misinterpretation. So, for example, you know, a woman might say, oh, I recently redid my bedroom, and you could say, sorry. I'm I'm not going home with you tonight. You can't take me to your bed yet. I barely know you. So you can do that kind of misinterpretation.

Or that example I gave earlier when Amanda looked down at my shirt, I misinterpreted what she was doing as staring at my chest, which is a such a dumb thing to joke about, but but it was it was fun. Okay. Last one. Number 10. Here's man to woman move number 10. Be playful. Play. Be playful.

Fun, fun, fun. Be fun, playful. This is, I think, the single other than authenticity, this is the single most powerful date with a guy to have fun, have a good time, laugh, and smile. Not every woman wants sexy talk, not every woman loves physical touch, but pretty much every woman, 90 something percent wants a fun playful experience. So other than being authentic, I think this is your number one dating tool, be playful. What are some ways to do that? Staring contests, thumb wrestling, 2 truths and a lie, or even just talking about fun topics. If you notice you're talking about the taxes that you that you just did or you're talking about politics, say to yourself, what's a more fun topic? Let's talk about a great fun travel adventure, or let's talk about something we both enjoy, even that's a way to be, fun. So you may not have 6 pack abs, but if you own a 6 pack sense of fun and playfulness, that is the essence of man to woman communication, and you will become catnip to women.

Okay. That's today's episode. Thank you so much for listening, and remember, your girlfriend. She's she's already out there. She already likes you. She just has to meet the real authentic you. See you next time.

Thank you for listening to the dating transformation podcast. For lots of free tips, videos, and other goodies, go to datingtransformation.com. See you next time.

Produced by Heartcast Media.