Connell Barrett answers your questions on how to make a girl laugh over text, the secret to better first dates, and the way to turn her into your girlfriend.
My texting game is the worst. I’m just not funny. I want to know how to make a girl laugh over text. Can you help?
—Lawrence, 39, Buffalo
Don’t sweat it. You don’t need to be the wittiest man in the world to learn how to make a girl laugh over text. You just need to know a few steps and then get some practice. To that point, here’s how to make a girl laugh over text, with three simple moves.
This is when you intentionally misinterpret something she says as a sexual come-on—and tell her that you’re just not ready for such lascivious behavior. (All as a joke, of course.)
HER: “I’m finally done cleaning my bedroom.”
YOU: “Listen, I barely know you, so I can’t come to your bedroom just yet. I’m not that kind of boy…”
HER: “Lolllz! I wasn’t inviting you. I was just saying…”
YOU: “Let’s wait until at least date 3. Gosh, I’m not a piece of meat.”
HER: “Lol! Too funny…”
Here’s a fun way to tease her. When she admits to something kinda dorky or lame, text her your mock inner dialogue, making playful fun of her. Put parenthesis around your “Talk to Yourself” texts to help differentiate them.
HER: “My favorite movie? Hmmm. The Notebook.
YOU: “(Jeez, Lawrence, why do you always pick girls with terrible movie taste?)”
HER: “Hey, The Notebook is good!”
YOU: “(Tell her you can’t make your date because you have to give the cat a bath…)”
HER: “Lol! You’re so mean. I’m gonna make you watch it, and you’ll love it.”
This is about building some tension, and then letting your wing-man—an adorable 5-year-old on YouTube—release it while making her laugh her ass off.
First, text her this: “NAME, I have to ask you a big, profound, life-changing question that’s gonna be mind-blowing. Are you ready?” Wait for her to reply (and she will)!
Next, text her this:
Why stress out about being funny, when you can let your mini wing-man do it for you?
My biggest problem is that my first dates just go OK, and rarely lead to second dates. She ghosts or tells me the next day, I didn’t feel a spark.” What do you suggest?
—Reynaldo, 30, Oklahoma City
I don’t play games AT women (bread-crumbing, not replying to texts, etc.), but I love playing games WITH women.
A first date should be fun. If she’s laughing and having fun, she’ll want to see you again.
Here are three fun games to play on dates. (Heads up! Limit yourself to two games per date, max, or else you can come across as too gimmicky.)
You take turns asking each other any question, with one rule: No lies! Start with innocent questions, and (slowly) move toward more adult themes, if she’s into it.
You ask each other about various “firsts” from your lives—the first time you traveled by yourself, your first kiss, your first concert, etc.
I was once on a date with a sweet, beautiful twenty-two-year-old named Avery. We’d already shared a nice first kiss when we started to play the First Time. After trading a few questions, I asked, “When was your first kiss?” I was expecting to hear about a grade-school crush. She smiled and blushed. “Umm, about 10 minutes ago,” she said.
Woah! I was her first kiss! I felt… honored. I’d been a first grader, a first husband, a first baseman in Little League. But never a first kiss.
When you play fun games, secrets are revealed, and that heightens connection.
A classic game from childhood! The rules: Blinking is allowed, but no smiling or laughing—which only makes you both want to laugh more.
Plus, deep eye contact is just sexy and can increase romantic attraction, according to a 1989 study in the Journal of Research in Personality. Clinicians reported that two minutes of “unbroken eye gaze” with a stranger of the opposite sex caused participants to feel “increased feelings of passionate love for each other.”
That’s nerdy science talk for, “They got all hot and bothered.”
Connell, things are going great with this woman I’ve been seeing. We’re at the fifth date. She’s definite girlfriend material! How do I make that happen?
—Bradley, 35, Sandusky, Ohio
Here are three tips to go from counting dates to calling each other boyfriend-girlfriend. To make her your partner, you’ll want to…
Virtually all women want to trust their man. She likely won’t become your girlfriend unless she can trust you. Communicate openly, be vulnerable, listen, be consistent in your actions, admit your mistakes, and always tell the truth.
I met my future girlfriend Diana in a bookstore’s self-help section. Like many women of Asian heritage, she’s beautiful, but her bravery and sense of adventure is what wowed me: She’d just moved halfway around the world to start a new career in the U.S.
I wanted her to be my girlfriend, so for our second date, I invited her to sit in with my pub-trivia team, Trivia Newton-John. Why? Because pub trivia is awesome. (Fun fact: Blood donors in Sweden are sent a text when their blood is used.)
Also, I wanted her to meet my nerdy friends and get a feel for what being my partner would be like. We were soon dating exclusively.
Introduce your potential girlfriend to your pals, coworkers, or even members of your family. Don’t have much of a social circle? Get on that! If you want to invite a woman into your awesome life, you must have an awesome life into which to invite her.
After a few “regular” dates, have her, say, help you pick out new jeans, join you at the gym, or go grocery-shopping (followed by you whipping her up a delicious dinner, of course).
Bonus: This breaks up the predictable, let’s-do-drinks model of dating and gives her some romantic variety.
Connell Barrett is a dating coach for men. He specializes in helping men gain the confidence and skills needed to get their dream woman. Similarly, he teaches everything from how to get the girl the right way to getting more swipes on Tinder. Connell's new dating book is available in May. He has also appeared on the Today Show, Access Hollywood and more. Leave a question for Connell below!
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NYC Dating Coach Connell Barrett
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