How To Get A Girl The Right Way

How To Get A Girl

If you’re expecting an article on how to get a girl with pickup lines, you’ve come to the wrong place, my friend. Take it from me, a professional NYC dating coach, there’s a better way. The best way to get a girl is to be genuine. That probably sounds pretty opposite to the advice you’re used to hearing from your friends, am I right? Here’s how to get a girl the right way:

1. Don’t Use Pick Up Lines

couple dating - dating advice from a dating coach

The idea behind a pick-up line is that you want a woman to notice you, but then what? What if, instead, you just gave her a genuine compliment? What if you told a joke? Being genuine goes a long way. Pick up lines aren’t genuine because they focus on one thing: getting her to notice you. After she notices you, you’re anxious because, what else do you say? What else do you have to offer? Shift your focus to making her smile by being genuine. Give her an honest compliment. If you stumble, it’s okay. Be straight forward and admit you’re nervous. Honesty is refreshing to women. She’ll notice the difference.

2. Be The Nice Guy

nice guy with flowers

Have you ever heard that the nice guy doesn’t get the girl? It’s a complete myth. A “nice guy” is mistaken for being needy and clingy. Clinginess stems from a confidence issue, and has nothing to do with whether you’re a nice guy or not. Women are attracted to confidence and nice guys can be as confident as the bad boys.

Be nice, genuine, vulnerable and flirty. It takes more confidence to be yourself than it does to be someone else, and women see right through it. For a person to connect with another person on a more fulfilling level, they need to expose who they are. This means you need to expose who you really are. Never underestimate the power of a man who helps old ladies cross the street, cuddles puppies, opens a car door, or walks closest to the street. Being a true gentleman is always in style, and will always lend favor with the ladies.

3. Approach

approach vs stare - how to get a girl

Ever hear the saying that half the battle is just showing up? This rings true for getting a girl’s attention as well. Some guys get stuck. They simply stare at the woman they’re interested in. Well I have news for you: If you’re a distant starer, stop it. It’s creepy. When you have interest in a girl, have the confidence to approach her. Don’t let the fear of rejection stop you from living your best life.

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4. Avoid The Dreaded Friend Zone

avoiding the friend zone - how to get a girl

So many men think they aren’t attractive because they seem to always end up in the friend zone. Here’s the secret: you’re using the wrong frequency. When you speak friend-to-friend instead of man-to-woman, you’re sending mixed signals. Mixed signals generally go straight to the friend zone. Speak to her the way a man talks to woman. Keep the signals clear. Flirt, smile, make yourself and your interest in her clear. This avoids confusion and keeps things moving in the right direction.

5. Know Your Worth

know your worth - dating advice from a dating coach

Many men have come to accept the fact that they’ll never get the girl because they aren’t attractive enough or rich enough. This completely backwards thinking. Average guys date model-caliber women all the time. I’ve seen my clients accomplish this time and time again. How? By first realizing what they have to offer a woman. What do they have to bring to the table? Maybe your job is interesting, maybe you’ve traveled a lot, or maybe you’ve experienced the kind of loss someone else can relate to. Your life experiences that have made you uniquely you are the very things that will make a woman take interest in you.

6. Listen

couple on date at night with candles - dating advice for men

Women like it when you listen. They like it when you ask them questions about themselves and absorb what they’re saying. This may sound simple, but don’t be so distracted by nerves or thinking about the next thing you’re going to say that you forget to listen to what she is saying. As a good listener you can create a discussion. You can find commonalities. When a woman says, “I really enjoyed talking to you,” it’s because you exchanged words that weren’t just surface level.

How To Get A Girl Online

Dating sites can be scary places. See a woman that blows you away but you have no idea to stand out from the hundreds of other men who are vying for her attention? The same rules apply. Just be you. Be genuine. Make her smile. Plus, being online is lower pressure—you can take your time to think of a genuine compliment to give or question to ask. Don’t be the creep that uses a pick-up line. Be the man who stands out from the crowd by giving her a sincere compliment on the color of her eyes or the way her hair looks in a messy bun. There are other things you can do to improve your chances of being noticed, like how to optimize your profile and picture on dating sites. You can read about those online dating tips here.

In today’s world of pick-up lines, unsolicited pics of you know what, hook ups, and surface level chatter, be different. Be yourself, your most authentic and vulnerable self. Embrace the unique combination that makes you who you are. Bring that to the table. Focus on connecting. Make your intentions clear. These are the things that can and do win her over and get you the girl.

Want to know about dating during a pandemic or social distance date ideas? Click here.


Connell Barrett is a professional dating coach for men. He lives in NYC but serves clients worldwide. Connell has appeared on shows such as Access Hollywood The Today Show and Good Morning LA, as well as in publications such as O Magazine, Maxim and Cosmopolitan. In addition, he’s an online dating coach who can reveal Tinder tips and tricks.

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