Dating coach Connell Barrett answers your questions on Tinder tips for writing a great bio, shaking off rejection, and how to never be “creepy” when you approach
Connell, I need some Tinder tips. There are so many beautiful women on Tinder, but I barely get any matches. Any advice?
—Louie, 27, Virginia Beach
When it comes to Tinder tips, there’s a common mistake that you’re probably making on your bio, and you don’t even know it: being boring.
It’s not you! I’m not saying you’re boring. But it’s hard to write Tinder bios that stand out. Most bios sound like all the other guys’. Men write stuff like, “I like long walks on the beach” (cliché), “Giving this a try” (duh!), or “Whattup, ladies” (generic).
With your Tinder bio, if you make women snooze, you lose. They swipe-left. And that can feel personal, like they’re rejecting you as a man.
But they’re not. They’re just not drawn to your words.
The fix? Make sure your bio has a good “hook.” The hook is the opening line that grabs her attention with humor, silliness, or something that she values.
Here are four examples of great hooks that my clients and I have had success with.
“WARNING! Do NOT read the next sentence.” Next line: “You rebel, I like you already ;)”
Why it works: The use of all caps snaps her out of her swiping pattern, and the challenge that you issue creates curiosity.
“I’m a man on the street with a dad bod in the sheets.”
Why it works: Even if she doesn’t know the Usher song lyric that this refers to, it’s silly and self-effacing. Most guys brag on Tinder. You’re standing out by talking up your dad bod.
“My million-dollar idea: Pulled. Pork. Ice cream.”
Why it works: Just plain stupid, in the best way. If she laughs, she’ll keep reading.
“Danger! My karaoke voice might make you fall in love with me.”
Why it works: This is from my Tinder bio, and women who like karaoke will keep reading. Plus, I set a romantic tone by talking about love.
HOW TO REJECT REJECTION
I was dating a girl, but she ended it after a few dates. She said she “just didn’t see us as a couple.” That hurts. It made me feel like less of a man, you know? Not good enough to be a boyfriend. How do I bounce back from that kind of rejection?
I feel you, Anonymous. Before I set out to fix my dating life, I felt rejected by all women. I thought that when a girl said, “I’m not feeling it” that it was because I wasn’t enough, or just wasn’t “that guy” who women wanted to date.
I was wrong. I went from getting blown off and rejected to dating countless bright, beautiful women. If I can do it, so can you.
And if you feel like you’re lacking in something because you got dumped, you’re wrong about that, too. You ARE enough. You must buy into this. It’s important.
I want you to reframe rejection and see it for what it is. It’s not really rejection. It’s information.
That girl told you that you’re not a romantic fit for her. That’s NOT a personal criticism on you. It’s just information. Everyone has a type, and you are not hers, apparently.
Remember that there’s an abundance of women to date. A mantra I give my clients: “There’s a million more girls, and I have more to give.”
Also, keep in mind that a woman who barely knows you can’t truly reject you. I mean, if your wife sits you down and says, “Honey, I no longer love you, you’ve never made me orgasm, and I’m dumping you for Ryan Gosling,” OK, now THAT is rejection.
But a women who had a few dates with you? Rejection? Nahh. She can’t reject you. She’s basically saying you’re not each other’s type.
She likes the Beatles, and you’re the Stones. Hey, no shame there. The Stones fucking rock! And so do you.
Once you realize that you’ll never run out of wonderful women to date, and that you’ll always have more to offer, you’ll find confidence from within. And you can brush off rejection and say, “Next!”
So tattoo this on the body part of your choice: You are enough.
“YOU CAN APPROACH US. WE LIKE IT.”
Is it OK to approach women in the daytime? Or is that super creepy?
—Sam, 47, Portland, Ore.
It’s absolutely fine to chat women up during the day—when done with charm.
The trick is to not “hit on her” so much as talk in a light, playful way and, if there’s chemistry, ask for her number. There’s nothing creepy about that.
You might be surprised how well many women respond to a chill, playful vibe. I was once at a Whole Foods when I met Ashley. We were both in the cereal aisle, and I teased her about trying to steal the last box of Honey Bunches of Oats. We chatted for a few minutes, and I got her number.
At the time, I still had anxiety about approaching during the daytime. Would it be creepy? Would I make girls uncomfortable?
She could sense this, I think. After I got her number, she said, as if speaking to ALL single men, “You can come right up and talk to us. It’s okay. We like it!”
Connell Barrett is a NYC dating coach helping men worldwide. He’s helped men learn how to get the girl of their dreams and get out of the friend zone. Connell’s appeared on talk shows such as The Today Show and Access Hollywood. He also has a dating book for men releasing in 2021. Leave a question for Connell below.