Dating coach Connell Barrett answers your questions on dating women with kids, getting a woman “in the mood” at your place, and when to go for the digits on Tinder.
Where do you stand on dating women with kids? Should I mention in my online-dating profile that I’m cool with it?
—Nicholas, 37, Orlando
So, you want a LOT more matches on Tinder, Bumble and the apps? OK, do one of two things for fast results:
1: Be Ryan Gosling. Or…
2: Open yourself up to dating women with kids—and say so in your bio.
Now, seeing as option 1 is not technically “possible,” consider the second option.
Some guys are dead-set on only dating women without children, and hey, zero judgment from me. You do you. But know that single moms are some of the coolest, smartest, sexiest, emotionally-mature women you’ll ever meet. (I’m friends with many, and I once dated a single mom.) And they’re looking for a few good men.
Because of the stigma that many men have about dating single mothers, a lot of these bright, beautiful women struggle to find good guys to date. So if you’re cool with meeting a MILFF (Mom I’d Like to Fall For), your online-dating matches will flippin’ skyrocket. How? Add this phrase (or something like it) to your bio:
“I like kids, and I’m totally cool with dating single moms.”
Hell, you might even give Gosling a run for his money.
Any tips for getting her in the mood when a date is at my place for the first time?
—Dominick, 35, Honolulu
Make sure your heart-shaped water-bed is made, and don’t forget to Windex the mirrors on your ceiling.
Sex may be on your mind, but don’t make that the primary goal when you have a date back at your place. Rather, help her feel comfortable. For the first 15 or so minutes at your casa, give her space. Don’t try to kiss right away, even if you were hot and heavy back at the bar. Offer her a drink. Put on some music. Give her a tour.
Once she’s comfortable, pick up where you left off—again, always being aware how she’s feeling.
If you start to kiss, you might be surprised. Some women will eagerly escalate on you because you helped them feel comfortable first.
How do you ask for a number on Tinder or the apps? It seems I either ask too soon, and the woman turns me down. Or when I wait a while, she stops replying. Help!
—Mark, 49, Aurora, Ill.
The biggest mistake men make is waiting too long to ask a girl for a phone number. They text and text and text, but the last thing a woman wants on Tinder or the apps is a pen pal. So don’t wait too long to ask her out.
Here’s the rule of thumb when texting with a woman you just matched with: You’ll want to exchange about a dozen messages and go through one or two topics before asking for her number.
Once you’ve swapped about twelve messages and have talked about one or two things, then simply say, “Hey, you seem awesome. We should meet up. What’s your number?”
Women are so tired of guys who take forever to ask them out. They don’t want to message with you forever and ever.
At the same time, they (usually) don’t want you to ask her out right away, before you’ve created some nice rapport together.
Now, there’s one exception. If, in the first few messages, she gives you a big indicator of interest—multiple “Lol”s, a big heart-eye emoji, mentioning possible date options—then ask her number right away.
Strike while the proverbial iron is giving off steam.
Connell Barrett is a dating coach helping men all over the world find the woman of their dreams. Connell has appeared on shows like Access Hollywood and The Today Show and been published in magazines such as Maxim. His dating advice on how to get out of the friend zone, how to talk to women and how to text a girl has helped men make authentic romantic connections. Look for his dating book for men, Dating Sucks But You Don't coming soon. Ask Connell a dating question below.
NYC Dating Coach Connell Barrett
106 W 32nd St, New York, NY 10001