Dating can be hard in the best of times but, right now as much of America shelters (and shudders) in place, you’re probably more uncertain than ever about finding an amazing woman.
Here’s a silver lining: There have never been more people on dating sites than at this very moment. Since social-distancing began, the major dating apps have reported an increase in use, ranging from 10% to 25%.
My point? Keep dating! Granted, you won’t be kissing any new ladies for a while, but you can use these 9 tips to beat loneliness, make connections and even find a woman you really care for. Here’s your playbook for dating during a pandemic.
Yes, it seems the sky is falling faster than the stock market. In times of uncertainty, it’s easy to forget your greatest asset: You. Your awesome self. It's also easy to forget there are ways to attract women by being your self. You’ve survived tough moments in the past. Maybe you lost your job and you picked yourself up and found a better one. Or you got sick, fought hard, and recovered. Or you were dumped and you healed. You’ve slain monsters before.
At your core, you are more than any challenge you will ever face, including this one. To quote George Michael, “Ya gotta have faith, faith, faith-ah.” And that starts with having faith in you.
You may be tempted to meet someone new in-person. Please don’t! For the time being, keep practicing social distancing. Sooner or later, you’ll be able to date and flirt and connect IRL. But for the sake of your health and the health of others, keep your distance for now. That said, you should definitely understand that…
Now more than ever, we need other people—whether they’re friends or potential girlfriends. Social isolation can lead to loneliness, higher stress levels, lowered self-esteem, and even depression. So use online-dating and dating apps to meet new people and make friends, and also seek a virtual romance. Show confidence and ask your crush out on a video date, or talk on the phone, or watch a Netflix movie “together.” (Hunker and chill.)
Romance can bloom, even in 2020. A few weeks back, my client, Brett was about to have his first date with Lynn, who he matched with on an app. Then the pandemic hit, so they canceled their plans. (Corona-blocked!) But ever since, they’ve spent hours talking on the phone and on Facetime and playing Words With Friends. They’re moving toward a strong, exclusive relationship. “We haven’t even met yet, but I’m crazy about her,” Brett told me. “Not being with her sucks, but we’re treating it like an extra-long session of foreplay.”
Don’t Facetime your crush without a head up. Set things up in advance so they can look their best(ish). (At this moment, I appear utterly un-dateable, with my shaggy ginger afro, fuzzy mauve slippers, and French-bread pizza-stained T-shirt.) Give your date some notice so you can both look presentable.
By all means, ask her if she and her loved ones are healthy. But when messaging on the app or having a video date, don’t dwell on the virus. If you can't think of what to text her, remember first-date topics should be light. Not that you need to totally ignore the Wooly Mammoth in the room. Feel free to talk about the Hulu shows you’re bingeing, the books you’re reading, or the cool tower of Ramen noodle boxes you’re building.
If you fear that you’ll lose a great connection because you’re both in lock-down, on your virtual dates talk about the things you’ll do together when you meet in real life—say, the dive bar you’ll visit, or the beach escape you’ll take together. “Future-pacing” your digital can keep you both excited about where your romance is going, keeping that flame kindled.
You must have a good profile to get matches and dates, so now’s the time to get it dialed in—rework your bio, swap in different photos, or take new shots (as long as your photographer stands at least six feet away.) With some tweaking and testing, your profile can get you matches and dates on-demand.
If you want help with this, BOOK A FREE CALL WITH ME, and I can give you a roadmap for an online dating profile that gets MATCHES and DATES.
There's always a way to get her to smile, even if you're dating during a pandemic. Need a topical but funny opener on the app? Here are five to test-drive:
“My abs aren’t great, but I have a 6-pack of Charmin.”
“If you wanna shelter in place with me, I can mix a mean quarantine.”
“Is it hot in here, or is it just our fevers?”
“All the libraries are closed, so I’m checking you out in instead.”
“You can’t spell ‘quarantine’ without U. R. A. QT.”
As part of my own at-home self-improvement plan, I’m reading some classic novels that my younger, idiotic self blew off in school. I found this quote in Hemingway’s A Farewell to Arms: “The world breaks everyone and afterward many are strong at the broken places.”
You will get through this, and you will be stronger for it. You will be an even better catch. So keep calm, carry on, and ask out that attractive Leaguer.
As we’re reminded daily, life is short. So carpe date ’em.
Now if you’ll excuse me, I need to mix myself a strong quarantini.
Stay safe and healthy, guys!
P.S. If you want to spend your quarantine time creating a dating-app profile that WORKS, and gets you matches and dates, book a FREE call with me, and I’ll show you how it’s done.
Connell Barrett is an acclaimed NYC dating coach for men, serving worldwide. Whether men need help with first date tips, what to text a girl, how to get a girl, online dating coaching and more, he's helped men all over the world date their dream women. Connell has appeared on talk shows such as Access Hollywood and The Today Show. He's also appeared in publications such as O Magazine, Maxim, Cosmopolitan and more. Chat with Connell here.
NYC Dating Coach Connell Barrett
106 W 32nd St, New York, NY 10001